Hi,
Because of what I do, I hear from many supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder. And many times they share their feelings with me. Many times those feelings are negative feelings.
Living with a loved one with bipolar disorder is difficult at best, and I understand that, because I lived with my mother when she was at her worst with her bipolar disorder, and it was very hard for me. I experienced some of those negative feelings, too.
Some of those negative feelings can include:
1. Anger
2. Bitterness
3. Resentment
4. Annoyance
5. Irritation
6. Agitation
7. Frustration
8. Impatience
9. Aggravation
10. Disappointment
11. Dissatisfaction
12. Stress
But then, feeling these negative feelings against someone I loved, I would ultimately feel guilt, shame, and remorse as well.
Do you feel guilty? Have you been experiencing some of these negative feelings toward your loved one? One thing that helps is talking with them and sharing your thoughts and feelings openly.
Even though these are negative feelings, they are still your feelings, and you need to accept responsibility for them. If they go on too long without you doing anything about them, they will
come out in negative ways. For example, your anger can turn to rage, and you may end up in a huge fight with your loved one over something that may be trivial otherwise.
If you stuff your negative feelings, you might become overwhelmed by them. The stress will build up until you start to feel anxious all the time. So you need to be open and communicate
these feelings to your loved one. They should be aware of how you feel.
You will probably find that just by sharing them, that some of them (if not most of them) will go away just by talking about them and the cause of them. If your loved one and some specific
behavior of theirs is responsible for your feelings, they may be able to stop the behavior, and then you won’t feel that way any more. The important thing is that they know how you feel.
If, for some reason, you don’t feel that you can share your thoughts and feelings with your loved one, you still need to get them out somehow, or they can still build up and cause you stress and harm. You may want to seek out your own counselor or therapist with whom you can share these feelings and talk about what’s bothering you.
If not, maybe keeping a journal would help you. Write down your thoughts and feelings to at least get them out, so they don’t build up inside you. This way the guilt won’t pile up and
cause you stress that you don’t need and can’t handle.
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
there is a wonderful book called “Walking on Eggshells” i can’t remember the author, but it is a book for both the person with bi-polar and those who live with a person with bi-polar. it explains actions and responses and it is just a well read book.
Good advice. I’ve been doing as you suggest, and it helps. However, my loved one gets angry if I suggest he has a bipolar disorder. Mood disorder is much more acceptable.
i’m neutral here but I agree with you – what grabbed my attention was when you said “someone I LOVED” but what if they are complete strangers (like the previous 5 Jobs I’ve held and they one I’m holding now)- i guess keep bearing up under persecution…….
at least you know what you don’t want to experience from someone you love.
I’v been bipolar since 23 years old, never have I exerienced some of the symtoms, I was a nurse for 6 years ,then changed to Law Enforcement in large dept. Since moving to south Georgia we do not have phychartist,therapist or get our medicine. I have gone 350 mile to Atlanta searchinhing for a Doctor. More of them are quitting every day. It has caused some problems. I have no family left and a person takes my Disability check, cannot get found stamps, I sleep in barn with horses,they are more comporting than people I try to get help from.
I’m reading manic marriage. It is good. Well worth reading. All of the things mentioned above go along with the behaviors/ moods/ attitudes of the bipolar person, from my experience. Being around someone negative, nasty and mean is a drain and sucks the energy right out of a room, even when they think they are being the life of the party. Bottom line, not properly medicated mood disorders are a pain for anyone that has to spend time with the person that is not properly medicated !
Do I feel guilt, sometimes. I have helped my loved one every way I can in cluding financially. Recently when I told him that our finances were at a low point he actually eneded our relationship and moved to Florida.
He said he will always love me and will miss me but that he was going to have to quit the program he was in and get a job down there. This was on New Years Eve. I feel betrayed and loved only for my money. I thought he would stand by me through the hard times. He said he is to sick to be in a relationship with anyone. You know the bottom line is I know he loves me deep down but I still feel abandoned.My biggest worry is that he has left his program for PTSD and bipolar disorder. I pray to God that he stay somehow connected to those programs.
I am sorry I needed to vent to a group that can understand what I am going through. I never thought that he would walk away from me, him, and us.
I appreciate the ideas you have suggested to help cope with guilt feelings. I feel that I cannot express my
feelings and I have been jotting them down in a journal.
I am less stressed afterwards and not as resentful toward my loved one.
I think it is a good idea to have a note book and jot down your feelings.sometimes it is so hard to communicate with the bi polar sufferer when they are in an episode .I find it a help hearing about other supporters as lately I feel fed up of hearing my own voice moaning!