Hi David
Its great to be able to read and try and understand. You see, my partner told me the first time we dated that he had bipolar. I just shrugged off and thought oh well.
I’m witnessing the first episode right now and i think i have cried solidly for 4 days, without his knowledge of course. Infact i dont even think that this episode is a bad one and i’m struggling to deal with it, although there is not alot i ever let beat me and this is going to be one of them. My biggest struggle isnt the lows, the support and help, it is the change in love. All i want is my loving wonderful boyfriend back and after reading some of yr stuff i now know if i want that ive got to fight to get it, cos he is still in there somewhere.
Thank u x

haha perfectionist me! bipolar yes absolutely, I have been using positive thinking and mind focusing for years with great results. At moments the chemistry is too overwhelming. Mind over matter, exercise, proper diet and the right combo of meds can work very well. Bipolar is like most lifelong diseases at times the physyology just overpowers you. The aftermath of guilt I find ver difficult. Hurting oneself is ugly but others is overwhelming. Learning to move on and forgive oneself is vital. Words said can not ever be totally taken back. Once in the universe they go on perpetually. Wonder who hears them a century later? I do. Just be true to yourself enough you maintaian basic values and morals. A supportive mate is key.

I have been married to a man with Bipolar disorder for 2 years. We have been together for 6.
He was diagnosed with it in our first year of marriage, however, I already knew he had it before that.
How do I get him to face it and try to help himself?
He is in total denial over it and doesnt like the word ” bi polar”
He then tells me I am bi Polar not him. He has put me over 60,0000 in debt, he has brought an “escort into our home while I was out of town then threatened to have her fired because she wouldnt have sex with him (prostitution is NOT legal in our state) She was simply an escort.
Yet he never wants to be intimate with me.
He has chased me in my car with his truck and run me off the road (4,000.00) damage to my car.
He has called people and rambled on and on, making up and, exaggerating things to his family about me. (I feel his family is part of the problem, mother in particular) She doesnt feel her son is bi polar. They are very prominent and proud people.
He has his family believing we have a million in the bank from a Landscape buisness we started when in reality we are in debt over our ears.
He has started numerous projects around the house that are left unfinished, dining room half tiled for months, half built rock wall outside, kitchen half remodeled, etc… that is all the negative I know. There is so much more to this man…A wonderful part
A big hearted, loving, driven man
Thats the man I love. How can I help him with out losing myself in all of this?
Is there hope David?
How can I help someone that doesnt believe they are sick?
He went to prison for 7 years before I knew him for drugs, assault, etc… I am afraid that if I cant help him he will eventually go back to prison, he just snaps.
Its not the depressed thing he has its the manic episodes that are totally wild.
He smokes marjuanna and says that it calms him and that he isnt a guinea pig for psycho doctors to try different medications on.
My neighbors have a restraining order on him for harassing them (because they called the police on him when he beat up my daughters boyfriend)
several several instances of him threatening people that cross him in one form or another. The thing is…he can be just fine for months and months then all the sudden out of nowhere comes this demon, this monster.
I am scared, confused, and just at the end of my rope. I want to help him…how do I do that?
Sincerely kerriannnnn@aol.com

Today’s blog … I agree 99%! Accentuate the positive, diminish the negative!

With regard to how BP can make you stronger … I’d have some reservations. In one respect, having a massive hit of a depression some years ago, which I suppose was probably a extremely bad depressive episode, I got a huge lift much much later when it dawned on me that I HAD survived it! I realised I had strength that I didn’t realise was there. And THAT made me feel good about myself rather than weak-willed, as I had believed previously. So, the BP did not make be strong, but it showed me I was already strong.

