Hi,

Have you ever had a sore that just wouldn’t heal? Or had a child who just kept picking at a

sore so that the wound wouldn’t heal, no matter how many times you told them to leave it alone?

Wounds need to be left alone to heal, don’t they? At first, there are things you can do to help

them along, but then you need to leave them alone to do the rest of the healing on their own.

But other things in life aren’t like that. Some things will get worse if you just leave them alone. They might even get “infected.” Some people think, “If I ignore this problem, it will just go away.” But, instead, it will just fester like an infected wound, and will just get worse.

Like the following Case Study:

Cindy knew Stuart had bipolar disorder before they got married, but figured it was under control,

since he hadn’t had any episodes during their relationship beforehand. Even after they were married and raising children, Stuart remained stable for many years, holding down a steady job, and being a good husband, father, and provider. Of course, there were times that Stuart would

seem depressed, sometimes even for weeks at a time, but Cindy would chalk this up to stress at

work or the stresses of parenthood and maintaining a good marriage. Stuart didn’t seem like he

wanted to talk about it, so Cindy didn’t press it. She figured if she didn’t worry it, the problem

would go away. And it seemed to, each time. So years went by with this non-communicating

style of relationship.

It was only after the kids were grown and out of the house that things got out of hand. Stuart

seemed to withdraw into himself more and more every day. He seemed to drift further and further away from Cindy, and she didn’t know what to do about it. Stuart’s depression worsened to the point that he could no longer even hold down his job. He started sleeping all the time. He stopped eating. Cindy tried talking to him, but it was like “too little too late,” and she eventually gave up even trying. Cindy didn’t know that Stuart had become so depressed that he had even given up taking his bipolar medication. She just had the attitude that he would “try to get better when he was ready,” and that she didn’t have to do anything other than what she had done all these years. She just left things alone. Like always.

Finally, when Cindy discovered that Stuart had been off his medications, she realized that he

needed help, and she put him in the hospital. It was a drastic move, but she had to do it. She was tired of watching him lay around all the time, after all. And he had stopped talking to her all together. In therapy with her husband at the hospital, Cindy was surprised to learn that she was at least half the problem. At first she was very defensive at this! How could she be the problem, when the problem was Stuart’s bipolar disorder after all? But she learned that her not talking to him, her ignoring the problem for so long had led up to his deepening depression.

She was told that there were things she could have done way before the problem got out of

control that would have stopped things from getting to this point. For example, she learned,

she should have tried harder to get Stuart to talk about what was going on with him – to share his

thoughts and feelings, instead of letting them fester inside, closing her off for so long. Cindy learned that depression can be anger turned inward, and that perhaps at least some of Stuart’s depression was anger at her, anger that should be allowed to be expressed and worked out. So, in therapy with her husband, she began a long journey of learning how to communicate with him and healing the wounds of a troubled relationship along with the strains that bipolar disorder put on it. She was finally learning how to be a good listener as well as a good bipolar supporter.

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I wanted to share that Case Study with you to make sure that this doesn’t happen to you. Just ignoring the problem, or letting them go so long without talking to you, not sharing their thoughts and feelings, will only make things worse.

Don’t let them drift away or go into their own world like Stuart did. Help them to cope with

their bipolar disorder and the depression that it causes sometimes by not just being there for

them, but by actively participating in their treatment.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave