Hi,
I was thinking about something today.
You know how sometimes I talk about the people who work for me? About how I brag on the fact that they have bipolar disorder, but that I wonder what they look like. What I mean is about how you would never know that they have the disorder, unless they told you.
Of course, I live in New Jersey, and they live in other places, all over the map. But I was wondering about what they look like in person. I mean, not their looks, but whether in person,
that you can or can’t tell that they have bipolar disorder.
So that made me think about you and your loved ones. If there’s over 9 million people with bipolar disorder, chances are you know more than just your loved one with the disorder.
Can you tell or can you NOT tell just by looking, if someone has bipolar disorder or not?
Interesting question, don’t you think?
See, what made me think about it, too, was the many emails I’ve gotten from people like
you, asking me about whether “it” is the bipolar or the loved one, and about whether
they are “faking” it or not.
That’s been a real big issue, according to the emails and calls I’ve gotten.
So I give it to you. What do you think? What has been your experience? Can you tell just by looking, if your loved one has bipolar disorder or not?
If so, what is it about their behavior that gives them away? For those of you who can’t tell, what is it about your loved one’s behavior that is different, that doesn’t give them away?
I think it’s the fact that they’re high functioning.
High-functioning behavior can make a person with bipolar disorder NOT stand out as someone with the disorder.
Does that make sense?
Whereas, on the other hand, someone who has bipolar disorder, but is NOT high functioning, would be someone who you can tell DOES have bipolar disorder.
I have seen this firsthand – in the people who work for me… those I have interviewed for my courses, those who I have talked to at the support groups I attend…and others I have heard from via email and phone.
So what does make a person with bipolar disorder high functioning? I think it has to do with the self-management of their disorder. If they’re taking care of themselves, I think it shows.
What I’m saying is that if they’re doing all the things they’re supposed to be doing, you won’t
be able to tell if they have the disorder at all.
They need to be taking their medication on a regular basis. They need to see their doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist regularly as well. They need to eat a healthy diet, get good sleep,
and exercise.
All these things will make a person high-functioning.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
I agree. When my son got out of treatment and had all that good counseling and group therapy and had his meds given to him routinely, I couldn’t tell he had bipolar. After he came home, I could tell when he started smoking weed again and was sparatic with his meds. He eventually laughed for no reason, gor fired, stopped sleeping right, was less groomed, and he stopped making sense (going back into his own wrold again).
David,
I have been receiving your emails for some time. I am what many would judge a very high functioning person with Bipolar Disorder with rapid cycling. Without my medication, life would be impossible. I have held very responsible positions which I have lost due to episodes and I have spent the last five years gaining a Bachelor’s degree in spite of having some episodes. My experience has been that outsiders tend to like the outcomes of my manic episodes, such as the high moods and the super-productivity, but become rapidly judgemental and rejecting when the inevitable crashes follow.
I have spent a great deal of time and paid a very high price for being unwilling to hide my condition and for being an open advocate for people with mental illnesses. I suspect that my openness has cost me many opportunities from companies and individuals that still believe in the stigma of mental illnesses and that just do not want to deal with having a person with a mental illness as an employee. Sometimes, it makes me very angry and bitter because I was born with this wretched condition and have done everything in my power to make it manageable. But just like diabetes, sometimes in spite of diabetics’ best efforts, they still get so sick they must be hospitalized or require some kind of accommodation. People would never discriminate against diabetics the way that people with mental illnesses are.
So that is my two cents worth, and I apologize for my attitude, but as of today, I am just tired of dealing with this curse that was foisted upon me by heredity, having been born into a whole family of bipolar people who should never have had me in the first place.
dear dave:in my expierience, nobody unless i tell.,they do not know i being diagnose w/ bipolar., i believe that what’s helps is that i loved my kids., and i know that i need 2 be responsible w/ myself…i have 2 take my meds daily,eat healty,go 2 therapy at least once a week.,and a lot of courage ..so this is 4 me …..thank you., I also read a lot about how 2 improve my self and hold on 2 all the positive i can..{is not always easy but is whort the try]SINCERILY MARIA…
My ex-wife was bi-polar I think. One week out of every three would be pleasant. Once she was fine when she used Prozac for 2 weeks. She stopped using it because she said that she wasn’t getting enough work done.
She seemed to be getting worse for the last 10 years and she finally divorced me after living with me for 52 years.
