Hi,
I have some really bad news for me. Good news for
you. Here’s the deal. Over the last 10 days or so
my mom has increasing NOT been doing well.
I haven’t said anything because I like to
see how it goes before I make any determinations
as to what course of action I am going to take.
This is bad news for me. The good news is
I am going to try to explain what I did
to help her so you don’t have to learn the
hard way.
Over the last few days I have gotten a lot
of “That’s great your mom is doing great”
emails. I was thinking that maybe people
don’t know the entire situation.
Bipolar disorder is a life long thing. My mom
WAS doing great up until 10 days ago. But
something has changed. The thing is, you just
never know what can happen. She can be doing
great and then something happens. So
I don’t want to mislead you into thinking
there are never, every any problems.
The system I have setup handles most of
the problems but things are not perfect. A
year ago we had a situation. 6 months ago
we had a situation. Then since it’s a mood
disorder, my mom’s moods change quickly
so I have to deal with that.
Do NOT think for a second that everything, on
every day is perfect because it’s not. I want
to be 100% honest with you.
When I started these sites, I wanted to bring
how to information and positive material not
just negative stories you can read in the news.
I have courses/systems here that focus on people
who do well:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I think in doing so I may have unintentionally
caused you to think that everything is perfect
all the time with my mom.
Currently, I can’t even describe what’s going
on with my mom but it’s a growing problem. BUT,
she is NOT exhibiting traditional signs she
normally exhibited in the past. This makes
it really complicated.
Meaning, there is no screaming, no yelling,
no cooking random food, no spending money,
etc. All the stuff you can read in my story
that was in her last big episode.
It’s VERY strange. I don’t know if it’s
an episode or something else. I have never considered
something like this happening.
What happen? Well I can’t get into it because
I have to prepare to talk to her doctor, therapist,
and employment specialist today. It’s VERY complicated
to explain. I am going to be making charts, diagrams
and stuff for the doctor and therapist.
If you think you couldn’t do this, it’s going to be
on paper. I have no idea how to use any kind of graphics
program. I draw about as good at as a 7th grader.
So anyone could do what I am going to be doing to
get my point across to the right people.
Basically, a part of my system caught that there
was a problem. Her doctor was alerted. Keep in
mind her doctor 2 weeks or so ago, said she was
doing absolutely positively great and wanted to
see her in two months.
NOW before you get mad at her doctor. It’s not
her fault. Anyway, her doctor was alerted about
the situation. She responded and is bringing
my mom in early before 2 months.
It all kind of got worse really fast so it’s
been hard for me to keep up.
Today I have to investigate from a to z. I am
going to be talking to 3 people that help her.
Now, I have to be prepared for the following. And
this is important for you to realize. When I
call these people, I will be ready for all
possibilities:
them helpful treating me nice
them hostile not treating me nice
them saying I can’t talk to them
them saying they won’t talk to me
You might think, “Dave, why wouldn’t they talk
to you?” Well that’s part of the problem with
my mom BUT it’s hard to explain. On the other hand,
they may say they lost the talking release form
so I can’t speak
to them. I am not saying they will but they
may and I will be prepared.
Normally people hope for the best and plan
for the best which makes no sense. I hope
for the best and plan for a major disaster.
I model all the disasters and what I would
do and how the system would help me.
Last night I was talking to my dad. He is REALLY
REALLY worried. When this happens he thinks it’s
going to go back to 2 years ago.
I assured him that this was IMPOSSIBLE. There is
NO way that can happen. There is NO way the current
system would allow for it.
He said he believes me but I know in the back of his
mind he is really worried.
He said some rather interesting things to me. He
had a message for you as well.
He was telling me how he’s been married to my mom
for 41 years. For 39 years he was run over by my
mom’s bipolar disorder. He said he practiced
appeasement and it didn’t work.
He told me a few stories and I must say, they
were disturbing. Stories from 35 and 38 years ago.
Stories of how right after they first got married
my mom went into an episode and he didn’t even know
she had bipolar disorder or what was wrong.
I must say, I can’t imagine dealing with someone’s
bipolar disorder when there was no internet, no support
groups, no courses/systems like mine, no good books,
very few doctors, very few medications, very few
therapists, etc.
Imagine that? People complain on my list that there’s
nothing to help. How about 35 years ago?
It must have been a TOTAL nightmare. My dad told me
to tell you and I quote: “Tell your people on
your thing, they are lucky to have something
that tells them what to do or how to do it. I never
had that….Maybe I made a mistake and could have
done more research but I will tell you, 30 years
ago, there was no information. I tried to research
but there wasn’t anything. It was during that time
that I kind of gave up trying to beat the bipolar
disorder. It beat me.”
FYI: My dad calls my newsletter list “that thing.”
Anyway, it was kind of sad. It’s almost like the policy
of appeasement which was a contributor to World
War 2.
The Policy of Appeasement was the attitude, strategy, and
thinking Britain and France took against Germany before
World War 2 started. It’s the willingness to give
in to aggressive powers no matter what they wanted.
Over the years, my dad almost always gave into my mom’s
bipolar disorder episodes.
