=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going?
I have to go really quick today so
I have to make this really short
today.
Here’s what I wanted to talk to
you about “can’t” and “impossible”
thinking.
What’s that? Well let me explain.
Yesterday I sent a daily bipolar
email that talked about the shocking
truth about doctors and therapists
when it comes to bipolar disorder.
If you missed it, see my blog
below to read it.
I got a ton, and I mean a ton
of people writing me saying:
-We can’t find a good doctor or
professional
-We live in a small town and there
are no good professionals
-We tried to find a good doctor/therapist
and can’t.
-We can find lots of good doctors and therapists
but we can’t afford them. It’s impossible.
In addiction to yesterday’s responses,
I frequently hear:
-It’s impossible to help so and so
-I can’t get on the right medication
-There is no hope for myself or so and
so. We tried everything
-We can’t do this or that or the other thing
-It’s impossible for this that or the
other thing to happen.
NOTE-I could insert one of 100 phrases
into this, that or the other thing but
this email would be 50 pages long. I hope
you get the idea.
I notice that when it comes to bipolar
disorder, many people are so beaten down
for so many years, they start using the
word “can’t” and “impossible” more
and more. People attitudes start to
really become negative and terrible.
It first starts with bipolar disorder
and then it starts creeping into
other parts of their lives.
You hear:
We can’t afford this or that
I can’t become a writer, scientists,
go back to school, etc.
We can’t take a vacation
We can’t have fun any more
This is from bipolar supporters AND
bipolar survivors.
When I grew up I heard:
We can’t take a family vacation
We can’t eat together at the table
It’s impossible that mom won’t get sick
all the time
It’s impossible to get mom’s illness
under control
NOTE-I heard this for years and years without
even knowing what my mom had.
This all mostly came from my dad. But then
in my 20s, my brother started saying
the same thing. He basically told me
my mom was hopeless in many areas.
I don’t criticize him for this because it
kind of looked like she was. I more
blame my dad for not doing anything.
Anyway let me jump back to what started
this email which was the thinking that
it’s impossible to find a good doctor/therapist
for bipolar disorder and afford him/her.
This is NOT true.
People think it’s true because they try the
same old things over and over again and then
hope for a different result.
When it comes to finding a doctor/therapist
for bipolar disorder, I have a great system
in my courses below:
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
This is NOT anything that you would have ever
seen before. It’s totally unique.
The system was created out of desperation.
You might have heard this story before
but I want to remind you.
Basically my mom had a terrible doctor who
took her off her main medication for
bipolar disorder. She went into a major
bipolar episode. She then went into the
hospital.
Then she was there and they could not get
her stable. Then they put her in an outpatient
program for many months.
Then she ran out of time in the program. They
have some kind of limit. Then one day she
said, “I am out of the program in a few
days, I need a new doctor.”
My dad looked at me and I looked at him.
He picked up the phone book. He called I think
three people. No one picked up. He left a vague
message like, “My wife has bipolar disorder and
we need a doctor.”
Several hours passed and no one called back.
He said, and I will never forget this:
“I guess there aren’t that many doctors in
New Jersey. It’s just not possible to find
a good doctor.”
Then he looked down at the floor and looked
depressed.
It was the strange thing to me.
I thought:
Why would you only call 3 doctors
Why wouldn’t you call back?
Why would you assume that because three people
didn’t call you back there are no doctors?
Why wouldn’t you think of something else?
How could you logically think there are only
3 possible doctors when in the phone book
there are more listed?
How could you think there were only 3 doctors
even if there were only 3 doctors in our phone
book (which there were not) and there are 9 million
people in New Jersey and 20 million in New York…
how does that make any sense?
BUT then at that point, I figured out that
bipolar had beaten my dad into submission.
He gave up a long time ago. He made up his mind
that:
-Many things were impossible
-Bipolar was too great and complicated to beat
-My mom would never really be better
-We couldn’t do this that and the other thing
-There was little to no chances of success
-He had tried everything over the years so
there were no options left.
It was strange thinking to me. I certainly
don’t think like this at all.
So basically, at that point, I knew there
had to be a new system, a new management team
in business terms, a new administration, etc.
So I kind of took over then.
I basically created a systems of finding
lots of possible doctors and therapists
for bipolar disorder, sorting through
them, having them qualify themselves
as to how good they really were and then
having them contact you the person looking
for them letting you know they are a possible
match.
I found my mom’s doctor and therapist using
my new system and the results were amazing.
My mom’s new great doctor immediately helped
her when all other bad or lesser people failed
for months and months and months.
From that, I learned over again that impossible
and can’t are deadly words that ruin a whole
lot of people.
I see it on my list and blogs daily. I can
kind of understand the person with bipolar
disorder who is not stable using this language,
but I can’t understand the bipolar supporter
or bipolar survivor who is stable using
it.
Today here is your homework for today. Make
a list of the following:
What do you think is impossible related to
bipolar disorder?
Why do you think that you can’t do because
of bipolar disorder?
What is holding you back from helping
yourself or your loved one?
Now after you do this, I want you to skip
the excuses and start to think:
I can do it
There is a way
There is someone who knows this
I can find a solution
STOP using words like can’t and impossible
and start using words like I can, I will do
it and it’s possible. Realize there is a
way 99% of the time.
Also, ask yourself:
Do I have a positive attitude generally
or a negative attitude?
People come to me all the time with impossible
situations. Well they think there impossible.
After a few minutes I give them a solution and
they are amazed. Many times I tell them it’s
because they were so focused on why something
can’t work or it’s impossible instead of how
it can work or it can be possible.
Make sense?
Anyway one have any stories of things they
thought were impossible and then turned
out to be possible? Post them on my blog
please.
