Bipolar? You Don’t Have To Like It

Hi,

How’s it going today?

I hope you’re having a good day.

I have been having the worst time in the last few days dealing with a company I use for this organization called infusionsoft.

I can’t even begin to tell you all that went on yesterday. I spent about 8 hours on the phone trying to get things solved and figured out.

Anyway, my long running infusionsoft nightmare made me think about this topic today.

You know, we live in a country where there’s freedom.

And you’re probably just as grateful for that freedom as I am.

Many people have given their lives so that we could have that freedom – many still are, unfortunately.

But the US has many laws that govern it too, and we’re supposed to obey those laws.

There are penalties for breaking those laws.

It just has to be that way, right?

Or else everything would break down, and there would just be chaos!

I’m not preaching or anything, and I hope you agree with what I’m saying.

When we were little, we were taught that there are rules, and we have to obey them.

Our parents set down rules for us, and we were punished if we didn’t obey them, right?

Well, we had to obey them. We didn’t have a choice.

Some things we just have to accept in this world. We don’t have a choice.

Some things we just have to accept.

It’s like rules. We just have to accept them.

Well, it’s like bipolar disorder.

You just have to accept that you or your loved one has it.

But NOBODY said that you had to LIKE it.

Got that?

Yea, they say that you have to accept your disorder.

And I do teach in my courses/systems that you need to accept your disorder to manage it.
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You DO have to accept that you have bipolar disorder in order to manage it, in order to get stable.

But there is NO rule that says you have to LIKE it!

That’s not in the rule book!

What freedom there is in that!

That you can actually have the thought that you can accept the disorder but NOT LIKE IT!

I heard this young woman say that she deals with her bipolar disorder by separating herself from it.

She says that it’s easier to keep her own identity that way.

Like, she thinks of the disorder as a dragon, and she says she HATES that dragon, because she has to fight it every day.

But she can love herself, because she sees herself as kind of the damsel in distress that she has to
rescue every day from the dragon bipolar disorder.

It almost sounds like a fairy tale, doesn’t it?

With dragons and damsels in distress?

No, she’s not delusional, and she is very stable, as a matter of fact.

But she tells me that she HATES her disorder.

And I figure it’s ok for her to do that.

Because they say you have to accept your bipolar disorder, but they never said you had to like it!

That’s NOT in the rules!

Accepting your disorder, however you have to do it (not like how this girl does it is for everyone, each has to find their own way of coping with it) –

But accepting it is what you do have to do in order to become stable.

But asking you to like something like bipolar disorder is like asking someone with cancer to like their cancer!

Now, doesn’t that sound ridiculous?

Or asking someone with diabetes who, like us, has no cure, and has to take medication every day just to stay stable, if they LIKE their diabetes?

Ridiculous.

Do YOU like your bipolar disorder?

Supporter, do YOU like your loved one’s bipolar disorder?

You can accept something without LIKING it.

Agree or disagree?

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

  1. Dave – Of COURSE I don’t LIKE my bipolar disorder, but once I made peace with it, I learned how to manage it and follow a treatment plan like you have laid out for those of us on this blog. Religoiusly taking our meds, getting proper sleep, eating nutritious meals, etc., are all GOOD for me, BUT – they also hold true for those WITHOUT bipolar disorder. It’s about learning our triggers and sometimes tweaking our meds – man, whatever WORKS!!

    At this point in my life, I don’t even REMEMBER what I felt like WITHOUT bipolar disorder. I only know that when the diagnosis went from “manic depression” to “bipolar disorder,” I was SCARED. BUT – after awhile – with all the TV and media ads about dealing with bipolar – I began to see it as the “designer disorder,” or the “disorder de jour!”

    Yes – Big Pharma is making trillions off of us bipolars; why, even a month’s worth of Zyprexa was costing me $150/month, until I pleaded poverty, and my shrink began giving me samples!

    Just like diabetes and cancer, there are certain treatments and RULES of behavior that help one become stable with bipolar disorder. We just have to acknowledge – and accept – our diagnosis, and work with it. I AM unhappy to be bipolar, but – what’s the use in complaining and whining about it? I also have learned to be a more compassionate person, and to live my life more simply than before.

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.

  2. HI MENTEL HEALTH WORLD:
    No you dont have to like something, and yes you can accept
    things you dont like, its a bit like trying to forget about it. Or locking it away some were in your brain till the next episode.
    Take Care Linda x
    P.S Talking of freedom when you have a mentel disorder it feels as though you av no freedom that is why we pray for peace. x

  3. Hi, I am not the one with Bipolar disorder, my husband is. Sometimes I wonder if he has accepted this. He says he has. The problem is that that is not his only illness. he also has hypertension and diabetes. He is complaining daily about the meds. he says they make him sleepy. another thing is has been out of a job for 3 years. I think that he should get active, whether he does things in the yard at home or clean the vehicles. but he rather has the kids do that. He has been seeing a phychiatric doctor for 4 months now after he was diagnosed with this disorder. he also has a doctor whom he goes to for his other conditions. However the last time i went to this other doctor. the doctor did not even want to speak to me saying that what my husband had was not bipolar but that he had family troubles. I tried to explain to him that we had no problems at home but that when he is in his crisis he says and does all kinds of stuff. Sad to say the doctor told me he was not interested. I then decided that I would not go back to this doctor, However my husband did and the doctor told him to stop taking the meds for bipolar. that maybe then his pressure would regularize. Last nite, I heard my husband on the phone telling someone that the he has an appointment with the phychiatric doctor and that he hopes that the doctor takes him off the meds because he feels normal again. I try telling him that that will not work however, he always gets upset at me because he says I like to pic on him. I still notice that he does a few things that he would not normally do and he told me he hopes I don’t mention that to the doctor , because he sees nothing wrong with that. Anyone has any advise for me, please let me know.

  4. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    There are some things I CAN change, but there are other things I CAN’T change. I can’t change other people. It’s up to them to change themselves. And that’s only if they want to – I can’t do it for them. I can’t always change the situation around me. I can’t change the world, as much as I might like to sometimes. I can’t change things. Things just are the way they are. I can’t change the fact that mom has mental disorders. It’s just a fact. I may not like it, but I also can’t change it. The only thing I can do about things I can’t change is to accept them.

    “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at
    this moment.”

    I think that’s what it’s all about. Finding serenity, or peace of mind, in whatever situation I’m in.

