Hi,
How’s it going?
Hope you are doing well.
Remember the movie, “What About Bob?”
Well, I was just thinking about it the other day. I was thinking about the plot — how this guy Bob, he’s just a regular guy (well, not regular, really, he’s actually pretty neurotic) – he is so afraid of everything that he goes to this psychiatrist to help him. The main theme is “Baby Steps.” (That’s the name of the psychiatrist’s book and the type of psychiatry he pushes.)
So I was thinking about it and thinking about you and how the two go together.
So this is how I see it: So much of the time I talk about the “heavy” issues associated with bipolar disorder and your loved one.
And maybe some of these things are too hard for you (or your loved one) to deal with right now.
Maybe your loved one has just been diagnosed, for example, or maybe they’re in denial, or maybe they are medication non-compliant, or maybe they’re just hard for you to deal with, or whatever.
So some of the things I talk about are hard for you to apply to your situation.
So today I want to talk about
BABY STEPS.
Celebrating small victories.
In my courses/systems, I talk in the very beginning about medication, setting up a strong support system, following a treatment plan, etc.:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
But it is in the implementing of these things that the small victories come, in the beginning (for some people, even in the later stages, as well!).
For example, if you’re struggling with your loved one just to get them to take their medication, and you finally “win the battle,” that is a small victory! (in the big scheme of things).
Or if you’re just trying to get them to get out of bed because they’re so depressed, and they’ve been in bed for a week… and then one day you’re able to get them out of bed (finally) – that is a small victory!
Celebrate small victories!
What if your loved one doesn’t want to go to their doctor’s appointment, but you talk them into it, or even go with them? That’s a small victory.
What if they don’t want to go see their family? But you convince them to let their family come see them? That’s a small victory.
What if they refuse to go to their bipolar support group one night, but you talk them into it by agreeing to go with them? That’s a small victory.
Celebrate small victories!
What if they go one month without an episode?
That’s a small victory!
What if they go 3 months without an episode?
That’s an even bigger victory!
So you go from baby step to baby step, and pretty soon you get to where you want your loved one to be.
And, along the way…
That’s right! You…
Celebrate small victories!
This is critical. So many people are looking for HUGE advances and progress. It generally doesn’t happen. Lots of little victories eventually cause one to win the war so to speak.
Even when I look at building this entire organization it was little steps that led to this organization being so huge.
So again, celebrate small victories.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
I have an appointment with my therapist today. I wanted to tell him it is just too much to have to do and remember. I just want to lay in bed and do nothing. I then read this article this morning before I was heading back to bed. What about Bob made me realize I do need to just go back to baby steps and start over. I guess there is always a new day to start over.MY therapist will thank you and I thank you.Keep up the good work. It helps me to stay on track. Thanks again for your time and concern for us bipolar people.
Thanks Mr. Oliver, so very true….I needed that.!!!!
Yes, David, this is so true. My granddaughter is almost 17 and has taken all these baby steps resisting them all the way. She was diagnosed 3 months ago, she now asks and has become responsible for her medicine. She admits to being happy. She is learning to control her anger. She looks forward to therapy. Her mother and her are beginning to enjoy each other. But the best baby step is her saying “I can tell a difference”.
David,
Very well said, Thank You for the Small Victories talk. I really needed this, I have been expecting for my daughter to take large steps into getting stable. As we all know with a 13 year old we should expect baby steps.
Thanks
Dave,
My boyfriend has bipolar, and was just seen & diagnosed by a psychiatrist in March 2008. He is 48 yrs. old & has been paying allamony (they have no kids together) for 15 yrs. He stopped paying, for the first time, this past spring, because he cannot afford it. He now has been served papers, to appear in court in 2 wks – for not paying. HELP!!!! Are there disability laws for bipolar disorder? Do you know any good lawyers to, represent him in court, that specialize in bipolar disorder?
Thank You!
Stacy
Dear David,
Just a note to thank you for all the emails you send. My daughter has recently been diagnosed with bipolar. She and I both look forward to reading them everyday…please don’t give up your mission…we need you desperately! I will order your course as soon as I can.
Thanks again and God bless and keep you,
Cindy
Hi David,
Thank you for the email. I look forward to it every day. My comments on Baby Steps is you are so right. It is very important for the person with Bipolar to celebrate all victories. Sometime we don’t have supporters and we are on our own. The Baby steps is what keeps me going. Thank you for your insight of People with Bipolar. I have two other disorders and I celebrate Baby Steps with them too. Take Care!!
You are right Dave. My small victories include not letting little things get to me for one whole day (never mind one week!), not arguing with my boyfriend for one whole week (hardly ever happens), going thru a week showering and bathing normally (when I’m depressed I don’t bother, even though I work!!), well, you get the idea. If the dog doesn’t pee on the rug for two days straight, well there’s another small victory. THis kinda goes along with the “be happy for what you’ve got” strategy. Both are really helpful for b/p sufferers like me.
