==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
How’s it going? It’s really, really,
really cold in New Jersey.
It’s snowing here so I am stuck
inside. We have six inches of snow
already.
Hey before I get started. Did
you get this new guide I am giving
away?
“The 10 Deadly Mistakes People Make Helping and
Supporting Someone With Bipolar Disorder.”
You can get your copy right away by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/freereportletter/
It’s really good if I do say so myself.
I worked really hard on it. It even has a cool
cover on it. Take a look at soon as you can.
Okay let’s get moving.
I actually had something really
important that I wanted to warn
bipolar supporters about.
It all started when I was speaking
with a coaching client.
They were telling me that they
were “really annoyed” that their
loved one messed up their treatment
plan.
This person had been on my list for
a long time. They had used my systems
to turn things around with bipolar
disorder.
Things were going great. The person
I was speaking with said he was
“excited about a great thanksgiving,
Christmas and New Year.”
Then his wife went into a mini
episode and then kind of a bigger
bipolar episode.
The person I was coaching said
he was super mad. He said basically
he took my bipolar stability concept
and figured out what his wife did wrong.
I was actually happy that he used
my concept and figured it out and
didn’t feel that stability was like
a lottery (how my dad still kind
of thinks).
Anyway basically his wife missed a few
therapy sessions, a doctor’s visit, a
couple of dosages of medications. She
just got off track.
Now she is doing everything right.
BUT, there some damage that was done. She
said some stuff she didn’t mean to say
and spent like a $150 she shouldn’t
of.
They actually had a my financial protection
system that I speak about in my courses/systems
below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
So that the financial damage was limited.
This person was super mad however. Actually
beyond mad. Just plain angry.
In my head, I was like “what’s the big
deal?” The coaching client went on to say
that he was “sick and tired” of “bipolar
episodes” and that his wife “better not
do this again.”
I sat back and listened. Then I spoke
up and said, “there are going to be
ups and there are going to be downs. She
learned a great lesson. Don’t condemn her
because she made a mistake. Look on the
bright side. She is doing everything right
again, there was not that much damage
and you can get beyond this. It could
have been way worse. Like 1000 times
worse.”
I then said to him, “You have to be tolerant
of mistakes. You can’t expect her to be
perfect and another episode to never, ever
occur. That’s not fair.”
He didn’t say anything and then I thought,
“I think he is mad at me.” Then he spoke
up and said that “you’re right, I was
too hard on her. I am going to call her
and say sorry.”
I said that’s a good idea. We then
talked about how to put the systems in
place I talk about in my courses/system
to tighten up to try to prevent this from
happening again. BUT if it does happen,
he promised not to “freak out.”
I wanted to send this message because
I wanted to remind all bipolar supporters
that managing bipolar disorder is not easy
and there are ups and downs. You have
to cut the person with bipolar disorder
a little slack.
Don’t expect no mistakes. Don’t expect
you’ll get my courses/systems, read my
stuff, and put systems in place and
everything will be perfect forever.
That’s not going to happen.
Be realistic.
Make sense? If you ever “freaked out”
on your loved one because they made a mistake,
say sorry to them today. Okay?
Okay, I have to move to a different subject
before I finish up.
I promised that I would send out what I learned
from my last bipolar support group that
I volunteered at.
I must say that the speaker that spoke had
bipolar disorder. It was hard to follow him.
I was kind of concerned he might be in an episode.
The only thing that I came away with was being
reminded that people with bipolar disorder have
to have insight into the illness and when they
feel something wrong, make sure they contact
the doctor.
It was odd that this speaker said this because
he seemed to not have insight into himself. I don’t
know. I won’t say any more because I don’t know
him. He just seemed off. Who knows?
I did totally disagree with one thing that
he suggested which is you can go a long time
without seeing a doctor if you feel you are doing
okay. He hadn’t seen a doctor in years but
said he was stable.
I just don’t agree. I am NOT a doctor, therapist,
or giving medical advice but I just think
you have to check in with your doctor with regularity.
It’s like the dentist. I HATE going to the dentist.
I HATE it. I hate the stuff they put in your mouth.
I hate those metal tools. I hate sitting in the chair.
I hate how long it takes. I hate them poking my
mouth but I do it 3 times a year.
I have zero cavities. Why? Checkups and cleanings
I think.
I think the doctor is the same. If you don’t
go with regularity, the doctor will forget about
you, things could go wrong, etc. I just think
it’s a bad idea.
