Hi,

You know that I always try to encourage you as a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder.

But at the same time…I also know how difficult a role that can be, because I know how hard a time I had when I was trying to help my mom before she was diagnosed. Even after she was diagnosed, it was still hard to bring her to where she was stable…And then to where she could be independent and not depend on me so much. So I can surely relate to a lot of the issues that bipolar supporters write to me about. But I got an email recently that I wanted to share with

you and to talk a little about.

Here’s what she said:

“…I have NOT had any contact with my sister for years. When I DID find out that she had the symptoms of BiPolar and was seeing a psychiatrist, she denied everything. So, I never mentioned it again nor do I stay in contact with her. She was definitely in denial and she’s NEVER listened

to me nor taken my advice (she only wanted money) so, I told other family members that they should get involved with her & find out the root of her problems. I DO think her husband has a disability (as well), but I don’t know if it’s Bi Polar. They have lived away from the rest of the family for years and never discusses their health issues. They only contact my brothers when they need money (which seems to be quite frequent, these past few years). I tried to find out the REAL truth (but since I won’t give her any money, she doesn’t stay in contact with me)to

her depression issues: constantly out of work, constantly moving from apartment to apartment, asking for money, etc. however, she was NOT going to discuss her problems with ME nor was she able to talk about her illness. When SHE DID ask my brother for some help, he did’nt

think nor did he take her seriously and brushed her off – giving her MORE of an insecurity complex & I would have just made her feel MORE insecure had I gotten involved. So, for years, NO ONE wants to help her and I REALLY feel bad about the situation. But, I can’t get her to talk to me about her illness/insecurity issues, not to mention she lives states away from me. I DO

want to help her but if she doesn’t want to help herself 1st, I don’t feel I can do much about her problems unless she is willing to confide in me – AND THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!”

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This is a really sad story. But so many times, you have a situation where you have a sibling who has bipolar disorder and they push their family away. Or they even destroy their relationships with their family because of their bipolar disorder. That could be one of the issues that’s going on here. But one of the first things that this woman in the email talks about is one of the things I also often talk about: DENIAL. It’s a pretty big issue when it comes to bipolar disorder.

Another thing she brought up in the email is that when her sister wouldn’t respond to her offers of help, she “told other family members that they should get involved with her & find out the root of her problems.” The point here is that sometimes your loved one won’t respond to you, but they will respond to someone else. So sometimes, for the sake of your loved one, you may

have to step aside.

She said in the email: “When I DID find out that she had the symptoms of BiPolar and was seeing a psychiatrist, she denied everything.” It’s hard to be a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder when they won’t even admit that they have the disorder to begin with. And like in this case, they can even be seeing a psychiatrist for it, but if they are in denial, the treatment won’t be effective. The best we can hope for in this case is that although she was in denial with her sister, hopefully she was at least being honest with her psychiatrist. Because some people with bipolar disorder will do that – they will push away their family members, but still accept treatment from strangers.

But here’s the main point: She says this in her email at the end: “I DO want to help her but if she doesn’t want to help herself 1st, I don’t feel I can do much about her problems.” Yes, it’s true that her sister does have bipolar disorder, but she still does have to reach out for help, and there are things she can do to help herself. The thing is that she has to WANT that help. This woman makes a good point: If your loved one does not WANT to help themselves first, there really isn’t much you can do about their problems.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave