Bipolar Warning – Take Control, or Else!


What’s new?

Hope you are having a great day.

I wanted to talk today about the importance of two things.

1. If you have bipolar disorder you should have an agreement with a supporter that if you become unstable you will want that person to do what it takes to get you into treatment.

2. If you are a bipolar supporter and even if you don’t have this agreement, you should do whatever it takes to get someone into treatment.

People forget that with bipolar disorder lots of people take their own lives. Lots of people do terrible things. It’s almost always because a person was NOT taking their medication and they had no system or method to get stable again. They had no supporters.

I have a woman named Michele who works for me who has bipolar disorder. She had a sister who also had bipolar disorder. Notice I said HAD. She HAD bipolar disorder. That’s because she killed herself. That’s right – she committed suicide because even though she had supporters, including her sister Michele, she went off her bipolar medication.

So when I stress that people with the disorder stay on their medication, it’s not for my sake, it’s for theirs!

And when I stress that supporters do whatever they have to do to make sure that their loved ones stay on their medication to make sure that they DON’T take their own lives, I am serious about it!


In my courses/systems below:







I stress the importance of taking medication to control and manage bipolar disorder. Now, hopefully, you understand why.

I have been accused (usually by people with the disorder who are NOT taking their medication) of supporting the drug companies. Now you understand that I am not. I am only concerned with you and your loved one and that they stay alive!

PLEASE take this warning seriously and don’t let your loved one be like Michele’s sister?



David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

  1. You asked if I was having a good day, No, I am not having a good day. I am trying to follow everything you have said. I am a supporter. My family member is bipolar. I don’t know from one minute to the next what to do or how to respond or how to take action. I am the one contimplating suicide. It is getting very difficult to deal with this!

  2. My daughter was 17 when she committed suicide. No doctor or anyone said
    she had bipolar. Then I read Autumn’s article in the Chatelaine magazine.
    It was like reading about my daughter. (Autumn had bipolar)Then my 11yr old daughter started acting different. I got your website from the same
    mag. ordered your course. Now I know that is what my daughters had/have. Your course is good. I just wish…….I guess we can’t go back…
    but now I know HOW to help my 11yr old. Thanks (our storey is long,
    probably like everyone else who falls through the cracks!)

  3. I have a son who was diagnosed with ODD and Major Depressive Disorder. He refuses to go back to see a Dr. and take any medication. He is going to be 18 in about 1 month. He has very poor judgement in daily things he does. The so called ‘friends’ he chooses are complete idiotic loosers and he does things to impress them and be cool with them. There is probley nothing left for me to but wait until he gets into one of his dark moods and ends it all. Im afraid some days to come home from work, that I am going to find him hanging or not alive for some other reason. I try to talk to him about his feelings, what is he thinking about-doing ?? with his life, education….and I guess that is too much because he cops and attitude right off and don’t want to talk about anything at all with me. I don’t know what else I can do but give it to the Lord.

  4. Hi Dave & crew,TY! for all your hard work,even if we can’t help everyone you have given me hope and a invaluable amt of information. I have SOOOO many questions that would help you,help me, & others that I’d like to ask you or one of your crew,(no credit card needed,LOL!). It seems my Dr. nor my therapist can help me answer.I wished you or one of your people would contact me,(anonimously,if you prefer)and & just let me pose these questions to you.Feel free to e-mail me back so that I can ask these questions. I don’t expect an immediate answer to any of them but I believe it will not only give you a bevy of information for your coloum but I’m sure it’s questions that others want to know also. Thanks again and I sure hope You can honor my request. It would mean so much to me. I’m only light to moderate bipolar & I feel so badly for those who are so much more advanced. I had a friend that commited suicide years ago & I believe she was bipolar & no one knew what it was then & although she received some counseling & meds for depression,they didn’t work,Not sure if she was on them at the time. I truly believe we can help others.
    Thanks again & God Bless!! Wanda

  5. It’s a sad fact! Medications do improve the stability, but when you see the signs of mania or depression it is important to seek medical attention, and get the meds changed a little. I had been stable for a year and a half. I took an allergy med, and it took me out of stability as soon as an emotional trigger set it off. Seems like when one thing happens another, and another, etc.. thing happens. I deal really well with family gatherings when I am stable. If I am not, then I have to stay home and live with the guilt of not attending. Up, down! I am back to normal now that one med was increased and I stopped taking the allergy med to a different name brand.

    If you are a supporter, you need support also! Yes, David’s course helps you understand BP and what to do. But you have to seek counseling for yourself, do things for yourself too, and do not feel guilty for disliking BIP (unstable term). However, if you let BIP get the upper hand it will send you, the supporter over the edge. Seek those who can help you understand your loved one’s BIP. Someone who can help you cope! Faith is 50%, getting them treatment is also 50%. You have to believe they can be better if they are medically treated, and that you can inspire them to get the help they need to get rid of BIP. When stable Bipolar’s are usually the most loving, and caring people you know! Supporters you are the love! Be strong, and persevere….just look at Brittany Spears as a prime example. She looks and acts like a different person, free of BIP!

  6. Hello David: My husband has bipolar disorder, he was being treated by a doctor through my health insurance plan. The clinic he was visiting stop taking my insurance and my husband told me that he was released and ok and he did not need to see any doctors anymore. I was very happy for about a year. Then he started drinking as a form of self medication, he started hearing voices again. after a violent episode I contacted his previous doctor who had the police go to our house and he went on a 72 hour hold that lasted 5 days instead. He went back to his medications and was doing great until he developed diabetes. The doctor changed his medications at the same time his father died and he flew for the funeral. You may know he left the medications at home and was without them for 10 days. So he comes back and he feels good. This was 14 months ago. He became ongoing manic since last October. He lost his job in April. I called the clinic again and his doctor was not there so they couldn’t help. I called the police to take him to the hospital but he was very cooperative so they did not see any mental threat at the moment but anyway arrested him for domestic violence (which was worst) because he pushed me on his way out. I lost my husband (18 years of marriage and 3 daughters), I am on the brink of losing my home as we are dealing with half the income right now just because I didn’t pursue his treatment with more energy. Please don’t let anyone forget their medication. Also as a result of this I developed situational major depression wich I can tell you is not fun. DON”T LET YOUR LOVED ONE STOP THEIR MEDICATIONS!!!!!!

  7. Does anyone know thee best medicine mostly recomended by doctors ….I mean one that works that does not say side effects are suicide!!!!!???? Please help someone give me a list of them that are known to work !!!!With the least dangerous side effects. Thank you

  8. Irony — The irony of it all.

    I was a pastor and teacher — trained and schooled in the diseases of the soul. When my wife was diagnosed with clinical depression (she only has the one pole — not two!), I was prepared by years of education and experience to deal with the matter. She began taking her Zoloft, very faithfully and without complaint. It got her through the day — meaning she no longer spent hours at a time in a fetal position on the closet floor crying. She could do chores around the house, but she had a lot of trouble managing the children, often creating arguments by taking their misbehavior personally, and confusing vengeance with discipline. The attitudes that developed you can well imagine.

    I well understood that there were two aspects to the problem — the physical, which we managed with medication, and the spiritual, which I was trying to manage through love and pastoral care. UNDERSTAND ME CLEARLY: I HAD THE TOOLS, AND KNEW HOW TO USE THEM. I HAD DEALT WITH THIS PROLEM MANY TIMES IN MY PASTORAL WORK — WITH GREAT SUCCESS.

    I got nowhere. Everything I knew was useless. My wife began to hate me. My words of encouragement were received as accusations and condemnation; my expressions of loved were received as filthy lies; my questions of concern were received at best as unwelcome prying, at worst as a frontal assault; my compliments were received as insults; and when I said nothing, she manufactured offensive conversation in order to find something to resent in what she though I might be thinking.

    This is what I had been trained to expect. Depression seeks to justify itself. It needs a place to project its venom, ant that place is usually somebody whom the depressed person can trust to take the heat. Given that perspective, I suppose I should be honored by her choice.

    I tried to get her counseling with other pastors — she refused for years. I finally found a minister she would talk to: This lasted for three days. She refused to go back, because she believed that “you and your buddy are ganging up on me.” Her attitude toward any kind of pastoral care, even from men I did not know, became increasingly paranoid.

    I became the focus of evil in the universe.

    For obvious reasons, my ministry soon collapsed. I found myself unemployed and without insurance. I bounced from job to job, trying to scratch out a living; the instability, of course, did nothing to help my wife’s illness. Then, a new complication arose.

    My wife’s father died. This was a man among men, a model of gracious, gentle stability. For 49 years he had patiently cared for his wife, who was now beginning her descent into Alzheimer’s. We had to move to Miami to live with her and care for her. That was 6 years ago.

    My wife is now totally agorophobic. She will not leave the house. I have to stay home most days to maintain order; the slightest problem reduces her to tears. I can’t leave for very long because I do not know whether she will be alive when I get back. She says she won’t kill herself because she is too afraid. I dread the possiblility of a moment of courage — or the possibility that she may fear another day on this earth more than she fears dying.

    My children do everything they can to stay out of house as much as possible; I can’t say that I blame them.

    My wife screams constantly at her poor bewildered mother, and I find myself stopping 10 fights a day. My mother-in-law, defenseless, simply weeps in confusion.

    When my wife is in a depressive episode, the WORST thing I can do is be nice to her. Her response to kindness is guilt, which compounds the problem. If I speak to her at all, she will collapse. If I am cold and distant, she will become angry enough to come out of the episode in a matter of hours. Better she be mad at me than that she curl up and die.

    The most effective treatment has been our cats — I highly recommend cats as an anti-depressant! They create calm, and help the depressed person relax and get the feelings out.

