How are you? Some might find what I am about
to say bad news but I don’t look at it
that way. Here it is. I believe that my
mom is moving toward going into another
bipolar episode.
If you have followed my emails for some time
you may be thinking, “Dave, again? She was
just in an episode like a month ago, what’s
the deal?” Well I don’t make the rules
I just play the game based on the rules
that are given to me.
I do find it rather odd that my mom has
had and I have kind of lost count, I
believe 3 episodes in less than a year.
I have to do some thinking and analysis
to make a decision should I be overly
concerned. I must say that I am increasingly
concerned with the volume of these bipolar
episodes.
You are probably going to be surprised
why. I must say, and I am not saying
this to brag but I know how to be a
supporter so well, I really can handle
most situations from a to z.
I can predict bipolar episodes. If my mom
gets really ill, I know what to do and
when. Even if she refuses treatment,
runs away, won’t leave the house, her
doctor goes off and vanishes, all doctors
in New Jersey vanish, I have a plan for
virtually everything.
And then I have a plan for the “I didn’t
make a plan for this.” I call that the
Doomsday Scenario. So, strangely, I have
a plan for if I didn’t think of something.
Okay but the reason why I am concerned
is because everyone around my mom is
tired of bipolar disorder episodes.
I am too :). I told my mom’s sister
the term “bipolared out” and she laughed
and she said she was bipolared out.
I am worried that my mom will wind up
having very few if not no friends or
possibly family members. Anyway, I don’t
want to make this a “feel bad for Dave’s
mom daily email” because I want to teach
you some stuff so you can become just like
me with knowing how to deal with these things.
Why do I think my mom is going into an a
bipolar disorder episode? Okay, I didn’t
tell you this about a week, I got
a call from my mom and she was talking
fast. She said that my dad was standing and
then passed out. Now my dad is between
280 and 300 pounds so that’s a serious
problem.
I asked why she said she didn’t know and
he was going to the doctor. To make a long
story short, his sugar count or something
connected to his Diabetes was really high
and that’s what did it.
Now, one might think, that my dad’s stress
would cause my mom stress would trigger
a bipolar episode. This is NOT the case.
My mom functions really, really well during
a crisis or major problem. It’s amazing. BUT
each major crisis leads to her doing well
but then ramping up into an episode.
As soon as I heard about my dad my brain said,
“Mom will handle it super well, everyone will
be amazed. People will think everything is good.
This will possibly lead to an episode after
you start believing she is doing great.”
Well after all the tests and stuff and
my dad’s medication being changed and him
having new instructions for what he needs
to do. My mom was doing great. She looked
great and sounded great.
I knew there was probably trouble ahead. 99.9%
of people would have missed this sign. You may
not even understand what the sign is. Reread
what I wrote. Remember this is for MY MOM
not necessarily your loved one. I will have
more points in a second.
Okay then my dad’s brother was rushed to the
hospital like a week later or maybe two
weeks. It’s hard for me to keep track of
all the dates because I have a lot of things
to keep track up. So if you catch me with
dates that are off, I am not trying to pull
one over on you. Bottom line is AFTER my
dad was sick, his brother, my uncle got
sick and went to the hospital.
I got an urgent call from my mom, she
was really worried. To make a long
story short he was in the hospital for
several days and it’s his heart.
He is okay now.
My mom handled it well. BUT now
there are two events. SO in my head
I have a running list of TWO triggers.
So I am vigilant.
Okay now I remember there’s a family get together
in Texas at the end of June and early July.
My mom is all excited about this. She is doing
some planning and calling all different people
all the time.
Third possible trigger. If you have my bipolar
supporter course/system you should remember
that my mom’s first major episode in 2004, started
after going to a family reunion.
So there are three triggers. This is what I am thinking.
Then, I got an email from my mom at 11:15 pm one
day last week. If you have been on my list, what
time does my mom go to bed? NOT 11:15pm right?
Another sign.
Then I learned my mom was watching a soap opera
at 11:00pm the other day.
Another sign.
Then I found out from my dad that my mom skipped
church on Sunday.
Another sign.
Then I forgot to tell you something. I was with
my mom I think it was Saturday and I noticed
she was cleaning the house, cooking and doing
yard work all at the same time. In the past
when she does many things at once and seemingly
well, this is a sign that is bad not a sign
she is super efficient.
