Hi,
I hope your day is ok.
Hey, my seminar was great yesterday. I actually have to take off right away because I am kind of late. I will tell you more later on this week.
It was really interesting. I met several people with loved one struggling with bipolar disorder. I heard some really sad stories.
Actually I didn’t go to a mental health seminar I went to a business seminar on operational and marketing concepts.
Whenever I am in a seminar people always know that I help people with bipolar disorder and other disorders.
It got out that I had so many people working for me who have bipolar disorder and they are all doing great.
People were amazed.
Here’s a funny story. This guy comes up to me and says, “so you got bipolars working for you?”
I looked at him and total annoyance I was like, “Sir, I don’t refer to people as bipolars. Would you call someone cancers?”
So then he said, “I worked with one of them and they were totally crazy. There was this one woman who” he went on and on and on.
NOTE-How he refers to them as “one of them.”
I cut him off and said, “Hey, I knew this girl that use to eat cottage cheese and had braces. She then would smile and her cottage cheese would be stuck in her braces. It made me really sick and now I hate cottage cheese. That was when I was in 7th grade. To this day it makes me sick. Now I can’t eat.”
I just paused and looked at him. You could see his mind trying to understand why I just told him this story what in the world it had to do with anything?
He looked at me like I was out of my mind.
Then I said, “since you told me a totally irrelevant stupid story, I told you one.”
He then just walked away lol
Nobody liked him anyway : )
I hate when people say stuff like, “bipolars” and then they tell me some dumb story like he told me.
Actually someone in the room that owned a tremendous business and was SUPER SUCCESSFUL told me quietly that he had bipolar disorder and loved the work that we as an organization are doing.
Do you know what?
After the seminar I went to eat and the girl added up my dinner to $26.00. I was like “no way jose.” She then told me how she used a calculator it was right. I was like “umm, $6.95 + 1 + $2.95 does not equal $26.00.”
Finally she agreed. I felt like she was trying to con me.
I got conned by three people in the last month!
Took me totally by surprise.
These were people in companies that were supposed to be helping this organization, so I trusted them.
I run an organization that helps people with bipolar disorder and their supporters. Why would anyone want to con me?
I don’t even take a salary from this organization, so what money was there to gain?
It’s not like I had an office with a safe in it they could rob.
It’s not like I had fancy technology or billion-dollar microchips they might’ve been after.
These people were supposed to be helping me – and instead, they conned me!
And what gets me is that it wasn’t just ONE person, it wasTHREE!
I just keep asking myself, “How did this happen?”
And you know what the answer is?
I trusted them. I never expected them to con me. Never.
I feel BETRAYED. Yep, that’s exactly how I feel.
So what does this have to do with bipolar disorder?
I’ll tell you.
Think about your own situation for a moment.
Haven’t you ever felt betrayed by your loved one?
When you’ve done everything you could to keep them out of an episode but they went into one anyway, didn’t you feel betrayed?
When you believed that they lied to you during that episode (or said or did something that hurt you) but afterwards denied it or didn’t remember it, didn’t you feel betrayed?
When your loved one is manic and you’re out in public and they do something to embarrass you, don’t you feel betrayed?
When you try your best to get your loved one to take their medication every day and stick to their treatment and yet they don’t, don’t you feel betrayed?
When your friends and family turn their backs on you because of your loved one’s bipolar disorder, don’t you feel betrayed?
When your loved one seems more concerned about themselves and their disorder than about you and your efforts to support them (and your feelings), don’t you feel betrayed?
When you feel unappreciated, taken for granted, overlooked, ignored, unloved, and/or maybe even abused, don’t you feel betrayed? In my courses/systems, I talk about the negative feelings/emotions experienced by supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder and how to deal with them:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
Whether it’s my situation or yours, the feeling is still the same:
We both feel BETRAYED.
Someone we trust has taken advantage of us.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to say bad things about your loved one. And I’m certainly NOT saying they’re a bad person. All these things are caused by their disorder. The more stable your loved one becomes, the less betrayed you will feel, and the more positive emotions you will experience.
What do you think? Do you agree or disagree?
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
BINGO!!!! Absolutely true! I am still feeling betrayed and hurt (deliberately) by my loved one. Things are a lot better than last year at this time, but they aren’t back to even being “close” to BBP (Before Bipolar). As a loved one, it is the most hurtful, disappointing, horrible thing I have ever experienced in my life. It took me totally by surprise.
How many times do you let the disease ruin you life, before you get out ?