Don’t possible any impossible stories,
because I have 10,000 that I have heard
and read 🙂
I have to go, catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Want your own copy of these daily bipolar
emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
P.P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
The “I can’t” thinking is not so easy to get past. It is one of the reasons that I am probably not the best person to try to “push” my kids because I understand it, since I’ve felt it. If you’ve never truly experienced that total hopeless feeling, it’s sometimes hard to understand it. I have pushed myself past the “I can’t” many times, and I do it on the days where I’d much rather just go back to bed and not worry about work or anything else. I wish I knew what enables me to push past it so I could tell my 18 and 21 year old how to do it. They both are not “just” bipolar. My youngest’s doctor hasn’t diagnosed her as bipolar but is watching her due to family history. I believe she is bipolar, but her mania isn’t typical. It’s short spurts of energy or “high” and she cycles quickly back down to the depressed. It’s hard to watch. Especially when you know what it feels like. I don’t have any answers. I just wanted to say that it’s not so easy to push past the can’t. No matter what side you are on. If you are the depressed or bipolar person or the supporter. You get jammed into that negative world and sometimes it seems like you just can’t change things. I KNOW we can and will encourage, but on the days that they can’t push past, I try to keep them from feeling defeated. Just try again tomorrow! That’s tough to get across to a bipolar with obsessive compulsive disorder! Every failure is major, yet the successes are viewed as minimal. Sad.
I am the mother of a child with manic bipolar.We have been to doctors who have said my child couldn’t be helped.She has many suicide attempts and one landing her in ICU.The doctors didn’t think she would survive the last one.But she has.She has always said she can’t do things and she won’t amount to anything.It didn’t help when a psychiatrist told her that and took her off all her medication when she was younger.We finally found a doctor that was willing to help her and get her on the right medications.The problems she has had with getting medication has been difficult at times.But I keep encouraging her to keep going not to give up.When she say’s she can’t do something I tell her she can and when she succeeds I use that to keep her going.She said she couldn’t graduate from high school but she did it just took a little longer.So now she is in college for criminal justice.She is reminded of all she has accomplished when she says she can’t.I encourage everyone to keep looking for help for the person that has bipolar and always help them keep faith in themselves.I have suffered from depression myself but I push and say’s never say you can’t look at all you have done.Don’t ever give up keep going you can do it even when it becomes to difficult.
I have been bipolar for years and I understand the frustrations of “I can’t” or “impossible”. These are basically lies the bipolar tells us. We all know that bipolar is an imbalance in the brain. Our core. I always kept “shooting myself in the foot” to keep from being successful. I am not here to tell you that I am a great successful business person. I drive a concrete mixer truck for a living, even though I have 4 post secondary degrees. The problem was I wanted to succeed but figured I couldn’t because eventually I would go into a manic episode and lose my job. Since I found the right doctor and therapist I have been at the same job for two years now. It may not be the most glamorous job, but I am happy. Also, when it comes to the word can’t I tell myself and others there is no such thing as can’t. Can’t is a contraction made up of CAN and NOT. This is a contradiction of terms. Either you are able to or not. NOT BOTH!! A person “CAN’T” because they CHOOSE not to. There is an old cliche’ that says if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. I have had to try many doctors and therapists until I found the right ones. Dave said his dad called 3 with no luck. I cannot tell youo the number of doctors and therapists I have “tried” over the years. But keep pressing in there and you will find them. They are out there. The only thing I am going to address about impossible is this: “All things are possible”. It just takes perserverance and determination. Plus prayer helps tremendously!! God Bless you David Oliver for what you are doing as a service to many people. Both the people with bipolar and their supporters.
I spent 25 years of marriage trying to “fix it” I did everything I could to make him happy , he wanted a cleaner house he got it then he would raise the stakes , wasnt good enough.he had told me years ago he picked fights to jump start his day..hep him up for the next sales call…..he would call us at least 10-15 times a day when he was out of town to see if we were doing what he told us needed to be done. after while it was better not to answer the phone the aggrevation was gone at least while he was gone.. he would come home mean and miserable …abusing the dog …yelling at the kids and myself to get his jumpstart for the weekend wouldnt take his medication because he knew it made him feel agitated and that made him more powerful ..gave him the edge… we would sit down to watch a movie he would come down at least every 20 minutes to cause trouble during it. make scenes when the kids friends were over….always took the first three slices of pizza before the guests got it..even the kids guests. spent tons of money then yelled at me because we didnt have any i wasnt buying anything the kids and i went without many times. he would get angry about the grocery bill then eat most of the munchies before the second day. as a family in the car we would go for a ride and have to see all of his old girlfriends houses…..got ebony magazine for our very blonde daughter and said her father was a migrant worker her mom had an affair with ……found that out years later…. we would be going to visit my parents then he would say just mess with me and we wont go ……..ruined the trip to disney forgot the trip was for the kids…..i found that after he took the money out of the joint account and put it into his own ..then would plan to leave us with just grocery money for the week while he would be gone and have no way to get money for gas or school ….he was just having to good of a time with the whole situation …..i appeased him, tried to make him happy went to a therapist myself then took my daughter …..we had to have therapy to live with him to make things easier with and for him…the kids got to be of an age when they didnt need to have visitation and put up with him and his outbursts by themselves and i filed for divorce.before i filed i was getting my ged and he would tell me i might as well quit i was to stupid to pass it anyway.i had tried so hard to keep a family in a home wasnt a happy home unless he was gone….and figured life was just to short he refused to take medications , or see a therapist when asked by the dr. he was just fine and they beleived him..he didnt want to help himself and i felt it was my responsibility to get the kids to a safe place in their lives without him in it. my daughter would try to reach out and he would see it as vulnerability and lash out at her hurting her feelings and making her confused .for us it is soooo much easier just to stay away from him …we have more of a struggle to get by but we are living in a peaceful life where we chose to live , we try not to think about him often we enjoy being happy and that’s how our lives were intended to be lived. he doesnt know i got the ged and graduated ceremony and all …i also work as a teacher at an area daycare we are doing just fine and the less he knows about us the better off we are. he wouldnt want us to be happy he quite enjoys the thought we arent doing very well..whatever makes him happy…
Dave,
I don’t think the bp supporters are totally stable either; years of living with a bp husband has made me anxious, with a little bit of post traumatic stress.
