Bipolar? To Blame or Not to Blame…

Hi,

How are you today?

I hope you’re doing fine.

Have you ever known a real complainer?

The type of person who has nothing good to say about anyone or anything?

Who couldn’t get along with anyone? (or at least not for very long, before they became critical of them).

Who would say things like, “Life isn’t fair.”

Or that someone else wasn’t fair to them, or they were in an unfair situation.

Someone who always blamed everyone else or everything else.

Who had a lot of unsolved problems?

Did it seem to you that they might be their own biggest problem?

I know someone like that.

My friend’s ex-girlfriend.

Now, I’m not a doctor, and I can’t diagnose anyone, but in my opinion, this girl showed every sign of having bipolar disorder.

She had terrible mood swings, for one thing, and that was obvious, even to someone who didn’t know anything about bipolar disorder.

She called me once to complain about my friend.

At first she talked like she really loved him, but the next minute she was blaming him for all her

problems.

Not just that, but she keeps getting into trouble in all aspects of her life –

Her family, friends, co-workers, etc. – she has conflicts with them all.

They think there is something wrong with her, but she denies it, blaming everything on them.

But think about it.

Do you think everyone else is wrong and that she is the only one who is right?

It usually doesn’t work like that.

If that’s the case, if everyone else is saying the same thing, she should stop and listen to them.

They can’t all be wrong.

Maybe they don’t know if she has bipolar disorder or not, but they do know that something is wrong with her.

Otherwise she wouldn’t have all the problems that she has.

But she is in denial, for sure.

In my courses/systems, I talk about denial and what you can do about it:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

You may have faced this with your loved one, at least in the beginning.

Many people with bipolar disorder will be in denial when they’re first diagnosed.

They would rather blame someone or something else.

Like they would say it’s just stress from work that’s making them act this way.

Or, if it weren’t for [whoever], I wouldn’t act this way.

That’s blaming, and it NEVER helps someone with bipolar disorder to get better.

In order to get better, you have to stop blaming other people and other things for your own problems.

If you are having conflicts with most of the other people in your life, you have to consider that the problem is YOU, and not them.

You can’t change anyone else, but you can change yourself.

If you or your loved one are already on medication, but you’re still having too many problems, you may need a medication adjustment.

If you suspect this is the case, then you need to contact your doctor.

You may not have even been noticing these things about yourself, but other people have been pointing them out to you.

If so, you probably need help, because they can’t all be wrong and you be right.

Have you noticed the things I’ve talked about happening in your own life?

  1. Some times when everything is “wrong” , it is because we don’t like ourselves very much – the adjustment of meds is probably only a part of the “problem”.
    I say , when we are complaining about all the “small stuff’ there is probably something else bigger going on and not just with our meds ( maybe some positive reinforcement ???

  2. i have a question. I have been dating a girl who is bi-polar and I’m wondering can she really commit to the relationship. She tells me that I’m he only person who somewhat understands and that she can trust. I have noticed that since we have been together she has had a lot less epidsodes. the problem is that I don’t know what I’m doing right or is it that I don’t blame her for what she says is that shes broken.I love her every much but need some help understanding. thanks

  3. I have a son who shows extreme signs of bipolar disorder. The problem is that he demands to spend time alone with his 4 yr old son. His son is scared of him. As a grandparent, how can I protect my grandson from his Dad’s behaviour?????

  4. DEAR DAVID—I have found your articles a refresher course for me as my son has been dealing with Bipolar for close to 40 years and we have experienced many of the things you have posted in your articles.He is one of the fortunate ones in that lithium has been the medication that works well for him.The one big thing he still has to face is giving up alcohol as that is what causes him to have breakdowns! That is a big one yet to be conquered.I am encouraging him to start attending AA meetings,and pray he will. Sincerely,JY.

  5. At some point can you address the issue of uninsured persons who suffer with bipolar disorder and options that may be available to them?
    I’ve personally been out of work since December, and a new job has been hard to find because I’ve lost 4 jobs in the last 3 years…and the economy being what it is, the pickings are not good. I am in the field of art and design.
    I have been without insurance, and have been barely able to pay out of pocket with unemployment pay, but now money it too tight to see the psychiatrist ($175 for her to write Rx) on top of the cost of the medicine ( again, with no insurance it is at full cost). I have been tempted to just “give up”, but know that it’s wrong and at the same time it may be my only option. There is just no money after paying the mortgage and bills for the doctor and medicine. I use the internet to try and get answers…

  6. Hello Dave,
    Well I will have another attemtp to write to you. I have written twice before. I do not have bipolar disorder myself, but feel sure my daughter of 43 has. She complains about everyone else around her, and has even taken her husband to psychiatrists because she states that he is mentally ill. She has told him that she is going to divorce him and then told him she has changed her mind. She sold her two settees because people sat on them and then a week later had to buy some new ‘second hand’ settees to replace them when she decided that she wanted to relax in one again. Her husband cannot get employment at the moment . They are surviving on benefits with difficulty, but she insists on paying for gym membership that is too expensive for he to afford so that she can continue to attend with her friends, as it is the only opportunity she has of meeting any.
    A year ago I stayed with her, as did my younger daughter and her husband, when we were all homeless for a while. She became so violent that we all left her one day and went to stay with difficulty with other friends.
    When she was young, she would have violent outbursts and regularly injured her sister, and also myself.
    Anyway – I have applied for your free parcel but have not received it yet, despite the postage being taken from my account. Even if I receive it , I have no idea how to get my daughter to call for help. I have told her and her husband that i think she has bipolar disorder. I told her that last year, as I was leaving her home.
    I don’t suppose you will get this letter either Dave, but I have tried.
    Anita