How many times do you let this person destroy you and your children?
I think sometimes all the medicine and therapy in the world cannot make it right.
Hi Dave,
While I agree that we can “feel” betrayed by these people that try to con us, or take our trust and do something mischievous with it, it doesn’t mean it is not safe to trust people. It is not the act of “trusting” that causes us to be betrayed, or feel betrayed, it is certain people who abuse that trust. I think someone who purposefully abuses our trust is one thing and a person with bipolar who acts out, or goes into an episode, or fails to take their medication is not betraying us. They are betraying their own mental health. While they may do things that cause us as supporters to suffer, they are really hurting themselves.
We can either see it as being betrayed by them, or that they have an illenss and they choose to sabotag their own mental health. And while I am not saying they are faultless, or not doing things that harm us, I don’t think they are saying to themselves “I am going to hurt my supporter by being abusive to them on purpose”. A con artist says to themselves “I am going to steal money from this guy” A person with bipolar is not out to hurt us with intent, so really there is not a reason to feel betrayed. If anyone with bipolar is betraying anyone by not taking meds, by doing things in episodes, or relapsing, they are really betraying themselves! And it has been proven that people with bipolar who do things in episodes really “CANNOT” remember doing them, so they, in effect, are NOT LYING! So that is not betrayal either.
While it may “FEEL” Like they are betraying us, in most cases people with bipolar are not doing this on purpose to hurt their supporter as a con artist intends to steal from you. So I disagree. And the thing about trust is, it is not trusting that gets us betrayed, it is the people who “Abuse” that trust, so trusting is okay, we just have to be careful who we trust. It is up to us not to get our expectations on a person with bipolar too high, for then we feel they have let us down, when in reality, most of us people with bipolar are doing the best we can with what we’ve got, faulty brain chemistry.
This faulty brain chemistry distorts our perception of reality and we really do believe we don’t need medication sometimes. Sometimes we like the feeling of not being on medication, or don’t like the way medication makes us feel. Medication is supposed to bring us to a steady “Normal” Feeling of Peace and contentment, not dragged down, lethargic or doped up! If your loved one is feeling too dopy, lethargic or dragged down by their medication, please tell their dr that the medication is making them feel that way and if there is anything the dr can do to adjust the meds so your loved one can feel “NORMAL” after taking meds, not all dragged out.
As Michele says, we want medication to provide the maximum benefit with the least amount of negative side effects. I have found such a combination and would never stop taking my medication because I can function normally on it. I don’t sleep more than 8 hrs, I have energy, I can laugh, I can cry, I still have mini-episodes, but they don’t run away with me. This is priceless, the way I feel now. I wouldn’t stop taking medication if you paid me to! The only way I will stop taking medication if if the world comes to an end and I can’t get it! That is how much better I feel with medication, it should be the same for everyone if you ask me!
Bob
Me again,
Ya know how those old police shows that used to have people in a line up behind a mirrored window where the victim could see them but the people in the line up couldn’t see the victim through the mirrored side? Well “to me” this is what it was like having bipolar. I couldn’t see how my supporters felt. All I could see was a mirrored image of myself, while my supporters had a dark image of me. I couldn’t see my supporters feelings “to” intentionally hurt them. I was trapped in my own little room or reality, what I did was what I “thought” was normal, and what I had valid reasons to do. I thought I had a valid reason to kill myself when I tried that. If that isn’t the ultimate betrayal of others and myself, I don’t know what is. Medication removes the mirrored glass and I can see how much people care about me. And they can clearly see me and my feelings. Medication removes the mirror so I don’t only see myself and my illogical thoughts, I still see them, think them, but I see my supporters and how much they care about me and would never do anything to betray them!
I hope this analogy helps!
Bob
Yes, I do feel betrayed and frustrated by my bipolar son, 33 and still thinks like a 16 year old. And in most conversations it’s all about him and how caring he is of others, but he has been on his med. for some time now and doing better. But in the same light it looks to me that all our goverment has bipolar, and that is even more scary. We are in a mess in the country and no one in the goverment stands up and says it was my bad leadership that got us here? Now the goverment is on a spending spree to fix it, with money they (or we) don’t have, isn’t this a bipolar sign.
As out of control as my son maybe at times, these times with our goverment are much scarier and nothing we can do about it will chance it. I am sorry I got off on this tangent, but after dealing with a bipolar son for so long, I see the semalarity. They mean well, but it’s all about them!