The funny thing is I’m a hopeless optimist! I’m always looking at the bright side of things. But sometimes even the optimism is misguided. Like, “well I’m lucky he’s not out having affairs because lots of bipolars do that”. (my friend actually said that to me, I asked her if she felt lucky that HER husband wasn’t having affairs and also mentioned that my husband is quite lucky he’s not having affairs…..)
I appreciate your materials SO much because they give hope and encourage ACTION in the midst of an “impossible” situation. Right now I feel like it’s NOT possible for my husband to lead a stable life, with his bp under control because all I’ve seen is Mr. Manic being in charge.(in spite of my feeble attempts) I’ve ordered your Master Course and plan to implement some new systems, mainly to protect our finances and of course my sanity. NOTHING I’ve tried in the past has been effective. His bipolar has LOVED up to this point because it knows how to get by me. We’ll see if I’m up for the fight.
David,
It’s existing a amazing coincidence among one that you speak and what is happenning with me and my loved one.Actually I had a talk with her and she is feeling the need to return to the doctor who attended her for the fifiteen past years.I’m thinking that the diagnostic made so late ,was to protect her from her from the prejudice that mental disease carts.This doctor really is a psychiatry very competent with the advantage of knowing her history, and of had impended that she lost her job, when he refused to say for her service what she had.Now she is with a relative stability, but I also feel insecurity about her, but the important is to fight.I think that some times we can’t tell to a bipolar that it is a bipolar,and my loved ones has yet doubt about it.She is tanking remedies for depression, but she is cheking this.When she saw that I was investigating in the internet she said want to do the same and until translating yours texts for the Potuguesse if it will possible.But the five characteristics that you told about had confirmed for me the diagnostic of BPD.She has two universitary degrees and a pos-graduation but always can’t afford this or that…Can’t is her responses for many things,or to do a plan and not accomplih.So, unfortunately I can’t doubt. For measure of safety we have other two doctors that we can to appeal: One psychiatric and the other general clinic.One of then had attended to her when she left the first doctor and he told to her too, what to do to stay in her service. About the medications I have yet some doubt.I think she is stable now, and I figured out that some persons give up very easy.We must fight.I don’t know how to thank every thing that you have been doing for us. God blesses you.Lilian P.
I had to go to a family doctor last week,he noticed i was not on my meds.So he put me back on them, but no follow up or go back to your doctor who had put you on them.I am from a small town.Thats the way things are done here most of the time.If you are close to the “dr.’ then you get better treatments.I get mager downs with no one to help me through this, but here with Dave, man you help me through some tough times as well as my bipolar friend.You dont know about this fully untill you walk in our shoes., unless you are taking care of a bipolar-and if you are taking care of a bipolar, God bless you. That is the hardest job ever! I keep trying to look for that one thing to keep me going. How about love, understanding and a darn good friend. thanks for info ,peggy
Thanks Dave.. I was feeling pretty defeated. It is SO true that what we think tends to become our reality. Just thinking “I can” “I will”. makes such a big difference.
I’d written this diatribe of sad, defeated yesterday and interesting i couldnt get it to post >g< isn't that just interesting
Thanks, Dave, for writing this comment today.
While I understand how it is easy to feel defeated and not be able to imagine things can improve, I also think it’s important to not give up. If you feel defeated, take a break and try again tomorrow. It’s easy to feel defeated. What’s not easy is keeping up hope, but that is exactly what must be done. Everyone can do at least that, even if they don’t know what direction to go just yet. That you are posting here shows that there is still hope.
So many people post here to vent, which is good, but also they just talk about what is wrong and I want to ask them: what would your situation look like if everything was right? I think those posts might be more productive.
It can get better. It will get get better.
off my soapbox now.
DavidN
I like the “not able”. I am not able to get past these racing thoughts. Not..I can’t get over these racing thoughts.
I guess the point is to not give up to have the KEEP ON PRESSING ON view to get us past the times when we are feeling so HOPELESS.
Hence the cliche:
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Oh please God don’t let it be today? lol
I am so bad about thinking that I have to remember why I keep going when I should have quit a long time ago??
TOO DAMN STUBORN TO QUIT!
I guess. 😉
Hi dave it’s dustin. I just read your email about can’t and impossible thinking and I realize that applies to me and many ways. I start by saying that homework is too hard, I don’t have time for this or that, etc. I am sure you can relate to this but I would like to hear what else you or somebody else might be able to say about that.
Dustin,
Hey! I suffered with this topic of homework for years.
In the wisdom of working with ADHD and helping at schools the correct or politically correct view is that:
“Homework is a challenge”
and by completing my homework I will have a better understanding of that challenge. It is all part of the learning process.
Always one question at a time, one problem at a time. If you can’t answer it or don’t know how to understand on your own..skip it and seek ways to get answers.
For example, call a friend, email teacher, ask parents, I don’t know how old you are so I am trying to cover all the basics here, LOL.
If you say that you are “too dumb and too idiotic” to do it you will eventually and actually believe this is truth…even though YOU AND I KNOW BETTER!
I used some hypnotherapy I actually took a cheap course on this form of self talk. It is a very effective way to rid your mind of old, negative habits and esteem issues. 🙂
Of course, it will only work effectively if you “THINK IT CAN”.
If you have BiPolar or other mental health problems the fight to remain on a positive, rational path of thinking can be a life long pursuit as episodes or mini episodes can set us back to the “beginning” of positive thinking many times over.
Hi Dave:
Thanks for the emails and help you send my way. I really appreciate all the emails and other info. I hear a lot of “I cants” from both my husband and my daughter. She can’t do anything because she is too depressed and has no energy. My husband (who has moved to an RV park) can’t handle living with my daughter because she is a pig and won’t clean house or cook or pick up after herself. He never praises her when she does something, he is negative and tells her she didn’t cook it right, clean it right, put it away right, and so forth. So this is my life: my daughter and husband are in a “tug of war” and i am the rope they use for this painful game they play together. Any words of wisdom for me out there? Please, any suggestions would be very helpful as I am starting to get very depressed and this crap is predictable: 4 times a year and each time they last a little longer. It’s like getting onto a never ending merry-go-round in a horror movie. They both level out for a while and then we go right back to it again. And, while I am not suicidal, I wish, most of the time, that I could just go to sleep and not wake up again.