    But here the situation rests: We have less than zero money because I cannot work. We live — for now — on my mother-in-law’s pensions. This in practice means that we may choose exactly ONE necessity to pay for every month: either food, or medication, or the morgage, or the electric bill. My electricity will be turned off within the week; water should follow within a day. My phones are disconnected. Every credit card (there are many) is over limit and past due; my cell phone rings constantly with bill collectors.

    Our home has fallen into neglect: The stove does not work, and I can’t fix or replace it. The disposal and dishwasher are both also dead. A once-beautiful swimming pool now festers green because chorine is no longer in the budget. Forty-five years of use has left our wiring questionable — switches and fuses function according to the mood of the box. For the moment, I continue to subdue rebellious plumbing with plunger and Drano, but it is only a matter of time before that battle, too, is lost. Our yard man is working for free because he feels sorry for us — we can’t afford to buy a mower and fire him.

    My wife is stretching out her medication to make it last longer because we don’t have enough money to keep her supplied. I have just found out that we cannot do a reverse mortgage, and next week, for the first time in my life, I will miss a mortgage payment — another grim irony, since I am a mortgage loan officer.

    The church I attend is providing limited financial help, but I cannot expect them to support me entirely and indefinitely.

    This illness has ruined our whole family’s life. I am at the end of my rope — Within the next 120 days I am looking at being homeless with a family of 6, including an Alzheimer’s patient, three children, and a major depressive. I can virtually GUARANTEE that when the sheriff comes to evict us, my wife will finally collapse beyond all hope of recovery.

    Somebody tell me how to get her the pastoral care she needs to overcome this plague!!! I need somebody to talk to TODAY. Call 305-244-0681. Ask for James.

  9. dear mr. DAVID OLIVER.,

  10. Hello David:
    I guess you already know I am a supporter. Even after my daughter was diagnostic with bipolar disorder and other things, have been under treatment for many years, was getting worst, until I reed one of your letters in which you advised people to combine the medication. She took your advise, went to the her doctor, and now, thanks to God and you, she has not had any episodes since. I totally agree with you. I can not imagine a person with bipolar disorder without taking medication. It is devastating not only for that person but for the supporter one.And, for the ones who say you are supporting the drug companies, they are just in denying. This is a disease, and you have to dial with it the same way you do with other kind of diseases.
    Sincerely yours, isolina collazos

  11. Hi…I had mainly gotten involved in this website as my son has had many complications from what I think is bipolar disorder. He does everything to excess, especially drinking. I don’t know if he is an alcoholic or not because he’ll stop for sometime, but then I see him crecendo into a full blown episode of drinking for days. He then fights with everyone (verbally). I was very moody throughout my children’s lives…pmdd or maybe I am bipolar II. My point is that support and therapy have helped me tremendously and I recommend it to my son. He has gone through many months of rehab, therapy, etc. Now he has a fiance and a 5 month old baby girl. They all live with us, so you can imagine how stressful it is. I want, more than anything to see him move forward and get a two bedroom apartment, and look to the future, but he takes two steps forward, and three steps back all the time. He does not take meds and, even though I am a big believer in them, when he went off of Effexor, he attempted suicide, not because he was manic, but because that’s what the medication does if you stop it immediately. He hasn’t taken any since, and it has been three years. How did we all manage in the previous generation?

  12. Dear Dave:

    You are absolutely correct about supportors or anyone else who becomes aware that a person is so deeply depressed that he/she is not safe. That is why I signed release of info forms so that my supporter can legally call my doctor or therapist if he feels I’m in danger, and they can talk to each other as well.

    But you are SO wrong about some other things. You must know that bipolar is a very complex mental illness, and it affects everyone in different ways. You’re saying that people commit suicide because they don’t get into treatment and don’t take their medication. That is naiive and simplistic. I was darned close to doing myself in just a few days ago, and I was taking my medications diligently, seeing my psychiatrist frequently, and was in close contact with my therapist. I have a wonderful supporter. But the pain I was feeling from the depths of the depression I was in was so severe and so dangerous that I came frightening close to “doing myself in”. And that has happened to me before – while I was taking meds, while I was in therapy. I happen to be one of those who is very treatment resistant. You know what I mean, because just the other day you were talking about ECT, and about how it was a last resort. People who get ECT have already gone the route of trying many different medications in different combinations, but they don’t respond.

    I know some people who are bipolar who are fairly stable, and who take their meds, etc. But I know others, and I am one of them, who have a more complex brain chemistry and am just very resistant to treatment. For a bipolar to take medication is not like someone taking penicillin for strep throat – it just isn’t as simple as that. It is completely inaccurate to say that the 20% of bipolar patients who commit suicide are not in treatment and are not taking medications. I don’t know what the exact statistics are, but many bipolars who kill themselves are on medication and are under psychiatric supervision. For some, their only hope is that they should be hospitalized to keep them safe. But they can’t be kept in the hospital forever. Sometimes, in spite of trying many diffferent meds, in spite of changing Dr.’s if necessary, in spite of the most qualified of therapists, depression just will not go away. Suicidal people have a very distorted thought process, and people who haven’t experienced this can’t even begin to understand. As you know, even ECT isn’t effective in every case. For some reason or reasons that I don’t think psychiatry has identified yet, certain bipolar sufferers are just resistant to treatment.