I agree with Michelle. How much abuse are you suppose to take from the person who says that they love you more than anything but continues to put you down and degrade you. I have been with my boyfriend who is bipolar/schizophrenic for almost 4 years and he has completely taken me for granted. While I am giving him all my love, support, and understanding, he repays me by having sex with many different women, including prostitutes. Then he gets mad when I leave. I have taken him back 100s of times but this time I realize that I cant force him to appreciate me or value me. The bottom line is he hides behind his illness instead of getting help. If I continue to stay with him, I will have no self esteem and love for myself. He doesn’t feel he has to change because I accept him how he is but in this situation he is happy and not me. I deserve love and to be valued to. I created a monster by allowing him to continue to use and abuse me because he knows, “oh, she loves me, she’s not going anywhere, because she is always there for me.” Meanwhile, the other women he is sleeping with don’t care whether he lives or dies and that who he puts his faith in and cheats on the one person who is there for him when his own family has given up on him. God doesn’t want me to be where I am not love, appreciated or value. If I don’t stand up for myself, who else will. I don’t want to look up and in the next 50 years, I am going through the same bull crap when I could have a loving, honest, caring relationship with a man who truly values me as a person.
Question: How many times can a supporter “reach out in love,” which I have been advised to do, before you realize you feel like a whipping post because of the things the person with BPD says and does (even with medication/therapy)? Probably the biggest issue here is that my sister has kept me at arm’s length for all this time. As I stated before, things are better, but she still knows how to dig me. And I do think there is purpose to it. I didn’t cause this illness, and neither did she. It is just that there IS a sense of betrayal that supporters feel…and sometimes I think I cannot even call myself a “supporter” because she will not allow me to support her in any true sense. I suspect a great deal of embarrassment, guilt, not remembering due to her episode(s) through the past year or two. Perhaps that is it. As her closest blood relative and ONLY sibling (no children), my heart has been broken into a million pieces.
I have tried to distance myself somewhat because each time I try to reach out, I get some sort of “blast” that I truly do not deserve! This is a horrible loss in my life. Thank goodness for understanding friends and an understanding husband!
I do feel for my sister and for anyone else who has BPD. It has to be frightening to be living with it. But please understand that it is JUST as frightening (maybe more) for those who are the recipients of the lying, mistrust, etc. when that has NEVER been a factor at all in the relationship! That’s where the betrayal comes in…
Betrayal doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel.
I was with a man for almost 10 years who was diagnosed with bipolar. I loved him (still do) more than any man I’ve ever been involved with. When he was diagnosed I did the research, took off work to go to his appointments with him because he was uncomfortable with the whole situation. I learned what to watch for in the manic episodes and how to try to help with the depressive states.
I tried everything I knew. When one thing didn’t work, we’d try another approach. He would say, “I need you to do _____ the next time. I promise I’ll listen.” HAH! He had some really great ideas on what to do during his more lucid moments. The problem was he wouldn’t listen during the episodes.
This last one was particularly bad and I was going through a lot in my own personal life. I recognized what was happening and figured I would just ride it out, take what he was saying with a grain of salt, knowing it would pass as all manic episodes do. That wasn’t meant to be. No one could measure up to him and his godlike presence when he’s manic so HE broke up with ME! I knew this was going to be a bad one, but I didn’t realize how bad. We never have more than 2-3 good years before he’s off and wandering again… the excitement of a new love relationship is more than he can resist for longer than that. The self-destructive behaviors ended up winning this time.
I’m trying to keep it permanent this time by having very limited communication with him. You see I don’t know if I could survive another manic episode. I wish I could be stronger; I wish his criticism and condescension didn’t hurt so much, but they do; the ultimate betrayal this time was replacing me in less than two weeks. We had gone for such a long time that I guess I forgot and thought he had overcome those behaviors. In reality I don’t think it will ever happen. The cycle never ends and I just don’t know if I could live with it.
I miss him so much, because when he’s not cycling we are great together. But, I know that regardless, it WILL happen again. To stay strong I am trying to keep that in the forefront of my mind. He always asks my grandkids about me and they can’t help but talk about him so I kind of know what’s going on in his life, but I just keep reminding myself how much of ME I actually lose through each one of these.
You may think I’m horrible for trying to keep my distance when he can’t help his manic episodes, but I don’t know how else to love him except completely, totally, and with all my heart. I feel like a failure already because I wasn’t able to figure out how to take the berating and criticizing without taking it personally. I’ve lost the only man I think I’ll ever truly love to an illness that is incurable, only manageable.
