Hi,
How are you doing today?
Everyone has values, things they believe in that, no matter what anyone says or does, they can’t be shaken from these beliefs.
Some people’s are religious beliefs, and no matter what, you couldn’t sway them from their religious beliefs (not that I’m saying you should ever try – I’m not saying that at all, so don’t get me wrong).
Other people have political views that, no matter what, you couldn’t get them to believe anything else other than what they believe, right or wrong. That’s how strong they are in their beliefs.
But then there are other things, like personal opinions, that aren’t like these other things I mentioned. They’re not like facts, that can be proven right or wrong. They’re just opinions, so they can be swayed.
Then there are people who are what some people call “wishy-washy.” They don’t seem to have any opinions or beliefs of their own. They just go along with what everyone else thinks or believes. These people just want to “fit in with the crowd.”
As a supporter, I teach you in my courses/systems that there are some things you have to do in order to be a good supporter, to be the best supporter you can be to your loved one with bipolar disorder.
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There are some things you can compromise on.
Like you might want to go out and do something, but if your loved one isn’t feeling up to it, then you can compromise and stay home.
If you are helping your loved one keep a To-Do List and they don’t get to all the things on their list, that’s ok. You can compromise on that, and assure them that it’s ok, that they can get to the other things tomorrow.
If you make a decision that your loved one doesn’t agree with, then the two of you can talk about it, and there will probably be a compromise in there somewhere.
Sometimes you even have to put some of your own needs aside because of your loved one’s bipolar disorder, and that involves compromise.
BUT…
If your loved one asks you to do something that could damage them and their bipolar disorder in some way, on that you should NEVER compromise!
For example, if they say they’re tired of taking their medication, and ask you to stop getting it filled at the drugstore. That’s something you cannot compromise on. They need their medication to maintain their stability.
Or if they want to start skipping their appointments with their doctor, psychiatrist and/or therapist, and tell you they don’t need you to drive them anymore, that they can get there by themselves, if they feel the need to go, whenever. That’s something you can’t compromise on, because that, too, could jeopardize their stability.
What if they start wanting to sleep all the time, and tell you to just leave them alone and let them sleep as much as they want, or if they start isolating in the house, not wanting to go anywhere, when you usually encourage them to be productive and get out of bed and do things? That’s an area where you can’t compromise, either, because if you do, you know that too much sleep and isolation can lead to a bipolar episode.
What if you see other signs or symptoms of an impending episode, like triggers happening, like your loved one stops taking care of themselves, or stops caring about you and your relationship? You can’t just not say anything. On this you can’t compromise. You have to say something to them about it.
What if your loved one becomes manic, starts spending excessively, starts making rash decisions, or becomes angry at you and expressing it in ways that are intolerable to you? That, especially is something on which you cannot compromise. You have to take some action.
Just like the person whose values cannot be swayed no matter what, as a good supporter, you cannot let certain things slide.
If you believe that your loved one is starting to show the signs of going into a bipolar episode, you cannot compromise. You have to take action.
If your loved one won’t listen to you, then at least try to get a message to their doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist. Your loved one should have a signed Medical Release Form on file in their offices allowing you to talk to them. But let someone know what is happening.
Don’t compromise on this.
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
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David,
I’ve been reading your emails for quite some time. Everything you talk about points to my son. I’m trying really hard to understand everything I can about BiPolar. I’m pretty sure this is what he has. During the holidays he add 2 epsidoes. One when I wasn’t home. Our neighbors called the police and he was sent to a Behavioral Health Facility not far from home for 3 days. He tells me that the reason he got really made is because he has a broken heart over a girl. I know it goes much deeper than that. The bad thing is the girl leaves down the street. He constantly looks out the window watching ever move that is made at that house. I’ve suggested that we go and talk to someone. He wouldn’t have it . He says he is fine. I’m really trying, but its hard to see him like this. Any suggestions?
Maria
Hi David
Wow! I can’t believe how timely your emails are. It is like you are sitting beside me in my home as things happen. On this topic, my supporter has changed drastically. She used to encourage my appts., medication and all the necessary things to do. Now when I go to my appts. I am simply asked what crap was fed to me today. As regard medication, that as well came up and she said that I am on too much and she thinks it ridiculous to take all that. I am not sure why the tables have turned. I have taken on a lot of the points you list here lately being the isolation, withdrawl, sleeping and so forth. I have had many let downs also in the last couple of months which I am sure have not helped. However, I also have not been given any new things to look forward to either. I am trying to pursue an alternate career from home, but that is even getting tiresome to contend with. So basically, I felt very close to todays topic and thank you again for taking the time to put it all together.
hey dudes….
Wot if the partner has not got a sych , theripist or signed medical release form. You can,t keep your eyes on them 24/7 that would be like a FULL time job. the only signs in my house now is atmosfear av got the silent treatment. Am thinking of hiering some one to keep close checks on him. It use to make me feel like it was my fault
but now its just a elephant in the house.
Take Care Linda
P.S was i a bit to harsh there.
marie your son sounds as though he realy does need a good talking to.Am not trying to be funny but it dose help. Its
could tuff love, from some one close. try telling him to count before his actions and talk it over with him if he car,nt talk tell him to write it down on paper.Let me tell you this works my daughter wrote a story on the computer and she was with drawn ONLY she was being bulled that was soon sorted. He may not be looking out the window he probley has things on his mind. Try spending a bit more time with him.
Take Care Linda
P.S I hope you get things sorted out.
Hey, I tried twice today to order that book of 161 ways to earn money for a supporter or a person with bipolar. We need that book. Are you going to put it up for sale again, soon??
I agree with your message that you sent out today. I married someone who was bipolar and did not know at the time about what happens to someone with bipolar when they are in an episode. As I said before, mom had it and I assumed then that I knew everything about bipolar. Well I had had episodes of my own and I thought no problem. BUT I knew nothing about him spending all his money at one time before any of the bills got paid. Well I knew he had done this once, but I figured if I was in charge of finances we would be okay. Well needless to say one day he went and spent his whole check at a store where you cannot take the things back. So I got stuck having to find help getting our bills paid. I survived that episode, but when he threatened to kill me, I decided it was best to leave. And I did. Lucky for me I had a case manager and she arranged for the crisis team to help me out. So I was okay because they took me to a crisis home and I had a new home set up for me. But then a couple years later I lost my case manager and so when I needed one to help m out I was lucky in that I had moved to a different county and got a casemanager there. But that one only gave me a list of places to move to and it really did not help. BUT we have found a place to stay now.
Hi David,
Let me start by saying thank you. It’s very nice to find that there are other people going through this also.
My story is a bit unique, because the one with Bi-Polar is my father in law.
Last September his wife left him and he had a HUGE episode that lasted for months. To the point of violence and doing insane things. On Halloween night he intentionally flipped a car in front of the vehicle my wife and I were driving,(suicide attempt)broke into his step daughters house and stole her dog that he gave her, and eventually was arrested. After he was released from jail my wife and I told him he needed to go see the people from the crisis center. He lasted 2 days in a group home and asked to stay with us for a few days to get back on his feet. He then fell into a depression where for 2 months he did nothing but watch tv. (He is still here and driving us nuts.) Every time we tell him to find a place to live he gets depressed and threatens (sometimes indirectly) suicide. He was put on 2 different meds, 1 to control the manic episodes and another for depression. He recently stopped with the meds for the manic. Today he blew off his doctors appointment but did go to a group session out of fear that we would kick him out if he didn’t go.
Whenever we encourage him to move out (we are expecting our second child) and find some work, he pulls some kind of manipulative move in order to get my wife to feel sorry for him and to let him stay. We have been going to couples counseling and have agreed to set a time frame for him to move out. It’s not that we want him out of our lives completely, but it’s not healthy for us to have him living under the same roof.
Today my wife blew up on him for blowing of his doctors appointment (rightfully so) and all of the sudden here comes the nicey nicey act to manipulate her some more. I have half a mind to beat some sense into him, and the other side is trying to support my wife and find a way for him to see that its better for him to stay busy, vs using us the way that he has been.
Any advice would be welcome.
Thanks,
A frustrated family man.
-Charlie-
God according to many, while perceived by religious teachings, as the creator and builder of the universe and the ultimate controller of all things, is also seen as being something very distant or external.