Christmas, Holidays, problems and bipolar disorder
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Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
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Hi,
How’s it going?
Hope you are doing well.
Before I get started, I have gotten
a lot of people asking about the
weight loss program for those with
bipolar disorder and whether it’s still
open.
It is.
If you have bipolar disorder and need to lose
weight, check out:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/50people/
Okay, I am going to talk about how to handle
problems and bipolar disorder today.
If you are doing well and don’t have problems,
that’s great. I am super happy for you. But,
please bare with me because there are thousands
of people on my list that are struggling
with bipolar disorder whether they are bipolar
supporters or bipolar survivors.
So, if you are doing well, just read this for
future reference.
Yesterday I sent a daily bipolar disorder
email about a woman who had plumbing problems
and how she dealt with it. It’s a great bipolar
lesson. If you missed it, take a look at my blog
below to read it.
Anyway, right after I sent that email, I couldn’t
believe it.
I seriously had like 8 problems of my own.
It was amazing. Problem after problem came
my way.
Then I looked in my email and saw a few people
that were local to me that were dealing with
bipolar disorder are having huge problems.
One of my friend’s wife has bipolar disorder,
filed for divorce and is destroying him
legally (she got a huge inheritance and now
has hired a team of mean lawyers to make his
life a nightmare.)
Then I checked my voicemail and someone
that’s one of my coaching clients left me
a message that his wife’s doctor has vanished
and his wife is going into a major bipolar
episode.
I also have been noticing that people that
had huge problems with bipolar disorder, both
supporters and survivors, in 2005, and
who didn’t have them in 2006 now have them
today. I saw names of people rejoin my mailing
list or get some of my materials that I haven’t
seen in a long time.
Again, so here I was. I had a ton of problems myself
and so did lots of people that I knew who were dealing
with bipolar disorder.
Oh, let me explain what my problems were so
you are clear. They were
all business related NOT related to bipolar
disorder. BUT they were big problems.
I decided to actually pick up the phone and
check on my mom. I was thinking, “Geeze, the
worst thing would be if mom was not doing
well today that would be the worst because
I have all these other issues.”
So I called and she sounded fine and was
actually doing great. I can tell within
a few minutes if she isn’t doing okay
but she sounded okay.
She then told me what time to come over
for Christmas.
I was relieved.
This entire time, I was thinking, “well at
least she is doing great, it could be way
worse, she could be in a major bipolar
episode along with all these other issues
I have to deal with. But she wasn’t.”
So I was sitting at my desk thinking, “I can’t
believe it’s Sunday and I have to deal with
all this. It’s not fair.”
Then I caught myself and said, “what a loser
attitude I have.”
Then I was like, “well you’re really tired
because you stayed up late last night, so
it’s okay to have a loser attitude for just
a few minutes. But only a few minutes.”
This is seriously what I was thinking. Some
people ask me if I write is true. It is. But
when I write how I think, I run the risk of people
thinking I am out of my mind because I write
exactly what I think so that others can learn
from it and say, “hey, I think just like that
so I am not crazy.”
Anyway, after a few minutes of complaining
to myself and having a “loser attitude”, I
decided to take action.
I’ll tell you what I did and how it relates
to bipolar disorder in a second.
The first thing I did was get up, get something
to eat. Something light. I actually had a shake.
Like I always do. You can’t fight the good fight
on an empty stomach.
Then I started to think to myself, “Today is going
to turn out fine, I’ve dealt with worse and I can
handle it.”
Then I made a comprehensive list of all the problems
that I was facing and organized them in most important
to least important. I then looked for problems that
didn’t require immediate attention and maybe would
work themselves out.
Then I looked at each one and started to think
of a solution. I also contacted people who
worked for me for help coming up with a solution.
For problems with no immediate solution,
I skipped them and had faith that something
would happen that would fix or work it out.
Then I took action and worked to implement the
solutions.
Then I called the people that had problems that
were related to bipolar disorder and told them
how I handle problems. I worked with them to
brainstorm solutions. We did.