When I stepped in in 2004 and 2005, I redefined a new
strategy. I told my dad if I was going to help, there
was going to be a new strategy, policy and philosophy
and his had failed. He agreed.
The rest is history. Well I have to run and get ready
to go to my various “battles” for the day. In addition
to running my other businesses, working out, volunteering,
etc.
I also have a war with my printer. And another one. I am
currently engaged in 3 wars with three different things
all at the same time. Think I will lose?
I have a complete strategy for all of them. I must
admit, my resources are being really taxed.
I will win. I am 100% certain of it.
People wonder why I talk so much about wars, history,
battles, etc. If you haven’t already noticed, this is
a war with many battles along the way. You are fighting
a war against bipolar disorder NOT your loved one. A
war that must be won.
Some days you lose the battle but in the long run,
you have to win the war. Battles make wars. To many
battle lost lead to losing the war. Make sense?
I have to run.
I will keep you posted on my mom. Have a great day.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Dave,
I wanted to let you know that I know how you feel and tell you my story.
My daughter was Bipolar. When she was in the hospital you couldn’t get answers for nothing without having her deemed incompetent by a court – how was that suppose to make her feel any better – she already felt that way – how was someone deeming her that way going to help her feel any other way but INCOMPETENT – I wouldn’t do it. Also when she was in the hospital – they kept her drugged up – she was like a zombie most of the time. I didn’t think she needed to be on all those medications – I thought she needed coping skills – we struggled through this from the about the age of 22 til she died at 24. She self medicated at times as well which I understand is typical for individuals with Bipolar. She broke down one day over two years ago and told her therapists that she was self-medicating with Percocets that belonged to her grandfather (with whom she lived) for occasional backpain that she had – she had gained so much weight from various medications and simply unhealthy activity and eating habits. She had days when she wouldn’t or couldn’t get out of bed. In her final days she was taking Risperdal, Wellbutrin XL and Depakote for her Bipolar disorder she suffered from High Blood Pressure and took Lasix and K-dur. Her therapist was outpatient – she went to them on a daily basis for medication dispensing and counseling or they came to her – she was never given a prescription for her meds because of self-medicating and not taking correctly – she was only given enough for weekends or the occasional holiday. When she made the admission about the percocets they placed her in a detox center to monitor for possible side effects/withdrawal symptoms – she was there about a week. Sometime during this time she apparently did have some withdrawal effects and was treated with a klonopin therapy – I think she had coincidentally developed the flu. The day after she came home she was nauseas, vomiting, etc. all possible withdrawal symptoms but she went to her family doctor who also had reports of all her admissions including the recent one for percocets – he concluded thought she even after a weeks stay in the detox center which proclaims she was discharged with a clean bill of health persay with no sign of withdrawal that she was in fact having withdrawal symptoms and this FOOL placed her on Methadone. She slowly got worse and return to him about a week later with symptoms unimproved. He then diagnosed her with Acute Bronchitis and knowing her management medications for Bipolar which were as stated above and that he had ILLEGALLY prescribed her Methadone outside of a detox treatment center proceeded to prescribe her, Andehist DM, Promethazine, and Ketek antibiotic. My daughter died three days later.
The point of my story is that with Bipolar patients/loved ones you need to be there for them every step of the way – do not take no for an answer – they are so misunderstood. My daughter went from getting treatment and struggling with Mental Health issues to being another drug statistic and a prime example of how our health system fails us and them and sadly to say I know more about her disease and her medications today then I did when she was alive and I want to thank and praise you for what you are doing so that someone else doesn’t have to get to that point of understanding when it is to late.
Thanks for listening.
Peggy S. Friedel, SSSI
Division of State Service Centers
Bridgeville State Service Center
(302) 337-8261 / (302) 856-5350
Dave,
I know what your going through. Iwent through a similar situation with myself and it was back in November when I was hospitalized for my mental illness. My partner spoke with my support system and inforned them of what is going on with me. I think your doing the right thing by going to your mothers’ support system and showing them what is going on with her. Keep up the good work. I’ll be praying for her and you as well for strength.
Thanks,
Scotty
David,
You have not misled anyone about your mother’s condition. Life is not perfect everyday even for those who do not have a chronic disease. Everyday is a battle some are won, some are not.
Please pay close attention to what foods your mom has eaten in the past two months. Some foods or combinations will render some meds ineffective or God forbid, lethal. I know this may seem overwhelming at this time, but it will make a difference. I understand first hand because I am a health professional and I have experienced it first hand. Keep the faith and win this battle!
David,
I know what you are going though, because I have Bipolar too. It sounds like your Mom had a manic attack and those are not fun at all. I hope you get it worked out soon.
David,
I know what you are going though because I have Bipolar too. It sounds like your Mom had manic attack and those are not fun to go though at all. I hope you can get it worked out soon.
Terri Sykes
Something I have noticed about much of the handling of bipolar disorder is that there is actually a bigger picture than most people are being offered information on. Bipolar and borderline personality disorder have most traits in common, and even the attempts to distinctly separate the two often overlook the fuzzy diffuse way biology works as opposed to rigid definitions. It is also possible to receive a dual-diagnosis of both bipolar and borderline.