As for the issue of enhanced creativity when in a hypomanic episode … Well, it sure does enhance creative thinking! But and there is a big BUT, the creativity is not always very practical (we may be deluded into thinking it is – typical mania) and, of course, with every hypo there is – as my pDoc points out, always a depressive episode to match it. Ergo, if you are having creative hypo’s you ain’t stable! This requires medication. And once a good measure of stability is achieved, the manias are less frequent and mostly less high. This means the enhanced creativity is stifled. It is not to say one cannot be creative, but it does mean one must rely upon other things to stimulate it into being. I have a friend who is a writer, a fabulous poet, etc.. She relied a great deal on her manic episodes for stimulating her creativity and, in those states, she wrote some fantastic poetry. When the pDoc eventually found the right balance of meds, her moods became in balance, too. She has had to find a new stimulant, and after some time, she has done so. Her work is still incredibly creative, but it IS different. It’s still fantastic but in a different way. It is more literal and rather less Impressionist, is the best (probably inadequate) way of describing it.

So, I don’t think BP makes us stronger. BUT I don’t think it makes us weaker. Sure there are things we can’t do that we once did. BUT that isn’t necessarily a weakness because it causes us to explore new fields and ideas, where we may develop new talents, as the BP ALSO forces us to focus on the real things that are important in Life. For example, chasing the Emperors/Kings Clothes of status and $$$$s. The real pleasures of life can be found in the most simple of things, and BP can show you this … if you listen. (No, I don’t mean those voices in your head!! That’s not BP!!! Wrong illness!!!)

Hi Dave,
Finding out what was wrong with me has made me stronger, I know what I am fighting, what to look out for in my children.
Thank you Dave,
Karen

I totally agree with the comments that David Oliver just e-mailed to me. If you are living in a bad, stressed out invironment, it will make your bi-polar ten times worse. I can talk from experience. I was in a very hard, demanding, relationship. I was with that person for seven years. He felt the need to “control” me. He felt the need to smother me, and do everything for me. I was rapid cycling constantly, thought I was going crazy totally, and finally had a total break down. You have to be in a supportive place, with lots of encouraging support and patience, if you don’t, then it will be just hell, and life is that much harder, it is already hard!

KAREN, I know exactly what you’re going through, as much the same is happening to me right now. My boyfriend can be the most loving, kind, sexy, funny and generous man while he is stable on meds. If you have read my long post last night you know what happened. I’m still in shock and crying a lot. I could have got over his hurtful words knowing that it was the drink and the bipolar saying them and not him – even his voice sounded different. I am so worried that he might have harmed himself. I haven’t seen or heard from him 2 whole days now and no-one else has either. I’m not working tomorrow and will have to do some detective work.

GRAHAM & SUSIE, what you say about creativity during hypomania or mania is true. My boyfriend was going through a minor episode, which we both quite enjoyed. Apart from the great time we had together, when on his own he painted a whole gallery of pictures within a couple of weeks, while doing a variety of other crafts, as well as repair jobs. That’s the reason why he stopped taking his meds for 4 days, as he felt he would be able to do even more. And for 2 days he did and then he started sliding down into depression quite rapidly. He went back on the meds and was doing ok, just a bit “down” and tired. Then he hit the bottle Saturday night and flew into a mixture of rage and despair. I don’t think he did anything creative while full of drink. I don’t really understand why he did it, as he is not normally a heavy drinker.

I had to learn a different “think-mode” when I found out I was mentally ill. I could never go to work in Washington,D.C. again, even though after I had moved away from it, and was succeeding in a legal office, I was offered a position in President Ford’s administration. This absolutely KILLED me; that was my “second” dream job that I had to forego.

I wrestled with the bipolar demon over that one. I ultimately gave up on that dream, figuring to myself that, 1) I had an apartment house that I was the landlady of, 2) I was happy in my legal secretarial position that I was holding for the last year, and 3) Washington,D.C. is TOXIC to me. Looking back, I made the right CHOICE considering the circumstances.

My therapist brought up another lifestyle change I have to make. She said I was brought up in a culture of always having “enough” money – my Dad was a lawyer and my Mom was a nurse. We always had everything we needed, if not everything we wanted. And, after we moved to VA after Dad died, Mom was always there to “back me up” with finances when I got in trouble and couldn’t pay some bills.

Well, since 1991, I haven’t had Mom, and since 2005, I haven’t had the apartment house, with it’s rents and tax deductions. Yet – the bipolar messes with my finances because of my reckless spending patterns.