    I worked in psychiatric nursing, and I had many, many suicidal thoughts and attempts myself. With bipolar, and other mental illnesses, there are no guarantees.

    Anyone who is verbalizing suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously, and every effort should be made to keep them safe. They can’t be alone because they are not in control of their thoughts, emotions or actions. If there is any doubt that someone might be suicidal, any and every effort should be made to prevent it, in the hopes that, in buying time, the person will begin to feel better. Most depressions are self-limiting, but they can be so dangerous that the person must be protected from themselves. The supporter could call 911, or the therapist and/or psychiatrist should make arrangements for admission to a hospital. Even then, if a person’s thinking is so skewed, they can’t be stopped if they’re really serious in their intent.

    There is no “magic pill” for all bipolars. For some of them, yes. But there will always be that percentage of bipolars who just cannot be helped, even if they are doing everything “right”. There is no system that exists to combat those who are extremely treatment resistant. It’s very tragic, but it’s a fact.

  13. I dont know if my daughter went off her meds lithium, SHE ALSO TAKES SARAQUIL, but she has tried to kill herselve two times now, each time she had been fighting with her husband, he knows how to push her buttons, he’s read the books and knows how to manipulate her and the illness, he is cruel to her and i cant stand him, Each time though she pushes us away ” her family” and says “he’s the only one” who loves her and understands her illness, when i believe her family are the only ones who is trying to help her, shes an alcoholic, and each time she takes pills and alcohol to kill herselve, the first time she went to a mental hospital, but they let her out because they said it wasnt a mental problem but a alcohol and drug problem, she says she is going to do it again because she’s so very tired of dealing with the illness, I don’t know what to do because she won’t listen and call someone for help. PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING.

  14. Hi Dave,
    Boy can I relate to this one! I suffer from bipolar and my major support system was (note I say was) my theripist and doctor. However through the years I have been lied to by both and have stopped taking my meds now for over a month. I hate myself and feel very sucicidal at times as well as being angry and cranky all the time. When I took my theripist’s advice and consented to go to the hospital they wouldn’t take me because I refused to take any meds. Yes, you heard right they refused me because I will not take any meds. From your articles that is a major sign I need help and where were they………..? I know that I should change theripists and doctors but I live in a very rural area and there is no one else within a 50 t mile radius so I am stuck with them,whom I don’t trust or go it alone. My friends and family are not understanding of my disese so I have no one to turn to for that “trusting person” to help me when I get bad and don’t realise it.

  15. Hi Dave, Thanks for the warning. In South Africa it seems that hardly anybody knows of this illness and its dangers. I am a spouse of a 60 year old who is on Ritalin and Lithium. His bouts of activity are becoming worse and take longer to subside. He is in charge of his own meds., but I am not sure whether he is taking them correctly. So, now I am having the bad times and he the oblivious ones.
    Thanks for listening, Regards Suleen

  16. Hello Dave,

    I always enjoy and learn much more each time I receive your emails. My 40 year old has suffered with this disgusting treacherous disease from the early age of 6 diagnosed as a spoiled kid. Have you ever heard of such stupidity from a Board Certified Phyciatrist? Finally this year they have found the right medication for her and she is acually finding out what normal is. For 20 +years of me waiting for the phone, doorbell, or the law to inform be of her being either dead or in jail I can rest some. I still have to be alert as her father was never diagnosed and he took his life in the late nineties. I never suspected he was ill. So all I can say is keep up the good work and God Bless u r a ANGEL

  17. I agree with “Sue from OH” that there are as many examples of bipolar as there are of COPD or diabetes. Some ARE treatment-resistant and just seem bent on destroying their lives. I don’t know if this is always a side effect of BEING on a certain medication, or going OFF a certain medication; but there are “black boxes” on most antipsychotics that WARN of suicide as being a side effect of that medication.

    I hope to hear from “Tried Them All” that s/he is still with us, and has not succeeded in completing “the act.” Although I don’t know the people on these posts, EVERY one of them is special to me as I read their blogs, and EVERY one of them deserves a good life. As stated above, you can have the BEST of a support team (psychiatrist, therapist, medications), and STILL have suicidal ideation.

    I guess I’m one of the lucky ones; I’ve never even attempted suicide or had a “plan” worked out. I don’t know how to “bring someone down” off of a suicide attempt, or how to talk to them. But EVERY bipolar survivor deserves to LIVE; it was also stated that “depression is self-limiting” and goes away with time. If anyone can get to the suicidal person in TIME, it offers a “grace period” to get their thought processes back in line with “normal” (whatever that is).

    I had two hospitalizations for mania while I was ON my meds, so there are NO guarantees there, either. I took them as prescribed, and STILL “went off.” Looking back, I see the triggers – hyperactivity and promiscuity. They seemed to override the meds and take on a life of their own.

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.