  5. > >freedom.
    I guess real freedom is having the liberty to be yourself and express yourself
    >>you’re probably just as grateful
    > > for that freedom as I am
    Who is this guy selling you be grateful for your freedom?
    Yes we need to remember that our soldiers have made sacrifices
    and that we can be content with the state that our country is
    maybe if everyone was grateful it would make a difference
    So we buy a ONE dollar poppy and have a moment ONCE a year
    to remember the fallen, while the government spends
    MILLIONS on war EVERY single day
    >> RE; Laws; It just has to be that way, right?
    Well yeah we need some rules, but why are we always punishing people
    by excluding them from reality
    if someone does something wrong they go to jail
    for a few years, and worry more about not getting violated
    than really getting better
    Why don’t we spend more effort on improving people’s lives
    so that they don’t need to break the laws
    on caring for each other instead of deciding we are going
    to allow a select elite to repress us from getting ahead
    I think that nature’s laws and God’s laws are more
    important than our country’s laws.
    For instance, if the don’t like where you cross the street that’s jaywalking
    right? how many times a day is that silly law broken?
    dogs need to be on a leash right?
    so harmless little so called “toy” breeds have to be yanked around
    just so that pitbulls and dobermans and rottweilers don’t maul people
    but it still happens… people still get mauled
    we have all kinds of laws that don’t make any sense
    like I am allowed to smoke 11 feet from a door but not 10
    what difference does that make?
    is that right?
    i think it is nonsense, instead of worrying about what people can’t do
    why don’t we make some different laws?
    like laws that you can’t waste something useful AGAIN and AGAIN
    until the planet is carpeted in trash
    maybe they should have a fine for that
    > > Or else everything would break down,
    > > and there would just be chaos!
    Everything would not break down without laws
    Everyone would break down
    until we reached a crisis point and decided
    to change
    Without laws the sun would still rise
    God would still love us
    People would still be kind to each other
    and treat each other with respect
    not because they have to or else
    but because they genuinely wanted to
    people would have rules and form social groups
    and general morals like treat others like you want to be treated
    would still be followed
    there would be more smiles
    Without laws the rivers would still flow and give us fresh water to drink
    Chicken would still lay eggs
    The world would not stop turning without laws
    > > I’m not preaching or anything, and
    > > I hope you agree with what I’m
    > > saying.
    This guy is fear-mongering
    > > When we were little, we were
    > > taught that there are rules, and
    > > we have to obey them.
    When who was little?
    the thousands of babies aborted in China?
    they were little too
    The fetuses scientists test genetics on
    did they learn rules?
    The puppies that get bred and then killed and dumped in the landfill
    were they trained and cared for?
    I saw someone with their little girl on a leash at the bus station
    the other day
    What kind of world is that?
    that a parent is so fearful they put their child on a leash?
    what kind of rule is that to follow?
    How about the orphans of war in Africa?
    do they learn these “important” rules?
    > > Well, we had to obey them. We
    > > didn’t have a choice.
    BS. God gave us freewill
    There is always a choice
    > > It’s like rules. We just have to accept
    > > them.
    Oh really? Says who?
    > > Well, it’s like bipolar disorder.
    Not it’s not
    Rules when made properly, are an understanding between people
    A promise to try and act in a proper way.
    This has nothing to do with Bipolar.
    Bipolar is a DISORDER, an ILLNESS
    It is a cloud that blinds you from thinking first before expressing your emotions
    a malaise which makes you stop caring about anything except your sadness or your delusions
    a chronic disease which gradually erodes your mind, body and soul
    an overload of stress which make you nervous instead of content, poor instead of rich, sad instead of angry, helpless instead of included, suicidal instead of merely anti-social, and naive instead of wise.
    > > You just have to accept that you or
    > > your loved one has it.
    Not true.
    Thousands of people refuse to accept it.
    You have never had to accept it.
    You CHOSE to accept me instead of reject IT
    Thank You
    > > Like, she thinks of the disorder
    > > as a dragon, and she says she HATES
    > > that dragon, because she has to
    > > fight it every day.
    I like this. Dragons are a mythical symbol of destruction.
    What she has done is personalized her disorder
    She has determined that how her disorder makes her feel is awful
    and she hates it
    so she fights to discover ways to overcome it
    beautiful
    > > Do YOU like your bipolar disorder?
    no
    but it’s better than my Schizo-Affective
    that’s for sure
    😉

  6. I never thought of it that way before, that not liking bipolar is not in the rule book, how is that freedom? Can you explain more?

  7. Dave,I appreciate your emails so much.They are so helpful.
    No.I don’t like my boyfriends bipolar disorder…but I sure love him. Its hard to constantly remind yourself to separate him from the disorder but he is worth it and he need me to do that..
    I like what you had to say about it Suzanne,you have made a good point. Thank you.
    Thank you Dave for being here for us 24-7 you are a God sent.God Bless each person with this disorder and there supporter. May we each find away to separate our love ones from the dreaded disorder.

