Hi,

Have you ever said anything like this?

“When I get older…I can get my first boy/girlfriend.” Or “When I get older… I can get my own car.” Or “When I get older…I can graduate high school.” Or “When I get older…I can go to college.” Or “When I get older…I can move out of the house and be on my own.” Or “When I get older… I can do what I want.” Or “When I get older… I can get my own house.” Or “When I get older… I can get married.” Or “When I get older… I can have children of my own.” Or “When I get older…I’ll be a better parent than my parents were.” Or “When I get older…I’m going to have a great job.” Or “When I get older…I’m going to make lots of money.” And on and on and on…

Did any/many of these statements come true? Did they happen the way you imagined they

would happen?

Statements like these are part of what is called the Maturity Myth. It is an indication that you are not dealing with things as they are, but instead, how you would rather that things would be. Dealing with things as they are (instead of how you want them to be) is one of the things you need to learn in order to deal with bipolar disorder.

The Maturity Myth can really hurt someone with bipolar disorder. It can keep them wishing for something they can never have. In fact…At worst…It can endorse the grandiose thoughts they might have during a manic episode…And keep that manic episode going on longer than it should. It would make it harder for the person with bipolar disorder to recover from any episode, in fact.

For example…The Maturity Myth can make a person with bipolar disorder depressed…

Because what happens with the Maturity Myth is…Once you reach that [whatever stage] when you say the magic words of “When I get older…” And you find out that, indeed, things are NOT the way you thought they would be…You will be disappointed at least…And depressed at most.

So it is totally feasible that someone with bipolar disorder would go into a bipolar depressive episode when they got to that mark in their Maturity Myth.

So the only thing you can do to battle this is…To stay realistic. You have to practice mindfulness. This is something that your loved one may actually learn in therapy, whether it is called that or not. It is actually a principle taught in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, used mostly with people who have borderline personality disorder, but is being used now with people

who have bipolar disorder as well. Mindfulness is when you learn to deal with what is, instead of what you would like. In other words, you deal with things the way they are, instead of how you would like them to be.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave