Hi,
Do you ever read the comics? Specifically, do you ever read Peanuts? I love how Charlie Brown and Lucy interact. It cracks me up! lol But I always remember one thing about their interaction:
Lucy always called Charlie Brown “wishy-washy.” Have you ever known someone who was wishy-washy? That’s not someone who you could generally depend on, is it? Not necessarily someone whose opinion you would ask, either. Because they might be one way one day, and a different way another day. That’s how wishy-washy is. Not consistent. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today: BEING CONSISTENT. Because that’s what you need to be.
When you have bipolar disorder, there are very few things that you can count on being consistent. For example…You can’t even count on your moods being consistent from day to day.
And that can be very frustrating. So you seek consistency in your world. That’s why routine is so very important for your loved one. And why it will help them become stable with their bipolar
disorder. So they need consistency from you as well. The more consistent you can be…The better off your loved one will be. You just can’t be wishy-washy, in other words. They need to know that they can count on you. They need to know that they have your consistent support.
They need to know that they have your consistent understanding. They need to know that they have your consistent listening ear. They need to know that they have your consistent unconditional love. They need to know that whatever you do for them, that you will be consistent. Like I said, they need to be able to count on you.
However…They can’t count on you TOO much, or they will become dependent on you. And you do NOT want that. That would lead to a codependent relationship, which would hurt both of you and hinder their recovery. So you need to be consistent…But you also need to have a healthy balance between what you do for your loved one and what you expect them to do for themselves.
For example: You should set goals. You could have long-term goals (like a trip) and short-
term goals (like stable behavior for a given length of time). And just as you are consistent in your role as supporter…You can also require that your loved one be consistent in meeting these goals that you’ve set. Consistency will help them get to stability and recovery.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
Hi how are you – My exgirl and my son reads them all the time!!! so I know what you mean
Days going fine and I’m just happy she’s getting the right support that I couldn’t give her through some other source – it’s way she craved for some time now.
She’s a beloved angel sent from a Above; I hope this new man in her life doesn’t leave her twisted as way to many people counted on her and were not able to give her half what she gave them.
Amen and now I hear she’s transitioning (i know it was an evit spirit inspiring many ugliness out there but she’s found beauty once again)
short on time
hope it stays this way
I agree with this. I am a wishy, washy type of person
and I’m trying to figure out how to be consistent
Myself. Any advice?
to not be wishy-washy, i write things down and do my best to do them anyway. I’ve made people angry. thats there problem, not mine. I do my list even if my body, mind, and spirit do not want to do it. Sometimes I’m very unhappy as I do this, but at the end of the day i have accomplished something, and I feel secure and safe. I fell confidence in my self that I can face another day and do well again
oh, this was topic of todays fight with me and my gf (she has bipo). I am trying at my best to be constaint. and not be wishy washy. but she just to do not see that way.. (she is now maniac mood). well, life is. But I do love her anyhow.
Dave, your comment comes at just the right time. In spite of my daughter´s barefaced acts and attitudes I kept consistent in my love and support of her, her husband and their child. The thing is that now that she is about to divorce her husband, my bipolar sister Jill has become her adviser. My daughter told my sister in law, Mary, that it is Jill who calls her (apparently daily) and not the opposite.
My daughter and her husband have been married for two and a half years, and on another divorce intent a year ago, my other sister, Sally, and her husband, who she talked her problems with, didn´t encourage my daugter´s decision, as Jill has. She and the baby went back to her husband after a few days.
Since their marriage, the husband helped restore immensely our mother-daughter relationship and my daugheter´s relation to her elder brother, but now Jill seems to have influenced her against us.
When the couple informed me in 2009 and asked my opinion about their plans to marry, I told them that I thought it seemed like a blessing, given they receive the necessary aid. Neither he nor his mother, who was present, inquired about such aid.
For the first two years of their narriage they lived in my city (where she saw a psychiatrist), but moved to his family´s city, and have lived there for 6 months now. She plans to return to live with my mother, her grandmother, but my brothers and sisters oppose this idea because they think it might be too much for my mother, 88, who suffered a brain problem a year and a half ago.
My daughter doesn´t inform me as to whether she has had psychiatric attention; my sister in law, Mary, told me that both he and she said they had had therapies, apparently, family therapies.
If I talk to her husband she becomes even more distrustful of him, and resents that I do so. So, I don`t talk to him about these serious matters. As you can imagine, what worries me the most is the baby, 2, who is present at their arguments and problems.
I ignored my daughter´s condition, I had never even thought it existed. Regarding Jill, two of my brothers, Sally, and I simply thought and agreed she was spoiled and troblesome. After learning about bipolar disorder, I understand this is what happens to her; there are periods when she acts aggresively, she lies and slanders and defames others. But my daughter thinks I have every mental illness and those who criticize me are in perfect mental health.
Some months before marrying, before she was engaged to her future husband, my daughter went to talk to a psychologist I saw for two years eight years ago. When one of my brothers died of cancer, all of our family searched for forgiveness assistance from this psychologist. This psychologist was angry at her attitude towards me and told me that although she couldn`t let me in on their conversation, she had been quite clear and had disputed my daughter`s opinions, which were her grandmother`s as well.
My daughter left home to study abroad at 20, and lived and worked in different countries for 16 years. When she returned home, 3 years before marrying, she decided to live with her grandmother. She was asked by her last boss and counselor to take a vacation and was told that she might have serious relation and psychiatric problems if she did not receive professional treatment.
She told this to me months after being back and having suspended psychiatric aid. My mother got her psychiatric treatment a few months after being back home, but it was suspended after some months because the doctor moved to another country. My daughter said her grandmother said the doctor told her that my daughter was by then alright. Knowing my mother, the psychiatrist may have not said such a thing.
My daughter is expecting, as was expressed to me by one of my brothers and Mary, that I help her with money to get a place to live in my city. I am trying to receive advise from a psychiatrist as to how I can make sure that she will have the needed treatment. My psychologist sais that I should have a positive view in my mind about my daughter`s being healthy and that it is my negative thinking that may bring about her difficulties.
Your newsletters have given me hope and courage to face this situation. Thank you again.
Rose
Dave, this is Rose again. What do you think I could do?