  8. I look at the effects that Bipolar has had on my daughter and I hate it with a passion: but we all gotta live with it Rachel will have bipola rall her life. Everyday I think of how my daughter fights its insidious nature and how she has begun to slowly turn the tide in her favour. She has so much courage:
    Yep there have beent terrible times when her BP raged out of control ( because we all denied she had BP including Rachel) but Rachel has turned to face the enemy, she no longer denies it exists inside her.
    WE all had to understand this enemy will never leave and thats just the way it is : there have been many times I have lain awake at night and blamed everyone and everything for my daughters fate- life isnt fair! but that did nothing to help her!!!!
    I had to take ownership of my own anger and frustration I figured if I let the hate and anger colour all of my responses to BP ( over my daughter being diagnsoed with BP) I would be a worse than useless supporter: so I had to accept it presence and that was that. you are right – we do have to accept the presence of BP in our loved one- it is our first line of defence – recognition and acceptance But the one thing that has kept me going during the dark times is that Biploar sufferers can recover and that is a fact!!!
    I love my daughter
    My daughter has had over 23 days of positive mindset with just a little set back the other day when she weighed herself and found dshe had put on 3 more kilos .My heart goes out to her – but just as she has been successful in beating the beast I believe she will be successful in taking back control of her weight. And I will be there for her
    Regards
    Shona

  9. To SCOTT: WOW, man, do you EVER know how to express yourself!! I really enjoyed reading your prose, which was so clear and precise. No, I DON’T like my bipolar, but I have the freedom to make that choice. I do beg to differ with you on one point, though. A world without rules would NOT be free. There would always be someone who wants MORE than what they’ve got, and would take it away from the weaker ones. With our mental illness, we would be lambs to the slaughter. I don’t “think” you’re old enough to remember Nazi Germany, but “mental defectives” were the FIRST ones to be experimented upon and led to the concentrtion camps. Just a heads-up. “All men are created equal, but some are created more equal than others.” (George Orwell, “Animal Farm”). BUT – keep writing; you could have a career as a freelance writer, and make a little “change” for yourself.

    To SHONA: I’m sooo glad to hear of Rachel’s progress! Such good news! Tell her that weight gain goes along with the program, and she could get on an exercise or diet program to alleviate that side effect. I’ve lost six pounds on Zyprexa in the last month; high metabolism and STRESS, I think 🙂

    To TRIED THEM ALL: I know how you must be feeling right now, with your Mom sick and all. But – remember, when we get to the end of our rope – just hang on!! I realize your depression “might” set in with all your stress, but you’re a VERY smart girl, and perhaps THIS time, you could avoid it. PLEASE see your psychiatrist/therapist and ask that your medications be tweaked, at least during this hard time. AND – let me know how you’re doing. I’m sorry all this has fallen in your lap, and it’s no picnic, but just be STRONG a little while longer, and, “pray to God” it won’t last too long.

  10. There are now 2 broadway plays involving “Mental Illness”. “Fringe” and even better …the musical “Next to Normal” !

  11. NONE who are labeled by a “psychiatrist” Have ANY rights.
    You are a Sick puppy indeed.

  12. DAVE;
    NONE who are labeled by a “psychiatrist” Have ANY rights.
    You are a Sick puppy indeed.

  13. I am married to a man for 37 years. He has accepted that he has bipolar, but does not accept the off the wall ideas that he gets as unrealistic. They are good ideas to him and I am the one wrong. I try talking to him. I point out the good and bad that will happen, but he ignores me. I am tired. I have fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, and am raising a 17 year old ADHD. I want someone to take care of me for a change. It is so hard to live with this, that I just try to get through the moment. There is no way that I like bipolar. I long for the man that I married. I have accepted that he is gone and I have to deal with this bipolar person.

  14. Thanks for reminding me that I don’t have to LIKE it. I dislike it a LOT. And even acceptance is difficult sometimes…because it’s a river I am swimming in –

  15. sooner or later one has to accept it in our loved ones..there isnt any choice..any other way out..however hard that is..after one has got over ones own denials and delusions..and thats when one becomes objective about it..treats it like THE DRAGON after our loved one..rather than THE PERSON…then there is no more anger and no more hurt..just management skills..and one reconciles ultimately that there must be a purpose to it why this has happened…perhaps to teach detachment / surrender / patience / unconditional love…perhaps it leads to ones own spiritual growth..and thats the purpose..thats positive thinking ..and leads to acceptance..very tough lesson though..i agree

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