Good Morning David!
I look forward to your emails every day! My friend is the one who has bi-polar, she refuses to take any medication, is a diabettic. My concern is that she cuts me off with a statement like “I don’t want to talk about this any more” gets very angry, contends that I do not listen to her or am not paying attention. I have even sent her your emails, she says that she has been without meds for years and won’t even speak to her doctor about it. I never know what kind of mood she is in! Difficult for me in the sense that I have MS, with relapses that occur especially during the heat of summer. My friend has a car that has no air conditioning in it, but does not understand why I have trouble if I do out when she wants/demands to. She seems to have no sense of humor from any other side but hers, and when she says something that is hurtful and is questioned about it her reponse is “I was only kidding”.
Her money management is horrible, and I have suggested that maybe I could handle her payments ( she will go out and spend $100 on just things). I’m becoming tired of being shut down, told how I have a problem and she doesn’t appreciate it. She does not live with me.
She lives with her parents, her mom is a diabetic, I have taken care of her when her health is not good and they can’t convince her to do something about it, I don’t mind that, I’m a retired nurse, but my friend always has a complaint, like I’m yelling at her or not treating her with respect, have been told that if I ever speak to her that way that I will be hit!
I’m getting tired, have my own health to deal with, but this friend also needs much help, but her bi-polar is not going to cause me to have another open heart surgery!
Keep up the terrific work, you are appreciated, so appreciated. Your prayed for daily. Have a blessed day.

I am a huge sports fan as I was a phys ed teacher and Varsity coach for 18 years. I realize to pitch in, teamwork, and protect each other for the common goal of success for the team. I love reading your daily msg’s and very much would like to find a way to get involved in employment with your group. Nothing would satisfy me more than to work with poeple that have a common goal with the to find success with ourselves and others with Bipolar Disorder. How can I apply for a position? I would very much like to be a spokesperson or any other kind of positive advocate for this disorder that has controlled my life for so long until I finally was diagnosed. Now that I am taking the correct medications and seeing a therapist, this has been the most calm, clear, and joyful year that I can remember. I am not going to forget where I was, and stay positive with my success daily steps. Thanks David for being there , Anthony

As I thinke I said, I send your emails to my daughter to help her understand the nature of bi-polarism so she will better understand me. I don’t want her flying on a wing and a prayer when it comes to dealing with a mother who is bi-polar. But I also don’t like the idea of her having to run interference for me either. She has her own life to live and I respect that. At some point I should take some responsibility for my own behaviour and not leave it up to her or any of my other supporters to run interference for me. It’s just not fair of me to expect that of them. And I won’t. I don’t thinke I’ll ever come around to that type of thinking. That takes something away from me…………from who I am. I should accept responsibility for who I am and for my own behaviour………sink or swim. No one else gets this kind of admonition to be this supportive……….although we should be generically supportive of all those we love. Bipolar people don’t have an edge on needing support. Everyone does. Neede support, that is. At least that is my thought.

You give us all hope, though, David, that we can be strong and independent. Don’t take that thought away by saying we neede someone to run interference for us. Okay?

Blessings always
Ammi

Dear Dave,

This is to late for me , I wish I had found this site years ago. I am now divorced and I have lost the love of my life. For years I endured her wild mood swings and her smashing things in the house to show just how mad she was. She alienated herself from my family and her own, and somehow put the blame on me. To the point that it ripped our marriage apart. I once confronted her saying she needed to seek help for her anger management problem. Her response to me was she would rather be divorced. And two years later we were divorced. One week after I moved out of the house she moved another man in. and he just picked up where I left off. What I see is she is no more happier now with him than she was with me. When I go back to the house is see things like flipped over coffee table and black streaks leading out of the garage where she burned rubber off in some rage. My biggest concern is that of our children. And do closely monitor there well being. At the time I had not the financial resources for a long drawn out court battle to win custody of the children nor do I have the resources to pay for the programs that you offer. Any advice you may have would be greatly appreciated or if you know of any public assistance that may help me in dealing with her as far as it comes to the welfare of our children.

Sincerely, Pat

I agree with Christine. I have a husband who just had a major episode this past year. He has been medicated for years and due to the stress of his job, he blew out. Major depression, then three manic episodes. I need help just understanding how this doesn’t effect the supporter. I mean really a sense of humor can only take you so far.

Good Afternoon David
Just came home from church and read your e-mail
I look forward to each day to read your wonderful
words, you are in inspiration to me, and many others.
God Bless you for all you do.
Have a blessed day.
Thanks again for the great e-mail today

P.S. Did I ever tell you that we had a Son named DAvid
he was a wonderful man, but 5 years ago he was on a
4 wheeler and was killed by a train. Its been a real difficult
time in my life, He had just turned 45 years old.
But with my wonderful family and with God I have been able
to get thru this tragedy. But the pain is always there.

Thank you, David for your daily mails which are getting me through a really rough time at the moment. My partner ( bi-polar but only diagnosed for depression) went awol in a major episode almost 4 weeks ago now. I don’t know where he is or with whom, can only pray that he is still alive and will come home again eventually.Please, people out there, send us some positive thoughts and pray for him! Thank you all!

What if my supporters play for the wrong team? What if they do actions against me (like trying to legally find out how to have me committed), telling me one thing and doing another thing behind my back, and mostly being abusive, rather than supportive?

Please tell me how I get off the wrong team? How do I find a better team? Or should I just quit playing? Maybe I am no longer good enough to be a quarterback or throw the ball? Perhaps I should retire or play golf, instead?

