=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going?
Hope you are doing well.
I have something to tell you today
if you are a bipolar supporter.
Oh, hey I almost forgot to tell
you something. I am coming out
with a new F.REE podcast called:
“How Oil Affects Bipolar Disorder.”
During this one of a kind podcast,
I will talk about the impact of oil
and bipolar disorder and what you should
and shouldn’t be doing (in my opinion
of course).
I think you’ll really like it.
If you are reading this and thinking,
“What does the heck does oil have to do
with bipolar disorder?” Don’t worry,
I will explain it all on the podcast.
What’s a podcast? It’s like a
cd on the internet. You’ll have a link
and you just click on it and it will
play.
Oh yea, I have some more f.ree podcasts
coming out as well, I will keep you
posted.
I like doing these podcasts. I didn’t like
doing them when I didn’t know how to use
the recording stuff. But then I found
someone with Bipolar who set it all up
for me and made it super simple for me
to use.
It’s really cool that I have some many
people with bipolar who are super smart
to figure stuff out for me 🙂
Okay, let’s jump to today’s topic.
It’s really important.
Yesterday I had to call this guy
about a situation with his order.
It was missing.
He basically told me that I was a crook
and ripping people off and on and on
and on and on and on. Then he said
I didn’t care about anyone but
myself and that my emails were
worthless.
He didn’t even give me time to
check all the shipping logs and tracking
to see what happen to his order. Sometimes
the shipping people lose stuff and if
they do, we simply send another one.
I was really nice to him. It was like
10:00pm ET. He yelled and screamed and
yelled and screamed
It was so annoying. I actually was
so annoyed that I only slept a little.
It’s kind of amazing never in my life have
I gotten:
-multiple death threats
-people screaming at me
-people calling me a crook
-people saying this and that
As a side note, years ago, I had
a friend that had a website selling
marketing information. Someone
threaten to kill him if he didn’t take
it down. This person said that the
website was adversely affecting him.
It was really strange. It made no sense.
There was nothing on the site that could
adversely affect him.
Anyway the guy demanded over and over
again. Over many months. He said that
he would be outside his house and attack
him and his family. My friend got
really scared and had a stroke.
He eventually took the site down. Later
that person that threatened him was found
to have schizophrenia and had gotten
off his medication. He had done a whole
lot of bad things.
My friend never recovered and vanished.
He moved to an undisclosed location.
He was so frightened by the experience
he just never spoke to anyone again. I haven’t
spoken to him in years. He was a really
nice person.
Anyway, if I look back, I have been attacked by
way more bipolar supporters than bipolar
survivors. It’s amazing to me sometimes.
Anyway I tried to reason with this guy and
he was totally not reasonable.
Sometimes I wonder what the heck
goes through bipolar supporters mind
that attack me and are super angry
all the time.
Anyway, let’s get to today’s topic.
I have noticed that there is a group
of bipolar supporters out there that
are what I call, “The angry supporter.”
This person is someone who is super
mad that his/her loved one has
bipolar disorder. The major coping
mechanism is to be angry and attack
anyone other than their loved one
with bipolar disorder.
These bipolar supporters are super
mean. They are the people who attack
me. The people who walk around and
flip out on people and people actually
think they have something wrong with
them.
You have to be really careful that if
you are a bipolar supporter, you don’t
let your loved one’s lack of progress
or your loved one’s struggle make you
a super angry person.
I know several people like this locally.
When these people come into a support
group, people run and hide from them. Why?
Because they are always so angry.
There are people where I volunteer
that I dread dealing with. They are
always so mad and so down.
Now I already know people are going
to write me and say “Dave not
everyone is so happy as you with
their loved one so don’t criticize
those that are struggling to
support someone.”
I realize this for sure. BUT, no
matter what, just because you
are struggling, doesn’t give you
the ticket to be really angry.
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I detail the ins and out of supporting an
adult with bipolar, a child or managing
the disorder yourself.
Right now, if you are a bipolar
supporter, I want you to think long
and hard about the following:
How has bipolar changed you?
Are you angry all the time?
Do you laugh/smile less?
Do you think that you are negative
too much?
Do you feel that friends and family
members avoid you because you are
always down and/or talking about how
bad things are with your love done?
Think about this.
You have the power to make things better,
no matter what your situation is out there.
You might not be able to make things
perfect but you can make them better.
NOTE-If you have been an angry bipolar
supporter, go back to those that you have
been mean to and say you are sorry. They
will feel better.
Hey I have to run. I things to do and
people to see :).
Catch you tomorrow and really think about
what I wrote today.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Want your own copy of these daily bipolar
emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
P.P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Hi,
If a bipolar supporter is really angry all the time and threatens people and all that, and they “seem like thy have some thing wrong with them,” maybe they do. Bipolar can run in families so sometimes the supporter could have a touch of it and not know it, or be afraid to know it. Also, some people get burned out faster than others. there could be a lot of reasons.