Helen,
I read that you are not serious about the thoughts of escape, it is not uncommon for supporters to get this immense feeling of hopelessness. It is so clear to you what is wrong with both of them and yet they can’t see it themselves. 🙂
You are not SUPER WIFE, SUPER MOM you are Helen the normal or tries to remember she is normal beautiful soul! Trapped between two great loves is not place for any sane person day in and day out. I pray you are getting taking time for you too.
I have a SUNSHINE closet. I live in blizzard county and cloud covered rain seasons all summer so getting sunshine for me is very important. I get artificial sunlight for 1/2 hour couple of times a week and if you saw the room you would laugh. “MY” little oasis…. OH Waiter…where is my Pina Colada?
I have to have eye protection on in this room so I can do nothing but pray and meditate while I bake in the UV rays of healing. LOL.
Do something for just HELEN. You can think about others the rest of the 23 1/2 hours of the day. 😎
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Dear Dave,
Now that my daughter is “of age” she has on one side of the pole–denounced me as her supporter and on the other side of the pole, continues to USE me for her ramming post. When you say dont say cant…i have been the most positive involved parent/supporter there can be. You know what its like to be constantly singing praises to the rest of the family as to why they too should become more empathetic, more patient, etc. Well you do not have that control. If they wont, they wont. My daughter feels the distancing and it is no wonder since it has become so blantantly thrown at her. So if i say i cant break that barrier, i cannot, i can just continue to be here for her. Her barrier against me being involved with her therapist is not good. Her therapist encourages her to tell me to get my own therapist. My daughter thinks shes wonderful. So i have to let go. I am tired. My health declining, my finances stretched….she did totally engulf me in her chaotic life. I have to say that i am only human and i have my down days too where i cannot do the best job for her. Sometimes they just have to figure it out. Usually that works and she comes back, without a scratch…its all ok….Does anyone understand what i just wrote? 🙂
I LEARNED EARLY IN THE ARMY THAT CANN’T REALLY MEANS WILL NOT.THE MORE AN INDIVIDUAL SAYS CAN DO THINGS START TO GO THAT WAY. THIS HOLDS TRUE FOR MALE AND FEMALE YOUNG AND OLD BIPOLAR OR NOT BIPOLAR. THE THING THAT GETS IN OUR WAY IS THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS WHICH AFTERALL IS AN EMOTION.I KNOW PEOPLE SO NEGATIVE THAT IF THEY WALK INTO A DARK ROOM THE BEGIN TO DEVELOP. I BELIEVE NOW THAT I AM FORTUNATE BECAUSE I GET MY CARE FROM A V.A. HOSPITAL IN PHILA. PA. MY DOCTOR IS VERY MUCH YOUNGER THAN ME BUT I TRUST HIS JUDGEMENT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO MY HEALTH (MENTAL). I SEE HIM ON WED. THE 23RD OF JANUAURY. I CANNOT EXPRESS THE FEELINGS THAT I HAVE WITH THE SECURITY OF THESE VISITS. WHEN AND ITS HAPPENED A COUPLE OF TIMESTHAT IS A MANIA OR DEPRESSION IT SEEMS JUST ONE CALL OR VISIT TO HIS OFFICE I KNOW DEEP IN MY HEART THAT MY EPISODE WILL BE SHORT LIVED. BEFORE I HAD THIS SYSTEM I HAD AT LEAST TWO DOZEN SHRINKS OVER 40 YEARS. WHILE EARLY IN MY MANIC-DEPRESSION I FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL NOT TO SUBSRIBE TO CONVENTIONAL WISDOM THIS SAYS MORE ABOUT ME THAN THE HEALTH CARE SYSTEM. THANKS DAVID FOR YOUR E-MAILS. JAMES
Kml… yes I also have an adult daughter and its so very frustrating to ride that gray line between encouraging them to be adults, be independent, be SAFE AND take care of ourselves.
Bottom line is all we can do is provide a safe place to land… and that is important. I am a therapist and i felly believe supporters, especially moms need their own therapist.. someone who will continually bring us back to taking care of ourselves. Always remember that airline dictum of putting yhour own oxygen on first before helping others.
If we burn out mentally/physically, where will our daughters turn ?
(hugs)
I have been diagnosed with bipolar by a V.A. doctor. I am unclear as to how severe my condition is, however, I do have severe anger management issues, as well as mood swings and severe depression. I have read everything you’ve sent me the last few days, including some of the links you’ve added to the emails. I am still mystified as to where I stand on the bipolar scale. I have new appointments scheduled for myself, outside of the V.A., because I feel better doctors can be found with a little research, just like you felt with your mother. Recent events and situations in my family have caused my “episodes” to increase dramatically. My wife asked me for a divorce, I found out she was having an affair, and we have three children, which makes this all that much harder. Her excuse for all of this she’s doing, my bipolar and an excuse that I don’t take my medications. To be honest, I have always taken the medication. I have asked the V.A. repeatedly to change it because it isn’t working. Their response: “You’re fine”. That is why I am now losing my family, won’t always be there for my children, and I am seeking more professional assistance with my “condition”. I do want to thank you very much for all the information you have sent out, and keep it coming. You are helping me out beyond words. Thanks again.
Dave,
Definition of Blame: incrimination, an accusation; reproach for some lapse or misdeed; To blame is to hold another person or group responsible for perceived faults, be those faults real, imagined, or merely invented for pejorative purposes. Blame is an act of censure, reproach, and often cases outright condemnation.
You say, Your Dad used to say, or imply “It’s impossible to get mom’s illness under control
…I more blame my dad for not doing anything.” Yet in the same breath you say, “I figured out that bipolar had beaten my dad into submission.
Surely, if he was beaten into submission by BP, he cannot be blamed for that! He’s a victim of the BP, not an accessory to it.
Dave, not everyone can be as strong and resourceful as you. Is your Dad one of them? If they were they’d not feel the need to buy your courses!