  18. I have a friend that has limited finacises and can not get help with her mecdind. has hurt her mother a a jumber of times. she is 76 I am concerened about them both but I can not supply the medicine. and she can not get a perscription either. it is a sad situation what can I do. norma whitten

  19. Dear David,

    I hve posted to your emails before. My boyfriend is BP. He has been out of town for 2 1/2 months. He reurned the other day. I did something that was really stupid. I got drunk and that upset him. I am not going into the reason for my getting drunk. But the other night Robert started drinking heavily. By the end of the evening he was so drunk that he could hardly walk. He was crying and then he got very agitated. I took his keys so that he could not drive. We got into a very big fight and he moved out of the house. He has a doctors visit tomorrow. I did something the other day because I am concerned about him, you see I love him so much that it hurts. I called his doctor and told them about his episodes that he has been having since early June. I am afraid to say anything to his friends and family because whatever I say they repeat back to him, sometimes very distorted. What do I do because he is moving to AZ. I want to go with him but I am not sure how he feels. He seems intent on distancing himself from people that love him. Help!!! I am very frustrated and confused as he accuses me of doing things that I am doing.

  20. My heart goes out to James, his wife and family. It is disturbing to know that you are a pastor and has had the opportunity to help a lot of people through your teachings and I guess sometime with their financial struggles, and now no one is there to help you.
    I don’t know if you are aware of the resources that are available to you, but you should contact the Department of Human Resources and the Social Security Administration right away to start receiving benefits you and your family are entitled to.
    I hope that your pride in asking for help has not been the cause for the predicament you are currently facing. I would like to believe that you indeed have the faith of Job, but, the bible also teaches that, We have not, because we ask not. Not just; not asking for the things we desire of him, but, not asking our fellow man to do what we are all put here to do, and that is to love, share and be of service to one another.
    There is help out here for you and your family, it may not be exactly what you desire, and may be humiliating to have to accept some of the stiff and interrogating terms,but, it sure beats waiting till the last minute to enlist the help you need to prevent your family from becoming homeless and in such a state of disparity that the entire family becomes so depressed to the point of no return.
    Because you stated that you are into ministry, I would like to share a prayer with you, and for anyone who may be offended or don’t understand, well, It’s not for you.

    Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you abundantly bless my family and me.
    I know that you recognize, that a Family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and
    Wife, but all who believe and trust in You.

    GOD, I send up a prayer request for financial blessing for not only the Person who wish this for me, but for me and all that I have shared this message with. And that the power of joined prayer by those who Believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything!
    I thank you in Advance for your blessings. God, deliver the person reading this right Now from debt and debt burdens.
    Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that you Have given me GOD, for I know how wonderful and mighty you are and how,
    If we just obey you and walk in your word and have the faith of a
    Mustard seed that you will pour out blessings. I thank you now Lord for
    The recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come
    Because I know you are not done with me yet. Amen

    You have endured more than your fair share of hardship and I commend you for sacrificing so much to be able to do what you were able to to when you could. But, now is the time to take immediate action from reliable and professional resources. They are out there!

    You are at a point where it takes more than a word of encouragement to get you from where you are, mentally, financially, emotionally, and physically. Be very careful on how you go about getting the help you need because unfortunately there are predators waiting for opportunities to seep you further into disparity.

    Sue in OH, I understanding what you are saying, but, just as bipolar has differential effects on people and how they respond or resist treatment, it is also helps to encourage and inform about the success of the many ways that medication more often then not help to prevent, and help people cope with bipolar and other disorders. Tomorrow is not promised to anybody, but be encourage that there is always something bigger, brighter and better under the sun and who knows, It is possible that a cure can be discovered today, or tomorrow.

    In the Words of Jessie Jackson.

    KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Dear Dave

    I feel like that first response i don’t know what to do anymore sometimes. I am going to Dr. with my daughter to have her sign me up so they will communicate with me about her when i need it. I know i have to be supportive, being a recovering addict i know how important a support group or person is. I am trying to help my daughter as much as i can but she does make it unbearable at times. I also believe in the support of prayer and i use that often. don’t give up on supporting this person, educate yourself about the disease, talk to a support person and most of all use your resources that your state mental health system provides. My daughter says she is to scared to committ suicide, but she does threaten me with death from time to time.

  22. I am on several antidepressants….ones I, over the years ,refused to take . For the usual reasons. I am SOOO glad my wonderful doctor understood and “worked” with me. To those who are appossed to pharmacutcal solutions….Imagine even ONE DAY that “felt right’. Sometimes it takes a little ‘work’, but it is soooo worth it to wake up EVERY day grateful and happy and HOPEFUL. Let me say that again…..the possibillity that every day could feel right and HOPEFUL. Nuf said. Peace