That’s a great point.
Dave
Hello David, do you know if there are bipolar support groups like AA?
Yes.
Run searches online typing in your city and bipolar support group and see what comes up. That’s the short answer.
Dave
Hi Dave,
As your email just reminded me I have not received one of my orders.Who should I contact in your team about that?
Hi David,
I have gotten so much out of your e-mails – I can really relate to everything you say.
When I first found out about my son and his Bipolar disorder, I was more depressed than angry. I can understand the anger, though, because, until I found your sight, I felt like noone understood what I was going through. A lot of people are afraid of mental illness and deal with fear by being angry. I would hate to be in your shoes dealing with all of that, but I am glad that you do what you do. Keep it up.
thanks,
D
Here is a little funny for all you people who take life way too seriously and for those of us who try not too:
Acts
A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen.
Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said “Acts 2:38,” and proceeded to quote scripture.
The burglar froze in place and didn’t move.
The woman called 911; the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood.
“What did you say to him that kept him from moving?” they asked the woman.
She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture.
The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. “Why did the woman’s quoting scripture scare you so much?” they asked.
“Scripture?” said the burglar, “I thought she said she had an ax and two 38’s!
lol… sometimes you just get lucky! Of course, she had the faith of GOD to back her up…which says a lot about human behavior. Sometimes we need faith to lift the heavy loads we carry around all the time that make us angry and overwhelmed. Faith in ourselves, in others, and in GOD.
You are never alone! 😎
I HAVE A BIPOLAR SUPPORTER WHO HAS MAD HERSELF SICK WITH WORRY AND OTHER USELESS EMOTIONS. FOR THE LAST SIX WEEKS SHE REVES (IF THATS A WORD)HERSELF UP TO THE POINT OF EXPLODING. SHE HOLLERS CONSTANTLY AT MY CHILDREN AND ME. SHE HANDLES ALL THE MONEY SCREAMS WHEN AT THE END OF THE MONTH THERE IS NO MONEY THAT IT’S MY FAULT. WE HAVE $7238 A MONTH NET WHICH TO WORK. SHE IS THE FIDUCIARY THAT IS ALL THE MONEY THAT COMES INTO MY HOUSE GOES TO HER ACCOUNT. NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DOES SHE EXPLAIN WHERE THE MONEY GOES. MY WIFE IS ALWAYS IN A FRENZY ABOUT MONEY. WHEN YOU WANT TO SEE A BIPOLAR SUPPORTER GO WILD YOU SHOULD SEE MY WIFE. I THOUGHT I WAS MAKING PROGRESS IN MY FIGHT AGAINST BIPOLAR DISORDER BUT THE REPORTS SHE SENDS TO THE V.A. AND SOCIAL SECURITY I HAVE NOT GOTTEN ANY BETTER IN 10 YEARS. ENOUGH FOR THE ANGRY BIPOLAR SUPPORTER ANGER AND FRUSTRATION OVER MY CONDITION.
LOL! Love the joke, BPSerenity. Okay. My turn with a joke, to put a few smiles on faces, not least Dave’s. It’d a BP one. It may seem bad taste to some but it was told to me by a flow BP who is a Type 1, who can laugh at her mania:
Two BPs are talking. One is BP Type 1, theother is BP Type 2. BP Type 2 is in an anxious depression. The Type 2 is manic. The Type 2 says,
“I’m worried. I think God must be very angry with the me. I think that’s why He’s made me BP as well as threatening to drown me with rising sea levels and the global warming He’s created.”
The BP Type 2 smile and says,
“There is no reason for you to be the least bit worried, my friend.”
“Why’s that?” asks the Type 2.
“Because …” says the Type 1, “…I AM God!”
Graham, that is a tacky, tacky joke! But it cracked me up, as many tacky, tacky jokes tend to do! LOL
Dave, I DO NOT condone death threats by any means but I can’t help but empathize with people out there who are trying to support someone who isn’t stable. I am and it’s hard. When you love someone…you can’t help but feel happy when they are happy or sad when they are sad. I see mania the same way. It’s hard to NOT be co-dependent. It’s hard NOT to react. I rode the roller coaster too. I have discovered some wonderful and horrible things about myself being a supporter. MY life changes from heaven to hell…from love to hate. We all stumble and fall. God bless you, Dave for all you do. And God bless those who’ve lost their faith.
Dave I think you are just awesome and your bipolar emails have helped me so much. My son is bipoar and it can be so frustrating for me however I now realize how frustrating it is for my son as well. I wish my family understood bipolar and then they wouldn’t be so critical and judgemental of my son. This wasn’t his choice. Anyway thank you for taking your precious time to help others. The ones who threaten you and make such negative comments need to quit reading your emails if it upsets them so much. They make the choice to read them… Anyway, keep up the good work and may the Lord bless YOU more than abundantly. I don’t know if you are married and have family but if so please thank them for sharing you with us. I pray things continue to go well with your mom.