Not many people will be able to resist the pressures of living with someone with BP. It’s not their fault any more than it’s your Mum’s for having BP. That’s just how it is. Indeed, Irene Cormac and Peter Tihanyi (Advances in Psychiatric Treatment (2006) 12: 162-172
© 2006 The Royal College of Psychiatrists ) found “…there (is) … an increase in psychiatric morbidity in carers of individuals with psychiatric disorders compared with carers of people with physical disoders…) Hence, the moods of one could throw the other, too. As Anna put it, “I don’t think the bp supporters are totally stable either; years of living with a bp husband has made me anxious, with a little bit of post traumatic stress.” So, carers of BP people may end up struggling with their own mental health as well as their partner’s. Is your Dad one of these victims?
Are you sure your Dad has never shown the energy and initiative to do a better job of caring for your Mum in a BP episode than you think? Don’t forget, you were not always around, or even aware of what he was doing when you were much younger. Have you ever asked and probed to find out what he did, or didn’t do, and tried to really understand why?
I’m not meaning to be hard on you, Dave, and you may be quite right in being critical of your Dad. But while you show such obvious love and generosity to your Mum, you don’t seem to show anything like this for your Dad. You appear to lack understanding of what he might have been through, of what he is not (no longer?) capable of doing.
One thing also occurs to me – You asked your Mum if she minded you talking about her in these columns and your course, which is most correct of you and generous of her to agree. But did you ask your Dad? You regularly stab him very publicly. Maybe he deserves it, but we never hear HIS side of the story, of why he did not do as you would now recommend.
“Honour your father and your mother.” Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16, Ephesians 6:2-3, Mark 7:10 (The latter actually says, “For Moses said, `Honour your father and your mother’; and, `He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.'” Ouch!) I am not a religious man, and I certainly would not suggest you ought to be put to death for criticising your Dad! But you do not allow us, your grateful readers, to witness any regard, consideration or equitable treatment of him. However bad you think he has been in the care of your Mum, surely he at least deserves the opportunity to tell us his side of the story and we deserve to hear it. And we may benefit, too – after all, if he has such a clever son as you, he can’t be a half wit! ;o)
When I had a mini-bipolar episode in the early 1980s, I decided I wanted to “read” law (having 3 years of college, and then “reading” law with an attorney and taking the Bar Exam), so I went to the local junior college. I had enough credits to enter, and took the requisite courses such as Law 101, Real Estate, Humanities and Algebra. I passed all of them with B or above! Unfortunately, my fiance, who I was going to “read” law with, found someone else, and we broke up! But – I had the concentration necessary to earn my third year of college.
However, now my bipolar has “regressed” and I am no longer able to concentrate enough to read novels voraciously as I used to. To make up for this, I read gossip magazines, news magazines, and the daily newspaper. I can’t retain names and occasions in a book, much less in real life, enough to take my fourth year of college, not even on-line.
I can remember my late brother-in-law telling my niece – “There’s no such word as ‘can’t;’ You either won’t do something, or you’re incapable of doing something, but don’t use the word ‘can’t’ in front of me.” Dave’s email reminded me of what he had said; “can’t” is a CHOICE word, NOT an ACTION word. You CAN do almost anything you put your mind to, within reason.
I started mystery shopping in 2005 for cigarette money and to get out of the house and do something productive. Basically, it’s being a regular customer to a grocery or a restaurant, but being detail-oriented and noticing things like customer service and cleanliness. The first time I tried it, I was so anxious, I nearly had a panic attack. But once I started on the job, it became easier with each time I went out. The last “shop” I did was evaluating a broker for a gated community. It paid $53! But – that is the exception to the rule, and the median payment is $12. But it has done wonders for my self-esteem and confidence, and the reports I submit over the net are easy (just time-consuming).
So – get out there with a “can-do” attitude, and you’ll be surprised what you can accomplish!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. My prayers are with you.
Can’t is not the word I would choose in my position. With undiagnosed Bipolar I mananed t claw my way up a commercial bank ladder from being a junior researcher to heading up the unit. I also got through a 2 year MA course. That said, work related stress woke up the Bipolar. I am much better than I was 12 months agp. Nevertheless, while I could cope intellectually with the job I once did, I choose not to go back into that kind of pressure again because I know the stress that goes with it will only serve to aggravate the BP. There are other – less stressful – occupations/jobs I can do (and enjoy.) So, I avoid saying “I can’t” do my old job – I could. However, it would not be wise to do it!
HELEN-
I tossed and turned in bed all night and it is now 1:00 am my time so I got up to say that—
On top of the 1/2hr you spend on you daily in prayer or meditation. PLEASE do see a professional therapist to help you where “The Oasis” time alone won’t. It is real healthy for you to have someone to talk with regularly. I was glad to see a therapist respond on this blog to say this. A I later realized I take it for granted that “EVERYONE” knows and has a therapist. But not “EVERYONE” knows to take a specific ME brake every day. 😎
I would never forgive myself if I found out anything happened to you HELEN! I know you said that you were not literal in your “Escape”, so I have solice in your good judgement.
😎
Graham,
I like what you said:
“So, I avoid saying “I can’t” do my old job – I could. However, it would not be wise to do it!”
For the sake of our health and others we love, it is sometimes the right and only decision to make. Even if it breaks our heart to say no to something we invested hours and days of our lives to.
I still have grief issues from having to say good bye to an old job I loved but couldn’t continue for emotional health reasons. But I am proud of what I accomplished while I was there.
I learned a great deal about people and that the healthy well rounded life is way, way, way too short. But the heartaches and diseases we contend with make it seem like we are here for way too long.
PLEASE don’t let that statement get you down. It reminds me that while I still have my physical health in tack and my mental faculties working I am still very much ALIVE to make it as good as I am ABLE. 😎
SUZANNE-
Secret shopper? If you like that kind of work. Being a Health Inspector may be even more fulfulling for you. I used to work for a division of the Health Department. It was always nerve racking during SURVEY time! It was Health Inspectors and VA Affairs.