It took several hours and it wasn’t the most
fun I have had on a Sunday but when it was all
said and done. I resolved most of my problems
and so did everyone who contacted me.
Then I was thinking how many people on my list
have problems today with bipolar disorder and how
many will handle it in the following way:
-get mad
-think it’s not fair (like I started to in my story
above)
-Not try to think of solutions
-Not take any actions on any potential solutions
-Give up
-Not ask for help
-Not seek out any information that can help
-Think there is no possible solution
We use to think like that with my mom’s bipolar
disorder. Actually for many most of my life.
But I am here to tell you, you can get through
even the worst of times when dealing with
bipolar disorder.
Remember when it comes to bipolar disorder:
No problems are really unique. Others have
gotten through with the same or far worse problems
There’s always a solution even if there appears
to be no solution apparent.
You can’t just do nothing and believe your
problems will go away
Don’t beat yourself up for making a mistake
that you don’t think you should have made
If you get my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
You’ll notice that I have solutions to many
of the problems you have for bipolar
disorder. Several people have said to
me, “I can’t believe how well your stuff
works.”
Why? Well it’s because I use my own stuff. I had
to use it. Because I am really dealing with
bipolar disorder. My mom really has it.
And when it comes to the material on
bipolar disorder, it’s the result of a ton
of research and putting together solutions
based on how real people deal with real
issues that have bipolar disorder.
I think however the number one most important
thing about dealing with bipolar disorder problems
is your attitude. I remember reading things
in books on success saying that attitude is
so important. I remember thinking that it was
such a lame thing to think. But these days,
I totally believe it.
People with a positive, can do, it can be
fixed, it can be conquered, I can beat bipolar
disorder, wind up handling things and coming
out on top. People who have a horrible attitude
don’t.
Now that I have so many people on my mailing list
and know so many people who are dealing with
bipolar disorder, I can honestly say this is the
case.
Okay well I have to go. I actually still have
to get one more gift today and I have a bunch
of work to do.
Catch you tomorrow morning on Christmas. Have
a great day and don’t eat too much.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my Free blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my Free podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
I have ruined so many holiday seasons for my family over the years. This is the first year I can remember when I didn’t have a major episode at Christmas time!!!
Thank you lord for giving me the opportunity to enjoy the season with my loving family. I can’t explain why no bipolar monster this year, but who care as long as I am at peace with my world.Easy does it,relax, laugh, love. That’s all…………….Peace to all who are not as fortunate this year.
Dear Dave,
I love every one of your emails. Many times I say, How did you know that was happening right now. Thank you so very much.
On another note, Do you have any thoughts or information on rambling. My husband has bipolar disorder and he is in a bad episode currently. He keeps rambling on and on-he does not stop talking and also what he says, it hardly makes sense.
Please Help.
Thanks,
Dawn
Dear Dave,
I am glad that I have found your website. I am having difficulty right now during the holidays. I am feeling lonely, even though I’m living with my parents after a bitter divorce. I am a 39 year old female, who wonders if I will ever have a home and a family of my own. God Bless you for taking care of your mother.
Holly
THREE MONTHS AGO I WOULD SAY THAT WHO IS THIS DAVID OLIVER. TODAY I AM SCRAMBLING BECAUSE A VIRUS ATE ALL MY MEMORY. I HAVE BEEN SAVING EVERYTHING THAT DAVID E-MAILED FROM 10/22/2007. IT HAS BEEN A GREAT SHOCK TO ME AND MY WIFE. EVERY MORNING MY WIFE AND I WOULD GO OVER MATERIAL DAVID E-MAILED. THAT WAS THE BEGINNG OF MY CHRISTMAS. MY WIFE FULLY EXPECTED ME TO GO BIPOLAR ON THE FAMILY BUT TO EVERYONE SURPRISE I DID NOT. ALL MY THANKS AND MY WIFES THANKS GOES TO YOU DAVID OLIVER. CHRISTMAS UNDER IDEAL SITUATION IS HARD FOR THE BIPOLAR BECAUSE OF ALL THE EMOTIONS THAT ARISE FROM THE WEEKS LEADING UP TO THE EVENT.I CAN REMEMBER HORRIFIC INSTANCES TO VERY WARM AND FUZZY DAYS IN MY CHILDHOOD. IT IS A SO FAR A HOLY AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS THANKS TO YOU DAVID JAMES
Dave,
Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Implementing your strategies in handling and sorting problems will really help me recover from my stress related disorders. I appreciate this. Please call me again. I have not spoken to you since I have been diagnosed with 3 stress related disorders. Thanks.