She was a medical doctor and I sometimes wonder whether her condition was caused by methamphetamine use or was she really bi-polar? Both seem to cause the same reaction.
hi first i want to thank you for your column sometimes just reading it makes me feel so much better . i have a friend who is bipolar and i’ve been able alot of times when her episode is starting, and i will work with her but on those days when i become the so called punching bag cuase i have seen her put a checout girl in tears cause she but bread with the chips, so i just tell her it is not needed to talk like that she starts on me but at least the poor girl can finish her job where some have had to leave she got them so upset. ok thanks for letting me vent a little today was a very bad day for her she drives me ,wont let me drive so i have been let off in various places cause she gets upset. any way thanks david keep up the good work
David,
While I completely agree with what you have said, I know that aside from taking meds, eating healthy, sleeping well and exercising, there is something else. To be able to accomplish becoming ‘high functioning’, a person must have a stable living environment and a supportive family and/or friends. Living with Bipolar can at times be very difficult for all involved and in many circumstances, caregivers become stressed and carry resentment resulting in contention within those relationships. Often this is an issue which can be debilitating for someone struggling to even stay afloat. Therefore, support groups and therapists for everyone is really important. We need to learn patience and unconditional love for those who are suffering from bipolar disorder or there can be no stabilization, no high functioning and that is the bottom line. For the ones who have that in their life, high functioning is a good possibility. For those who have access to meds, good food, shelter and a wonderful loving support system, the outlook is very positive. Those with bipolar are some of the most bright and creative people and have so much to offer — they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect as do we all. This is what is needed in our society. <3
Hello David…I read your email with great interest as my fiance is a VERY high functioning bipolar. He has an extremely successful company, beautiful home, his clients love him, well respected in the community. He does not ( will not) medicate as he says the medication slows him down too much and he somewnat relies on the “manic” portion of the program to function at the level that he does. Well this is all well and good and he is “steady Eddy” while on the job and dealing with his clients but when he comes home and lets down or has to deal with family on a personal and emotional level is when his bi polar traits really begin to manifest themselves. I had never known anyone that was bi polar before so had no clue as to how to explain away his sometimes bizarre behavior…he would be happy and calm one minute and then something would set him off and he would be yelling and screaming the next with no way to placate him ( often times having no recall of the episode later). The strangest things would upset him and half the time it was stuff he would make up in his head…he would obsess about my ex husband, build this whole scenario in his head…call me up and start yelling,,,,when i hadn’t even spoken to my ex. I started think “is it me??am I going insane?” Then I started to research his symptoms on the internet and found you…I purchased your course for bi polar supporters and I was amazed at how spot on your course was and how so many of his symptoms were in the book. He has since been diagnosed by a doctor but is still reluctant to go on meds. His daughter is bi polar as well but not high functioning..cannot keep a job, in and out of rehabs for self medicating with heroin and other drugs and she has been on medication for her bipolar disorder for years. Anyway to the stranger on the street or his clients or casual friends NO ONE would know he is bi polar. But I got to the point here I could be sitting next to him of the sofa watching a movie and all of a sudden I could tell an episode would be coming on…I literally could feel it come off him in waves…God only knows what would set him off but I would think to myself God help us…here we go…
Your course has given me the tools to help deal with all of it but it still is difficult, extremely so, at times.
I have a daughter she is almost 14 she has bipolar as her father had it. He only tried the medication for a year and refused counseling so it was a big FAIL we havent seen him in almost 4 yr yet from what i last knew he hasnt worked for 7 yr he now lives on disability with bipolar being his reason (?) (my daughter recieves a check from him being on SSI). My teen daughter now refuses to eat right or to do anything she is angry all the time sits around and wont do a thing ok normal for a teen but for her its more extreme due to her bi polar. She has gone to non existent functioning. She takes her meds only because i still watch her take them so she has no choice. I worry for her when she becomes an adult if she continues down this path as shes now refusing the counseling shes in rages often or just plain mad at the world and its aimed mostly at me. She has no problem hurting me physically and shes alot bigger than I am. Yes i have sought help i wont give up on her but its not easy. She very easily admits NO shes never suicidal but she wants to hurt someone and its me cause i am there. I found it crucial to learn all i could about bi polar thru Daves courses, books and emails plus other factual places i even did a documentary on it after living with it in my marriage and now with my daughter (it is highly hereditary). I want her to be high functioning but it cant be forced they have to do the work and want it. Now that all she does is sit arround and be angry refuse to talk about it to her physchrist than yes i see a big change in her. She eats non stop and all the wrong foods she can sleep all day. The whole o tture of her choices now are bringing out a non functioning easily reconizable bi polar person. It scares me to think of her adult hood if things dont change but i also know she cant live with me if it worsens or after shes 18 if its so bad. The thing i hate most about bi polar is the way it stops and ruins relationships.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT MY SCHOOL DEGREE TODAY AND YOUR INFORMATION MADE THE HAPPIEST I’VE EVER BEEN
THIS INFORMATION TOOK ME BACK TO 1995 – WHAT WAS BIPOLAR FOR YOU WAS MERELY POLITICS FOR ME – JUST WANT TO KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE AND BOOM – FUNCTIONALITY RETURNS!!!! IT’S A THOUGHT PROCESS THAT I FORGET AND SIMPLY NEEDED THE RIGHT PERSON AROUSING – THIS SECRET TRULY WORKED!!!
I WAS AMAZED AT THE BEST 4 YEAR MEMORY OF MY LIFE — THANKS FOR TAKING ME BACK TO IT — I NOW REMEMBER!!!
I GUESS THE CHRISTMAS STAR IS SHINING ON ME TODAY!!!
Yes, I am most of the time, not all the time, a high functioning bipolar… Only a few know when I’m having a problem. Even for my boss, who’s dad is a psyciastrist… I have a farly repetative job for the last 20 years. Then theirs home, STRESS. 1 year after my husband died, it took 1 year after he died to get custotdy of the kids, that is what they wanted… to go & get help for me. 1 of the first times I thought of only ME & what I needed. The only thing I remember @ the hospital was some nurse saying Boy are you having a nice vacation… If she only knew. wow! Who could say such a thing. Lost father in law 1991 march, My father october 1991, My mother in law, who I was close to, april 1992, then My HUSBAND june 1992, 1 week after school let out. Court took 1 year for the kids. Sook out help for me 1994 jan, or feb? Each year this diesase get wqorse for me. Meds. need changed, you know, 4 months 2-3 hours sleep, oh that’s fun, not. well enough, THANK YOU FOR YOUR LETTERS OF ENCOURAGEMENT… wILL CONTINUE TO READ. S.SIEMENS.
in order to be highly functional – try to remember it starts from childhood and it grows from there!!! WE NEED TO BE SELECTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO EDUCATORS WHICH ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR INSTILLING BELIEF SYSTEMS INTO OUR HEADS!!!! IF YOUR PARENT HAS DONE HIS/HER JOB – THE WORK WONT BE HARD
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Alright!!! I’m enjoying a Helicopter ride over Ellis Island with a friend who is also an aunt that I love and respect very much she is so clueless and that I feel deeply indebted to — She seems to be having the time of her life and living very happily in a duplex which we all donated on her behalf – she doesn’t know how much we want her happy.
I’LL BE LEAVING GEORGIA ON FRIDAY BUT I HAVE TO MAKE SURE I GET MY FAVORITE COFFEE FOR HER (SHE LOVES DRINKING COFFEE BY THE BUCKET FULL) I SHOULD BE HOME BOUND AFTER THAT
I am a very tired mom of 24 yr old son that is bip/schiz
The question i have for you bipolar is what helps you the most? What can family do for you?? I need specifics. My son has been in personal care homes and theynare dirty places. BUT with a routine sched he does better.
where is a nice pers care home?? that is affordable.
Hello Dave……
I read your article on “High Functioning” people with bi-polar, another awesome article by you!
I am a high functioning person with Bi-polar, one would never really know I have it as well. I am in the health care field, a care aide, the course it self was a hard one to get through, the job it self is fast paced and hard. But I am a very high functioning person with bi-polar, very out going, high energy (at times) just go go go…..some days i have to force my self to slow down and not take on too much or i over whelm my self, i have learned to take one thing on at a time, or i will never get things done right,
most people areound me know and feel i am different, but they have no idea i have BP…and lie to keep it that way, do not like people knowing that, they get all strange around me, some avoid me, so i say anothing.
but at times, i fall from the high functioning down to not funtioning at all, when i hit my depressive episodes, have to force my self to keep going on, half the time feel like a robotic, empty shell on auto pilot, know what i have to do, do it but can’t feel anything,
I have bipolar 2, developed it fully 7 years ago with a “fun and intense” anxiety disorder. I had to leave my job as part of my disability management along with a whole new life style. I’m blessed with a wonderful husband. Still raising 2 daughters. People question me as to why I’m not working and that is a difficult question to answer. Aside from that, I don’t know if others can tell if I’m bipolar. I was able to diagnose a teacher at our H.S. w/o meeting him from a Face Book page that kids made about him that THEY thought was complimenting him plus a few things I had heard about him from others. I didn’t care that he has bipolar but wasn’t ready for HIS type. I can’t believe that he’s been able to maintain employment with the type of behavior he exhibits. He drinks heavily, I don’t believe that he is on medication regularly and I KNOW he doesn’t manage he stress. *Since my “diagnosis” of his bipolar, my husband has started coaching with him and we’ve learned more than we cared to. He was fully manic during one game.
We don’t understand how others can’t see it. Most parents want him fired for his behaviors though he can be an excellent teacher. His severe mood swings are incredible. I just go about my business and try not to draw any attention. I think people who don’t know anything about psychiatric disorders don’t know what to look for. My 15 year old diagnosed this teacher after being around him – not having him for a teacher, just being around him – for 3 months.