I spent a long time researching these disorders to find a way to help the love of my life. Although it is generally considered a bad idea to self-diagnose or try to diagnose others without a degree, I have observed that she has enough of the traits to be defined as suffering from both borderline personality disorder and a subcategory of bipolar type 1 known as unipolar mania, where she lacks depressive states for the most part and has frequent, long bouts of mania.
The thing that is also unfortunate here is that she has an ex-boyfriend who is standard bipolar, and in his manic episodes will authoritatively convince her of a great many things that are simply not true, from lies about his personal life to his strongly held erroneous beliefs about bipolar, psychiatry, and other subjects that are too important to trust to him. He has gotten into arguments with me about psychological issues he believes he has a greater understanding of than he does, and refuses to listen to me when I honestly offer him scholarly information. His whole approach is a game of manipulation to assert control over others and change their perceptions, so generally I prefer not to have any contact with him and wish my beloved could do the same for the rest of her life. He’s emotional and mental poison.
I’m getting off track. The reason I thought of him was because he asserted strongly that if she’s borderline there’s no hope for her because there are no successful treatments. It didn’t matter that I could point out the successful programs being run by prominent doctors in the field, such as Dr. Leland Heller. It didn’t matter if I offered him the success rate statistics for Professor Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavioral Therapy methods. He had his mind made up, and anyone who said there was a possibility of recovery was selling something.
This kind of negativity is poison for people who are trying to help someone else or themselves. People who have this attitude will ruin the progress of those who are making sincere efforts for positive change. He had tried to “change” her (being bipolar himself, read “control her”) and failed, so he decided there was no solution and gave up. He’s not a doctor. He’s not even working or going to school. All he can do is meddle in her life and make things worse.
The methods used to treat borderline and bipolar patients are very different, but these different avenues of treatment for such similar, overlapping disorders should be explored. I believe in symptomatic treatment. Because my loved one primarily suffers from manic episodes, I put my focus on researching ways to prevent and limit the damaging effects of mania. I did research on which vitamins, minerals, medicines, etc. could cause episodes of mania, and which could cure it. This is the positive approach I believe.
I’ll post more later…
David,
This is Terri Sykes. I know what you are going though. I have Bipolar. It sound like your MOM had a manic attack and those are not fun to go though. I hope you get it worked out soon.
Terri Sykes
I just wanted to say dave that you have not been misleading me my teenage step daughter has bipolar as well has my husband his went untreated for many years and still is not on meds he refuses to see that there is something wrong with him and i dont understand that because he sees it in his child every day
David, I know what you are going through. We all do. My daughter is 19 now and was diagnosed when she was 11 with bipolar. It’s hard enough being a mom with a teenage daughter but when you throw in bipolar with it, then it’s a whole different story. She’s been in and out of facilities for all these years, and has been on all different kinds of medications. At the moment she is doing well. She has a job and is living with her boyfriend, but yet you always wonder when something is going to happen. I have done the best that I think I could have done over the years. Now I have to deal with her step-dad. He thinks that I could have done things different. She does not get along with him at all and that is the main reason she’s not living with us at the moment. She tells me she’s an adult and she makes her own decisions now. I guess it’s time I start thinking about myself for a change. David, you are in our prayers.
Carla
Dear Dave, thank you for all the letters each day. My son at 22 is bipolar refuses to use precribed meds but self medicates with street meds. Lives from friend to friend doesnt eat for days. cant keep a job etc. you know the routine. Lives about 4 hrs away but calls crying hes hungry or been arrested again for something and needs more money. Its only my husband and I but were struggleing ourselves and have to go to the food pantry for food at times.but when he calls i feel like i have to send him something even if its 20 dollars.Sometimes its just about all we have for the week, but i still send it. Any ideas where to direct him. I pray for him everyday.Thanks for everything. Cyndi
I am dealing with a bipolar ex husband now reunited after 3 years. I thought he had things together as far as his mental illness but I now know it will never be over, jsut different from day to day. I nees some tools in dealing with him if I am going to continue this relationship. He gets angry and verbally abusive and we have had one episode of physical abuse. i ahve told him if that ever happens again I will ahve him arrested. he seems set on destruction, self and of this relationship. He is falling back into the same old habits as he was in before. It was this kind of behavior that got him kicked out of my life before and now that I have allowed him back in he is acting the same way again. I do not know what to do. If I try giving in to his irational demands he just gets more demanding. He thinks I have unhealthy attchments eith my adult children and family and friends. He does not understand what it is to have a healthy relationship with anyone even me. he drives people away, He thinks everyone is out to get him or to hurt him. He thinks he is better thatn everyone else and puts people down all the time, especially me. I do not know if I can do this. he wnts to get remarried but i can’t knowing how things are now. I do not know if I want to put up with this the rest of my life. Waht have I gotten myself into here? I am thinking of asking to go with him to therpoy to see if his doctor can give me some hints on how to deal with him, to calm him down when he goes off or stop him when he is in an abusive outrage. he can do more damage with his tounge than most. He is very good ant cutting others down. He knows just what to say to hurt me the most and he always goes for the jugular in every disagreement. I have refused to copromise on certain family issues as for seeing my childrend and new grandson. He is jealous of them all and would like it if I just spent all my time with him and no one else. In our first relationship he allienated most of my family and friends so no one wanted to be around us. My children have since moved out and I thought ehat may help but it doesnt’ seem to make that much difference. He still brings them up in arguments and cuts on them to make me feel bad. He ties to make me feel like a bad mother. I just want to run away. I just wish I would have never started talking to him again. Things were so much calmer around my house when he was not there. I do want to try to help him but not at the expense fo loosing everyone else in my life and my sanity along the way. Help!!!!!!
