Hi, how are you doing today? I hope you’re having a great day.
Do you know who Bill Cosby is? Well, he has a video where he talks about his children, and it’s hilarious! He does this bit where he says he catches his son with a cookie and tells him that he has to put it back, that he can’t have it right then.
Then a few minutes later, he hears the rustling of the cookie bag. So he catches his child in the
middle of getting another cookie. And he says, “Didn’t I tell you that you can’t have a cookie?”
And the kid says, “Uh huh.”
And Cosby says, “Then why are you getting a cookie?”
And the kid says, “I don’t know.”
So he’s told to put it back, and he does. But a few minutes later, Cosby hears the cookie bag rustling again, and catches his child in the act a second time. But this time, when he catches
him and asks why he took the cookie, he says, “I was getting one for you.” LOL
But wait – there’s more: Cosby says, “But I don’t want a cookie.” And his child says, “Then can I have it?” It was so funny! All he did was spin his wheels. And got nowhere.
That’s what I want to talk about today – spinning your wheels. And how it relates to bipolar
disorder.
Even though it was a light-hearted way to look at it, this was an illustration that can be applied to your loved one. You know, sometimes they really do not have an answer for you. They don’t know why they act the way they do or do the things they do, or even say the things they say.
I’m not saying not to hold them responsible for the things they say and do, but keep in mind that sometimes they won’t know. Many people with bipolar disorder, when they have an episode, get a type of amnesia afterwards. In other words, you may think they’re lying because they don’t
remember doing something that you remember vividly. But they truly may not remember. Not everyone who has bipolar episodes necessarily remembers what happens during them.
And if your loved one is someone who doesn’t remember, you’ll just be spinning your wheels trying to get them to talk about something they really can’t remember.
Now, that’s not to say that they shouldn’t still be responsible for the consequences of their episodes, whether they remember the behavior or not, because they should. But if you find yourself up against a firewall with them, it’s better to just drop it rather than just keep spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.
Like fighting with your loved one when they are agitated and in a manic episode. There’s no way you’re going to win that fight. So why try? You’ll just be spinning your wheels.
You’re better off putting your efforts somewhere else where they will have better use.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
Hi Dave,
I am doing alright. I am still trying to figure out my sons girlfriend with being pregnant and all. I just dont understand if this is such a bad thing to do being bipolar and schitzo then why dont they give them a shot or something so they cant have kids you know. One time she says she is taking meds then she tells me she isnt cause it will affect the baby. So I have no clue on whats going on. Just really confused thats all. Take care Kathy
Hi David,
First I want to say thank you for all you do. It has been extremely helpful to me.
Regarding the “spinning your wheels” article:
I have been spinning my wheels with my husband for 3 1/2 years off and on. Now, I did not, nor did he, realize he was bipolar all this time. His diagnosis started with “mood disorder” from drug abuse. Then went to adult ADD. Then to cyclothymia. About six weeks ago he had a manic episode which concluded with a rage and assault towards me. We are now separated and he is receiving proper treatment for his bipolar disorder. It was not apparent to me that he was in a manic episode because I had not done my research on the disease. I had, like him, chose to live each day not thinking about the diagnosis. Assuming the meds would take care of it. I learned the hard way to open my eyes. Now, I did notice his moods were agitated and that he was not sleeping well. We were under financial stresses and he had started to obcess that I was cheating on him (which we had undergone family therapy for before not realizing this obcessive pattern was part of the manic bipolar episodes). Now I see the patttern. Now his doctor sees the pattern. You are right in saying you can not win a fight with a person in a manic episode. You are right about some not remembering the words or actions as they really were. My husband does not remember the intensity of the assault. What lasted two hours, in his mind lasted only a few minutes. I was not physically injured badly. However, I was afraid for my life and I do believe that without the Grace of God my life could have ended and my husband would not have remembered how the next day. Now he has legal issues to deal with for it. But it has shown him how serious his disease is when left unmanaged. My husband has been down a long road with his bipolar disease being undiagnosed for 20 years. Started with drinking in his teens, then to narcotic addiction in his 30’s. Then to heroin addiction by his late 30’s. Then to recovery from the drugs and the reinstatement of his RN licensure. (Oh, did I forget to mention, he is a medical professional. Yes, bipolar disease has no predudices in who it affects.)He is a strong man with a great mind and heart and I pray that he can keep his disease managed now that he is not in denial reagrding its dangers.
Thank you for your articles, they help me everyday understand more and more. You are an angel for those of us who love and support a person with this disease.
Sincerely,
Traci B.
You are right on spinning that happened a lot with my ex-girlfriend. What I want to know is do bipolar women and men end up cheating on their wifes and husbands or boyfriends and girlfriends a lot? I say this because she had a baby last year and said it was mine, but the way she acted in the hospital made me get a DNA test. The baby as I thought might end up being the case wasn’t mine I broke up with her at the first of this year. Well, what I don’t understand is she kept trying to call the house I’m at and me wanting to stop the calls saw her last Friday. That day she still acts like she is my girlfriend I said I’m looking for a new girlfriend.
I would compare fighting with a loved one during a manic episode with arguing back at someone talking on tv. It’s totally pointless – there’s no getting through to them.