  23. A good day… Maybe. My boyfriend that I have had for almost a year and also reads your email designed for him has left me. I am confused why… he says that I did things that I do not remember. I know that I was very angry and what I said after that I do not remember. I miss him so much but I’m pretty sure it is over and mostly because I don’t know how to appologize for what I did. I was upset and took an extra dose of my ativan. which is an amnesiac. I feel like I have lost a great man because of my illness. Don’t worry I do not feel suicidal, depressed ya but mostly sure that I will never have a real relationship because of my problem. It has almost been three weeks but I am still sad because I must have caused more hurt to someone else that I loved so much. I never wanted to do that and I feel that I have done so much work over the years and the outcome will be the same. That I will hurt the ones I love, anyway thank you for the support you have given me and keep it up. I need more support now than ever. Again THANKS! Luv ya

  24. To SUNNY: I know right now, it seems like the end of the world. When you lose someone you love, it feels as if you’ll never love again, or you’re somehow “unlovable.” I can tell you, by experience, that when the right man comes along, you’ll know it. I’ve had many GREAT relationships, and two husbands (though they both died).

    It sounds as if you’re still young; you have many good years ahead of you. Just be patient; both my husbands knew of my bipolar – and they married me anyway!! You just need someone more understanding; it sounds as it you have a grip on your illness – more the better.

    Don’t keep beating yourself up; it may NOT have been something you had any control over – and – he may not have been the right one for you. I know it hurts now; but give it time. There was 9 years between the death of my first husband and meeting my second. I got married for the first time at 36; my husband was 29. I got married the second time at 55; my husband was 74. So – take the voice of wisdom and play up your good points (which I’m sure you’ve got plenty!).

    May God hold you in the Palm of His Hand, and guide you through this.

  25. What do you do when no matter what you do that person with bipolar just won’t listen. And you are so tried of trying that you can not try no more?

  26. Dear DAlene (and others in the same supporter situation), I, for one, tire of hearing over and over the same things. I try them, they don’t work. Nothing works. I am not a quitter or a loser. I am a finisher. I am done. I tried it, it did not work. Please don’t fault others for trying. I have tried til exaustion and till the very, very end of my mental health benefits. I have tried and I have no options left. I am tired of trying. I give up.

  27. I am bipolar. I want to say to every supporter, like my beloved husband, a bipolar patient does love and does care. You guys who support do not feel that love so many days, thankyou for keeping trying! My biggest fear when I stop sleeping when the season turns and I start hearing myself speak faster, is what it is that I am going to do to my family when my sanity leaves me. The anxiety becomes overwhelming. I do not become psychotic, I get anger outbursts that are damaging to my family and my own self value. I hate the demon I become. Today I got up after the first night of sleep in quite a few and I know that I beat it by drinking my meds faithfully and exercising more when I started feeling myself slip. I immediately communicated to my husband that a slip has started. We talked about our fears, he reminded me of medication in the mornings, he made sure the kids gave me a chance to go to the gym, he brought me tea instead of coffee so the caffeiene won’t stimulate me, we took everything slower. I didn’t slip into an episode because we took the warning signs seriously. I know you wish your bipolar loved one will get to a point where they take action themselves, but I don’t know how we got to this point where we can manage it like this. We had people who taught us about signs, and we kept a diary for a long time of physiological things. My husband noticed that flue or bladder infection kicked me into rapid cycles. My son noticed that turning of all noises helps me a lot during certain periods. My daughter noticed that touching me when I am so wild that Tarzan won’t come near me grounds me in an instant and brings rationality back. We have THE BOOK in our house. On the first page are all the contact numbers of professionals and family who assist me, the dosages of my normal medication, my crisis medication, where it is stored. The rest is all the research and the things we notice in our house. The children have pages where they can write what they feel and what they notice. We have pages like that. When I feel strong enough I read it and talk to my children about it. I say sorry for things I have screamed. Children don’t care that your sick, if it hurts it hurts. Darlene, touch him. Just that. Rub him, stroke him, touch him, it brings him into touch with reality. And please know that I am out here knowing the damage this has done to you! I know how tired you are, my husband’s eyes have told me many times. Thank you for sticking it out!

  28. The best point my husband and I have reached is where we said: “I am not my bipolar”. It comes to a point where everything turns around it. Look into yourself and find the other things that you once were. They are still there. I am bipolar, but I am also a fun mom, a good cook, a good organiser, a writer, I still have the eyes my husband finds intoxicating, I still have unusual perseverance in sport and in life. I am still those things. I am still also a bad dancer and I still can’t draw or paint. There is a me beyond bipolar. Sunny – there is a you beyond bipolar! When you meet someone again, teach them that. But teach yourself first. You control your bipolar best once it is not EVERYTHING to you. My fear was that I would loose everyone I love and just perish. Then I realised there is more to me than that. My friend has breast cancer, I have bipolar. She has musical talent and I can write. She is not just cancer and I am not just bipolar. Make it AN element of your life, not YOUR LIFE. This is difficult, trust me, I know!

  29. To Suleen,

    I am also South African, and I experience the same. What is worse the COST of the medications and the unwillingness of the MEDICAL FUNDS to treat bipolar as a disease. I am with you all the way. Please correspond some more. I need someone who understand that we can assume less here in the southern tip of Africa.

  30. Thank you for your informations about bipolar desorder which are very helpful. I am not ditectly concerned with bipolar desorder but my sister’s husband has bipolar desorder since 1988 and till now he hasn’t be traited. It is a big problem for my sister and her children. Her main question is how to tell her husband about bipolar desorder without making him angry? My question to you is : why do you do this job? are you christian and you want help people or do you have any other interest?

  31. Hi Dave

    Firstly I want to thank you for the wonderful things you have written and done on this site, I have been with you since March 2008 and read every mail that comes through daily.

    I have a little of a success storey, I was in a terrible place about a year ago when my husband left me after 20 years of marraige I had fought cancer, had raised my kids 4 of them the youngest now 15 the oldest now 22, all the years I had no knowledge of the fact that I had bipolar I thought it was depression and I tried suicide I cried I slept for days on end and never moved from my room for weeks was angry the whole time to mention a few of the symptoms. This whole process had been going on for about 15 years and all my ex husband could say to me when I had an episode was “stop being pathetic” I really believed I was being pathetic and stupid allowing myself to get into this state. Now comes the good part. He left me and I landed up in hospital and was placed under the car of an excellent doctor and therapist and was diagnosied with Bipolar at long last I knew what was wrong with me and it could be treated. My treatment started in January this year and I started the long road to recovery and the medication is doing wonders for me then about a month ago I ran out of medication for about a week and I can’t begin to tell you the side effects it was awful I hurried to get back on it and once I was everthing retuned to normal I have also met a wonderful man who is fully aware of my condition and who is prepared to support me and stand by me no matter what, this is so amazing he is very careful that I do not go off my meds and that I keep my appointments at all times and that he is involved in every aspect of the disease management so that if anything should happen he can take immediate control and help me to get stable again and hopefully that won’t happen anytime soon.

  32. Dave,
    I hope this is an appropriate way to reach you. I married a lovely woman a year ago. Our lives quickly got very hectic and overwhelmed us both. I have suffered from anxiety and depression, my mother and sister both have bipolor disorders. After a short time I started to notice these behaviors in my wife. I suggested that she evaluate her medication because she was taking prozac at the time and it didnt seem to be working. After consulting her doctor she switched to Effexor. She became more aggressive and critical of me and put on a ton of weight which aggrivated her self esteem issues. Because of the weight gain she decided to go off medication altogether. I pleaded with her not too, knowing all to well what happens when they stop. My life is hell. As soon as she came off the meds she turned off completely and then began to accuse me of all kinds of things that justified asking for divorce. We have now been seperated for almost a month. I have tried talking to everyone who knows her to help her by getting her to a psyciatric evaluation and to go back on medication. I know this is the only hope I have of saving my marriage. Thus far no one seem to believe me that she has a disorder. I dont know what to do. I love her so much. But I also realize that I cant take the abuse in our marriage if she doesnt take her medication anyway so I guess In a way im lucky not to have to deal with it on a daily basis. I dont know what else to do. I know she needs help. Do you have any advice for saving my marriage????

  33. What happens when the one you are supporting snaps on you from taking too much medication because he or she likes the way it makes them feel. And then physical harms or you feel very threaten by them and then they rape you?? Should you stick around and support them even more like you have been or step away??

  34. Hi David,

    I believe that my 19 year old step daughter may be bipolar. She has been exhibiting signs for the past couple of years. Even earlier on they diagnosed her with ADHD. She has been seeing numerous psycologists (because she keeps
    changing as she doesn’t “like” them) and now she has seen a psychiatrist who was
    the first person to mentiion bipolar to her and her mother.

    Because of her unreasonable behavior and her getting into trouble and out of
    control, myself and my husband (her dad) are no longer on speaking terms with
    her. We took her car and cell phone away and tried to discipline her and now
    she won’t have anything to do with us. We used to have an awesome relationship
    with her and because of this disease, she has become someone we don’t recognize.

    Obviously we love her and want to be part of her life and her recovery but my
    husband is afraid to be involved because she is adamant about him staying away
    from her. I told him that it is just the disease talking and that he should at
    least communicate with the mental health specialist. He has at least agreed to
    do that.

    If infact she is diagnosed as bipolar at this next appointment (whice was moved
    up because she has begun to “argue with herself”) what role should the helpless
    parent “on the outside” play. She is legally an adult.

    Also, if she starts a medication to help, is it usual that the person “sees the
    light” and realizes what they have done to others and tries to repair those

    We are afraid to lose her forever not only with her attitude towards us but for the reasons you mentioned in your article. How does someone on the “outside” help. We feel powerless.

    I thank you for any help you can give.


  35. i am supporter of a love one with bipolar ,my son . he is on medication,
    and when i talk to him , my first question is have you taken your med.
    he’s having some trouble at work and panic attacts . when he was a child
    he had adhd.i seem to see a patteron here.he has a wonderful wife who
    is his right hand.his family will be his biggest support.