Hi David, I just read your letter. I am the supporter for my son. My son is a very strong young man, and when he gets mad and is in an episode, he becomes very angry and does gets violent. I do not know exactly what to say or do when he gets like that. It scares me to death because he takes everything out on me and gets so violent. I love my son and I don’t want him getting into trouble because the police are terrible and too rough on people even when it is getting just a ticket. I couldn’t go through that. So I need to know a lot more on how to support a BP person. I read all your letters and I think you are doing a fantastic job of helping all these people. Thank you so much, God Bless You, Vicky

Hi Karen

Yup, I feel the same – better to have no support than bad support.

A suggestion: Don’t use the self hypnosis CD – go to a good (stress “good”) hypnotherapist, get him/her to teach you some relaxation techniques, and maybe to drill down to sort out some of the psychological stuff that gets mixed into the BP. (It happens!) Then get them to develop a tape bespoke to your needs. I find self hypnosis helps a lot for relaxation.

But I find the Phowa meditation better for giving temporary relief from the stresses than come from being a husband/wife/parent/debtor/whatever as the visualisation for this method requires you to “see” yourself passing over from you present life to the next one, such that the hero greeting you from the other side – it may be Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, just a bright light – whatever floats your boat – who communicates that you should let go of those earthly concerns as you have no use for them in an afterlife, that you must let others deal with their own issues, etc.. It works quite well for me and I’m not een doing the meditation properly!

TRIED THEM ALL: Suzanne is right – I have also seen a change in your writing – it is clearer. more concise and well constructed. (I know about this stuff – I’ve got a Masters in Writing Studies! LOL!) It all goes to show your thinking is less muddled. You are getting through this bad patch … keep on going, kiddo! Keep on going! We’re all rooting for you!

To Glenn,

I don’t know you or your fiancee but I did the same thing during our engagement. He had known me and of my condition for 3 years and wanted to marry me anyway. I loved him too much to put him through the nightmare of my disorder so I tried to break it off after 2 months during a very suicidal period. Well it turned out that he did love me just as much and continued to be there for me and now we have been happily married for over 3 years.

My advice is continue to educate yourself about what you’re signing on for and remind her that every marriage has problems.

Dear Glenn:

I can tell you a little bit about what you’re facing right now – from the other
point of view – I’m the one who’s bipolar. I have had a very difficult year, with lots of episodes of very serious depression. I see a therapist, and I take my medications, but they don’t seem to make much difference.
I have situations in my life that make it very difficult.

My supporter is my boyfriend; we’ve been going out together for more than four years now (we don’t live together, but across the street). I love him so much and no one has ever been so loving and caring to me, and he understands about bipolar disorder. But there are times when I’ve felt the same way your fiancee does; I don’t like to be around anyone, I feel useless, and I feel like it’s unfair for my boyfriend/ supporter to have to deal with me. I don’t function well, and I feel like he should be with a woman who is sociable and who he can have a good time with. This goes on for a long time, sometimes. He refuses to leave me. Eventually I just gave up, realizing that he did love me, was committed to me, and simply wouldn’t leave me. So, we’re together – we talk and sometimes go out. But I still isolate myself a lot and have a lot of guilt because I feel he should be living a better quality of life.

I guess all I can say to you is to stay strong in your love for her, if that’s what you really want. But you should think about it, and realize that your life is going to be, well, “different”, at best. The relationship may or may not survive. I don’t know what kind of symptoms she has, but if she’s like me she just likes to be alone and feels depressed much of the time. That is not going to be easy for you to deal with for a lifetime. First, she should go back to the Dr. because the medications are obviously not working; maybe she needs a different type or an addition.
And she should be seeing a therapist. But some of us bipolars are treatment resistant, and bipolar really wreaks major havoc in our lives and the lives of those we love. Think about it carefully, and if you really love her and if you’re really ready to sign up for this kind of life, keep after her. Keep leaving the messages. Maybe send cards. If it’s possible, go to her house or apartment, just so she knows you won’t give up. I can’t guarantee this will work for you, but it did for my boyfriend and me. But you must understand – even if she gets out of this depression and acts more like “herself”, it will happen again.

Tried Them All:
You surely DO sound better… you write well and have a lot of wit!

Guys

With regard to home businesses. Dave may cover this word of caution in his course: Over 50% of all new start-up businesses in the UK fail in the first 2 years. (I know this because I used to work for a bank that made loans to business customers, a UK bank that is now on its knees because of the sub-prime loans debacle in the USA. Thanks guys!) I’ll bet it’s much the same in the US. And I’ll also bet that percentage is going to rise massively given we seem to be entering the Mother of all economic depressions. Apart from getting over-stretched with liquidity problems (that’s when you have stock for sale that you can’t shift at a time your outgoings exceed your income), probably the biggest reason for failure is jumping into a new business idea without first finding out if there is a market for it, or if you could possibly compete in that market anyway. So, in huge capital letters: DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE YOU INVEST YOUR MONEY IN YOUR BUSINESS IDEA. Think: What do I have to sell? Do I know enough about it to be capable of selling it? Is there a market for that product/service, or is it saturated? What price would the product/service have to be for the business to be viable, and could I compete at that price with other suppliers? Ask potential customers what would I have to do to make the product/service different from the competition, such they it will be more attractive, or that I may get a premium price for it (i.e. can you give the product a USP?) How are you going to sell the service/product, and what would that cost? Etc. Do all that and you *may* reduce the risk of the business failing, but you would *not* eliminate the risk altogether.

Of course, if you are *not* investing your, or anyone else’s money, there’s no risk except in losing your time, but you will increase your chances of getting an income, of maximising that chance if you still do that research.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails….. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a