Well that’s it. You kind of go two in
one today. Sorry I didn’t send the support
group info out yesterday. I forgot. I was
doing such much stuff.
Okay I have to run. Catch you tomorrow.
Hey if you living on the east coast by Jersey
it might be a snow day. We’ll see.
Catcha later.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Thank you for the Ten Deadly Mistakes report available for download. This course and your daily emailed advice, if implemeted, can help end the isolation of bi-polar sufferers and their supporters. I needed this information very much and you gave it to me, and to others.
Bless you!
Carolyn
I thank you for your emails. I have been bipolar since a teen and my family was in total denial. I finally got help when I was forty and tried to kill myself. My kids used to take adavntage of a manic phase because I would buy them anything they wanted. Now that I am under control I very rarely see them. My best friend Dana has been my only support and I thank God every day for her. She is my rock.
Dear Dave,
It’s me, Caprice..Having a very very very emotionally hard bipolar supporter day…
Just when I thought I had things under control for the most-part, WHAM! There it came…as I was sitting at my dining room table sewing and my man was asleep, he opened up his eyes and sat up and said something that I really believe that I never should have heard and I know it wasn’t meant for me cause when I acknowledged the sleeptalk, he kind of shook his head out of it and I asked him a repeat of the question that he asked whomever he was dreaming about, and he stutterred and tried to make something else out of it that was not even remotely in the ballpark of what was asked. Of course, I couldn’t sleep all night, and today I’m a zombie just not knowing how to handle things as he as well keeps going back and forth on the marraige issue—EVERY 15 MINUTES, he tells me a different statement, this after writing a marraige proposal on paper..than moving out to go do whatever he does out there for a few weeks, than comming back with a ring and three-days later telling me that he wants to be on his own again, and then not leaving, he tells me a couple of days ago to put the ring back on, and last night tells me he just doesn’t want the life we have ( I guess he wants to starve out there like he usually ends up doing) then this morning while I was fixing him breakfast and preparing his dinner for him to take to work with him, he kept calling me his wife…He repeats these episodes daily and changes his position almost hourly…I’m worn out from it..Is that part of the disorder or is that flip flopping something else? I’ve only met two other people who have done that but I never knew what it was. I don’t think that bipolar disorder cycles itself that fast and I don’t really think that it has to do with changing the mind so frequently.
Does it? I am trying to give leeway, but I have to wonder now if his question wasn’t planned to upset me.. he’s done it before, not while in his sleep, but at other times when I am about to embark on something really important such as a new job etc. It never fails, I do have logged evidence of him trying to take away the good mood from me that I am in 95% of the time and I have many many writings of logs of how he’ll promise me something and it could just be the smallest thing like taking me to a movie or horse back riding or something. I’ve only been to three movies with him in three years, and I’m still waiting for the horse back riding for three years now. He does that with every promise that means something to me, he gives the promise than almost enjoys watching me cry because he won’t keep it. I must say that I really wanted to share certain things with him as he is a very special person to me.. I have waited, but it just doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen. I had planned with him (again) to have him learn chords on the keyboard so that he can accompany me in the singing venue so that I don’t have to hire anyone else. We could kind of bring double the money home..we have been planning this for weeks, my other musicians just are not dependable. P.S. last night he also laughingly said that he wouldn’t do it. Is this the disorder as well, breaking promises all of the time?
hi, I have not wrote to you before but I did purchase your course after my husband went into a episode that left me with a bad black eye and him in jail. When we met he told me he had been diagnosed with bipolar. for me that was just another word. I had no idea what it ment and I did not find out until this awful night. after recieving your course and studing it like it was the bible, we together started getting him on track in fact it was probably the best our marriage had ever been. he was on his meds and going to his doctor, going to therepy and really being a great guy, then monday of last week it happened he disapperared in the middle of a snowstorm and was gone for 6 days. He showed up yesterday, he has been self medicating himself the whole time. When he walked thru that door you should have seen him he was a ugly monster that had taken my husband. he was in such bad shape that I could not turn him away cuz I was afraid of what would happen. he was that close. my family is so angry with me for letting him back in the house but what are you suppose to do. HE SAYS HE WANTS THE HELP AND HE IS SO DISAPOINTED IN HIMSELF FOR HOW HE HAS HURT ALL OF US. how do I forgive him for this. what do I do now? I do not what him to think he can waltz in and out like that. it has only been a few months since the last time. we do have a meeting on monday with a counselor for drug and alchol and then also on wednesday with our regular counselor, I just wish I could trust him. I feel like we are right back at the beginning again, I just pray I have the strenght to do this. I do not want to give up on him but what do think? please advise caprice not to marry him until he completely stable this is the hardest thing I have ever been faced with in my life. It would be so much easier if we were not married. thanks, D
I think us bipolar supporters get scared. We have “knee-jerk” reactions to our loved one’s mistakes. We are sure that something worse is coming. Because that is ALL we know. We havent’ seen enough stability from them to trust that this could be a minor thing; I think us supporters suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome. What do you think, Dave? I may have to buy your materials so I can learn to protect myself from my husband’s financial blunders when he’s manic.