LaLa
Dear Dave:
I’ve been getting your e-mails, and so has my boyfriend (a wonderful man who takes his role of bipolar supporter seriously, makes it his business to educate himself about my illness, and has stood close by me through some very tough times this year). I’m glad to say that I’m stable at this time, and look forward to a wonderful Christmas with loved ones.
Just wanted to take this time to THANK YOU for what you do. You make a big difference in a lot of people’s lives, including mine.
I hope that you, your Mom, and your family have a very Merry Christmas and many blessings in the New Year.
With gratitude and affection,
Sue
Hi David, Merry Christmas! Yes a positive attitude has a impact on the outcomes of the problems, it is not always easy. I think if you stay positive it also keeps you healthy. I sprial downhill so fast it is hard to keep my head up, while at the same time I am trying to keep up with my head. Thank you for all your hard work, I do not know how I would have accepted the fact I was sick, and I would not take the meds if there was no you. I am alone with my kids. I count on you for support, you are a angle.
Merry Christmas David,
Karen
Dave,
I’m so glad that I’ve started to receive your emails. I was officially diagnosed with BP on 7/24/06. I really have no support system. My family doesn’t believe that I have it and they think that I’m just fickle, moody and funny acting and choosing to act the way I act. I’ve always known something was wrong but I didn’t know what it was. I just would be angry, depressed and agitated all that time. Anyway, I’m having a hard time this holiday season. My family and I are at odds and they are not speaking to me. It’s not in particular to the BP, but it might as well be. So, I spent Christmas alone and I don’t think I’ve ever been so miserable, lonely and bored in my life. Is it wrong to start to think of things that will make me happy? Next year, I think I might want to be out to town but my family thinks I’m very selfish to do that. What do you think?
Hello,
I was wondering if I could have your advice on some things. I feel left out in the cold here and I don’t know what to do. If I could just have a minute of your time, my e-mail address is crazybeautifulva@aol.com. I’d like to know your advice.
Thank you
Dave – as much as I believe “attitude” is important, as a bipolar survivor – I can have the best attitude – and something still will go wrong. There’s a lot of talk these days about an “attitude of gratitude” and I hold onto that. It is especially important this Holiday Season…
I am grateful that I have passed another year without a manic episode. As others know, it is a daily struggle to keep everything “together,” and sometimes just plant a smile on your face and go into the world feeling “normal.”
I know one bipolar survivor who, when asked “How are you?” always says enthusiastically, “Fine!” But – I KNOW he’s NOT. He’s a rapid cycler, and suicidal, who stays “normal” ONLY while smoking grass. That has become his “stabilizer,” and without it, he becomes, literally, a “raving maniac.”
I also know several people who DON’T have bipolar disorder who are the same way. Their lives may be sooo messed up they don’t know whether they’re “coming or going,” but they paste this abnormally glowing smile on their faces, and present themselves totally “normal” to the world.
It’s TOUGH to “paste” on that smile some days, when you just want to pull the covers over your head and refuse to do ANYTHING. But – that’s NOT living. And bipolar survivors HAVE to DO something. And – that’s to have a “go-to” attitude that gets them through the day…
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. My prayers are with you.
Dave:
Have been receiving your newsletter and info for some time now.
Neuorbiological conduction disorders run in my family; everything from bipolar disorder to seizures and heart arrhythmias.