Like one other person who commented, I too became depressed and my husband became angry. Thus, I became more depressed. I sought outside help and am making conscious choices to stay in the moment and find happiness. This is sometimes a struggle.
For those looking for a support group, I took David’s advice and contacted our state’s NAMI. Although, I haven’t yet attended a meeting…I just found one…I intend to start next month.
I have found David’s emails to be most helpful…and of sound advice. I just wish my loved one would seek help…he’s not – so I must.
Thanks for all you do.
Mary
i do have bipolar disorder and came here looking for ways to help me deal with my problems; but i’ve realized all this is a money gimmick. No one wants to hear about your crappy childhood with your mom when there own life sucks. In my opinion you are the one that needs professional help…remember it is heridtary. So when my dad committed suicide i was also doomed. Medication and all the professional help in the world won’t change that.
Dave,
tabitha obviously isn’t pleased with you, which is sad because to make an issue of your making money out of the service you provide isn’t fair and it misses the point! What is wrong with charging for a service especially when it uses up so much of your time? Doctors, dentist, vets and lawyers do it. (Believe or not, folks – those people are not in those jobs JUST for the money – you can’t do their work without loving it for its own sake.) The Police and fire service don’t come free. When we want to borrow money to buy a house, unless we use an Islamic Bank, we get charged interest on the loan we ask for. Nothing wrong with paying people for their time when they help us. The list could go on and on. So, I see nothing wrong with you making income out of the service you provide. It’s the QUALITY of service you give to your customers that matters – are they satisfied with what they get and, by all accounts, most of them seem to be very satisfied! Good on you for that!
This nature of criticism isn’t the first and I dare say it won’t be the last. It won’t go away. This means you are losing business! Okay, you can’t please all the people all the time. But there might be a way of getting a broader appeal, of maintaining your appeal to the people who come to you anyway and of winning the hearts and minds of those who don’t because you are running this service as a business … and I think I may have a solution! CONVERT THIS COMPANY INTO A NON PROFIT ORGANISATION!
As a NPO you would defeat the “profiteer” criticism, attract the kind of people who would otherwise be put off by your providing this (excellent) service as a commercial company, while you and the staff could still draw the same salaries/wages, as you all do now!
Easy, huh? Good idea?
Hi, Dave!
Good topic today, and good blog entries (for the most part). One person made a connection between bipolar supporters and codependency, which I think is valid. When you live with a sick person (whether addicted or bipolar or both), you get “sick”, too. You’re living in a chaotic environment and are the target of
irrational anger and manipulative
behavior (when the person isn’t well), it “does things” to you. Someone asked about groups like AA for bipolar supporters (that would be like AlAnon for the supporter, AA for the person with
bipolar). Personally, I’m not crazy about the whole AA/AlAnon scene for a variety of reasons (and I suspect that you feel the same way, Dave. The reason I think that is that I read your description of your program about addiction and bipolar, and a couple of the things you said made
me think that you don’t recommend those particular groups, as a rule).
Anyway, the point is that the bipolar supporter can easily find him/herself with symptoms very
much like someone living with an addicted/alcoholic person, and they are, in a sense, “sick” also.
I think that the symptoms are very
much like those of codependency.
The bipolar supporter does have to take care of him/herself first of all, or they can’t help the person with bipolar. Someone has to stay focused and in control of their emotions. I hope that there are good support groups out there for supporters (ones that aren’t primarily a “bitch session”, where they trash the person with bipolar. That may be an outlet of sorts, but it doesn’t really help the supporter understand why they feel what they feel and, more importantly, what to do about it).
And regarding all the threats and venom and nasty comments (I’ve seen at least one of those on this blog – what’s your problem??), that are being tossed your way on a regular basis, Dave, I really don’t get it. Sounds to me
like a lot of those people are sick! I hope, for all of our sakes, that you don’t get so stressed out that you abandon your website and move to Costa Rica or something… LOL… I hope that you’ll keep the fact that you are helping so MANY of us at the top of your mind. I can personally tell you that you have helped me SO much in terms of managing my bipolar disorder, and my own supporter feels the same way. You give us so much relevant information. Hang in there, Dave, and God Bless you… We know that you really care, and that’s what motivates you.
Sue in Ohio
PS: To Dave Oliver:
I hope that your mom isn’t in an episode and that she’s doing okay; haven’t heard about her in a little while. Our prayers are with her, too.
Sue in Ohio
GRAHAM-
That was really good. Fully appreciate that BP senario. Hee..hee!