Thank you for your emails. They have been so helpful. I have bipolar and my sister searched the internet and discovered you while in ws in the hospital following a suicide attempt. She receives your emails to help her better support me and I get them to help me deal better with myself. Thank you so much. You are truly a godsent at a very low time in my life.
God Bless,
Tricia
How to know if your bipolar?
No, Dave – there’s no snow in VA yet, but it IS raining 🙂
Although I am “stable” at the moment (and have been for more than two years), I am quite aware/frightened that the “monster” can/will hit at ANY time. I keep to your regimen and follow all the right things to do; but – with bipolar disorder, you can do all the right things, and still go hypomanic, leading into manic. It all depends on your stressors at the time. I may not FEEL I’m under stress; but when too many things happen at one time, then I KNOW I have to be careful, be very, VERY careful. The majority of my bipolar is mania, so I have to watch my “happiness quotient.” Or, as eecummings said – “Don’t be too happy, happy. It’s the happy, happy people bust hard when they bust, and they do bust hard when they bust.” I have absolutely NO control over my episodes when things are going WELL.
And that brings me to the comment you made about seeing your psychiatrist. I see mine every three months, like clockwork. I have accidentally MISSED some appointments because of “senior moments,” but I make them up. My blood is always taken every 3 months, too, because of the med side effects like liver, kidney, and diabetes side effects. It’s always GOOD to know my Depakote levels are normal, and that the Complete Blood Count monitors my anemia. Your allegory about going to the dentist is “right on.” We may not LIKE going to our shrink, but in the end, it DOES help us. AND – because she’s so busy, and can seldom see me in an emergency situation, it’s nice to know she’s there when I need her, to stay “stable.”
I’m VERY glad I don’t HAVE to work for a living (am on SS Disability), because I need, according to my therapist, a VERY flexible working time. And the normal 9-5 working day is TOO much for me. I’m savvy enough to know that even a normal working environment causes me stress.
I do appreciate your emails; however, I signed up for your “coaching,” and haven’t heard anything from you. I am leaving in two weeks for a week, and then the month I signed up for will be over. I DO have some “burning” questions for you, so please, get in contact with me at your earliest convenience. Thank you.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and the ones who love them. My prayers are with you.
To c.m.: Yes, there are bipolars who are called “rapid cyclers” who can sustain conflicting moods very quickly, like in a matter of minutes. I have a friend who is a rapid cycler. One minute, he’s self-medicating with pot and being very funny and comfortable; then, the very next minute, he walks out the door without explanation. This leaves me thinking, “What did I do?” These rapid cyclers CANNOT help their condition. It’s perhaps the worst kind of bipolar, as they don’t understand the change in moods any more than we do.
Just be sure you have him (or you) tell his counselor/psychiatrist about the quick mood changes, so they will know what to look for as far as treatment is concerned. Sometimes this is NOT necessary, as the professional will more or less observe this in the patient while they are with them. Until he is put on the right meds or under the supervision of a doctor, you will have to deal with the “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” situations of the rapid cycler.
Hope I have been of help. My thoughts are with you.