  36. I don`t know what to do enymore I am standing on the pion to jump I was on all devrend medications in my 2 years of suvering from BP and nothing works i feel like a failer and it is difficult for me to wake up in the morning I don`t have eny suporters to suport my but thats the story of my young live. nobody understand.

  37. To STEFIE: I know right now, you feel as if your life is going nowhere, and you have nothing to live for. BUT – you are a WORTHWHILE Child of God, and He loves you – and so do I.

    By the spelling of your words, I’m assuming you’re of foreign descent. You sound as if you’re planning to take your own life. I am TELLING you – call 911 and ask for someone to call the Suicide Hotline; the telephone number might even be in the phone book. You need SOMEONE to talk to. DON’T be alone NOW. Suicide ideation is self-limiting; that means, it has a short half-life, meaning it DOESN’T last long. If you get help IMMEDIATELY and get into a hospital, they can regulate your medications to the point where your depression will lift. After all, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary FEELING.

    The chemicals in your brain are all screwed up; the bipolar has taken over, and you are NOT yourself. Please, PLEASE call someone and get help. I don’t want to lose you…

  38. Hi DAvid,

    My doctor is buddist and he thinks that bi-polar is not a sickness htat it can be handle without the drugs. He told me that my bi-polar situation was very small. But on January of this year I though I was talking with GOD through nature, that everything was more bright, that the sky was more beatifual than ever before, I had some thoughs that I wrote thinking that maybe GOD wanted me to make a book or to help others.

    I though I was thinking all this things about GOD because I was a kind of chosen person…I told all of this to my doctor and he said “enjoy the orgasm while it last” …but I didn´t think it was an orgasm…but I had an upper face before and this one was diferente…It was the same in the things about GOD, the connection with the universe, me wanting to become some kind on monk ,wanting to learn everythign about religion, becoming a vegetarian.

    Diferent becasue everything seem more beautiful, all people where good, GOD was present every where I looked.

    And eventhough it was amazing I don´t want to feel that again and I don´t now if it real that my bipolar dissorder is little and that I shouldn´t have taking my medicine. My doctor took me out of medicine for a year, taht is when I got HIGH again.

    I don´t know what to do , I really feel lost beacuse I want to be with GOD some day and I believe in him, but I don´t want to feel again lost and that life has no meaning.

    I hope you can read this and tell me your thoughs. Thank you

  39. To NATALIA: I, too, have felt ONE with God, and it IS frightening in the end. To have the feeling that you’re ONE with the Universe is “heady” and overwhelming, much like an orgasm. BUT – you CAN’T live there for very long before you crash. I KNOW – because it’s mania, and I have been hospitalized THREE times for believing I was God’s only Daughter.

    Colors were brighter, I had racing thoughts I couldn’t control, sounds were clearer, I could “read” other’s minds, and I got caught up in astology, I-ching, and Tarot, which are NOT things God wants us to do.

    Buddhism has a different slant on the world – it’s NOT a Christian slant at all. What you were feeling was a highly manic state – and it CAN be enjoyable – but only for a short time. Then, like me, strange and BAD things start happening, either outside ourselves, or in our minds. It becomes a HUGE CRASH, and we need HELP in the way of medications and therapy. There is NO cure for bipolar; only maintenance with the right drugs and doctors taking care of you.

    The next time you feel like this, you can contact me at:, and I will be happy to talk further with you about the religiosity that comes with mania.

    Your friend,

  40. I live with a man who is an alcoholic and is bipolar-he is undergoing treatment in a hospital for a few weeks. I was recently told that I am bipolar, also!-At fifty four years of age this is hard to swallow-the doctor read my files and talked to me for a few minutes-he prescribed lithium and trazadone-the medicine makes me feel worse, not better!. Because, I don’t have a job and everyone just thinks that I just suffer from depression; there is not a lot of support for me-I also have an adult son who has autism. Sometimes, I think of suicide but try to maintain because of my son,who to a certain extent still depends on me. Any suggestions or just kind words woould help-Brenda at

  41. To BRENDA: I have been diagnosed with bipolar since I was 20 – I’m 60 years old, now, and have been stable since 1977. YES – you CAN live with bipolar disorder, and live a pretty “normal” life with it – if you don’t give in. I KNOW the medications can sometimes leave you feeling WORSE than you did without them, but believe me, they ARE prescribed for a reason. If, however, the side effects last for over a month – maybe 2 – go BACK to your doctor and ask for a regulation of your meds – he MAY prescribe something that doesn’t leave you feeling like a “zombie.”

    I’ve had several different medications; Lithium didn’t work for me, so I was put on Depakote. It’s worth going back to your doctor to regulate your meds; you’re NOT supposed to feel WORSE on them.

    I appreciate your concern about having bipolar disorder. When I was first diagnosed, I was scared, but found out that the doctors and other psychiatric professionals only want to HELP you. I haven’t had a hospitalization for mania since 1977, so you see how long I’ve been stable on my meds.

    Good luck to you, dear, and if you want to continue sharing on this blog – PLEASE do. There are some pretty friendly people here!!

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