I also like your idea of non profit organization.
To some who don’t know any better.
Tabitha is BiPolar which means that your rude comments to her should NOT take place. You can pat David on the back, but don’t lower yourself to beat up on a SICK PERSON! David doesn’t need that kind of rescuing!!
Thank you 😎
Hi everyone, I am not an angry supporter but do get frustrated at times. My son has decided not to take his meds. He doesn’t like the way they make him like a zombie to fall asleep and trying to get up is even worse the next day. I told him maybe they need to lower his dosage. I pointed out tonight while he was in a hyper mode that its because he has been off the mood stabilizer for at least three days that I know of. He gets so edgy and irritable easily. Rude, etc. His whole personality changes but I still love him just the same. I told him he will have an episode again if he doesn’t take meds. He has an appt. at the outpatient mental health clinic on Friday. thank god. Maybe they will let him try something else. Personally I think the serequel works good for his mood but I do understand the problem with feeling so drugged. I finally have learned to say what needs to be said to him. I was always afraid to talk to him. I wish I would have figured it out sooner but oh well. Gotta work with what you’ve got right? Well gotta run. Best to all. Its a tough road but those with BP need us!! Hang tough. Dillon’s mom
Dave, I saw this one time with my Mom. My therapist was willing to talk to her over the phone during one of my manic episodes, and my Mom got on the phone and cursed my therapist up one side and down the other. I got so mad at her, that I ALMOST slapped her, for her tirade against my therapist. I say ALMOST, because I have NEVER been prone to being physical, especially with my Mom.
Anyway, I know what you’re talking about when you say the supporter is WAY too angry. It turns out they are confused and don’t know how to help us, and blame the therapist for our mental problems. The supporter becomes so helpless when the person with bipolar becomes hypomanic or in a full-blown manic episode, that they lash out at ANYONE who gets in the way, even someone who is trying to help us. To be fair, my Mom was at the end of her rope with me; I was doing all sorts of bizarre things – flying to San Francisco by myself for a week; sleeping around with random strangers, and I had a whole LOT of physical problems at the time – that she just didn’t UNDERSTAND that I was very “sick” and she couldn’t help me herself.
It’s a question of the “blame thing,” when a supporter gets angry. My Mom didn’t know to blame the “bipolar” instead of “me,” so she lashed out at the one person who was trying to explain to her that I NEEDED help.
Now, this was 31 years ago, and my Mom has since passed on. She NEVER accepted my diagnosis as a “manic depressive,” because of the word “manic;” she thought it meant I was a “maniac.” She felt she didn’t know what SHE had done wrong to make me the way I was, and she was “fearful” for me. Now, when something frightens someone, or they don’t understand it, they CAN become angry as a defense mechanism – it’s their way of coping.
So – Dave – I AM sorry you have to put up with angry supporters who don’t know WHAT they can do to help their loved ones with bipolar. You shouldn’t have to listen to death threats and mad accusations. You do SO much to help the other people with your emails; just DON’T get discouraged and leave us “in the lurch” because of a few “bad apples” in the bunch. Most of us are so desperately APPRECIATIVE of your insight and your ability to really HELP us; don’t “pack up and run” like the friend you had in your email who was scared for his life and the life of his family. You have SO much to offer ALL of us; you ARE a godsend, and I don’t think I’d be doing as well as I am without your encouragement and dedication to the cause of enlightenment, education, and empathy with people caught up in the web of bipolar disorder. You are a “Saint” for putting up with the hard times.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. God bless you real good.
DAVE, if your “friend” was a real friend he would not have vanished just like that. Even if he was scared of some people who had dealings with you, he should still have trusted You. That’s just my opinion.
When I was in my teens and 20’s I used to get mad at people who misunderstood me. I’m 50 now and a lot of life has happened to me – good, bad, strange and interesting. I tend to get upset more often rather than angry – may not be a good thing either. I try to understand most people’s point of view and agree to differ if necessary. One old friend I used to argue a lot with, seems to miss that now and says my patience drives her mad (lol). Some people enjoy arguments for the sake of it. I think life’s too short. We all get frustrated at times. My patience and tolerance is one thing my boyfriend appreciates. He told me just the other day that I’m the only one who really understands him. Well, I don’t always understand bipolar, but do my best.