So I have all these things in my head. When I
tested my dad to see if he has learned anything
from me, he failed. I said, “Dad how do you think
mom is doing?” He said, “Wow, she is doing great.”
I reminded him of the worksheets I gave him. He looked
at me and said, “What’s wrong?” I didn’t even get into
it with him because I didn’t have the time.
It’s obviously my dad doesn’t have to work to hard
at being a supporter because he just outsources
or delegates it to me which is annoying but
I deal with.
Anyway, these signs are to my mom not necessarily
your loved one. Let me ask you, how many signs
do you see and miss. I must say, these signs
use to be really, really, easy to miss back in
the day. Now I have gotten really good at
this.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I have to take off for now, I will be sending
more on this this week. I hope you learned something.
If someone taught me how to read the signs
of a bipolar episode I would have saved years on
my life and saved so much money.
Over the week I will tell you how
What my prediction is (how my mom will do
well in Texas)
What I will do
When the episode will most likely happen
What’s the worst case scenario and what I will do
A few other things. This stuff will be sent over
each day over probably the next 7 days.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Funny your should mention “THE SIGNS” cause I bet if you asked any of “J”‘s family or friends I would lay money on the fact that I am the only one who sees them.
I don’t see “J” every day anymore as we no longer live together, but I can tell you when I start getting messages or phone calls left in abundance or at odd hours my raidar goes off. An eventually so does he. I have had to distance myself because my skin has worn to thin.
I need a coffee brake because I too, am bipolared-out! I’am the only person that is willing to do “THE WORK” to help “J” so unfortunatly he’s suffering right now.
David, what do you do when your all bipolared-out, or how do you recharge your bateries?
I know for my self I don’t handle stressfull situations well and knowing my family has kept things form me… I can feel my self going it is like I can handle so much and then pop there I am.
Anyway I as currious how does watching a soap opera work into a sign, does she get too workedup by watching??? really currious
oh no Dave, the signs are not just your mom……my ex husband was the same way, it was a horrible feeling…when you live with someone with whom you walked on eggshells and things start feeling good….”TOO GOOD” you dread it, because when it’s tolerable, it’s ok, but when it is good, i mean really good (no fighting, no anger, no tantrums, nothing) then you know you are in the eye of the storm and suddenly your life will fall apart! Unfortunately, that is also my daughter, and it is definitely life-draining to have to constantly be the one to “be there” but…..someone has to have the strength, the courage, and the love to endure just a peice of the hell they (at least in my daughter’s life) endure everyday, with the thoughts and feelings
Unfortunately, I am very familiar with everything you have said about the signs.
I panic inside!
I feel as my life is totally controled. I too need a coffee break.
hi dave my name is bridget,
my ex husband is bipolar
Gosh this sounds so familiar! If we only knew then what we know now! It’s so easy to see the signs with so much after the fact – i as well have learned to focus on down the road with tidbits of info (i call it dropping the bread crumbs – hansel and gretel i think’s the fable & and it’s taking me now over 10 years to learn that i had better pick them up and watch in order to fend off the big bad wolf). my mom as well suffers with bipolar. Take some time for yourself. I was at my folks for over 4 months after my dad had an emergency bypass and my mom just about wore me out. But it was a great learning experience – i could see what she was capable of and have come to the conclusion that tough love is what is warranted over everyone enabling my mom – it’s just hard to get everyone (except her doc and her sister are with me) on board – it’s very exhausting!
gem in nc
Dear Dave,
I see the signs as well, and I live with them in my significant other. The staying up late for your mom was a sign; I think.
Doing things fast all at once is another sign, especially when the person’s routine does not include all of the activities together at once.
I believe that trauma handled well when it happens, can lead to post-traumatic stress disorders that may fester for a short period of time, but as in all post traumatic things, It must have somewhere to go, it must come out. Some people’s come out in bad dreams, and some people show other ways. Either way, I have read that it is the brain actually healing itself. I am not a doctor; however, this is what I believe that might work itself into an episode. As I have read, it’s usually a stress or change of any situation.
Changes and stresses in life occur everyday and there is nothing that we can do about that. I think that the trick is to try to handle life’s stresses well. Even for people that are not bipolar, it’s tough..and some are better at it than others.
How do I get through it personally? I pray and pray and pray and pray…and then I focus on keeping myself together, even through the stress of his episodes, which is very hard when all of the money is blown and he has cheated..and then I have to find the way to pick everything up again.