We had to know everything from A-Z. One year I gave my supervisors a run for their money as I accidentally set off the fire detectors and although I was quite embarressed about the whole thing as a result we proved that we had procedure and protocols in place during those types of emergencies. WE ACED OUR ANNUAL SURVEY!
BTW: I set off the alarm because I was hosting a cooking activity and I burned the BANANA BREAD. Smoke was everywhere…lol I can laugh about it now. My supervisors came running into the room with fire extinguishers in hand fully prepared to turn me into a snow girl.
OH, I don’t bake very often and so far I haven’t burnt down my house. 😎
Well back to bed night all!
The I cant is something we all face. “Fear” is what i called it. My husband is always saying the I cant!!! I cant stand this, I cant go here, I cant have this ect….. I say “I cant” live like this with him, i say it everyday. Life is alway different with him on a daily baises. I try to look on the bright side some days and say this is not the person i love, i called his bipolar side “his evil twin”. That is the person I HATE. I have learned through bible study that i agreed to marry him through SICKNESS and Health. Bipolar is a Sickness. I have also learned that from the begining of time satan has come to steal, kill and destory all humans life. I know this battle will be won. God is on our side and i keep my husband lifted in my prayers. If i did not have God and his words I dont know what I would do. Also this blog and your testomines. I know I am not alone out there. I pray for each and everyone of you. Pray God will heal this disorder.
God bless to all, have a blessed day. I say this verse daily, no matter how bad the day is.
For this is the day the Lord has made, I shall rejoice and be glad in it.
i took my vows as seriously as the next woman…. everytime he threatened to “dump my buns” to put it nicely i would say we made a vow to each other and to God …..i took abused in many aspects of the word you name i endoured it…no he didnt hit me i just got out of the way of the things he threw at me… i was called every possible name in front of our children …he spit on me umptine times ..i would be tossed from our bedroom with no bedding or clothes for the next day unless i broke back in or snuck in when he went downstairs….. an intimate relationship consisted of him telling me i disgusted him when all along he had one affair after another…. at the end he took the money and put it in his own account leaving us all week long with no way to get any…..we lived in fear constantly …we i took my vows it was in sickness and in health however it didnt include abuse , terror worrying about if he was going to push me down the stairs when i came up them or while i was going down them. when i did file he told our son that i wanted out of the marriage because I was having the affair …….the kids knew better but what if they hadnt?! i lived for many years forgetting i had feelings and emotions trying to forget i had friends and family that i somehow kept getting separated from so he could be more abusive. my self esteeme was almost gone his goal was to break me and he almost did it. happiness didnt remember what that was. he would take our son to his sisters for thanksgiving and christmas telling me i was not invited with our daughter then come home drunk and scream about the check book . i cant tell you how many phone calls i made to my mom scared out of my mind…..i didnt take those kind of vows i never saw love , cherish or even kindness for many years …… he said our daughter didnt have friends because of her weight to her. and that he had gotten her an ebony magazine because though she is blonde her father was a black migrant worker i had a fling with ..who tells kids those horrible things! our wedding day was the most wonderful day of at least my life and i took those vows very seriously i hung on until there was almost nothing left of me ….being beaten was never in my vows…as far as i’m concerned he broke them way before i did filing for divorce….he sat on the couch in front of the kids and told me i’d better get some kind of education or skills because in three years he was “dumping ” me to put it kindly …sooooo was i just supposed to wait till there was nothing but a shell of a person and wait for him to “dump ” me God gave me the courage to leave and God has helped me thru every obstacle that man is still putting in front of me……
To MELISSA: You’ve taken TOO much abuse as it is, girl. I would have confessed my vows before God, and gotten OUT of this marriage BEFORE you lost your self-esteem and made life with your husband miserable and in front of the children.
You don’t say how old your kids are, but I assume they’ve been very much affected by your husband’s behavior towards you and them. At this point, I wouldn’t worry about your “vows;” he broke them WAY before you came to the decision to leave him. You are the innocent victim of his bipolar, and it is the WISEST thing to do to leave him, believe me.
Now – don’t hole yourself up in your new-found freedom. Get OUT of the house, and volunteer for local causes, and even try on-line dating (that’s how I met my boyfriend – there are some GREAT guys out there looking for someone like you!).
And – don’t forget to FORGIVE him. He has an illness, and it’s up to HIM to follow a treatment plan and take his meds – NOT you. You’ve endured toooo many forms of abuse and fear from this man – it IS time to leave, and make a new life for yourself and your children. If you need help with self-esteem issues – see a therapist to help you really BREAK FREE from your supposed guilt, and make a new life for yourself.
I wish you all the best; keep the faith and BELIEVE that things WILL get better, now that you’re free of this man. You are in my prayers, sweetheart. Work at it, and you’ll be surprised how quickly your fear goes away!
Thank you so much….. 🙂 I just kept reading the posts of keeping vows and it just got to me. We have been divorced since last may and separated since the year before in october…nice to know there are other men out there that are nice guys and will treat a woman with respect and the love they deserve….. My daughter has been to a therapist as have I but actually came to the realization on our own we cant help him it is time for him to help himself ..my kids are 20 and l6 ,,I had to watch my daughter get thru the time of thinking her father had changed because as we all know they don’t.. He would take the kids out to eat and grill them about me. He is in sales he is very clever they talked and didn’t even know they had done it. I had to stand by and be the soft place to fall when she would come home all disappointed because she had tried to reach out and to my x he saw it as vulnerability……… For years when I knew he would start I would fluff it off to the kids and say we were going to the library or to the beach very spur of the moment ….I never wanted him to have visitations with them alone because many times he would say mean cutting things to them and I knew they wouldn’t have been able to deal with him for a whole weekend on their own. He owes me lots of money so I still have to deal with the lawyers and that aspect of it ..tonight I went to pick up my daughters prescription and she isnt covered with insurance he has to I know but he is just playing a game to make it uncomfortable.it was a month ago he had asked her for information …..so he can get a call from his lawyer again …I am no longer afraid of him he is who he is …… We moved out of the town his family lives in to a town we had lived near when the kids were little then we didn’t have to keep seeing them in the stores etc. He would sit outside my apt when he’d drop off our son and just stare at the building..now he doesn’t know where we live and the kids wont tell him….I work at a daycare now I am the waddler teacher …two year olds our lives have come together the support checks don’t come from him because of his bad record they come from the govt. My new best friend …..big brother so to speak….my son is at college but my daughter and I have said numerous times how peaceful it is without the x….it was tough my kids went from having a big house with the pool and nice things to having to save up for things but it has given them character I think…..we had to move from our apt last September because we couldn’t afford the rent any longer and probably when the maintenance runs out and child support we will be moving once again …more out towards where my family lives a slower pace but by the time you are 50 you are looking for a slower paced life anyway.thank you for your kind words they are appreciated ..I know we’ll be able to make it ..there are just days its more scarey then others… i guess it just took me a while to realize i couldnt fix it . i so wanted to have a nice family life for my kids ..i did my best.