Dave,
So you got another irrate customer. You seem to get a few of them. Please do not let them stop you doing the great work that you do. Like you said you can’t please everyone everytime. I too had a series of death threats over a period of six months. Then in a month everyday I would get phone calls counting the days till I would die then the hours. I was under police protection and eventually they tracked the person down to someone living 700km away from me. As it turned out he was being paid to make those calls from my then best friend of many years. I was devastated and as you can imagine the friendship was over. I am often in a gay chat room and because I am also hiv positive as well as bipolar I still get alot of threats from being bashed to death. These sometimes get me so worked up but these people never seem to have a face on their profiles so I never know who they are but more then likely are someone jealous of me and close to me. I have never gotten over those death threats and at time when my bipolar is bad it can get a hold of me and set up my anxiety disorder and make me extremely paranoid. I have to meditate and hand it over to my higher power God and pray for the strength to get through. Needless to say none of these threats have ever been followed through and more then likely never will. People just find it easy to hide their identity and threaten other people as it makes them feel big and strong for some reason but in reality they are weak and heartless.
David you just keep up your good work as there are many of us that gain so much from it and take note of who it is if you know and follow the right process. Contact the police if it scares you or ignore them if it helps. But the best way is to be nice to them as that is what they least expect and puts them right off track.
Have a blessed day David,
God Bless, Douglas
Hi Dillons Mum,
Sounds to me like you are doing just fine!
You may be right that he needs the dose changinh. It may also mean he needs a change in meds. Different people can often react differently to different meds, dosages or combinations of meds. This is one reason my family doctor says the treatment of mental health patient is more an art form than a science! But while the pDoc tires to find the right drug/dose/combination, it can be sheer hell for the sufferer – who can REALLY suffer at such a time, when the meds can feel (and sometimes are!) worse than the illness they are meant to help! BUT as has often (and recently) said here and on Dave’s emails, changing your meds without consulting the doc can be dangerous not just because of what it can do to yout mental stability but because some of the drugs be take are darn right dangerous! For instance, one type of drug commnly used these days for the treatment of BP are anti-convulsants, originally created for treating epileptics. These are very dangerous – you can oky get to a high dosage of themby very slowly going up. And when come off them, you must go just as slowly. Go up too fast and there are some nasty side effects – with the stuff I take, it’s possible to get a killer skin disease. (Off hand I forget what it is.) mCome off them too fast and you can go into convulsions! Yup, the stuff the docs give us to relieve the symptoms of BP are very toxic. If the BP doesn’t kill us, who knows what these drugs will do in the long-term – I don’t think the drug companies or the docs really know! But as one wit BP who takes some of this stuff, I DON’T CARE what they do to me in the long run! All I’m bothered about is “do they make my Life NOW tolerable?” By and large, they do. Sometimes it’s JUST tolerable, but that’s enough to get me through another day so my kids can still have a Dad.
Hi,
Don’t forget how you felt before,when your mother was always yelling at you! Angry that no-one else in the family did anything, angry that you had to face the music on your own! Is that not right? You found the empowerment to rise above all of that. It is important to remember what you said before in one of your messages-“Don’t take these attacks personally.” That is when the supporter starts to displace the anger when they take it personally. Depending on the day or the stresses at that time anger could just be a way of coping,even if it is not the best way!It is always up to ourselves to rise above the situation or to free our emotions and deal with life and bipolar the way it needs to be done. Remember “One person can make a difference and that one person is you through empowerment.”
While I agree that being angry is not the way to go thru life, I spent many years just that way. I had no idea for about 15 years that the reason our life and family was in constant turmoil was because of bipolar. I tried everything I could think of to make things better with our home life. Discipline was a nightmare with our son beginning at age 1 1/2. I read books, magazines, went to parenting classes and tried every method I could find to try to get some control. Nothing worked. By 5th grade, I started taking him to counseling. It still took 5 years after that before the third Dr. finally diagnosed him and he was finally given the correct type of meds. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take very long to become consumed with anger in this type of situation. Everyday was a roller coaster ride from beginning to end. Days of desperation, dred, fear, pain, heartache, guilt to find only an hour of the smiles and happiness that you are so desperately searching for. It destroys you! But when you finally know why you were a horrible parent and why you had so much failure, it changes!
Thank God! Their is hope, it will get better, it has got better. Their was a real reason that nothing worked before!
Most of that anger is gone now. I still get upset sometimes but I know it is the bipolar and not my son. I know what it is and I am learning how to deal with it.
It is sad that so much time was lost being angry. Bipolar does that to you, especially when you don’t even know that it is there.
David,
As a bipolar person, but also my own supporter (as I have no one else), I have found you to be a gift. You offer so much useful information that this past Christmas I was able to reunite with my brother and his family after years of absence. I learned it all from you. I bought your books, read your emails (devour them) and take them very seriously.
My ex-husband would have been your angry bipolar supporter. He was not good and since I found you, I’ve even been able to have a stable relationship with him. Right now I am helping him through a crisis (while being sure to protect myself, as well).
Thank you David, for being there. You have literally changed my life. I’m sure that there are many grateful supporters out there. We need you and appreciate you.
I have been with a man for six months who has bipolar. I try to support him but his negative comments and lack of concern for my feelings make it very difficult to maintain this relationship.