What to do with every single feeling that must be sorted out so that my own mind does not get confused, is another story. It’s hard not to take the cheating and wanting different women personally..so in this I know, that I…(me) myself, must develope a confidence as a woman, within myself, that this person cannot break. That is probably one of the hardest things to do. I keep working on it. Along with that, I still am in the process of learning to be strong for myself and to take care of myself because if I don’t, I can’t take care of the rest of everything, now can I?
I must remember to find the gifts that God has given to me, to learn, to earn, to paint, to write, to dance, to sing, to study law, to fix engines,…and I must utilize those everyday in order that what appears to be an affront to me… even when he’s in an episode, does not affect me as badly as it would have otherwise.
My mother always told me that when someone breaks your heart in anyway, go get more education. P.S. She has two Master’s Degrees.
Dear Dave,
One more thing that I have learned through all of this, is that the moment in deep prayer, when I achieve forgivness, where the episodes that have created the cheating, the spending, the horrible abusive language that he uses on me, then that is when I feel more at peace inside and it is at that point that I can see my way through again. As traumatic as his episodes are for me… I pray through the trauma, only to find that with faith, everything does heal itself. The money is restored within a week, the landlord is suddenly understanding, his words don’t affect me as much and I can also move on to my own endeavors quite well for the week. I’m not saying that a search for the end of the episodes should not take place, however, this is how I handle his.
I also know that when I come to the place inside of peace, I then know that I can forgive and love this person despite how destructive he is and that that is the way that God put him here, so I am to love him the way he is..
my bipolarette can handle stress situations well but I believe the adrenilin rush (epinephrine, I think) that the stress evokes either doesn’t leave her system well or it triggers some other chemical reaction that leads to the episode. The only thing that works well to avoid this is intense physical exercise.
Dave,
I related so well to your email and really enjoyed your down-to-earth style of writing. It comes across as sincere and honest and by you expressing your own vulnerabilities and uncertainties it makes it much easier to trust what you say with certainty. Dave,
I just visited your sight for the first time early this morning (it was a sleepless night despite the 20mg of Ambien and 5mg of Ativan throughout the night…bet you can predict what THAT means even though we’ve never spoken!) When my husband left for work at 5:30am he found me sitting in front of my laptop crying as I was reading the “How Devastating Bipolar Disorder Can Be” and then when your mom was in the hospital and you took stock of the toll her illness has taken over the last few years. You may as well have been writing about our life. I am not the only person in our household with bipolar, unfortunately my 11 year old son has both bipolar and Aspergers Syndrome. I now suspect that my 15year old son who was once diagnosed with ADHD, actually has bipolar and has reluctantly admitted to me in private that he, too, has suicidal urges. I often fear that my wonderful husband will one day become “bipolard out” the door. As I’m sure you know, it’s much easier for others to pick up the early warning signs than it is for those of us who are suffering through them. It’s like we can’t see the forest through the trees.
I look forward to your continued newsletters/emails and hope that we can find comfort and help by what you have to say. I would desperately love to purchase your program, but my illness has made it impossible for me to work this year, depression has kicked into high gear my compulsive comfort spending and we have 4 kids and a mortgage that we are not sure how we can pay. All of our 9 credit cards are at or near their limit. I don’t know what to do except go back to bed with the remote control.
Gloria
even though they get on bipolar meds…do they STILL go through episodes??
I beleive you are very accurate about the signs. I seem to usually deal with crisis and exitement great at the time but it seems to wear me out or something and after everything settles down I (as you say) have an episode, sometimes I can fight my way through it and other times I just get suicidal or severely depressed and hopeless. I have been diagnosed for 1 1/2 years but have had it since I was a teenager. I still want to deny who I am And what I have.