Hi Dave,
I have been receiving your interesting daily emails for the past few weeks and reading them with joy. I signed on as a supporter of someone with bipolar disorder, since it crossed my mind that maybe my husband has this disorder. We have been through a difficult period and I really thought maybe he did have it. My husband had had a few slight episodes during the past six months, he had gotten aggressive and kind of depresive, and it was something recurred every week or two, but after a taquichardy he decided to change and contain himself, which seems to have made the whole lot of difference. He has been more positive, thus allowing me to feel better and work on my own self too. I hope we were just going through a difficult period and that nothing like that ever happens again, though I now know what signs to look out for and how to approach the subject in case it does repeat itself.
I wanted let you know that I feel I can have a little celebration and that these small celebrations are essential for wellbeing. I have followed a lot of your advice in the last weeks, and I believe this has helped me to understand and deal with my situation better, whether it be a depression or whether it actually turns out that he is bipolar (we still haven’t approached this subject).
I am also studying psicotherapy, and the information you have provided has been useful for that too. In the course we haven’t seen the particularities of different mental disorders yet… we are still looking at what is “normal”, but your advice has definetely helped me through this period.
Lets carry on celebrating! As you say: every little step counts, and its the sum of steps that takes us to the top. Like every piece of the puzzle is what makes the picture complete… thank you.
Merida
Thanks for the reminder. Our son, who will be 22 this month, is still at home (when he isn’t spending the day or night with a buddy) and taking his meds irregularly (when he is at friends he doesn’t take them) and so prone to outbreaks of overdrawing his bank account and degrading us in fits of rage. As long as he keeps the overdrawing up and spends money on smoking and overeating (beyond the meals and snacks we provide) he will not be able to move out on his own. It may not be a reasonable expectation anyway, but we at least want to be treated with respect and our simple rules observed (take your medicine, clean up after yourself, and go to work). However, he has kept his present job for about 6 mos. (a record) and is doing very well at it, locks up at night when he goes to bed last, and does come to us and apologize when he has been verbally abusive which indicates he can admit he was wrong). As 51 year olds, his father and I have begun to yearn for having our life as a couple back and not have to be financially responsible for most of our 22 year old’s needs so that we can make some needed home repairs and take some trips together as well as pay off some debts. I guess that has made us more impatient and less satisfied with baby steps. I think it is an innate reaction geared for emptying the nest and moving on to the next stage of our lives. It can be very difficult to have such natural and healthy urges and not be in a situation that allows them to be acted on.
MY DAUGHTER IN LAW WAS PUT IN JAIL TWO WEEKS AGO FOR VIOLENTLY ASSAULTING MY SON, THERE ARE TWO LITTLE CHILDREN INVOLVED…..I KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME SHE HAS BECOME VIOLENT, WILL IT BE THE CHILDREN NEXT…. YOUR ARTICLES ARE WONDERFUL, BUT CAN YOU HAVE SOME FOR THE VICTIMS OF BIPOLAR ABUSE, AS YOU ARE AWARE OF…..
Hi Dave
Thanks for the little message on small or baby steps. Really helpful. In essence its really being grateful for the little things in life…about everything, the sun, the sea, the stars, somebody´s smile on that day…and above all, not taking the Bipolar of your loved one to heart.
Love to all,
Cristina
I just read the messages on this blog and sympathise particularly with Angela. You know, sometimes we do seem like martyrs or idiots. I´m in the garden now, and he has been in bed all day!…trying to get him to come to the garden for a drink and relax…I get abuse. I really feel like to hell with it and baby steps at the moment. It feels like he does this to spite me, to bring my optimism down…well, its not going down. I will just have to ignore him and let him get on with his sleeping and …more sleeping!!
Not feeling empathetice with Bipolar at the moment. Sometimes I think it´s just some excuse to be lazy and to misbehave etc. 🙁
Good day!
You make me cry because in the last 2 weeks my loved one started again her medication, his first victory, we stop fighting, second victory, I’m giving more support and she feel better, 3er victory… etc
I love her and she is my victory.
Thanks !!
Hi Dave and friends
Bipolar is not easy as I am a sufferer for 17 years being in and out of hospitals and institutions for not fighting the illness, but I am sure if you have the support from family and friends you can only experience victory.
I sometimes feel that I am alone fighting a losing battle, but by with my own encouragement there is always victory. Those that have the support must be grateful, because there are many that have no family and friends and cannot even afford treatment or the service of a professional. Sometimes we seem to forget what we have and pity ourselves for most of the time and that is when depression steps in or you feel like you have no assistance in the house and that cause a manic state. We ought to take a stand and celebrate victory!!