  7. I AM CHRISTOPHER’S MOTHER. WE,VE BEEN RECEIVING REGULAR MAILS FROM YOU REGARDING BIPOLAR DISORDER THANK YOU SO MUCH. CHRISTOPHER WAS DIAGNOSED WITH B.D. LAST YEAR MAY.I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT I AM BIPOLAR AS WELL BUT I AM NOT ON MEDICATION. I CAN RELATE TO YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE WHENEVER I AM GETTING CLOSER TO AN EPISODE I START LOOKING FOR PROBLEMS WERE THERE ARE’NT ANY.I AM 44 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE 3 TIMES. I REALISED THAT I HAVE A PROMLEM AND THAT IT,S CALLED DENIAL. SO I STARTED TO ADMIT THAT I SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION, I TALKED ABOUT IT AND WHENEVER I WAS FEELING VERY STRESSED OR ANXIOUS I WOULD PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALLED TILL I GOT ONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS OR FRIENDS ON THE LINE. I WOULD TELL THEM THAT I WAS FEELING SUICIDAL AND THEN WE,D STAY ON THE PHONE TILL I WAS FEELING BETTER. TO ME THIS IS A BIG BREAKTHROUGH BECAUSE I AM NOT THE KIND OF PERSON TO ADMIT THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I CANNOT HANDLE. MY SON, CHRISTOPHER HAS BIPOLAR DISORDER AS WELL AND IT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO HANDLE HIM SO WE USUALLY END UP HAVING A HUGE FIGHT. THE MOST DIFFICULT THING FOR ME IS TO SEE MY FAMILY,S REACTION TOWARDS HIM. NO ONE REALLY LIKES HIM AND THEY THINK HE IS JUST BAD AND THAT I AM LOOKING FOR EXCUSES FOR HIM. THIS IS NOT TRUE BECAUSE I DON,T HIDE THE FACT THAT HE LIES ABOUT THINGS, WHETHER IT IS HOMEWORK OR SOMETHING TO MAKE HIMSELF LOOK GREAT. WITH HIS B.D HE IS ALSO AN ADHD SUFFERER AND HE STRUGGLES IN SCHOOL. I WISH THAT I COULD LEARN HIM TO CONTROL B.D LIKE I HAVE LEARNT TO DO IT. I THINK MY DAUGHTER AND HUSBAND SUFFRS A LOT BECAUSE ME AND CHRISTOPHER SOMETIMES GOES THROUGH AN EPISODE AT THE SIME TIME AND THIS IS REALLY BAD. MY HUSBAND FEELS THAT I AM THE ONE WHO SHOULD LEARN TO CONTROL MY TEMPER BECAUSE I AM THE ADULT, BUT BIPOLAR DISORDER DOESN,T ASK WHICH OF THE TWO OF US IS THE ADULT. I TOTALLY LOVE AND ADORE MY SON AND WOULD LIKE HIM TO ADMIT THAT AS A SUFFERER OF B.D THERE IS THINGS THAT HE MUST DO APART FROM TAKING MEDICATION EVERY DAY. HOW DO TWO BIPOLAR SUFFERERS IN ONE HOME HELP EACH OTHER? I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW PLEASE! CHRISTOPHER IS 18 YEARS OLD.

  8. My Husband is bipolar ( but hasn’t been diagnosed by doctor), ( I have lived with him for twenty years I Know) and also has been treated for cancer. It seems that all the progess we have made is gone. He is very angry.He will not be honest with his doctor’s or himself. every thing that goes wrong is my fault or anyone else that just happens to be there.I have called his doctors beore and talke to them, they want do anything to help. he refuses to admit tha there is a problem. It would be admitting to weakness. I myself am at the end of my patients

  9. Yes I was trying to help my x husband but he did it last night he keeps talking about the past and wanting me to admit being with a lot of men and to shut him up he did not even here me so he said he was not going to call me any more because every time he supposed to come into money he has never worked and he says everything is my fault . he is getting on my nerves so I hope he never calls all he talks about is me and his imaginary me I am supposed to be with even men I don’t know. I have a son by him and he calls him and talks about me and they say I am selfish and I want everything my way.I tried to let him stay with me because I am disabled and I needed help he lasted 7 days and every time I tried to sleep he would start cursing me out throwing soda at my electronics food all over the walls and he got mad because I would not buy him a phone all he does is take his phones and pawn them for crack and he says I am wrong and he has done nothing well I think it time to put him to rest I told him not to call but he still calls I had to unplug my phones and answering machine.So he leaves terrible messages on my cell phone I can’t take anymore I am going to Seattle on Monday the 17th and I will be glad to get some rest. Also I did send for that CD and I have not received it yet thank you for listening Jennifer

  10. I have applied for your free parcel but have not received it yet, despite the postage being taken from my account as well.

    Donna

  11. I am a struggling supporter of my fiance whom is still
    Blaming me and my kids for his episodes and him being
    Jobless and his refusal to do simple housechores!
    I don’t know how to help him when he refuses the idea of
    Help from anyone… Even his mother whom he is very close
    To he won’t listen to her. He comes from a family of two
    Bipolar parents who don’t always take their medications
    And were just resently diagnosed. When he goes into his
    Episodes I am lost at what to do for him or with him and
    We usually end up fighting about everything under the sun.
    He claimd its all me and if I would quit everything he would
    Step up and do things. I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work.
    I am completely at a lost on how to help him when he refuses
    Help from literally everybody and denies he has a problem
    And says its all me that has the problems or he blames my
    Wonderful children who are 2and 4 years old! We struggle to
    Keep a house and food and are both unemployed due to the
    Economy. After each episode he claims that he doesn’t
    Remember any of it and there’s no way he said any of the
    Things that he

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