Amanda
I suffer greatly from bipolar disorder, and I completly understand everything you just explained. I do the same thing, any time I am off my schedule you can pretty much garuantee I am entering my manic phase. When I come down from my mania I usually tend to o.d and cut myself. Which in turn lands me in the mental hospital AGAIN!! 9 of my 13 hospital stays have been in the last 8 months. Not a good average, this has been my longest stretch out of the hospital and I think I am approaching 60 days or so. I think you are right manic episodes are repetitive and predictable by the persons behavior and actions the hours they keep and so forth. That was the one thing I wanted to be able to know is when I was headed toward manic and my doctor told me I would never be able to tell, I would have to count on friends to tell me, I can’t count on my family to tell me because they are all bipolared out!! And are not around. I can feel it in my body and I can sense something different in my head and even when my friends tell me I seem manic I still am in denial, I make excuses for myself, and then I try to find some coping tools. I have never felt so good on any combination of meds they have had me on until this last hospital stay and when I felt a manic episode coming on, I called my doctor and asked her if we could up my dose on my mood stabilizer for a while I get hostile and violent towards strangers, and it scares me. I am extremely unpredictable while in the state of mania. I cant think of anything worse than feeling out of control of your mind and body all at the same time. You know your mother and I commend you for being there for her. And learning so much to help her and passing on your knowledge to others. It is not easy hanging in there or even around. We are a handfull. I wish my family were there for me, I have asked them to come to this incredible support group I found, and they just cant seem to make the time. But I don’t let that stop me, I go alone and it helps me a lot. Don’t give up on your loved one, they did not ask for this terrible illness it is bad enough with support and even worse alone!!!!
Hello … I do not know how to write in English very well…how ever your mails sent to me by a friend in California…keep me company…I had never got in to trouble in any way…I guess who you are plays a roll as well… ofcourse I have scared a lot of people away…including myself…I am in Italy at the moment with my boyfriend(Italian)of 12 years…I had such a hard life from A to Z and always had felt alone …out of place… and when I did not felt good( not sleeping, no eating, shaking and wanting to just vomite ) I drink and it has helped… me …to at the moment feel better, always alone and at home….how ever it is of comfort to see that I am not alone or so diferent then others…and that actualy some people know what I mean…I went through a lot thinkig that I was an “ocasionale alcoholic” out of my mind and who know’s what else…I never imagined that it was a sickness…?
that it was not (drinking) neglegencia on my part ( I still do so …sometimes a few times a year it all depends…? )thank you for making this site…I hope that it is not just my imagination…? and that if posible I can help others…? English is not my language but I am good in Spanish and Italian …. oh… well… for you it my sound as a tipical-case…thanks any way…Pia
Just wanted to say how your emails really help me deal with having a spouse with bipolar disorder.
All of the signs that were metion in today’s email are the same ones I am dealing with at home. I guess just knowing that I am not alone going through this makes me feel like going on…
When you post things about your mom good or bad, it shows me how you are just someone who has a loved one with bipolar. I also tend to get from that, that this is something that will go on for the rest of my spouse life.
Happy days oh happy days!
Well this is sooo freaky, looking back over my history and family histories I am seriously wondering if I am also bipolic (i know new word he he) because your mother has shown a classic of what I do very regularly throught out my whole life and I remember my family would freak when I am on the ball raring to go and top of the game because they said I always landed with a destructive bump leading to them feeling exhausted by my depressive frame of mind. I’ve spent three years learning to live with a bipolic partner and now son shows clears sign so we are dealiong with this but to ignore the possibility of me haing it never crossed my mind until all the counselling I have recieved has dropped great big rocks labelled hints on my path. I can handle any major crisis but give me a bill and a freak out very badly, the world ends. My mother shows very typical signs too and this makes it more harder to deny. I envy my poor dad living with her before now I know the divorce was not necessary his fault. The more I learn the more peaceful life becomes the less episodes of depression I have except when my partner decides to have one. Can two bipolar people live together as man and wife in the future?…
Very interesting to see the “triggers” as seen from the outside – as I see them from the INSIDE,me being a bp sufferer – I think it’s hard for those outside for the most part see that the stresses which we temporarily deal so well with (I can be a tiger temporarily) – can then lead to crashes and other psychic consequences. Even something like moving has been very hard on me – even when it was to a lovely place – I do agree with the poster that sometimes the mind seems to go through storms and then comes out having healed itself from the trauma – Again it’s interesting to see post-traumatic stress syndrome mentioned, since I think that can be a factor – although if you haven’t been in a war or suffered some terrible trauma, it’s often discounted – but for us, I don’t think it actually takes that much – a few horribly broken hearts seem to do…a few betrayals…But when stress is piled up on stress, we usually react somewhere along the line & your mother seems to have her share of stresses….Life is full of them, but for us, we must beware…
I am a sufferer of bipolar and can relate totally. I recently have started having panic attacks more often. I know this is due to stress. Itake 10 pills a day but it really doesn’t take care of the idiots out there that don’t know what bipolar is or how to deal with people like me. I’m a good person, I go to church and take care of myself. Because of my bipolar I have lost both my children and have been diagnosed diabled for the past 3 years. I try to help myself but it seems hard to get motivated to live everyday life. If there is some advice you can offer about getting my life and family back it would be appreciated…
I completly agree with Shelly. I am in the same situation as her with how she feels about not being able to control your thoughts and emotions. being bipolar is not an easy task and its hard to avoid hurting people u care about (emotionally) when you don’t mean to do it intentionally. having support is one of the most important thing when you suffer from it. and i am glad that you (Dave) are taking your time and studying your mom to help avoid future problems and sharing it wiv us.