Sometimes I get so angry at the things that are said to me and when I feel I am being personally attacked, I wonder if I might not have bipolar myself.
i would like to apoligize for my little tirad the other day. i do take responsibility for my own actions but my main problem is my doctor took me off my main medication and says i’m doing fine when clearly i’m not. i just get frustrated at times i’ve got so much medical debt and for what i seem just the same or worse than when i began treatment. something that really irritats me is that my husband blames everything of BP my ideas beliefs and everything if anything annoys me it automaticaly is blamed on my BP. I wish he would take instreast in BP like you guys because he doesn’t even know what it is . I can’t do this alone and am truly sorry for taking my anger out on you.
Hi,
I am a supporter. I just realized my husband has BP, it was September, last year when he got in a episode. Yes I am very angry with the Idea and I am trying to deal with it.
I moved to USA a couple years ago. Because my husband wanted to move I left my job, my family and my friends in my coutry and started being a housewife and taking care of my children. I do not have money to order your staff, but just the e-mail I read everyday have helped me a lot. I also ordered your free course and enjoyed it a lot.
This is the first time I had the courage to write back but I have read your e-mail since last September. Thanks again and I hope you keep helping people as you do.
I’m coming from a different side, as a bipolar myself, but I became much happier after learning that I was bipolar and that caused my outbreaks. Now I’m a happy camper since learning that the proper medicine can control it.
Hello David,
I really want to know what kind of negative effects or abuse a person who is with a bipolar person gets. I’d been with a man for 15 months, who is extremely passionate, but abused me verbally and physically. I took his insanity as a love for me. I didn’t know the truth until the last moment of the relationship, when he finally told me that he is a bipolar after a crazy rage and blame on me. Then, he just walked away from the relationship. I had no clue what bipolar is nor never seen one until then. It’s so unfair for me. He even doesn’t have a guilty feeling for that he didn’t tell me about his mental issue for 15 months. Because his counselor told him he doesn’t need to tell if he doesn’t want. He does not want to take medications. I had been so abused by his lies, double-standards, emotional roller coaster and violence. He is also OCD, so he checked my cell and computer all the time. It became very ugly. We had so many crazy fights. I was strangled, thrown, beaten, threatened. He broke many of my belongings and many materials in my house. My ego was so beaten down by his double-standards and verbal abuse. I was self-tormenting all the time. I felt as if I was carrying a scarlet letter on my chest. I would’ve react differently when he went crazy if I knew about his mental illness. Now I am struggling not only grieving from the break-up, but trying to heal myself. But I couldn’t find right informations for this matters on web anywhere. They only talk about how we can help bipolar. But I need to know what I can do to heal my deep scars from the relationship with a bipolar. Please tell me what can I do for myself?
Thank you
Eunice
Some folk find it helps to talk out these experiences and the trauma of them with a counsellor – that can be enough for them. Personally. I have always found just talking to someone does diddly squat for me! I want practical help, not some nodding dog making sympathetic noises. That said, I understand sometimes getting out the rage you may feel about someone who has abused or assaulted you, can be therapeutic. It can be especially so, I am told, when this is done under the safety of hypnosis, when you can be “put” into a situation where you “meet” with the aggressor and given the opportunity to pour out your feelings about them to their “face”, as it were.
However, if you’re a bit like me, I’d recommend you first try, in the first instance, someone who is a specialist with Cognitive Therapy. Cognitive therapy gets you talking about your feelings and help you to challenge those that are emotional responses which fail to make it as RATIONAL reactions. For example, cognitive therapy can be very good at restoring low self esteem because it helps you indentify the issues that cause you to feel badly about yourself and to rationally challenge them.
Good luck with this. If you choose a route, please come back and tell us what it was you tried and how effecive you found it.
EUNICE, I hope you know that not all bipolar men are abusive or aggressive. Both my ex-husband and my new boyfriend have bipolar disorder and neither of them is in any way violent or aggressive. An abusive temperament isn’t necessarily due to bipolar disorder – there are plenty of aggressive people who are not bipolar. If you’re in love with a bipolar man you may need to be more tolerant and patient than with an ordinary man, but by no means do you have to tolerate any form of violence. I have, and can put up with a lot of crap from someone I love, but violence is the one thing I would not tolerate from anyone. Nobody should. If your man refuses to take his medicine and has an aggressive nature you may be better off without him. Dave’s emails and blogs will help you to learn to understand bipolar disorder, which is a very complex condition.