So, I’ve involved myself with on a larger scope with the mental health world by serving on the board of a Clubhouse. I care about the folks and it breaks my heart when one of our members struggles through their own personal manic phases, but I know I’m contributing to something that will be there for them. Maybe I’m trying to make up for my own personal failures with my own loved one. I’ll have to ponder that one.
I believe my husband is bipolar by the symptoms he demonstrtes; hence he still will not go to see a doctor. I found this site for my own sanity really not his. Do I feel betrayed you bet . You see I am ADD AND IT IT is easier to blame me if something is wrong. It never seems it could be his yelling , screaming irritability that could be getting in the way or the I don’t care about life moments than it my I am late with the visa bill by a day or I cleaned my room ; but by the end of the week it still lokks like a bomb exploeded. The difference is I reconized my difficulties and deciided my health was important . I tell him he has difficulties and just can’t believe at least right now . I just hope one of espisodes doesn’t land him in jail because at time his anger is way out of control.So I am feeling betrayed yes; but I think Im more scared for him. I wish he had Bob’s insight
OK, they may not Plan to hurt us, but they consciously make the decision to not take their meds, or as in the case of my loved one, mix alcohol & other drugs w/it. And they do “know” they will hurt people, or maybe themselves when they make those choices at the start, right? Esp. if they’ve done it over & over. I, myself always “forgive”, but we can’t “forget”. Living on the edge like that takes its tole. I personally do a lot of praying, also. My beliefs are my support system, but your input, David is such help-& others because you know you are not alone. Doesn’t it depend, thought, on how much your loved one “wants” help-“wants” to be at peace? Sometimes I think mine, in some ill way, seems to “enjoy” the drama. He actually “grew up” w/ constant drama, too. Does anyone have any input on my situation–a loved one with b
As a survivor, hanging on the edge, I feel betrayed. I trusted with all my heart, that ‘supporters’ were listening and caring to me. I thought they’d want to help me so I opened up to them. They used what I told them against me. They called my doctor without my authorization, they tried to find ways to lock me up permanently. They called the police to take me away. They said things that fatally wounded my self esteem. I am struggling but they will not help. They say I ‘wallow in my own self pity’ and ‘will never amount to anything.’ They say no one can help me — I cannot even help myself.
I feel permanently wounded. I am so ready to give up. The supporters are watching, hoping I will take my own self out. They talk about me in their ‘grapevines.’ They are mean and hurtful.
Being betrayed makes a person never want to trust again. It destroys all hope.
I heartily agree with TRIED THEM ALL: What about the person with bipolar disorder? I’ve been betrayed because of, and in spite of my illness.
I have had “friends” abuse me repeatedly. One woman I trusted, forged a check for $850, and said if I turned her in, “What would happen to my children if I were in jail?” She also ran one of my credit cards up to $8,000!
Another guy forged a check for $350, saying the woman above had “talked him into it,” and he didn’t want to be charged, either!
As soon as “some” people find out you have a “mental illness,” they hover like vultures, waiting to “take you out.” AND what about the element of “TRUST?” I have a tendency to trust people until they give me a reason not to. I don’t know if this is a “normal” reaction of some people, but I’m a Christian, and this is what they teach you.
TRIED THEM ALL – I hope I have not been a “discourager” for you. Sue and I really CARE about you and WANT you to be “healthy.” I’m sorry your other “supporters” are abusing you so badly; perhaps, in their ignorance, they truly don’t know how to help you.
WHAT is the answer, here? Do I stop trusting for fear of being betrayed, or do I “harden my heart” and let NO ONE in? I’ve struggled with this for most of my 60 years, and still don’t know the answer. All I know is – there are at least two types of people I’ve dealt with as a person with bipolar – those who love you, and those who don’t give a damn. My problem is – I CAN’T distinguish between the two. The ones I told you above, were sweet to your face – then do something rotten, behind your back. AND – these are supposedly “normal” people.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. My prayers are with you.
What DOES work to help mend those relationships? (besides time, prayer, and love) Or will they forever be strained?
Dear David, I totally agree ’cause it happened to me. I thought my boyfriend was just being bad. There were times also that i thought he was a cruel person who wanted to victimize me… all that confusion. But it was very hard to handle especially if you yourself are still immature and not well-informed. Keep up the good work!
I am a supporter of an adult son. He has betrayed and hurt me financially for all of his life but moreso as an adult. YES, I agree with the last post.