My 28 year old daughter had early onset bipolar disorder, which of course could not be diagnosed until she was at least 18. This resutled in her being given Prozac; then punished by abruptly having it taken away; then being warehoused in the juvenile system. When traditional therapy and antidepressants without a mood stabilizer didn’t work, I was forced to file incorrigibility charges or face medical neglect and endangerment charges if my daughter committed suicide or got into serious legal trouble. We were constantly moving when she was unable to maintain in school, and I lived under the constant threat of legal problems or jail over it all.
My daughter overdosed on cough syrup at 14, trying to either get some sleep after running full speed with no sleep for days, or commit suicide to end the torment. She didn’t care which. She was then punished by being sent to a children’s home for a year.—By
16, with no treatment available for the torment of this illness, my daughter learned that pot and alcohol would initially slow things down enough to be tolerable when manic.
In December 2000, my daughter experienced the first of the worst of her manic/psychotic episodes. With the DX acknowledged, we finally had hope that she would have a chance to live a pretty normal life.—We couldn’t have been more wrong.—Seems that once a child is left untreated and left to his/her own means to deal with this illness; once self-medicating comes into play, whether through precription drugs, alcohol, or illegal drugs, there is NO treatment in her area for dual DX.
After seven years of being given the run-around at the community mental health center, (daughter an adult, so I could not force treatment elsewhere, and it generally was not available, or doctors had no clue how to treat this illness; or the doctors would prescribe narcotics, resulting in addictions relapse), I ran across some interesting articles and info online. I found a newsletter from this particular facility that told why they would not and could not treat dual DX, though they still advertise treatment for dual DX in pamphlets and brochures, and online. They had beeng oing through the motions for seven years with NO intention of actually ever really treating my daughter. Turns out every facility that treated my daughter in her early years, except one hospital, was affiliated with this community mental health center; partners, owned by, or in same managed care network that goes by the same policies.—This particular facility practically owns the county/state where my daugher lives. They have to be the ones to have a person placed in residential or supervised living arrangements. They are where people in drug court are ordered to go; under contract with CPS and the judicial system.
Since ’99, there have been three children born, all with birthdays within a few weeks of each other; Sept.-Oct., and another on the way—early Oct. Though we finally got my daughter in with a private psychiatrist, the dr. is an hour and a half drive from my daughter’s home. Though my daughter has done better than she ever has for almost a year now, the dr. and staff have no idea when my daughter is cycling; the signs, etc. (My daughter was jailed last year in December after another suicide attempt. The county was calling begging me to come and bail her out of jail, knowing she did not belong there and that they did not have the means to obtain proper treatment for her. I spent two months up there working on it.)—I can only hope that this child will be the incentive my daughter and this boyfriend need to ensure that she stay in tratment and on her meds; that they do their best to ensure as normal a life as possible for this child. (Oldest child lives with his father, second one adopted in an open adoption arrangement, and the third about to be adopted by paternal grandmother in an open adoption arrangement).
Knowing how my daughter thinks; the prospect of losing her third child to this illness, it was no surprise that she was once again pregnant right after Christmas.—And no one else saw the signs…For so many reasons, this time of year seems to result in her manic/psychotic episodes, and all these children with birthdays so close together.
I now live out of state. If I do not have a hereditary autoimmune disorder; I am also being tested regarding having developed a disorder from all the stress of so many years of dealing with all this and fighting the mental healthcare and legal systems. Tests reveal my immunity to minor illnesses is shot. I was born with one of the heart conduction problems and recently had a pacemaker implant. I am in no position to raise any of these children.—Arrangements had been made for the third child to be adopted, and my daughter had even chosen the adoptive family. Then the paternal grandmother, who has lupus and is in 2nd or 3rd stage liver failure; in no physical condition to raise this child, convinced my daughter she would help raise the baby. Knowing what would happen under the circumstances, and that I had no control over the situation; had done everything I could possibly do for my daughter, I went ahead with my plans for the move without her.—At this point, my husband is more than willing to move my daughter down here, provided she has a dr., therapist, etc., all in order. Even from a distance, I am still my daughter’s main source of support.