Well, my therapist said I have to make a complete “lifestyle overhaul” and live WITHIN my means. We figured out that my outgo exceeds my income by $1,000 I broke down and cried in her office because I have no one to “get my back;” no one to “support” me, as it were. It’s just ME, responsible for my CHOICES in where and how to spend my money. This is a VERY difficult position for me to be in. I am normally an extremely generous person, but have to cut out gifts to charities, my church, and my “friends.” Fortunately, my boyfriend has led me to forego my “toxic” friends who are leeches, and only want money to buy drugs. Who am I to enable their habits, when I can’t afford my MEDS??!!

I’m going to work VERY hard on maintaining my personal finances. I don’t bring in enough money doing surveys and mystery shops to make up my shortfall.

But – aside from accepting that I have a mental illness and will probably NEVER function as a “normal” person EVER again, and learning how to curb my splurges with my credit cards – I DO have some wonderful friends who DO treat me as if I don’t HAVE bipolar and fit into society like everybody else. This alone, gives me the strength to go on.

Hi, Nightlady; Heaven; Christine C, Royal and Kerriannnnn,

I hope that the following will help in some way, because everybody’s situation and reactions are always different.

Like David keeps reinforcing, one needs to find the BEST Doctor possible AND to take (but monitor regularly any side-effects) the Medication properly. The hardest part is to wean oneself off the other “props” that one tends to use as a more “acceptable” ‘self-medication’ method, such as Alcohol, Cigarettes or Drugs.

I don’t wish to appear ‘superior’ in any way, but I’ve finally managed to give up Cigarettes over a year ago “cold turkey” and Alcohol since the 2nd January 2008, using the same hard method of sheer willpower. (I also “knocked myself out” by taking two tranquiliser doses to help me sleep through the worst few days, even though I’ve been told off for risking my health by doing this!)

Presently, I’ve got a fantastic Medical Team behind me, but this wasn’t always the case. Due to my kind nature and long-standing habit of drinking myself to sleep after a long day’s work, I always got Engaged to Alcoholics, by falling for their “Sob Stories”. As I made a lot of money, I socialised with wealthy people, but when I had the chip pan accident and subsequently lost everything afterwards, not ONE of them offered to help me out!

I’ve a habit of making a joke out of everything, no matter how hard things are going, so when I went to visit a previous Doctor and told him that I was feeling suicidal because I thought that I’d lost my looks, my ability to work and was going through the process of bankruptcy, he told me to sort myself out or if I was serious, to jump off a bridge!?!

On my way home, I stocked up on loads of Alcohol and Cigarettes, locked myself in my office and furiously wrote him a 23 page A4 size letter on BOTH SIDES! Then I staggered down to the Postbox and after leaving a note for my Tenants to please feed the animals at my Sanctuary, I fell into a drunken sleep.

Two days later, a female Doctor came up my drive, just as I was leaving to see a Client. I’d forgotten all about the letter until she asked me if I was okay and told me that the other Doctor had been absolutely “bollocked” (reprimanded) by the Senior Doctors. (He nearly lost his job.) I told her that I was feeling better, but agreed to see her later in the week.

They sent me to visit the Head of Psychiatry in Cardiff, but because he couldn’t pronounce his “R’s” properly and had dandruff in his hair, I took an instant illogical dislike to him! (I was actually under the influence of Alcohol, as I used to drink even during the days back then.) I felt that he was a complete “Drip” (Loser) and that he was wasting my time.

The female Doctor started prescribing me Anti-Depressants, but I instinctively ‘knew’ that they were the wrong kind for me and so began the long trek of finding pills that wouldn’t make me ill. (Sometimes, Anti-Depressants can make a person already Manic tip over into an ‘Episode’.) I would faithfully collect my Medication and secretly not take it. I preferred to be NORMAL and use Alcohol and Cigarettes, instead!

Another thing I’ve always been vulnerable about are my emotions, because I’m such a giving person, that if I’m ‘betrayed’ in any way, my whole World can feel dark, gloomy and pointless. To combat this, I used to drink myself to oblivion and glug a large dose of ‘NightNurse’, a Cold Remedy designed to make one sleep, in order to regain some strength and perspective. I find that the worst thing about being upset is the inability to NOT be able to “Switch” one’s brain off and one constantly imagines the worst scenarios, which exhausts and absolutely drains the body.