rheyerly@hotmail.com
Dave,
Know that your mom, dad, and you are in our prayers! I have a husband and 2 of my 3 children diagnosed with bipolar. (I knew it about my husband and the kids were diagnosed – both at age 7 – before my husband was ever formally diagnosed.) I absolutely agree with you that it is an ongoing “war.” The strategies are necessary and always “evolving!” Meds are a Godsend along with therapy and prayers!!
Take care!
Kat
okay, dave,
this is NOT your very own therapy to deal with your own issues, which you clearly have in bulk. so either offer help for the bipolar and their loved ones and get yourself a good counselor to dish out your issues, or stop pretending you know what youre talking about.
Hello Dave,
I just wanted to say that I am sorry that it took so long for your mom to get treatment. Like other things, early detection and treatment are key to success. I’m not saying that it is too late for your mom, though. I never write anyone off, because I have bipolar and my family didn’t write me off and that has made all of the difference.
I don’t know your mom, but is sounds like she has gotten positive reinforcement for her negative behaviors for many many years, so now she has to fight not only the bipolar, but the years of conditioning that she learned by being “bowed down to” by your dad for years. That makes the whole thing worse. My husband of 12 years lets me know when I am misbehaving and I am glad he does. My kids don’t let me get away with much, either.
Like all relationships, my relationships with my family are a two-way street. If they are going to get my respect, I have to give them my respect. They don’t treat me with “kid gloves” because I have a diagnosis, but they don’t put up with any abuse from me, either.
Your mom needs to un-learn a lot of learned behaviors that she has been getting away with for 35 years. Your dad has enabled her to stay in her illness, and it will be really hard now for her to get better.
But she can. But she is ultimately responsible for it, just like a diabetic or a person with a heart condition. She’s the one who has to decide that she can’t keep on making herself and her family suffer from her bad life decisions.
I take a pretty hard line on this sort of thing because I have had full-blown psychotic episodes and suicide attempts in the past and don’t think my family deserves any of that. And the thing is, the extremes of behavior are not necessary. I am her to tell you that they don’t have to run your life.
Deb
Hi David,
Remember to look after yourself in all of this mess. I know it is difficult but do something that is just for you.
I was diagnosed 7 years ago with rapid-cycling bipolar. I use to change moods in one day. It was a nightmare and I felt terrible for the people around me who did not know what to do for me. I obviously was bipolar for most of my adult life. I am on a unique course of medication and I wonder if some of this might help your mother: gabapentin 400mgx6, Wellbutrin 150mgx3, Clonzepam 1mgx1, Risperdal.25mgx3 (a day)
Take care David.
Dave, you have not misled anyone. Being a suffer myself its a very hard disorder to get to grips with, you are keeping me alive right now as I have been in denial for quite awhile and I dont have any support apart from your e-mails. I wish your Mum well and that goes to you and all your family. At present I am waiting to see a Dr and being in England we have a different system to health care. My main carer died two years ago and I came off meds so I am very isolated at present. You do a brilliant job being there for your Mum so dont beat yourself up. I hope things improve soon
take care Chele
Mr. Oliver, my son is bipolar and like your mother he too was misdiagnosed but for a longer period than you and your family have dealt with it. I’ve lived with an undiagnosed bipolar child for 15 years and I don’t have to tell you it was/is HELL on earth most of the time. He’s had the disorder since he was 5 and he was only diagnosed two years ago. He is now 20. Knowing what he has makes it no easier. I’ve done all the things that you claim to have done in the information you have freely shared but I share my information with others that deal with the same problem through a support group for FREE. I may even be able to share some things with you that you don’t even know but I’d be glad to do it for FREE. My reward would be in helping someone live with the disorder.
In my opinion, your newsletter builds suffering and anxious people up to think that they are going to get some “quick fix”information from you about this disorder but in essence you’re only trying to sell your product. Don’t misunderstand me, I have no problem with people making money for a product that has been proven and is safe and effective, but in actuality, you are “pimping your mother’s disorder to make cash”. This is predatory and the manner in which you are attempting to sell your “book/product” is actually preying on those that will do almost anything (including paying exhorbitant fees for information that is free if they search the right places)to get relief from the disorder or help support their loved ones that have it. You are also borderlining false advertisement as well since you and I both know that people with bipolar are not going to sit down and read a book about their disorder and there is no “quick fix” nor does any one person have the answer–and that includes YOU. Also, asking someone with bipolar to purchase this book is encouraging their probably already impulsive and reckless spending habits. What works for your Mom may not work for them. Are you going to refund their money if what you have in your book is not helpful and/or is information they already know? I don’t think so. 100% guarantee doesn’t always mean 100%.