My family ( siblings, mother and my sons sister ) have all turned away from us. Why?? Because I allow him to live in my home. Why do I allow him to live in my home?? I understand his illness is not fixable. I understand the illness is something he can do/try his best to control thru meds and by his own want. BUT I know without my home as basically his refuge; There is nowhere else he can go. He has more good days than bad and with that I know there will be bad to follow. No, I do not keep my mouth shut too often but I have learned how to talk with him during those violent episodes. It’s rough on me but I KNOW it’s alot rougher on him. He will come to me after an episode of an angry outburst to apologise and will do great for a time. Most of the time I just stay out of his way and he copes well on his own. He is working for a roofing company now for 2 1/2 months. This is the longest he has worked anywhere in his entire working yrs. And he works 7 days a wk as long as there is no rain.
He’s told me how much he appreciates that I have NOT turned away from him. I feel disappointed that my own family and his own sibling has turned their backs on us…. but I cannot worry about them. I know even at 60 yrs old; I am emotionally strong enough to carry on . And my son is growing stronger more times than in the past. He will be able to able to make it on his own in a few yrs. Life is a bitch until one learns how to make life work positively.
Thanks for allowing me to post my thoughts ,
adult child supporter, Lynette
TRIED THEM ALL:
You KNOW those people you speak of are not, will never be, and never have been supporters… You can expect betrayal from them at this point.
Hopefully people who REALLY care about you can support you in some small way…
SUZANNE:
You certainly have been “taken” BIG time by way too many people. I hope that it has taught you that you have to be more cautious about who you trust. Thank God there are some REAL supporters in your life…
DAVE:
Exactly how were you “conned”???
I agree.
In some literature it said bipolars could get financial money from the U.S. Govt. Will you tell me how to apply for it and the procuderes to follow.
Bill
To BILL: Most survivors of bipolar disorder can apply for Social Securitiy Disability if they are totally UNABLE to work in their chosen field. You have to have been able to have three quarters of Social Security already on file for them to determine how much you receive in Disability. (Please correct me if I’m wrong, someone!).
It is a long and arduous project. Although I don’t know ANYONE who has done it on their own, you WILL need an attorney. The reason is that with the first application, you will get turned down. Then, you must file an appeal, after which you WILL get turned down. And yet ANOTHER application, from which you will get turned down.
This took about a year from initial filing until I got my Disability. Thank God I had the life insurance from my first husband to live on that year. Once they approve your application, you will get a “lump sum” settlement, that includes retrospective to the application date. Your attorneys’ fees are paid OUTSIDE of this settlement.
I hope I have enlightened you as to the processs for applying for Social Security Disability; a friend of mine applied in 2006, and still hasn’t heard from Social Security, so he’s going to TRY to work. He’s on new meds that he feels will help him.
Good luck!!
I have a question: I am a bipolar sufferer. I noticed my loved one (“supporter”) has, on quite a few occasions, blamed “my bipolar” on things that had nothing to do with that! I am quite properly medicated, and have not had an episode or anything of the sort in quite some time. Yet if we have a disagreement over something, or he catches me lying down for a nap because I’m tired, he will say something like “Oh, you’re depressed again. That must be your bipolar acting up”. If I show ordinary annoyance towards something he has done, he will say I’m “going manic” on him. That is why I broke up with him. Just an FYI to all: sometimes the so-called “supporter” tries to turn the tables on the b.p. sufferer, and make s/he think everything that goes wrong is their fault. Not nice!!
you are so right you bend over backwards to help prevent a episode and end up in the middle of it.the verbal abuse is enough but then friends dont want anything to do with you and youve been hurt by your friends and the person your trying to support.you them feal gulty like you did it and if you arnt carefull you become depressed and want to give up knowing they eather need a change in there meds or its dose and when its family or a spouce you dont want anything to happen to them yet are tired of being hurt.
My 37 year old daughter was recently diagnosed as Bipolar. It is all new to me and very frightening. She is my only child. I am so sad and so afraid to admit this to anyone. It has made me wonder am I bipolar too? I just don’t know enough. I was glad to find your site.
Unfortunately, as a “supporter” who isn’t “allowed” to support my sister, I still feel frustrated by the whole thing with her because she has always…ALWAYS…been so important to me. And it is also hard for me when no one really pays attention to my questions and my frustration. Sorry…I really AM frustrated…VERY! I still feel very ignored by her and by everyone! Does anyone “get” this? Or should I just give it up?
