Hi,
I just wanted to write today about something that’s been bothering me.
You see, I get a lot of emails from people who just complain a lot about being supporters of
a loved one with bipolar disorder, about how it keeps them from doing the things they want
to do, and having the life they want to have, etc., etc., and that bothers me a real lot.
I’ll tell you why that bothers me so much. Because they don’t have to be that way.
I know someone else who is a supporter, who never seems to complain about it at all! She just goes along with her life as if she doesn’t even have a problem at all with being a supporter!
And she just has the best attitude of anyone I’ve ever seen. She has this real positive attitude, not like the complainers I get who have a real negative attitude about everything.
Which person do you think I would rather talk to?
You’re right!
Because the second person lifts me up when I talk to her, and makes me feel better.
So we have two different people, both supporters, both with the same set of problems.
So what’s the difference between them?
Their attitude!
I talk to many supporters about this. I talk about how you need to have a positive attitude, or it will just bring you down, and then nobody will even want to be around you. Your own health and well-being will suffer, and stuff like that.
In other words, it just isn’t healthy for you to have a bad attitude or to complain about being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder.
So let’s look at the second supporter. If she has a bad attitude at all, it’s against the disorder itself.
I had a chance to ask her how she keeps her attitude so positive while being the supporter
of a loved one with bipolar disorder.
Here are some of the things she told me:
She says she’s not going to let the disorder rule her life – that she is the one who is going
to be in control, not the disorder.
She says that she has a choice in how she feels, and she chooses to feel positive.
I’ve asked other supporters about it, too, and here are some of their answers:
1. Separate your loved one from their disorder.
2. It’s ok to hate the disorder, but still love your
loved one.
3. Think about your loved one and how they are
when they are NOT in an episode.
4. Stay close to your loved one, so that they feel
your support.
5. Have your own support system, too.
6. Take care of yourself.
7. Do things that are fun for yourself.
8. Have good communication with your
loved one.
9. Make sure you have a life of your own,
too, or you might get swallowed up in
your loved one’s bipolar disorder.
10. Not everything is an emergency.
11. Take things as they come.
12. Live One Day at a Time.
13. Try to see the good in every situation.
14. Keep a positive attitude.
Well, I think those are some pretty good responses, don’t you?
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Thank you. I wish all bipolar supports were required to read this. I have bipolar and live to the best of my ability. But when the people around you want to whine and complain about everything I do, it brings me down and that only causes more drama. Someone who is neutral helps keep me stable because they give you the impression that everything you do is, well, whatever. And someone who is always happy or positive tends to make me feel positive, happy and willing to try to do better for myself and my family. Thank you for all you do to help others understand this vile condition.
I support my daughter who has bipolar and it does not stop me from having a life. In fact I have more of a life now, in order to have the mental and emotional energy to support her.
The 14 things listed above are the attitudes that I have slowly learned over the last 3 years. It has to be done for my sanity.