The bottom line is if you’re really trying to help someone, why don’t you give them some useful free advice and stop using your mother’s disorder to make a living for yourself. Others share their stories and give helpful hints but don’t charge. You’re even using their stories and information to make money for yourself. Let’s be realistic, how many supporters of people with bipolar can “quit their jobs” and take care of their loved ones with the disorder as you indicate that you have done? Few to none for that specific purpose. If you have done so, then no wonder you’re looking for ways to make money but preying on the mentally ill is not the way to do it. I’m sure you’re getting some type of disability income for your mother which if certified by a psychiatrist/mental health facility, all bipolar person’s can receive. There are many free services for those with bipolar and there are group living facilities that will care for your loved one if it becomes necessary. There are also independent living facilities for those persons with bipolar that need minimal assistance/supervision. The costs to live in these group and independent homes vary from state to state but they will NOT be over and beyond the income that the bipolar person receives. Of course there are many other remedies in between that can help those with bipolar and their supporters that I share freely but for space and time purposes I cannot do so here. I don’t expect that you will share my information with others on the website and if you do I hope they realize that what you say you have done, they can do also and they can then keep your $100 to $900 in their bank accounts. I could not continue to read your daily information without venting my disgust in the manner in which you are using this disorder to make money for yourself.
I wish you well. It’s sad to understand that your mom has relapses, too, despite your intelligent approach to her care.
My first husband was bi-polar, too–I knew something was wrong on our wedding night when water leaked from under his new car (it was the air conditioner). He rolled over and had nothing to do with me. I had twwelve miserable years with him before divorcing him; the children still have not forgiven me. My second husband, surprisingly, is bi-polar, too. He is sweet and loving, never imagines enemies, but has some of the other problems. I have developed techniques to help him, but “appreasement” is not one of them. I do lean toward strong encouragement when he makes positive strides though, and remind him of his achievements when he isn’t doing well. He takes medicine to help smooth out the ups and downs, but the medicine also makes him sleep too much. I hope your mom’s current spell is a short one. XO, C.
Dave,
I applaud the support you have given your mother, and your continued effort to help her. I also applaud and appreciate your effort to help others by giving the free email course…it has inspired me to figure out a way that when I am finished with college I can help others.
I am currently enrolled in college fulltime online. Having bipolar makes it hard for me to work full-time because I need something that is low stress, a boss who is understanding, etc…I am a workaholic which causes me to overdue it…I work hard but then it gets to me. I have realized that the moment I say I have bipolar I am let go, not hired, etc. I am currently looking for a job but having a hard time finding one that I know I will be able to do and which will not cause me undue stress.
However, when I am finished with college I will use my degree in psychology to teach college during the school year and volunteer during the summer. That way I can support myself and still help others.
Because I have bipolar and my daughter has borderline I know how difficult it is to stay on an even keel, to keep the balance and maintain it. I don’t expect to be cured, and those who say that they can cure you give false claims. I read your information and have not purchased your courses because I lack the funds to do so. I am doing research on my own, which I understand is difficult but I believe that the information is out there it’s just a matter of looking and determination.
As a single parent and full-time student in search of a job I cannot afford your course at this time, however when I am able to purchase it I will so that I can help myself and my daughter more efficiently. In the mean time I am looking for as much information as I can find. I read books, search on the internet, search in the library databases, etc.
I do not believe that you have made false claims, but I do believe that there are more ways to help people without charging fees for the help. Though I understand the need to charge.
I wish you well with your ensuing battle to help your mom.
I would like to make a comment to the lady with an ex-boyfriend/exhusband; I also know how this feels. However, at present, I’m not dealing with my ex-husband, thankfully! But I have had to go to Twelve-Step programs to learn how to deal with issues that relate to how “to deal with someone with behaviors that is unacceptable.” This is not an easy road to follow, however, I would like to add, even though I have been on this road now with my husband for 20 yrs., whom now is a recoverying addict. I also am a recovering alcoholic of 8 yrs. The only reason I’m giving you this information, is that I had to learn “how to change myself” in order to deal with his issues and how they affected me. I had to learn how to respond “differently” to him than what I had done in the past. Even though we are not the offending one, we still have adopted responses/reactions to their behavior that only makes the issues worse. Any time someone exhibits unacceptable behavior, there needs to be some kind of consequence that is going to make “them” uncomfortable. If your ex/now husband doesn’t want “help” from a therapist/meds then he is not willing to help himself. Hon, you can only “help” yourself! Sadly, he has to “help” himself at this point. Even though you obviously still love him very much, you “need to love yourself first” in order to be able to help someone else. I have a motto that you may enjoy: “Those who deserve to be loved the least, needs it the most.” Not only does this apply to the one exhibiting unacceptable behavior, but it must apply to ourselves FIRST! I am also bipolar, and I can sympathize with your husband, but I can also sympathize with you, as I have experienced both sides of your issues. “There is a brighter tomorrow.” That “brighter tomorrow” comes to us from listening and reading our emails from David right now. He has a lot of knowledge on how to “help ourselves” when all seems lost!
Dave, I would like to say to you that I admire your relentless search for knowledge, and on how to “help your mom” and you are willing to pass this knowledge down to us. Even though most of your emails has been on supporting the one that isn’t bipolar, I have learned much from your emails. Some of the stuff I didn’t know. Like the unipolar can be the manic side. I thought unipolar only applied to the depressive side. I have been manic now for several days, with little sleep, no appetite, talking too much, too loudly, forgetting appointments etc. I hope your mom is going to find some relief in her bipolar episodes with your dad and you. I know how important it is to have a support system in place, and you seem to be part of that support system for your Mom, as well as for your Dad. Thank you so much! I can’t afford your course either, but your emails help when they are informative!
HI Dave
I will keep your mother in my prayers. Being bi-polar
myself who rapid cycles I’m sure you know what that is my whole life can change in minutes. My family just thinks I’m crazy so I’m on my own except for the doctors and 1/2 time they don’t really listen. I myself, now this is just me can usually figure out what has tiggered whats going on with me. Maybe she has cut back on a medication I was doing so much better so I did I di’nt like the drugged feeling I was having and I was doing fine but then there was a tragic death in my family. I dealt with it all the arrangements and held it together. I honestly think if I had been taking my full dose of meds I wouldn’t of got as bad as I did. I admire you for what you have done for your mother keep up the good work. I would love to have someone looking after me. My husband and I live apart and he comes and goes so when I have any kind of espisode he just goes back to the other house which is 150 miles away and leaves me to deal with it. His job is there to and my family is here but they have no clue about me and what I go through.
May God Be with you and guide you through your endeavor.
Hi Dave, I would like to say something else, even though I enjoy your emails, I do have something else to say about the course. I don’t have the money to purchase this course. I also feel that there is a chance of probability of it not helping everyone that either has bipolar or is dealing with someone with bipolar. NO one “help” helps everyone with the same situation or diagnosis. I would like to see your emails be more informative, instead of just about “your day” or just a “rambling note”, as I do work, and don’t have time to read something about your day. Since I am bipolar, I am also looking/searching for information to help improve myself. I know there are programs that are free to attain this knowlege, as there are many support groups that will help you attain this information. So I do resent you selling your information, even though there may be a cost; but even these other programs that are free, there is still a cost for the rooms, paper, time, and the crisis hot-lines. Yet they offere their services free. Even here on the internet, you can go to carePlace and recieve free information on many illnesses, including bipolar; and a lot of good and loving support from the people that are members of carePlace.
TO: Roxy:
bipolarcentral.com/articles/whyidontgivefree.asp
Great job Dave, I have 2 children that are bi-polar. They live with their mates now and are 1 female, 1 male. 39 &40.
They were adhd as kids in trouble all the time at school. Took medication. Still have that plus the bi-polar. Take medication when they feel like it.
I am 64 and their Mother and it has been living hell. I know how your Dad feels.
Funny thing is I thought they were going to get over this bi-polar and it never happened and never is going to.
I think they have had ever pill there is in the medical books and nothing works forever and just when you think things are going quite well everything blows up in your face.
When you spot certain situations where you know something isn’t quite right it sticks out like a sore thumb and usually in my case everything is bound to explode.
I commend you for your patience,understanding,caring, love and efforts and time you put into bi-polar and of course this is your Mother.
Continue the good work it is appreciated by most of us. Some won’t and that is their loss!
Has David misled me about his Mom’s bipolar? NO, esp. if you have bipolar yourself. He just prefers not to concentrate on the unacceptable behaviors of being bipolar. I am bipolar myself, and am a rapid cycler, mainly though I’m manic.(actually this manic thing is new, I usually was both). Being bipolar myself, I knew that all “wasn’t well all the time,” and those that deal with bipolar illness on a regular basis, esp. themselves, and then those that live with them, already understand that every thing “isn’t always well” in David’s household with his Mom.
Ike
DAVE,
I Have been with you for about to weeks. I am amased at your determanation to help others. I am in a situation that may be impossible to fix. My wife will not seek help and it has caused 3 years of pure hell. I am currently staying at mom and dads house. I was here 2 weeks ago when I signed on with you. The bad thing is that her father may suffer with the disorder as well. I used to work for him until he fired me 3 weeks ago. The blood is thick. If you know what I mean. So I am in what feels like a no win situation.I realate to most of your information. My problem is the 2 of them blame me as their source of problems. Go figure.However everyone (my family including my neighbors) can see what they are doing. Both refuse help and father in law sent me to anger management. I went,only to prove them wrong. I have been going and continue to go in hopes that I can get my wife to go to someone to help her.My wife has a history with alcohol. I have been sober for 16 years.When I met my wife 8 years ago while teaching at a local middle school. She stopped drinking with my help. However she turned to pot and persciption drugs. I feel this is her self medication deal. Well, to make it short, my therapist thinks that I cant make the diaognois of Bi- polar until she gets her drug problem solved. WEll, you probably already guessed, she doesnt feel that she has a problem. We have two children ages 2 and 4. Thats another story.I worry about them. I dont know what else to tell you. I do know that you are a great person for all that you do. Thanks for your information.