I think the problem is that those who I want to be my ‘supporter,’ (who are members of my family), refuse to believe that I have an illness. They say I am “lazy,” “wanting attention,” “feel sorry for myself,” “don’t want to try to help myself,” “crazy,” “that I am not a descent person,” “that I lie,” “that I ‘fake’ my symptoms,” “that the overdoses/suicide attempts/hospitalizations I have had are something I’ve done to my own self to get attention,” “that I don’t really want to die…” “that I am manipulative,”….well, you get the idea.
I don’t think they really want to help. They have a lot of hate towards me when I ask for their assistance. By asking for them to help me, I get criticized and condemned. They think they are helping me by telling me what an awful person I am. The more I hear those things from them, the more likely I am to believe what they say and just give up.
Honestly, anyone in the frame of mind that I am cannot be a ‘survivor’ without a ‘supporter.’
To TRIED THEM ALL: I CAN understand your frustration; you try SO hard to be “real” around your family and other supporters, and they just don’t “get it.” They are living in an archaic world, where “mental illness” is a stigma, and they don’t want to be reminded that: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” People reach out in anger when they are afraid or don’t understand. Perhaps this is where THEY are coming from.
I feel frustrated myself. I invited my on-again, off-again boyfriend from Downstate up this weekend because of the horrible week I had, hoping to get some compassion and support. All he did was tell me he was “sick,” and work on his laptop (which I gave him.) We had one “short” (5 min.) political discussion, which he ended by saying: “That’s all.”
I even got off the computer in my bedroom at 8 last night, took the cats’ litter box out and put it in the hallway, cut off the radio and closed the door – all so he could have a “good night’s sleep.” He told me he WASN’T going to sleep on the couch anymore. I ended up watching SNL and sleeping on the couch. Now get this – we don’t even have “sex” anymore, and I go to all these lengths to please HIM. AND, per usual, he yelled at me a LOT; he thinks because he’s got a cold, he has the right to “shut me up.” He knew ALL about what happened last week – and STILL was an SOB.
I know, I know: don’t invite him up anymore. But – he IS a good friend (when he isn’t “sick”), and we’re carving pumpkins next week. As a matter of fact, he carved his FIRST pumpkin with me two years ago, and enjoyed it! And – I get to dress up like “Elvira” for his “attention.” Fat chance…
I am TRYING to be a “survivor” without a “supporter,” but I live alone, and have no one. My boyfriend does NOT live with me, and I only see him on alternate weekends. Yes – he’s better than NO ONE, but not much ;(
Bob and DeeDee,Itotally agree with you. I am bipolar1 and married to accoholic. My bipolar is managed My husband show more mania than I. Everytime he drunk he attack me and belittles me. Now that is so hurtful. Of course this makes me so upset that it takes days of sleeping and isolation. I can’t turn my brain off and it just races. I have found that my bipolar is his excuse to attack me. I envy the true supporters of loved ones. I am not crazy or out of my mind. I like peace andquiet.I enjoy reading David’s writtings. Thanks everyone for being there for us and understanding’
A reply to ‘ Bob-a-survivor
HELLO BOB-A-SURVIVOR
I read both your comments – and as it stands right now, you may hold a key for how things will go for me in the future.
You sound very together right now – yet you know what it is like when things go completely off track. You say you have finally got the right medications, and you would not stop taking them if you were paid for it. Never heard this before.
I really would like to exchange a few things with you, because I feel that you can help. Please make contact with me at : simplyme12.3(at)hotmail.com.
Thanks, Gabriele
Hi, Dave —
Another great letter today from you! Thank You!!!
I so agree with what Shelley says — I feel so betrayed when I have done everything possible to make my loved one feel loved and safe — but at any moment I may be cursed and called the most horrible names I have ever heard — and that I do everything to make him sicker — Oh, how that hurts because I do everything I can to make his life more pleasant for him, and he tells me I don’t do anything for him! At times I feel like I absolutely can’t take any more abuse day after day after day! Then maybe two or three hours later he will come toward me with arms opened wide and says, “Mom, let me give you a hug. You are the greatest Mom in the world!” Well, of course you know that makes me feel so wonderful, but maybe five minutes later he is calling me all kinds of names!!!!!!!
Life with a Bipolar loved ones is like riding on a roller coaster that never seems to slow down, much less stop.
I just want you to know, David, that your emails and all of your wonderful comments and suggestions are the best thing I have going for me right now. I hope that somehow I will in the near future be able to have enough money to buy your master course. Right now, it’s tough just being able to buy gas and groceries and utilities with prices so high and so little income. Maybe I’ll win one of the Sweepstakes — hee hee!!!!!