Admittedly, although I’m doing well now, I still occasionally take a double dose of the Tranquilisers to help me over an emotional time, because I ALWAYS feel better after a good sleep. (David will probably be furious with me for telling you how I personally cope, because it’s dangerous and I don’t want to recommend it to anybody else who might copy my method and kill or harm themselves.)

Ironically, I’m STILL with the same Practice and the Doctor in question sheepishly apologised to me some time ago, after my proper ‘Cyclothymia’ diagnosis was made. I forgave him instantly and like to think that I’ve helped teach him to have a better ‘Bed-side Manner’. However, I’m now under the personal supervision of the Senior Doctor and see him every two weeks. I also see my new female Psychiatrist and Therapist every month and the Psychiatric Nurse visits my home every six weeks to take blood for tests.

There’s hope for everybody, but it’s finding the correct solution for your particular crisis that poses the problems. Exercise and ‘Spoiling’ oneself, such as having one’s hair done, etc. can help lift a low mood. My Aunty, now deceased, but a Model for ‘Vidal Sassoon’ in the 1960’s, also had ‘Bipolar'(but was shunned by the Family as an ‘Alcoholic’), told me once that whenever you’re feeling down, have a wash and put on clean clothes, then go out for a walk, even if it’s just around the block. I’ve tried this method often and found that it works because I inevitably end up bumping into somebody that I know, get chatting and start forgetting my woes whilst I listen to theirs!

Finally, on an excited note, my Psychiatric Nurse, ‘John Tredget’, just rang me and asked if I would participate in a TV Documentary Programme called, “Week In – Week Out” (broadcast in the U.K.), which is due to be filmed in about a month. Being the quiet; shy, retiring type, of course I agreed!

I hope that this extra long message helps you all. Try to find that inner strength and voice within you to pull you through these tough times.

I’m off to have my hair trimmed now as a treat. Take care all,

Sue and all the animals. x

Hiya, David and Graham N,

I agree that when one’s feeling down, sedated and depressed that it’s very hard to find the motivation to actually shower and pour out a bowl of cereal, let alone go to the gym or try some other exercise, but I’m attempting to lose weight and regain my previous high level of fitness by “bribes” to myself. You see, I’ve discovered that my brain works in such a way that if ANYBODY tells me NOT to do something, then I’ll want to do it all the more and have often done so, just out of spite to disregard the order. However, if I lure myself into thinking that I’m CHOOSING to do something and that it’s ONLY for today, NOT forever, then I can usually trick myself into carrying out the task. (This method helped me a lot to give up Cigarettes and Alcohol.)

The new Medications put quite a lot of weight on me last year, so I’m about to begin an intensive three-month training course in a gym, even though the tired part of me would rather stay in bed or laze about the place. I’m telling myself that it’s only for a while, but deep down I’m hoping that my “Addictive Personality” will ‘kick in’ and once the Adrenaline and Endorphins start pumping around my body, I’ll become addicted to exercise instead of other vices!

I’m absolutely knackered now after a busy but brilliant day. I’m off to bed to start planning what I’ll be saying about ‘Bipolar’ for that TV Documentary scheduled for filming next month.

Take care all of you out there. Be brave, strong and forever hopeful.

Love,

Sue and all the animals. x

Hiya, David and Ana!

Good morning! I’m about to actually WALK to my Doctor’s for some more pills, rather than take the car (about 3 miles, there and back). Impressive, or what!? Plus, it’s raining, but I love it as it puts me into a pensive mood.

There ARE positive aspects to Bipolar when the person is either stabilised or manic, on top of the well-known creativity aspect and these are that whilst in either of these states, the person is capable of accomplishing the work of ten people and solving difficult problems that others find virtually impossible to attempt.

However, the downside is that this can lead to resentment and jealousy from the “Normal” people, who feel ‘threatened’ by the superior behaviour of the Bipolar individual, which can lead to nastiness and then thus cause the NEXT ‘Episode’ for the Bipolar subject! Hence, there appears to be some kind of ‘vicious circle’ element existing within Society at present, that I’m trying hard in my own small way to address within the U.K.