THANK YOU DAVE
Dear Dave,
Thanks for your column and all you do. My currant issue has to do with my daughter. She lived with me from ages 12-17,was diagnosed as bipolar/ADHD wnt through several medications but was never verystable but not clear episodes either. In order to graduate High school she found a charter school for at risk kids which was a very good thing as she did graduate but she had to live with her mother(my ex), who is very anti the medical establishment and no longer followed up on medication, therapy etc. (for a time her mother did give her Fish oil–but is basically in denial that daughter has anything other than a social problem)Now my daughter herself is in denial that she even has a bipolar problem and when I talk to her about it it goes in 1 ear and out the other. She is 19 now and my time in loco parentis is over; both she, drs, and educators( due to HIPPA restrictions) cannot or will not take my input. As far as that goes its okay I have enough of my own issues (no job, losing my house, epilepsy,probable cyclothymia, etc). But I would like to be more proactive re my daughter instead of waiting for the “big Screw-Up”. I know I need to be more “proactive” re myself so I’ll be capable of helping her(my daughter) when she needs it. Wow, when I started writing this I was thinking what baby steps I could use to help my kid but ironically ( while this is still true) I see I am the one in need of baby steps. I guess it is easier to feel good and be focussed about helping my family than myself
Before we walk, we crawl. After being diagnosed with the stigma of “mental illness” at 20, I thought my “normal” life was over. It HIT me – I was NOT “normal” any more.
I had to “crawl” for 30 years, until I got the help I needed at the local Community Mental Health clinic. I am now on the right “cocktail” of medications, see my psychiatrist regularly, and go to cognitive theapy twice a month. Once you regulate your life with a viable treatment plan, all it takes NOW is “baby steps.” I celebrate those days when everything goes RIGHT; it’s hard to feel good when everything works against you.
I rely on my faith to get me by; if, when I’m driving, I hit all the green lights – that’s a reason for “celebration!” If, when I push the button for the elevator, it immediately opens, that’s another reason for celebration! So, you see, it doesn’t take a MAJOR reason to celebrate; just look around you at the “little” things, and thank God you’re still alive…I know that in a depression, you don’t feel that way, but when you’re in a stable position, you CAN/WILL see it that way.
Thank you, Dave, for another insightful email; I shall continue to “celebrate” the “baby steps” EVERY DAY!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
THANKS AGAIN DAVE THAT ONE WAS VERY GOOD CONSIDERINGTHE LAST TWO DAYS YOU HAVE HIT RIGHT ON WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE WITH MY SON.HE TAKES HIS MEDS BUT HE STILL HAS A REAL BAD BEHAVIOR I WONDER IF HE TREATS OTHER LIKE THIS WHEN IS AWAY FROM HOME. HE WORK 40 PLUS HOURS A WEEK.BUT IT DOSE NOT MAKE IT ANY EASIER ON MYSELF MOST OF THE TIME HE SEEMS TO BE MAD AT THE WORLD WE STILL NEW AT ALL THIS EVEN THOW HE HAS BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE HE WAS ABOUT13 AN GROW UP IN A VERY DISFUNTION HOME SO I THOUGHT IT WAS THAT AS HE WAS GROWING UP BUT HE IS STILL THE SAME , HE TAKE HIS MEDS BUT I DONT THINK THY ARE THE RIGHT ONE AN SAYS HE IS NOT GOING BACK TO THE DR. DONT NEED THE MEDS AN I HAVE TO SAY SINCE HE HAS BEEN ON THEM HE SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED NOT ALL TOGRTHER FOR THE BEST VERY UN HAPPY . AND IT IS VERY HARD TO LIVE WITH IS THIS ALL NORMAL . I FEEL LIKE IVE MADE A MISTAKE GETTING HIM ON THE MEDS BUT YET I KNOW HE NDDE SOMTHING SO AGAIN THANK YOU FOR THE INSIGHTFUL EMAIL IT HELPS AN IF YOU HAVE ANY RESPONSE TO THIS LETTER PLEASE DO I KNOW YOU VERY BUSY EVERY ONE WANTS A PIECE OF YOU THANKS DAVE TINA
Dave,
I thank my Wife, Lori for helping me to find You and Your information. 🙂
We both thank Heavenly Father for You and your devotion tohelping others.
I am 45 years old and have dealt with a parent in denial of Bipolar all-my-life. My father still deals with my mother’s bipolar episodes.
When my wife sent me the link to your site and information, I began to read, and read all-the-way to the bottom. of the HTML page.
From the first paragraphs it was like you were describing my mother word for word. I then shared the information with my father and later asked him about his thoughts on your bipolar web site information.