Sincerely, Dolores
Hi Dave, Well I’ve been so betrayed over and over again that I finally had enough and ended the relationship. It’s ashamed because all that I have done to try and help her and not just for her sake but her 5yr old daughters sake of whom I love very much like she was my own daughter. Dave, Iv’e tried everything I could and put up with sooo much abuse and lying and cheating. And yes I’ve had my family and friends all turn their back on me because of her. They were thinking that something is wrong with me. It is so flustrating. The only way it even lasted this long was that I was trying to understand this disorder and came across your site. I get your emails every day and it taught me a great deal and showed me that there are other people that go through this and I’m not the only one feeling this way. I tried to be a good supporter and be understanding but she just would not even try. She just kept lying and cheating and stealing that I finally kicked her out. I’m sorry but I could not do it anymore. I sort of feel like a failure but the again I gave it a good effort and put up with way more than anybody would’ve or should’ve.
Chuck
Wow thats exactly it. I just tuned into your training sessions. So far accurate. I am supporting a friend of eighteen years. But he is dual diagnosed and has addictive concerns too. He has tried suicide several times. I need as much info as I can get. Thank you
BAD MORNING,
MY DAUGHTER WHO IS 43 HAS HAD 2 IN TREATMENTS AT HOSPITALS, 10 YEAR APART NOW HER TRIGGER IS A BREAKUP OF WITH BOYFRIENDS NOW , IT IS HER HUSBAND. NOW 13 YEARS LATER REGARDLESS WHO’S FAULT, SHE IS IN MANIC, I HAVE LISTENED 3 HOURS IN MORNING 6 AM TO 9 AM AND IN THE EVINGS FOR ABOUT THE SAME TIME,FOR A MONTH SHE WILL NOT LISTEN TO ADVICE, WANTS HER HUSBAND BACK, BUT NOT RELIZEING , SHE TALKS ONE RUN ON SENTENCE FOR 3 HOURS.
CHARMING AND WITTY , AND BEAUTIFUL , MY FIRST BABY, I YELLED AT HER THIS MORNING , TOLD HER SHE WAS MANIC AND THAT IS WHAT IS CAUSING ALL THE TROUBLE , WHEREVER SHE GOES. PERSONIALLY I HAVE HAD IT , DONE, WHEN SHE COMES TO ME FOR HELP , I WILL BE AT HER SIDE, WHAT I WAS DOING BEFORE DID NOT WORK.
SHE MUST GO WITH ME TO SOME SORT OF MANAGED MEETING SO I CAN GET PEOPLE TO HELP HER,
I AM GOING UNDER ,EMOTIONALY, FINICIALY AND NOW I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR FEELING HELPLESS FOR PUSHING HER AWAY, HELP HELP HELP
Wow… I can’t thank you all enough.. especially Bob, Shelley, Michellem Diane and John !!! My 30 yr old is the bipolar in my life. She’s attempting to rent an apartment and is SO overwhelmed it’s triggered all sorts of things. The BIG progress is she finally seems to “get” that she needs the anti-depressant as her depresison is a deep, nasty thing. The “up” of her bipolar is subtle. I’m not altogether sure it’s there… a big part of her initial crash was cocaine poisoning and that addiction thing still complicates things.
I’m continually telling myself she’s 30 and not the vulnerable scared child she often presents as . Lately I really do feel overwhelmed and also am angry at how I let her use me and like Diane, the emotional, financial and physical exhaustion.. pushing her away because more and more I have nothing left. And yet, I’m her mom; I’ll always be the “safe place to land”. She’s been sleeping other than a half hour here and there when she eats the past 4 days.
At any rate, Diane.. look up NAMI on the internet.. likely there’s meeting close enough and they have them for supporters as well as various mental diseases including bipolar, schizoid problems, etc. I’ve found just visiting the site, like Dave’s emails and notes here.. it just helps to know others are tripping along. And God Bless Bob for letting us know he’s found the right mix and is keeping up with it !!
I am struggling with my on emotions with my daughter who is Bi-polar. She`s my youngest and my closest of my three children, yet she was decieved into believing lies of me by a realative of my husbands who has always hated me, It caused such horrible pain and heartache for me, yet I could not do anything till she came back on her on. Even though we are back in relationship, I am not at ease, I always feel I must watch every word I speak,etc. I am also concerned for my three grandchildren from her the oldest child is 12, and I see depression in him, and anger , I cant help but love this one so much, His father deserted them before he was born. But I cant say anything. ???