you would be amazed at the ways your body and mind protect you …by the time i got done even after being out of the situation for almost a year and a half i have to do self talk ..it seems everything that seemed threatening to me i would forget…i had done it so many times during the marriage i was still doing it. my mind was protecting me still……I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome, i have panic and anxiety attacks that i had never had before being married to this man. it is terrible that because i fight occurred during certain times i have blocked things completely out ……i apologized for not going to my brothers graduation mom was very quite …apparently i took the pictures..dont remember a bit of it but do remember the fight that went on before i had left to go.i have seen a therapist for over two years i needed to go to be strong enough to leave…..therapy is a great thing.
Melissa,
I too found therapy (cognitive) useful/helpful.
That said, I do wonder if it is helpful in all cases. Almost 20 years ago, there was a terrible disaster at a soccer game when supporters of Liverpool FC were crowed and crammed into a space overlooking the football pitch that was too small to take them. The area was fenced in and there was no where for them to escape. Many people were crushed to death or suffocated. Many survivors of this tragedy were traumatised. Some entered into a programme of counselling and psychological group therapy. Some didn’t. Ten years later (and may be still) some of those people were STILL in therapy. A study was conducted, which found that the recovery of people who did not take therapy was largely better than it was for those who DID take therapy. A theory of why this might be so was developed, which was that the therapy sessions were renewing the memory of that terrible event in the minds of the those taking part, thus preventing them from allowing the memory of it fade and be out back of mind. I suppose it remains to be seen if those who did not take the therapy will, at some future date, be struck down by some eruption of this forgotten trauma as it bursts to the surface because some new event reminds them of what occurred.
Dave, in response to your email on can’t or impossible. I live in a small country town about 450km south of Perth called Albany. We have a doctor shortage here and our mental health services are known as one of the worst in the state as being overworked and understaffed. Our Psychiatrist works all over an area of many towns and cities and I can only get an appointment with him every 3-5 months. My partner and I left perth in 2003 to live a life in the country. On arrival I drafted up my questions then interviewed every permanant doctor in town. This process took me a month. At the end of it I finally found a doctor who I thought would suit me just fine. I have had bipolar all my life but in the big city of perth it was misdiagnosed as depression and it was my doctor in Albany that realised it was more then depression and referred me to the psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with bipolar and put me in hospital for a month to work out my medication and at the time it was for my own and others safety that I was hospitalised. Since then I have had difficulty finding a permanent counsellor as public funded counsellors have a 3-5 yr waiting list which I am on, and have been for the past two years. I have lived all over australia including in the outback and have always interviewed doctors before choosing the right one for me. I have always found the right one. But this one I have has made me decide to never leave and I have made this town my home. My partner is also my registered carer and loves it here also and is so glad that I found the right doctor and am finally on the correct treatment. I have had to had it adjusted several times but overall have been well since that stay in hospital a few years back. What I am trying to say is if you take control you can find the right doctor for your self and interview them if you have to. I did and it worked.
God Bless, Douglas
1mothers
MELISSA:
Sweetie,
I never said I stayed married because i had to for this sickness but because i do love him. Believe me if my husband did any of those things, his butt would have gone to jail. My husband is a lot different with his sickness. Your exhusband used his sickness as a excuse to hurt you. God has never wanted that for your life, ever. Adulty is one thing he will pardon a marriage on. You are free, God bless you. I pray happiness in your life and protection for you and your kids. I am so sorry you went through that. I must say that you may be going through some post tramatic stress sydrom from what he has done to you. There are wonderful groups out there for abused women. I will lift your name up in prayer. God bless.
thanks….. for years i was very confused thinking and being told it was me a lot of brainwashing ….i kind of went with his moods i think ..i can remember when i had met him thinking i didnt realize i could love someone that much that i was not related to ..i remember feeling so safe with him unfortunately he saw it as vulnerability and took it from there. when he was good he was sooo very good but it became apparent that he enjoyed the bad side and brought it out more often . I loved him when i had the papers served to him …..but self preservation and the love of the kids came first….i had protected them thru all of it always fixing it , making escape plans to go to the beach or library somewhere to protect them from it…. i took the brunt of it and would do it all again … i knew he would take it out on them and now in his own way he does but they are smart and he doesnt get away with much….they chose to stay away from him..its really the only way to protect yourself from him…..i had to let them take their guff from him they are 16 and 20 and learn while i would be their safe place to fall. otehrwise it would look like i was just being mean or bitter. financially life is of course tougher but otherwise our lives are very happy and peaceful…. even the dog has calmed down .he is a maltese and became very nutty barking all the time and had serious trust problems the groomer sees a big difference …even the dog is happier. i know i did the right thing for us …i will always feel bad it didnt turn out differently.
Hi David, My 4th grade teacher told me there was no such thing as can’t, I believed her.
