Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re having a good day.
I recently was asked the question, “Which is more important, to be right or to be happy?”
A friend of mine was talking to me about his relationship with his girlfriend. They keep getting into these fights, and he doesn’t understand why. A small misunderstanding can turn into the biggest fight! So he was telling me about some of the things they have fought over, and you know what? I agree with him! I wouldn’t understand how it happened, either.
Except for one thing.
I know this guy. I know that he LOVES to be right. And sometimes, if he disagrees with you, he won’t stop trying to make you admit you’re wrong (whether you really are or not) and give in to him. So I can definitely see how there might be communication problems with his girlfriend
and why they would fight so much.
So he asks me, “Which is more important – to be right or to be happy?”
Hmmm….
I had to think about that one for about 2 seconds!
I know a couple who dealt with this same problem, only BOTH of them have bipolar disorder, so it was even harder for them.
So they had to come up with something to “fix” their communication because they were fighting all the time, many times because neither would give in. Each of them firmly believed that they were right. So what do you do in that situation? This is what they did:
AGREE TO DISAGREE
They both decided it was better to be happy than to be right. She even teases him and says things like, “Ok, you can be right this time!” LOL
Agreeing to disagree is all about compromise. If you still feel you have to be right, and/or you won’t stop until the other person “gives in,” like my friend, then you are not going to have good communication. And neither of you is going to be very happy. Whereas, if you agree to disagree, you can each maintain your feeling that you are right, but you compromise anyway.
This is really important in any relationship, not just one in which one of the people has bipolar disorder.
How would you answer this question if I asked you, “Which is more important – to be right or to be happy?” I think when it’s written out in black and white like that, the answer is obvious.
But an unwillingness to compromise, or AGREE TO DISAGREE, is the reason that many people in bipolar relationships fight so often.
If you agree to disagree, you are showing respect to the other person, and basically telling them that you acknowledge that they have a right to believe what they believe and/or feel what they feel.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
My GP agrees to disagree with me I see it as a cop out, a big one surley he could prove he is right with science and reason, though there are no science or reason which backs psychiatry. He is a Dr. A man of science?
THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS CAN SHOW US, CLEARLY SEEN:
“THE LOVED ONE” IS MORE IMPORTANT……..those that have one always seem to make them feel the “priority” of it all.
ImHello,Dave
I know that it seems that when a person has bp disorder that being right is so important my problem isn’t so much that then being treated like I’m an idiot and know nothing then I get the you always have to be right my son had to be right about anything and everything know matter what I tried so hard to get him to get help from getting your information to getting help from counceling crices anywhere he could but he would never stay on meds very long he would self medicate and we couldn’t get him to stop or put him in a hospital so around the the last day of last month he killed himself I’m bipolar and so are my other 2 sons and he left behind his girlfriend of 8yrs and a beautiful 4 yr old daughter and without a reason as to why we are having him cremated and don’t have a service set up yet as we don’t have much money so for all of us BIPOLARS OUT THERE, Please, Please just try and learn to be HAPPY forget about who has to be right or wrong keep yourself well and love each other because for us life can be to damn short. God Bless All
Dear Sandra,
So sorry about your loss. You must be suffering a lot at this moment. It is dreadful that in this system of things with so many having so many problems, especially problems such as bp disorders that it is a struggle each day, even to stay alive. I´m sure if it hadn´t been for the illness, he would still be alive and with his daughter and partner. This is no big comfort, but God knows what he was dealing with and in his mercy will give him an opportunity when he is resurrected in paradise to live and love again. Talk to Jehovah´s witnesses if you ever have an opportunity and they will give you comfort from the scriptures.
I had a new boyfriend one time wwwwwho got madder & maddaer and I told him the same thing. It’s okay for us to Agree to Disagree! It calmed him down when he thought about it. I’m glad I learned that early in life. Great article.