DEAR EUNICE: Never ever let anyone abuse you. You are more worthy than that. No human being should tolerate this type of abuse. I let someone abuse me for four years, beat me in my head while pregnant for his child (now I have eyesight problems) etc. I finally got the courage to leave but he had totally messed up my self esteem at that point too. I got it back though. I knew that I couldn’t let my 3 year old son be taught to abuse women and especially not by a man who wasn’t even his own father. So with that said, I come here because my son is bipolar and I walked on eggshells for years with him because of his outbursts. I never bailed out or gave up on him but had to ask him to leave at 19 when the one and ONLY time he made me fall to the floor. He is now 21 and we are doing good because I had to get STRONGER and I will be there for him. I tell him now that I will only help him if he helps himself. If you get in a relationship with someone who it is obvious needs help and they don’t participate in their own help…nobody else can help them either. Good luck to you. Some counseling would probably be most helpful. Take care all.
THIS IS TO GRAHAM FROM HIS COMMENT TO ME, DILLON’S MOM LAST WEEK. I COULDN’T SIGN ON FOR SOME REASON BUT SAVED THIS:
Graham: Thanks for your feedback. I hope it will be possible for Dillon to be a father someday as well. His med is antipsychotic. He has hurt himself and been in hospital twice between June and NOvember 2007. I get very fearful when he stops the meds. I am at work so must run but thanks again for your words of wisdom. Continue your crusade against BP you seem to do well at it. Take care all, Dillon’s mom
ps: It is now five days since I saved this to send and my son is on a new med. I can only continue to hope. Love to all..
Graham,
Here is the thought for the day:
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it
or hump it, Piss on it and walk away.
Hmmm….
Here is a funny:
Cake or Bed
WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
CAKE OR BED?????
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT’S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY; FIX THE LIGHT, NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON’T THINK SO!
THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON’T CLOSE RIGHT.
TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON’T THINK SO.
FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY’RE ABOUT TO BREAK.
I’M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON’T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON’T THINK SO.
I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I’M GOING TO THE BAR!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW’D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE
YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO…….DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
Hope you are feeling better today.
😎
To BPSERENITY: As always, you bring a smile to an otherwise dismal day. I laid in bed ALL day yesterday; I think it was the flu, as when nighttime came, I was nauseous and throwing up all the time. When 10PM came around, I took my night meds, some yogurt, and went to sleep.
Woke up this morning with my back killing me. Took morning meds and a Percocet, but was NOT nauseous, just dizzy and “out of it.” I’m sure this is just a bit of flu, though being dehydrated, my mood is “down” a bit.
Allan said he would come up (he lives 150 miles away) and take me shopping if – he finishes HIS errands with his mother. I’m looking forward to hearing from him, as I don’t feel all that sure about my driving in this condition.
Again, thanks for the “funnies;” you don’t know how MUCH they mean to me – I’m feeling better already!!
Suzanne,
Sorry!! to hear about the bug in your life. I had a pest about Christmas time and so glad it died quickly. Glad to hear you have company coming to maybe make you some chicken soup, give you a foot rub, and back rub, anything for you dear hug…. I hope you get that by the way!! If not it is ok to dream…8-)
In the words of Winston Churchill:
“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
This was number 49 For Those Who Take Life Way TOO SERIOUSLY:
49. Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.
Hope you feel better real soon!!
BPSERENITY, “Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow” had me in stitches. If that’s no.49 the mind boggles what no.1-48 are like.
As for Winston Churchill, I have heard rumours that he had bipolar disorder himself. Just something I read about him online, not necessarily true – he was a well known eccentric though.
To BPSERENITY: Thanks for the kind words and for caring. If I could, I’d reach through your computer and give YOU a great big HUG!! You help to keep this blog going, especially with your “funnies.”
I’m doing better; Allan arrived at 6:30, we went shopping, ate beef stew – and he went straight to bed! He goes to bed earlier than I do anyway, so there’s nothing unusual there!
Just keep doin’ that thing you do!
Hugs and kisses,
SuzanneWA
Nightlady,
Yeah, I heard that too about Churchill.
For those who take life WAY TOO SERIOUS… BTW there are 54!
28. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Since you mentioned your a writer I thought you would appreciate this little funny:
A Writer’s Allowed to Choose
A writer died, and due to a bureaucratic snafu in the hereafter, she was to be allowed to choose her own fate: heaven or hell for all eternity. Being very shrewd for a dead person, she asked St. Peter for a tour of both.
The first stop was hell, where she saw rows and rows of writers sitting chained to desks, in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licked the writers’ fingers as they tried to work; demons whipped their backs with chains. Your typical hell scene.
“Wow, this is awful,” said the writer., appalled “Let’s see some heaven.”
In a moment, they were whisked to heaven and the writer saw rows and rows of writers chained to desks, in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licked the writers’ fingers as they tried to work; demons whipped their backs with chains. It looked and smelled even worse than hell.
“What gives, Pete?” the writer asked. “This is worse than hell!”
“Yes,” St. Peter replied, “but here your work gets published.”
lol..you still want to be a writer??