Mike
Thanks for this update on your mom, Dave. I have been having a “depressive” mood all week. Only leaving my house to walk my dogs, take out the trash, water and feed the wild geese that come around, and fetch ciggaretts. I forget this is a never-ending battle with my Bipolar disorder. I do however take my medication every day, for I know it can be a lot worse if I don’t.
Laurie Lee
PS RE: The article I sent to you, the message was meant for them, not you! God Bless!
Dave,
I don’t think you have misled anyone about your mom.I just want to thank you for contacting me and answering my question about your courses. I felt very honored that you would call me back. You are a sincere person who wants to help people with bipolar and supporters of people who have bipolar. The information I have received from you has helped me and my family deal with my son.Keep up the good work and your help for all of us! God bless you during this Holy season of Easter and Passover!
Barb
DAVID,
MY MOTHER IS BIPOLAR 1. I AM BIPOLAR 2.
I HAVE CAME TO THE REALIZATION (ONLY SINCE RECEIVING YOUR MESSAGES) THAT THE ILLNESS WILL ALWAYS BE A STRUGGLE.
MYSELF, I AM DOING MUCH BETTER. I WAS PUT ON SEROQUEL. NEEDED THAT AT ABOUT THE AGE OF 14. BUT, IT IS FAIRLY NEW MEDICATION. I TOLD MY MOM ABOUT IT. SHE IS ON IT NOW. BUT SHE HAS OFTEN EPISODES.(BP 1 HAS MORE EPISODES, MORE OFTEN AND MORE SEVERE. MINE IS MOSTLY DEPRESSION WITH BOUTS EVERY 6 MOS-2 YEARS, THAT LAST WEEKS TO MONTHS.
I HAVE TO LEAVE MY OREGON HOME AND GO TO IDAHO TO HELP MY MOTHER. SHE HAS SEEN A BIG CHANGE IN ME. SO, FOR NOW, US THREE SIBLINGS BELIEVE I AM THE BEST SUITED TO SEE SHE GETS BACK ON TRACK.
ALCHOHOL, SEXUALLY PERMISCUITY, AND FOOD ARE HER FAVORS OF RELEASE. MY MOM NEVER HAD SUCH TERRIBLE BOUTS UNTIL MY DAD PASSED AWAY 4 YEARS AGO. SHE DID NONE OF THESE THINGS I MENTIONED.NONE!! MY MOM LIVED ONLY MINUTES AWAY FROM ME FOR 41 YEARS.I KEPT CHECK ON HER ALL THE TIME. I WAS THE ONLY CHILD TO STAY IN THE SAME AREA FOR THIS LONG PERIOD. I WAS VERY CLOSE TO MY PARENTS. MY DAD WAS A WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND FATHER. HE PUT UP WITH A LOT. AND LOVED MY MOTHER SINCERELY.
I HAVE HAD THE SAME PSYCHIATRIST FOR 22 YEARS. THE SAME M.D. FOR 23 YEARS. IF I HADN’T, I KNOW I WOULD BE THE ONE-THIRD (APPROX) THAT COMMITS SUICIDE EACH YEAR. IT JUST TOOK MY PSYCHIATRIST YEARS TO DIAGNOSE ME BECAUSE I WASN’T HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING. ( LIKE GOING INTO RAGES) YES, YELLING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, CURSEING EVERYONE OUT, BREAKING THINGS, ODD THOUGHTS, SUSPISCIOUS OF OTHERS, ETC. AND, EVEN HEARING MUSIC IN MY EARS ALL THE TIME. HAVING TO CHECK CONSTANTELY TO SEE IF TV, OR RADIO WAS LEFT ON. NOW, I KNOW IT IS A SYMPTOM OF BP.
ANYWAY, DAVID, LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE A CHALLENGE FOR THE BP PATIENT, THE FAMILY, AND THE BP’S DOCTORS.THERE ARE ALWAYS UPS-AND-DOWNS. LIFE IS JUST LIKE THE OCEAN. WAVES, BIG AND SMALL. AND, NEVER KNOWING WHAT WILL LAND ON SHORE AFTERWARDS. AND, SCIENCE CHANGES. KNOWLEGE IS GETTING MORE ADVANCED TOO. YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT EPISODES WILL COME, AND THEY WILL GO. PATIENCE IS THE LONG HAUL.
THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT YOUR MOMS NEW EPISODE. PEOPLE DO NEED TO KNOW, THE BP PERSON IS NEVER CURED. JUST TOOLS. TOOLS, TOOLS. TAKE IN ADVICE, SORT IT OUT, AND ALWAYS TRY TO FIND A GOOD DOCTOR. THANK GOD MY DOCTORS CARE.
THEY ARE ABOUT TWENTY YEARS OLDER THAN I AM, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WILL DO WHEN THEY RETIRE. HOPEFULLY THEY WILL REFER ME TO ANOTHER DOCTOR WHO IS KNOWLEGABLE. NOT A FRIEND OF THEIRS IN THE BUSINESS. A DOCTOR. A TRUE DOCTOR.
SOMETIMES MY PSYCHIATRIST CAN GET REALLY SNAPPY AT ME. HE HAS MADE MY 19 YR OLD DAUGHTER CRY. (WHEN SHE WAS GOING TO HAVE A MORE UNDERSTANDING OF MOM’S ILLNESS.)
SHE SAYS” MOM, HOW CAN YOU STAND HIM!!” I SAID, “ASIA, HE IS A VERY GOOD DOCTOR. I NEED TO GET GROWLED AT ONCE IN A WHILE.
TAKE CARE, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR MYSELF, AND IN UNDERSTANDING MY MOM’S BP BETTER.
TAMELA
Dave,
As the person with bipolar, I hope to never put my children in your situation. I have bipolar II and before my diagnosis it nearly cost me my marriage. Not what my children need.
My older sister used to say something to me when we lost our child several years ago, is that these challenges will make a better person of you. (She knows, as she battled cancer for 10 years before it got the best of her)
You have not misled anyone, because anyone who is bipolar knows that an occurance of and bipolar episode is totally unpredictable, complicated by the fact that many people stop taking their meds because they are feeling good.
I wish you well with your mother.
Ann
Dave,
I’m one of those who’s lately started reading “your thing,” or one of them. [I must say when your father called it that,I did smile for a second.]I’m also one who HAS that thing.[I’m sighing, too at how you and your MOM must feel.]If she’s anything like I am,she is feeling like this is how she REALLY feels and will ALWAYS feel that way.In other words,when you’re in an episode,it seems as if this is an ALWAYS thing,that you’ll NEVER get better and THIS is how it’s supposed to be with you.When you start feeling better, you REMEMBER how you felt,but think “how could I have felt that way,how could I have thought those things?” Very strange, and VERY painful when you’re the ONE in it.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I really really empathize and hope things will improve VERY SOON for Both of You !
You certainly DESERVE that. I’ll be Hoping for that and thinking about you,I’m really pulling for you,and please tell Mom,if you think she’d like to hear that.
Thanks,,,You take care of Yourself, TOO !
Marian
Dave,
You never know from one minute to the next when this can happen. Don’t blame yourself. Just keep up the good work and trust and beleive. Times like this is when you need support, as you are here for us when we need it now we are here for you! Good luck and my prayers and thoughts are with your and your family,
Tammy L.
From Alabama
Dave,
I like your emails about your Mom, it lets people know there are others in this world who have BP relatives.
One of my 3 sisters has had BP since the early 80’s, none of us could figure out what in the world was wrong with her! She is tipical BP, stops taking her meds when she feels better, promiscuious, has money troubles, been married 3 times, now living alone. Her daughter has very little to do with her, she’s afraid she’ll wind up like her mom, her son, who can do the most with her episodes, lives 60 miles away. She does well for about 5 years than goes down hill, this usually lasts about a year before she gets back to “normal”. She has caused our family nothing but grief for years, but we love her and still try to help, I live 1100 miles from her so try to call her frequently. Since November she hasn’t returned my calls nor calls me. She says she has no sisters, she has 3 and has only 1 brother, she has 2 living. I’m just playing the waiting and seeing game, hoping she’ll come around one of these days.
Thanks for listening.
Kathy
I just want to say herein that I know how your mom feels and have many times in the past watched as my various support systems battled with my bipolar ups and downs.
I just want to give you my full fledged support in your current battles in the fight against your mother’s bipolar. And yes, you will win David.
Ahmed
Cairo, Egypt
Dave,
I just want you to know I am thinking about you, your dad, and mom.
I have a teen granddaughter who is bipolar. She just recently had an episode. She is fine now and I know after getting the proper help your mother will be fine also.
I know is it difficult. We hurt when our loved ones are hurting. But, hang in there and know lots of people are thinking of you and your family.
gussie0823
I have a question or two.
I know bipolar people can be bad with spending money. However, what about taking large somes of money out of purses/wallets without asking knowing it is to pay bills.
Talking family, friends and others into giving them money or using their charge cards with the expectation of returning the money or providing service/merchandise. Only to not do so 99% of the time.
Pawning family and friends things without their knowledge. Then refusing to admit it when you have proof. Constantly happens.
Are these bipolar symptoms too? I just want to know your opinions.
Thank you!
What do you know of the Midwest Center advertised on TV & Radio?It is out of Oak Harbor, Ohio. And its called Attacking Anxiety & Depression. They allow you to try it for 30 days, and only pay the $14.95 shipping and handling. If you keep it & it works for you then its $475 but if its not for you you cand send it back. They swear to cure with out medication!!!! Thanks for doing such a great job. Hope is doing better sooner than soon. Melinda Hughes A satisfied customer of yours.