Thanks, Karen
Believing there is no such thing as “can’t” is one thing because as soon as you think “I can’t”, you won’t. You’re already defeated. I know this wel enough. ASt school I was a cr@p athlete. Then one day, all the class had to run a 400m race against each other. That day I was very depressed, and out of touch with the world, in some other place of day dreaming. I remember hearing the staring gun and starting running. Then, I was woken up by rthe voice of our headmaster (Principle) shouting “Go on, boy! Go on!” I came too and realised there was no one in front of me. I was leading the race with about 50m to go! ne of the best runners decided he couldn’t let me win and made a great effort to beat me … just. But until that day “I can’t run.” I’d talked myself into believing I couldn’t run, so I didn’t. But that day I couldn’t hear that voice; I was away with the faeries! After that, I made the school athletics team and regularly ran in 400m relays.
However, believing anything is possible if you want it is foolish in the extreme. Why? I’ll explain.
Some of you may remember the once popular management guru inspired concept of Total Quality Management (TQM), which inspired people to think anyone can “get it right first time” if only they believe they could do it … Of course, most people DIDN’T get it right first time. It is impossible to get it right first time because humans are fallible. But the TQM mantra was anyone COULD get it right first time, most of the time. The result? TQM created a Klondike for clinical psychologists as managers from top to bottom had their confidence and self esteem collapse when they found they could rarely get it right first time, but had beieved the brainwashing that “you can do it if you believe you can!” They did believed it with heart and soul, but they still couldn’t do it! They couldn’t because they were just fallible humans, not perfect Gods. (It was no surprise that Muslims didn’t fall vitim to this malaise because they are taught that only Allah is perfect. Indeed, if they make anything that is close to perfect, they have to put a flaw in it out of respect to Allah. You will always find, for example, a small “error” in a Persian rug.)
So, you do what yoyu believe is best for you, but I shall try to be realistic in my expectations of what I can achieve. Indeed, I woudl rather under achieve than over stretchj myself and fail because – well, we all know what failing in something important can do to our stability. So, these days (not as I used to be – I was one of those brainwashed berks!) I put aside “I can’t” and also “I will” in favour of “I’ll give it my best shot” and not beat up myself if I miss.
(Oh boy! It’s been a funny day. Started a we bit low. Picked up to a slight high. Dropped down and up and down several times, right down into tears and, within a couple of hours, so high I walking on the ceiling and like a bitch on heat. Actually, the high wasn’t fun! I’ve worn myself out and hope this means I’ll have a good night’s sleep …)
Hey Graham this funny is for you! I hope you laugh hard 😎
THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, “Hysterias and Posteriors.”
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to “Catatonics and High Colonics.”
No go. Next, they tried “Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.”
Thumbs down again. Then came “Minds and Behinds.”
Still no good. Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and Butt Holes.”
Unacceptable again. So they tried “Analysis and Anal Cysts.”
No way. ; “Nuts and Butts?”
No way. “Freaks and Cheeks?”
Still no go. “Loons and Moons?”
Forget it. Almost at their wit’s end, the doctors finally came up with: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
Everyone loved it.
BP, I LOVED it! (I needed something to lift me. Started the day mixed – hypo yet easy to tears – hate it when it’s like that! Later down and down again. Not sure these pills I’m popping are on-the-button.)
Graham,
Hey 8-0 You should definately talk to your pdoc. Are you keeping a mood journal to keep track with?
For the last week I have been in hypo, but I am a little low today. I am going to shake it, “I hope”. It’s that time of the month (sorry for the visual) so I am usually a little blue and cry real easy. Wish I could blame yours on the same thing (oh..and be glad you don’t have to). 😉
Ok here is another funny.
Makes You Think
– Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
– One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..
– Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
– If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
– If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
– I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,”Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
– What if there were no hypothetical questions?
– If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
– If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 😎
BPS, as usually, you cheer me along the way! I loved ’em all but the hypothetical question and book store pair really tickled me!
Today was really hard emotional first thing and the psycho motor was definitelty slow to start, but it’s been worse (although not for a while.) So far, the rest of the day has been a continuance of this morning’s low though not quite so deep, but the emotional state is just below the surface.
Yeah, if this keeps happening I may call on the doc in advance of my next appointment. I’m keeping a diary of the moods, with charts, notes – almost everything – on that Mood Tracker website. (I think it’s really good as the chart facilty shows how the moods and sleep patterns tend to correlate. I complete the log unfailingly every evening – it’s diaried in my Outlook. I might print off what I have and send it in.
To GRAHAM_N: Sorry to hear you’re not “up to snuff” today. Hope you can find a correlation between your moods and any triggers that might have affected them.
It is a GOOD idea to contact your pDoc in any case. If/when we let our moods get ahead of us, then the bip ultimately takes over, and we’re “lost.” It is best to be proactive in these situations, like you seem to be doing.
Don’t know whether you’re in a depresssive or manic mood; in any case, you have the wisdom to know what to do at this time.
Good luck in bringing your moods under control. God bless you real good.
Hey Graham! Haven’t seen you smile in a while.
Here are some funnie for you:
Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia.
After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching somewhere, you may be dead.
Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping the best!!
ROFLOL!!! Love ’em, BP! The first is like my wife says, “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s better to be miserable and rich than miserable and poor.” The second is my favourite – I adore black humour!
BTW, today I’ve been fairly stable for a change, albiet slightly low stable and a little more anxious thsn usual. The anxiety is due to the prospect of dealing with some potential conflict. But when I’m high, I can handle any conflict – bring it on!!! Trouble is, can be me who causes the conflict! But it’s usually for a very good reason. How long will this stability last …? I dunno, but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.
Graham,
I hope your anxiety has passed and the potential conflict is gone. Great to be alive somedays.
Some Funnies:
Money isn’t everything.But it keeps the kids in touch.
little johnny’s trip
a stranger is seated next to little johnny on a plane and he turns and says, “let’s talk. “i’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers!”
little johnny, who had just opened his book, closes it slowly, and says to the stranger. “what would you like to discuss?”
“oh, i don’t know.” says the stranger, “how about nuclear power?’
“ok,” says little johnny, “that could be an interesting topic, but first let me ask you a question.” “a horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. the same stuff. yet a deer excretes little pellets, a cow drops a flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. why do you suppose that is?”
“jeez,” says the stranger, “i have no idea.”
“well then,” says little johnny. “how is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power, when you don’t know sh**?”
LOL..