Suzanne,
I am glad to hear you are well again. Sorry to hear you wore the ole man out shopping..lol
Ok here is some more of WAY TOO SERIOUS
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
HUGS RIGHT BACK!
Tabitha, please do not feel awful for your distress. I know what it is like when you are not on the correct treatment. You just hang in there and keep persistant at getting the right treatment. Perhaps even consider a different doctor if this one is not working. It is annoying when people just blame BP, my mother always does that its either BP or I must be doing drugs. It infuriates me, especially if I just want to be listened to. You know what is working or not, so go out there and get the right help and I wish you all the best.
God Bless,
Douglas
I don’t know if what I write will actually help anyone, but, here goes. I have been newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, about one month ago. I thought that it would be good for someone who has to try to live with this, to speak about the so called “supporters”. I have a supporter. In the last 4 weeks she has called the police on my 3 times to try to have me committed. That is her solution to my being bipolar. I can no longer share with her how I am feeling because if it is anything other than “fine”, there is dead silence and the conversation all but comes to an end, and it becomes very awkward to say the least. I’ve not seen my grandchildren half as much in the last 4 weeks than I’d seen them before being diagnosed. My “supporter” has no time for me if I cannot actually watch the kids. I wound up being taken by ambulance a few days ago to the ER because I had Steven Johnson’s syndrome from Lamictal. My “supporter” sat in the ER all nite denying she was angry, however, when someone has told you, “just lay back and close your eyes and relax” for the 10 to 15th time (and you’d love to because your worked all day, but you just cannot) you have to figure they are ticked off. I have been a wonderful parent and grandparent. My Mom died only 4 months ago. I was her caretaker for over 16 years. It literally knocked me for a loop. Even the healthcare workers and the police, as soon as you tell them you are bipolar, you can feel how differently they treat you. I am not on anything right now, because my appointment with my dr. was the next morning after I was in the ER from the drug reaction. This disease has made me feel very isolated from everyone. You can’t tell anyone, once you do, they don’t want any part of you. They think you are “crazy”. Your own family doesn’t want any part of you. Right now it will be a major acheivement just to get through the weekend, let alone watch 3 children. The kicker is my supporter is also bipolar and is untreated! I am a professional and work every day, I own a beautiful home and want for nothing, except to lead a normal life and at least be treated kindly by my “supporter”. As hard as it is to be a supporter, it is very hard to be a survivor. I pray they can find the right medication for me so I can get my regular life back. Thank you Dave for all of the wonderful work you do. Once again, you are right on the money. God bless you all.
Hi Vicki
You are not alone. It’s taken a long time to get my wife to admit there even IS something called Bipolar Disorder! And even now, I am not really sure she DOES accept it because, whereas before she was telling me to get off my backside and get a job (my previous employer retired me because of my illness) it now suits her purpose very well for me to stay at home while she spends months on end working abroad… because I’m left looking after our children! Now I have time to take them to school, pick them up, feed them, taxi them to their clubs and activities, amuse them at weekend and holidays … often when all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep the healing sleep.
Fortunately, most of my REAL friends have experienced severe depressions in their past, or know someone who has or who has Bipolar. I’ve also made a couple of friends who also have chronic illness (not BP) and they are my primary “supporters”. (I’d say it was my Mum because she understands depression, but it’s more the other way around, that I’m HER primary supporter!)
However, there are other friends who have vanished since they found out I was Bipolar. One of them seems to think I’m using it as an excuse for my previous irregular behaviour before I was diagnosed. (Funny – one of them is a guy who once refused to speak to me because he didn’t understand that ;o) is a smiley face or that #;o#)# is a hairy, bearded smiley face. He thought I was swearing at him!) Well, all I can say is, who needs friends like that anyway!
So, I – and so many others of us around hear – understand your predicament and understand what it’s like to have poor “supporters” and absent friends! In fact, there is good to be seen in this – yes, good. What? This is when you find out who your REAL friends are! Be glad the others have shown their real colours and be done with them! Snuggle up to those you have found are your true friends because you will not find better.
And don’t give up on your supporters – they do sometimes come round because they don’t always stay prats all their lives! Meanwhile, if you can, keep them at a distance because being in the company of someone who doesn’t really believe you are this seriously ill is a hindrance, not a help. They are little or no support at all!
Your problem with Lamictal, my family doctor told me the pDoc increased my dose very very slowly (something like 20mg every up to 200mg) because this very slow approach generally helps avoid Steven Johnson’s syndrome, which – as you probably know – can be a very dangerous condition if left untreated, and it’s difficult to treat if you are on a high dose of Lamictal because it’s dangerous to come off it quickly. You have to be weened off it as slowly as you go on it, or else it can cause you to have convulsions. Check you were not just dumped onto a high-ish dose without being fed up to it slowly.
Hang in there