There’s still an enormous ‘STIGMA’ against ‘Mental Illness’ of any kind and I feel that many so-called ‘Drug-Addicts’ or ‘Alcoholics’ are actually merely ‘Self-Medicating’ themselves in what they regard as a more “acceptable” way of treating their disorders, rather than face the full; hard, honest truth that they need PROPER Medical Treatment in order to stabilise themselves.

I’m hoping that the forthcoming TV Documentary, which I’ll be heavily involved in, will help to reduce the fear in general of the Public and enhance their overall knowledge and tolerance of the illness.

Personally, I regard my condition as a blessing. I’ve certainly led a very interesting, varied and adventurous life which I might not have done, had I been lacking the Hormones that constantly shield me from feeling any sense of fear (except heights!) or trepidation.

Although I’ve often cringed at some of the loopy things that I’ve done, my sense of humour allows me to forgive myself and laugh, then thank our ‘Maker’ and the huge team of ‘Guardians’ assigned to protect me. (They must be on “Danger Money” with me!)

I’m also more sincere; honest; loving; caring, thoughtful and entertaining than the “Average” person (whatever “Average” means).

Yes, Ana, there are many positive sides to having Bipolar, even though it’s hard being on the receiving end when the illness is forcing the person into an ‘Episode’. (Out of sheer protection for my OWN safety and sanity, I’ve only recently taken my bi-sexual partner back on MY terms which are that he no longer has a key; only stays over at week-ends, but rings me every night to tell me how his day went and to say that he loves me. This is because he virtually caused my last ‘Episode’, where I had ‘Panic Attacks’; kept Vomiting, etc. and had to be heavily sedated and also because he has ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)’, but rather than see a Doctor, he ‘Self-Medicates’ constantly with Alcohol.)

That reminds me, I’d better sign off now as I’m off to see my Doctor to ask him if he wants a mention in the TV Documentary.

Take care all,

Sue and all the animals. x

Intense pain I was told by doctor and therapist can cause Mania behaviors. They said to me to what ever the degree your injuries are what it does it that it frusterates you, stopping you from doing your daily routines and then it effects the moods. Feels like your trapped and so on, that it what I was told. depends on the person really.

Hi Ya Susie;
thanks for the awesome comment! just read it! you are so right. doing little things for your self is a big lift. Like you said from getting a hair cut, maybe the salon, it does lift you.
I have done the “same” thing with the last few partners I was with, Alcoholics, drug abusers and so on. I finally broke that through a whole of therapy to make me see what I was doing and who I was chosing. It runs in our family, My mom’s mom, my own mother, my sister, they all have bi-polar, and they all have had “hard” relationships, so it took me a few years to break that chain.
Now I am with a great guy, very paitient and understanding, willing to learn all about bi-polar for us….it is amazing when you have this much goodness in your life and how better it makes you feel…..you have to fight and not give up. I know there is so many people out there who have BP and just want to give up because things are hard….well DO NOT give up….keep fighting for your peace and happiness it will come, and if there is someone going out of their way to make you miserable or just being negative…get rid of them!!!!!

Hello Haven;
I just read your blog to me. DO NOT GIVE UP!!! What ever is making you negative…get rid of it, whether it i friends, boyfriends, get rid of it. I know that sounds cold, but if you do not, it will make you worse, and if they cannot understand, that is their problem.
I just went through a major over haul in my life. Again like I said I was with a partner for seven years, and he was 80% negative, but balmed me for it. He would control me, speak for me at my doctors, therefore I was getting the wrong medications. One day I just snapped!
I told my doctors that thwe medications were not working, and that they had to find other ones soon, or I just will not take them at all, so they now have me on pretty good ones. And I told my boyfriend right out that I was leaving and why, it went over like a lead balloon, but I did not care at the time, just had to get away. My life now is fairly settled, and I am with a great guy who is soooo understanding, I just can’t believe he is real.
What you have to do is take control…do not let the doctors control you. Tell them that the medications are not working or they are making you worse, tell the therapist that his stuff is not working either and that you two have to come up with better solutions.
You have to keep fighting Haven…it will get better!!