I GAVE UP 3YEARS OF MY LIFE AND MUCH MORE FOR MY BI-POLAR SISTER SO DID MY HUSBAND I CANT BEGIN TO TELL YOU WHAT WE DID FOR HER,NO OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS WANTED HER INTILL WE HAD GAVE HER THINGS OF VALUE INCLUDING REBUILDING HER HOUSE TO MAKE IT LIVEABLE,SHE PUT MY NAME A YEAR AGO ON THE DEED OF HER HOUSE ON HER OWN WHEN SHE WAS STABLE THEN THESE FAMILY MEMBERS DECIDED THEY WANTED TO TAKE THE HOUSE FROM HER AND COULDNT BECAUSE MY NAME HAD BEEN PUT ON THE DEED BY MY SISTER SO THEY DECIDED TO CALL HOTLINE ON ME AND MADE HER PARANOID AND TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT…MY LIFE HAS BEEN TURNED UP SIDE DOWN MY NAME HAS BEEN DRUG THROUGH THE MUD AND I AM AWAITING COURT FOR BEING ACCUSED OF EXPLOITATION,NEGLECT,AND EVERY OTHER HORRIBLE THING THE VINDICTIVE FAMILY COULD COME UP WITH I AM SO OVERWHELMED BY THIS AFTER TREATING MY SISTER LIKE I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED IF I NEEDED HELP,AND SHE TURNED AGAINST ME ALSO I LOVED MY SISTER AND WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE FOR HER AND NOW I WOULD NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH ANOTHER BI-POLAR PERSON AND I HATE MY SISTER AND FAMILY WITH EVERY THING I GOT LEFT IN ME SO BEWARE OF BI-POLAR PEOPLE AND THERE IS NO SUPPORT FOR CARETAKER WHO GET LIED ON ONLY A LAWYER THAT COSTS AND TIME THAT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO ENJOY LIFE AND I HAVE NO LIFE BECAUSE OF THIS,ITS A LIVING NIGHT MARE PLEASE LISTEN IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. LIFE DESTROYED KHARRIS
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Dear Dave
I just wanted to thank you for all of the information on bipolar disorder. My 18 year old son was diagniosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder, social anxiety disorder,general anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and anger issues. This was after an episode of depression leading to an attempted sucide. Before this we were told it was just an anger problem and that he needed anger management. This was in Jan.2005. He did not get any formal help until almost March of 2005 because all of the Drs were booked up till then, we had to see a therapist for three months before he got to see the Dr. But in the mean time we were still going through hell trying to help and not knowing what to do.
He was finally put into one of the local hospitals that is able to deal with “Mental Patients” he was there for 12 days to get medications stable and to get him stable, since then we have seen his Dr every two to three months. This Dr did not want to listen to anything that he had to say or want to change any of the medication that he was on even after he was told that the medication was making him sick to his stomach. We have changed Drs.
We have also tried to get disability for him and have been turned down for that because they say that he doesn’t have a work history. He won’t have a work history either because he starts a job and in about two weeks the pressures get to be overwhelming for him and he can’t handle it anymore. His father is on disability and he should be able to draw as a disabled child under 22 but we are having trouble with that. Do you know of any help that we can get for this matter? Any would be appreciated. Thank You and please keep writing.
To KHARRIS: I am sooo sorry your bipolar sister turned out to be a mistake in your life. It is my understanding that, though she put your name on her house, perhaps in an episode, she listened to the other members of your family, and rescinded your agreement. DO NOT BLAME HER. When a bipolar person is in an episode, they often cleave to those who promise them “the moon,” and comfort, and everything else they’ve done gets forgotten. I’m sure your sister didn’t mean to hurt you in any way.
Bipolar people sometimes use bad judgment. They can’t concentrate when they’re in an episode, and this is probably what happened to your sister. In an episode, she was probably overwhelmed by all the chaos over her house and the harping by her family.
Please try to find it in your heart to forgive her. I know right now it is the last thing on your mind; I know you treated her as you wish to be treated. But your sister has an ILLNESS that affects her thinking processes, and she (your sister, NOT the bipolar) should be given the benefit of the doubt.
It will take time for you to see this in perspective. I hope you and your sister can reconcile.
My prayers are with you.
Hi Dave,
I just got your website from a friend of a friend and have been reading for 2 hours. I have a 30 year old daughter with mental retardation who has been developing various psychiatric disorders for the last 5 years. It started with depression, then major depression, then trichotillomania, then got tardive dyskenesis from Geodon. Once taken off of Geodon went into a major depression that was unresponsive to meds until Cymbalta introduced. Stablized on Cymbalta and Zoloft and then OCD spiraled out of control. Her psychiatrist (whom I have trust and respect for)told me she was showing signs of Bipolar III (soon to be accepted when DSM5 comes out)probably due to her meds. She also has bad seizures (rarely) and is on Topomax. A LOT of chemicals for a little woman.
I am confused about all of these diagnosis and have tried to focus on managing symptoms. OCD and obsessive thought are the issues that keep her life a mess. She lives in a supportive living environment and has lots of love and support available there and from her family. It just kills me to see her struggle every single day and be so consumed.
Can you give me some guidance on where to start? She functions in the preteen level so she isn’t really an adult but yet she is…..
I will appreciate any guidance you can give.
Thanks, Beth
bhbarrett@aol.com