I spent years online researching this illness and trying to obtain proper treatment for my daughter. Though the situation is not ideal, we have come a long way, so there is still hope. And I have had to come to accept that there is only so much I can do; that no matter what is or isn’t availale through the system, it is ultimately up to my daughter to do her part to be as well as she can be, and maintain to the best of her ability.
There have been times as an adult my daughter has been set up by the system to fail. With my youngest grandchild currently in foster care, the legal system is once again involved. The system tried to force my daughter back to the facility that refused to treat dual DX and even told us flat out that they will not acknowledge or treat bipolar disorder.—I have saved all of my daughter’s letters, drawings, and records since she was a child. When this happens, knowing my daughter will finally succeed at killing herself if meds and treatment are, again, taken away, I have packets of these materials made up, and pull out or copy and send what I need. I send them to everyone involved in deciding my daughter’s fate, including the judges, to ensure that my daughter isn’t silenced in this manner.
The past, with the false assumptions that went into my daughter’s records, will haunt and follow us the rest of our lives.—I have had several heart procedures. With no DX of bipolar disorder allowed when my daughter was a child, I was accused of being a drug addict when I’ve NEVER done drugs in my life, never abused prescription meds, and don’t even drink. The little scars from the heart catheters were supposedly needle marks; anything for the mental healthcare system to cover their backs when not offering proper treatment for my daughter.—Wow! Talk about being set up by the system!—I was, again, accused of being an addict when my daughter prepared to come for a visit this past fall.
Anyway, my point is, just keep doing what you’re doing. Having the info available can help many cut through years of researching online, etc., possibly sparing some families and individuals what we have had to go through. Time is of the essence when dealing with this illness.
Thanks,
Nancy
To NANCY: I’m appalled by the treatment you and your daughter have received at the hands of mental health practitioners! I had something like that happen to me, under the care of a Resident at the University Psych Ward in 1970 when I was 22.
Because I was in a highly-disruptive manic episode, he decided the best way to treat me was to prescribe medication after medication to “subdue” me. Well, after two months of this, I lost my appetite and wasn’t eating. By Christmas, when they wanted to clear out the Ward for the Holiday, I weighed 78 pounds (5’9″). This DR told my Mother to put me “somewhere to die.”
She was wise enough to admit me to the State Mental Hospital, where a Filipino DR diagnosed me with pernicious anemia! With the help of Vitamin B12 injections 2X daily, megavitamins, vitality drinks 2X daily, and double portions of food in the cafeteria, by March I was discharged weighing 100 pounds!
I was diagnosed as bipolar in 1977 (but had psychiatric disorders since 1968), and am 59 now (I’ll be 60 in Feb.). My last hospitalization was in 1977, and I feel now I am a highly-functioning bipolar. It IS possible, with the proper treatment plan AND responsible mental health workers, to maintain and become stable with this horrible disorder.
My prayers are with you and your daughter. I only hope she can find peace of mind, and the ability to lead a fairly “normal” life. I also wish YOU peace of mind; for all you’ve gone through trying to get help for your daughter, it’s a wonder you’re not a “basket case” yourself! But – I admire ALL you’ve been through to get her help; sometimes the system just doesn’t work. I know your heart aches for your daughter and your grandchildren; I have heard the the Lord doesn’t give us more than we can bear – but YOU have reached the final point. I’m NOT telling you to give up helping your daughter – but – remember, you MUST take care of Number One; otherwise everything else will be out of kilter.
God bless you real good.