My dad said, “Wow that just about describes what I went through 2 years ago with your mother.” He was describing a Major Manic episode my mother put us all through. — Thank you Dave! — Best Regards, Dee —
David,
I still do not know if my Daughter has this condition or not. She has had a lot of the symptoms and this has been going on for years now. She is not behaving at all like the Daughter that I raised in my home.This is like a whole different person!!!She is in her 50ies. Her behavior changed after some violence in end of a 22 year old marriage and then subsequently three auto accidents in a row in less than 2 years. I have wondered if there was damage to the Central Nervious System. My grandson, age 25 is living with her and between him and myself and her sporadic job situation she has been able to stay afloat. She refuse to confide in me and has been alienated from me for over a year now. When she stayed with me for a while she would get up every morning and go in the Bathroom and CUSS ME OUt. That was hard enough to cope with. A small break through recently when she finally sent me a forwarded e mail. My grandson has been a go between and it is hard on him too. She was in a mess last April and when I sent a long letter and a great photo album to her father ( who is very well off) to get her some help then she got angry at me. I was then recouperating from a broken hip and heart attack at age 78. She as been un civil, angry, hateful and non-communicative since then and using the some excuse that I was ” not minding my own business. I was so frustrated as I just could not come up with enough money to help her so she would not be homeless. Otherwise I would not have asked her Father for anything.Anyway, I have been gradually trying to help my grandson realize that his Mother could be Bi Polar. I must get your book soon as I must get better informed about this myself.
You are right! Small victories generate IMMENSE satisfaction and wonderful encouragements!
Baby Steps = Builds motivation.
Thank you
Hi David, I agree with small baby steps, but find coping really hard as in my husband’s family the disorder has come down the line from mother to son and son to daughter to grandson. We now have the difficulty of coping with a cod bpd mother in law, one son, two daughters and one grandchild.
At the moment my father in law is 84 and very ill in hospital after a massive haemorrhage from the bowel, my mother in law has bp ocd-hypochondria and will not give him the attention and nursing he needs and is not on medication as she is in denial, Lord have mercy on this family. I ask you all to pray for them with your whole heart as its uncontrollable. Thanks for listening [ I have too many babies to keep track of so, no baby steps for us at this stage]. Love Suleen.
i have been struggling with my son (14 now) for the past three years trying to find the right combination of meds that would stabilize him. he seemd to get continually worse this past 6 months until we had a “melt down” and he threatened me. Now I know that under his “normal” circumstances he would never hurt anyone especially me but this really scared me. Since i started receiving David’s emails, I have read over and over the need for a strong support team. Well up until about three weeks ago that team was me. After this last incident with him, I knew I needed help so I made an appointment at one of our local psychiatric hospitals for him to be re-evaluated and start counseling. Since then he has seen his counselor three times and the new meds dr once. The first thing the meds dr did was take him off the med that was causing him to gain so much weight and be so “zombie-like”. he was on the new med regimen for three days before we left for our family vacation. I didn’t know how he would react to this med change. I was so excited to see that after only three days of dropping the one med and increasing another that he was more alert, less hungry, less irritable, and back to his ornery self. The meds had taken away his personality and I was and am moved to tears to say that I have my son back. Not only that he is responding favorably to his counselor and feeling really good about his new team. i know that we won’t always have this smooth but just having him back means so much and I know that we, the team, will continue to help him with small but wonderful victories. Little steps means soooo much! Sunni
Hi David. I’m not sure if you will get this or not, but I have a quesiton for you. How do you make someone realize that they need the help. I understand what you meant by talking to this woman. I tell my husband things like that all the time. Be happy with what you have. You have more than most people. It’s not the end of the world. Etc. Etc. Etc. My husband has many issues that keep him from being the man he can be, (at least at home). He is great with work and customers, but not in our relationship. I have tried to get him to see a counsler, therapist, whatever it takes to get him to deal with his issues. He tells me he can fix himself. So, how do you get someone to actually get help? I know it is their decision, but I can’t stay around if he isn’t willing. I have had to put up with a lot, and I can’t do it much longer. What do you suggest? I think he is bipolar. He has anxiety issues, ocd issues, fears, etc. It is killing our marriage of almost 9 years, and it is effecting our kids as well. If you have any kind of suggestion, I am open. Thanks Jessica
Hi, I am not sure if, I am suppose to be writting about my issues, but I need to. I am having a really difficult time right now. I have been searching for jobs, I do have my education and just finished another degree. I am feeling very pressured, full of rage, and my boyfriend is sick of it, I do not want to go to the doc, for her to say maby you need to try this or maybe it is comorbid. I am on my moodstablizer, and antidepressents, I was feeling so amazing the other day, I just need some advice please
Hi Dave
Sometimes I just cant read your mail but I go back and read them.