Bipolar Supporter? Let Go Of These


How are you doing?

I was thinking about today’s topic because I was thinking about how some people stay sick no matter how good the medication is.

That’s why therapy is so very important a part of treatment for bipolar disorder, so your loved one can get things out in the open, like their thoughts and feelings – then look at them objectively and change them if needed, or at least understand them.

Usually, however, supporters don’t have the same opportunity.

Although getting your own therapist is something I advise in my courses/systems as a way for you to deal with your own problems surrounding your loved one’s bipolar disorder.







There are TWO things you need to get rid of:

3. Resentments

4. Unrealistic Expectations

Some people hold resentments inside for so long that they get ulcers over it.

Others hold resentments against people and are stressed every time they’re around them, even though the other person has no idea of the resentment.

Resentments eat you alive from the inside and can cause physical problems on the outside.

Like, for example, the ulcers I was just talking about.

But you can also get headaches (migraines), body aches, indigestion, anxiety and even insomnia.

There are two ways to get rid of resentments:

3. Confront the person

4. Let go of the resentment

Like I said earlier, usually the person you resent has absolutely no idea that you resent them at all, much less WHY you resent them.

So one way of getting rid of resentments is to confront the person and get it out in the open.

The other way is to just simply let go of the resentment.

This may be a little hard for some people to do.

Especially if they’re used to holding onto resentments for a long period of time.

But if I told you that you could get really, really sick if you did just one thing, wouldn’t you want to listen and stop doing that one thing?

Well, I am telling you that you MUST let go of your resentments.

Resentments are like emotional poison, toxic to your system.

They can make you sick, both physically and mentally.

I have a friend who hated her ex-husband so much that it was eating her up inside – literally making her sick with stomach problems.

But there was NO way she was going to confront him with it.

She knew she had to let the resentment go, though, but didn’t know how.

Her therapist told her to think of just one instance where her ex-husband had shown her a kindness.

Then every time she felt resentful, she was to replace that resentful thought with the thought of the kindness he had shown her.

Eventually, she was able to let go of her resentment, and her stomach problems vanished!

The other thing you need to let go of is unreasonable expectations.

Maybe you’ve heard at a support group meeting that somebody’s loved one is doing really great with their bipolar disorder, managing it perfectly, and living a normal life.

You may feel a little jealous, thinking why isn’t your loved one that way?

This is an unrealistic expectation.

Recovery from bipolar disorder is a process. The other person’s loved one may just be further along in the process than your loved one, that’s all.

But you need to be realistic about your loved one’s progress.

Don’t compare them to anyone else.

Being realistic means that you expect that there WILL be set-backs on the road to recovery.

Being realistic means not expecting your loved one to be like someone who doesn’t have bipolar disorder.

Being realistic means that you must be patient in the meantime, as recovery is a process, and every process takes time.

If you can get rid of your resentments and your unrealistic expectations, you will feel so much better!

Have you found yourself holding onto your resentments?

Do you have unrealistic expectations of your loved one?

  1. Well, I guess resentment could come into play. My ex-wife was diognosed only a few years ago…only 9 months before we had to divorce. The anguish I indured before we broke up was nearly unbearable…the lying…the cheating…the stealing. She went through nearly $200.00 in the last two years we wear together….where did it go ? Anyway. good artical..I could write a book here. Thanks for all the great emails thru the years…I have purchased 2 of your programs and lean on them often. bruce

  2. Hithere Dave,
    your emails are always thought provoking and timely.
    My daughter has been 6 months stable she is an awesome daughter with plenty of pluck and courage and tenacity.
    When her BP gets a little overwhelming I go to those extraordinary memories of my daughter when she was 15 years old: she nurtured little wild motherless rabbits Rachel also had 4 mice and a great big fierce cat and they all lived happily in her bed room. The funniest thing was her little creatures were fiercly protective of her ( so I thought ) the cat would hiss and eyeball anyone who came into the room the fluffy little buunies would jump up and scratch and bite the legs of all who were silly enough to venture into her room and the mice woudl emit little squeeks( yes they all roamed her room at will), the cat being the only one who had egress to other areas of the house through a partially opened window.At night I would sneak into her room and spy all the little creatures curled up around her face and her cat sprawled over her tummy all fast asleep She had a glorious and gentle nature that attracted all manner of wild life and children to her.
    And most of the time Rachel stiil has that beautiful generous heart little children and animals seek out
    I love my daughter

  3. Hi davie babe….just a few words…I sufer with miagranes and mine has nothing to do with bipolor mine is premenstral…what do you think…
    Take Care Linda x

  4. My psychoanalyst is a great believer in mind/body reflection. She takes EVERY physical problem (headaches, diarrhea, constipation, tendonitis, etc.) as reflection of something that is BOTHORING me. Usually, we CAN’T pinpoint a reason, but she continues with this theory! I had a bleeding ulcer my first year in college, that was operated on six months later. Then, I had a tumor on my pelvic bone. Then, an obstruction, that shut down every internal organ and I needed surgery. Do THESE operations stem from a “resentment” or psychiatric problem? I don’t think so…

    BUT – there IS the occasional time when I have been overwhelmed with STRESS, that I exhibit an external sign, and we work on it. Unfortunately, aside from “upping” my medication, there’s not too much either of us can do about stressful situaions in my life. They just have to work themselves out…

    My Mother NEVER had “unrealistic expectations” of me; she didn’t even accept the fact that I was “mentally ill.” I was expected to behave in a “normal” manner, and not to embarrass her in front of my aunts or her friends. At times, this was difficult, especially when I was in depressed mode. However, during manic episodes, she thought I had something PHYSICALLY wrong with me, and would overlook it. I think, maybe, by being treated as “normal” DID help in my recovery. The last hospitalization for mania was 32 years ago, so I’ve had plenty of time to learn by experience…give yourself time, and wisdom will follow.

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.

  5. HI Dave,
    I loved this piece… for a long time I was resentful but underlying the resentment is I think you don’t truely accept that your ex is sick or least that was the case with me. I have finally come to terms with all that and no longer hold on to any resentment. Thanks for all that you do.
    Your friend and God Bless,

  6. Dear Dave:
    This article really hit a point with me. I have resentment toward my husband. He has stolen from just about everyone that I love, including our grown sons. It has cost us a lot of money that we didn’t have.It also cost me a lot of embarrassment. I don’t trust him anymore and feel like I am walking on ice all the time. I am afraid that he will steal again and wind up in jail or worse, prison. I am his accountability person, but he gets so angry when I confront him. Our relationship has deteriorated to nothing. We live in the same house, but we are no longer physical. I love him with all my heart, but I am unable to love him. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this. We go to counseling, but he has decided that he doesn’t need it anymore. I am at my wits end. Please advise me.

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