dave… i am, or was, engaged to a wonderful woman until just a few days ago. i am 49 and she is 47. she is bipolar and and currently being treated for a major episode. this has been a bad year for us. now, after 8 weeks of medications and counseling she has decided that she no longer loves me and broke our engagement. she says she doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t love me anymore. she claims she can’t get intimate with me. she still cares about me, just doesn’t want me around. she says i deserve better. she claims i am crowding her. she wants me and my 15 year old son out in 6 weeks. she said she will watch my son if i have trouble getting out. she IS a good woman. i am unemployed and claiming bankruptcy. i am trying to discuss things with her and she is starting to get mean. she also had a change in meds in the past few weeks. i see little hints that she still cares about me. she has called me every day from her job for the past 2 years, even after she said she doesn’t love me anymore. she has a stressful job and talks to me about it alot. i have considered myself her support person but last night she told me that she didn’t think i was. i love her more than anything, dave. i am devastated, my heart hurts like it never has before. we had such wonderful times in the past… i cannot stop feeling the pain. i am on a minor antidepressants but all i do is cry. i have sought some free help but it will be a week before i get any treatment. i cannot help thinking i am dealing with bipolar and not my lover. i have read much on the subject. i am frustrated, confused, depressed and very very hurt. the love i feel for this woman is immeasurable. i will not give up in her. i pray to GOD all the time. i just want the love that was there to be restored… i have had my heart broken before but this pain i feel now is absolutely the worst i have ever felt in my life. i love this woman so strongly, and she knows it. i have been by her side the entire way. i just don’t know how i will ever go on if she leaves my life for good. thank you for allowing me this moment.
sincerely…joe
dave… i am, or was, engaged to a wonderful woman until just a few days ago. i am 49 and she is 47. she is bipolar and and currently being treated for a major episode. this has been a bad year for us. now, after 8 weeks of medications and counseling she has decided that she no longer loves me and broke our engagement. she says she doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t love me anymore. she claims she can’t get intimate with me. she still cares about me, just doesn’t want me around. she says i deserve better. she claims i am crowding her. she wants me and my 15 year old son out in 6 weeks. she said she will watch my son if i have trouble getting out. she IS a good woman. i am unemployed and claiming bankruptcy. i am trying to discuss things with her and she is starting to get mean. she also had a change in meds in the past few weeks. i see little hints that she still cares about me. she has called me every day from her job for the past 2 years, even after she said she doesn’t love me anymore. she has a stressful job and talks to me about it alot. i have considered myself her support person but last night she told me that she didn’t think i was. i love her more than anything, dave. i am devastated, my heart hurts like it never has before. we had such wonderful times in the past… i cannot stop feeling the pain. i am on a minor antidepressants but all i do is cry. i have sought some free help but it will be a week before i get any treatment. i cannot help thinking i am dealing with bipolar and not my lover. i have read much on the subject. i am frustrated, confused, depressed and very very hurt. the love i feel for this woman is immeasurable. i will not give up in her. i pray to GOD all the time. i just want the love that was there to be restored… i have had my heart broken before but this pain i feel now is absolutely the worst i have ever felt in my life. i love this woman so strongly, and she knows it. i have been by her side the entire way. i just don’t know how i will ever go on if she leaves my life for good. thank you for allowing me this moment.
sincerely…joe
To JOE: I feel for you and your current pain, and KNOW how devastating this major change in your fiancee must be for you. It IS true that some bipolar women, when they are in a manic episode, do and say things they ultimately come to regret – I know I have.
I hope she is getting therapy, and will soon acclimate herself to the new meds. Perhaps if you could see to it that she is hospitalized for this mania, all it would take is TIME for her to recover her “senses” and renew her love for you…
The operative word here is – TIME. I know right now, you can’t/don’t see the “light at the end of the tunnel” with her new behavior, and maybe she really BELIEVES she doesn’t love you any more. I have a feeling that if you stay in the picture and TRY to do everything you can to keep the relationship REAL, she will come around. But – this, too, could be wishful thinking.
When I had my first nervous breakdown, I was close to being engaged to my boyfriend. I had a LOT of awesome things happening to me at the time. I got my dream job in D.C. in the Senate, was loving him, got my first apartment, etc., and went “balistic”: I cheated on him during the mania, BEFORE I entered the hospital, not once, but twice. By the second week I was in the hospital, I realized how completely WRONG I was; but it was too late – he came by to see me, and gave me a kiss I will never forget, and, without even saying good-bye – I never saw him again.
There is the possibility that she will feel about you the way she used to – just give it time.
My prayers are with you – hang in there.