Dave,
Thanks for all you do. I agree with the “signs’ observation. the questio becomes ‘how many signs will come before the episode?’ to date, that number has varied with my daughter and mom. As a supporter of two loved ones with mental issues, I have found that one loved one can too easily serve as the trigger for the other. we are a close family & there are times when I wish we weren’t so I could keep them apart to avoid the trigger. I can hardly wait until I can afford to purchase your program, but until then I will look forward to all your other works.
As a good friend of mine once said though,Please remember to take time to smell the roses, even if they have just been fertilized.
Hey, Dave! I have had several “triggers” that I have learned to understand. One of them is – that I do really, REALLY well in handling emergencies – like my two husbands’ deaths, my Dad’s death, and my Mom’s death. I make all the funeral arrangements, handle the wake and graveside, and go home. Within months, I’m on the verge of a manic episode. It’s NOT the difficult times that throw me – it’s afterward. I don’t know WHY this is; it’s just a repeated trigger. When I go through a “disaster,” I go straight to my therapist or shrink, have medication regulated, and am watched closely for signs of a manic episode. As I live alone, I don’t have someone to support me, other than the staff of the clinic. It REALLY bothers me that, sure as the sun rises every day, I WILL go into a manic following a “disaster.” Do you have any suggestions as to how to avoid this?
Hello – my daughter and I know just what you’re talking about. The happier my son gets, the busier it’s going to get in our house! My daughter notices sometimes before I do. We can survive it, we’re used to it, but sometimes we worry he won’t make it.
My son has been in rehab post a very serious mania incident in September. While there, he wasn’t treated for his disorder, so we will actually have to start all over again. He comes home later this month, so we are getting geared up!
He’s a great kid, with a sweet heart and a scary tendency to do scary things.
David- I wish my husband would pay attention to the warning signs as well as you do- altho I don’t always agree with you, you have actually became My support-Jim is a trucker and altho we talk several times a day when he is on the road I just don’t think he “gets it”. So thanks
I have seen many of these signs myself. I live with two bipolar people. My husband and teenage daughter. Before I started getting these newsletters, my life was basically a living hell. They are both on meds now, whereas they were not before. So, you can imagine what it was like. Just wanted to say Thanks for the email letters, they are quite helpful.
hello dave,
i live in uk and have bipolar,im in the middle to end of episode and just about holding down my job,but feel i cannot cope with job is it me or illness,illness or me,i have tryed to cope so much well all what you say its right i wish there where companys who employed bipolar thank you for your emails,andy
I appreciate all the advice and help. It does take time to assimilate, but that is certainly worth doing!
Hi David,
Great info. I am bi-polar and most of the time I can feel it starting and try and cotrol it by just staying to myself and forcing myself to sleep for days at a time. Unfourtnally I live alone and my Mother is the only one I can call but she won’t read anything just tells me take another pill. So I have to do my best to deal with it alone. This will help me ro see more signs and prevent a episode. I also was wondering how old are you? Thank you so much, Karen Thopmpson
hi dave,
what role does diabetes play in having bipolar disorder.. I was told that having diabetes can cause an episode..
Boy Dave the signs are right on. I have bipolar and my husband notices when I am staying up late watching T.V. When he says it’s getting pretty late. I get all defensive and angry and feel like I am being treated like a child. Are their other “words” that can be said so I don’t go off on him and he can feel better about saying something??
Wow…My husband went into a bipolar episode today and now that I look back, I see 99.9% of the signs
Hi Dave, check out my when you get a chance and let me know how I can improve it.. Thanks
http://baileyslilangelssafehaven.blog.com