I use to feel betrayed, but not anymore!
I bought myself a size 32 baseball bat that easily manages ANY manic episode quite effectively. I do not worry about anything and can handle anything. Mania is no longer in control, I AM.
not really, i told my wifes shrink. but i will do whatever i deem necessary if he can’t do his job right!
Chuck, if you really love HER, the real HER, don’t give up as she cannot help herself! Somehow you have to get her into treatment by a psychiatrist familiar with b/p. I have been there with my wife, believe me I know where you are coming from. Email back here. jb
I’m the girlfriend of a beautiful man with bipolar disorder, who tells me all the time that he appreciates me, loves me, thanks me for all I do for him and his house….I however feel alone. He says all these things but he does other things that makes me think he’s not faithful…He is critical of my weight, and sex is barely existant…we’ve been together for 2 1/2 years and I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve had sex…He says he’s not interested, but he hides phone calls from his ex lover, he gets upset if I listen to messages on the machine and has gone as far as having them sent directly to his private voicemail….we have lived together for 2 years and I answer my phone in front of him all the time so he won’t feel left out or betrayed when my ex husband calls about my son (who lives with us). I don’t know how to get him to understand that he hurts me when he hides this stuff, and how I feel betrayed by his calls and whatever else with his ex lovers….I work all day and he doesn’t right now…so I am lost….I love him and believe in happy ever after….I am not a short term person, I want to be the one and only, the one who is there for him when we are old and have no minds left at all I wanna be the little old lady lookin across the room sayin I can’t remember your name but I know you were meant for me and I for you….Right now I am startin to doubt myself and question my own sanity…I have known all along that he has had this mental illness…he takes his meds daily no questions asked…he does not see a councelor or therapist, but goes every 6 months for refills….I can’t seem to get him motivated to do anything when I’m off work. while I am workin he’s out and about doin whatever and when I get home he sleeps, or just sits in front of the tv…I sometimes get the feeling that I’m bringin him down, or stoppin him from bein happy…He says he would be mad if I left because I am so good to him…Am I crazy for my high expectations???How can I be stronger for my sweetheart? Any suggestions would be appreciated….
Hello,
I have a wondeful husband who is bipolar diagnosed 5 years ago. I have been through 3 major episodes with him. I am a nurse which some people believe I should be able to deal with this illness because of my professional knowledge. I will tell you that it has been tough.
Regardless of how difficut it may get, my husband wants to be better. He does not degrade me but when he is manic, he is on top of the world and his sarcasm, arrogance and visions of grandeur can get the best of me some times. I get angry at him and I wish on occasion that I never had to deal with this, but his underlying personality is the man I love.
He is sweet and sincere. He is honest, loving and caring. I can’t say that betrayal is what I feel. It is disappointment that causes me the most pain. I want him to be well and remain stable, but I have realized that it is just not going to happen.
On a good note, he does take his medicine and when he doesn’t believe that it is working for him, I send him off to speak to other medical professionals. He believes them often more than he believes me.
It can be tough and we just went through a really bad cycling. I learn more about it everyday and I am happy that I found this web site because now I don’t feel like I am alone. Thanks for sharing your stories.
i went off of so many assumptions concerning my relationship that it’s now strained and hostile. one of the very many things i find amazing is how my bipolar partner appears to take it all for granted and that i’m not entitled to feeling hurt and betrayed. i think this is the thing that is most aggravating and bizarr. much of it i tend to see as my undoing, because i thought when an episode happened that, to whatever degree, i’d be prepared. but now i understand how easy it is to get lost in something that seems to not have any moorings, and this sometimes leaves me shaking. many instances seem accentuated and heightened as she blithely insists that i’m the one with the problem. at this moment, i question my humanity, sanity and resolve. this is a real bitch.
Hello I would so love to talk echat with Sybil. I am the christie right before you in this blog and I am also a nurse. I have been with my boyfriend 2 1/2 years but he was diagnosed 7 years ago..I have no friends and desparately need one who understands where my mind is right now….I am new to this and even tho I am sure I have dealt with bipolar in my past and didn’t know what it was It surely wasn’t with the man I want to be with for the rest of my life…ya know…anyhow if you are interested in chattin with me leave a note on this page and I will put my email down for you…..thanx…..christiebbygrl@aol.com thanx again…and you don’t have to if you don’t wanna….