Hi,
Have you ever seen a chameleon? I mean, like in the zoo or something? These things are amazing! They actually change color to adapt to their surroundings! Wouldn’t it be great if we could do that? Oh, I don’t mean change color. LOL I mean, adapt to our surroundings. I think we could get along a whole lot better, don’t you? It just seems that a lot of times we fight against
what’s happening around us. Instead of accepting it (adapting to it). If you could adapt to it instead of fighting it, you’d be more like a chameleon! In the case of your loved one’s bipolar disorder, I think you’d be happier if you could do that. For example: Say there are certain things they do when they go into a bipolar episode. Like, for instance…Whenever they get manic, they talk a lot…And they lie. And this usually makes you really mad. But if you were to be like a chameleon…You could adapt to this instead of getting mad over it. You could stop reacting to it. You could just accept it. In other words, you would just know that it’s a pattern. That every time your loved one goes into a manic episode, they’re going to lie. That it’s just a given. So you just don’t believe what they say when they’re in a manic episode. You don’t have to get mad. You just don’t believe what they say. In other words, you adapt. See? Do you see how it could save a whole lot of heartache on your part?
Here’s another example: Say that every time your loved one goes into a manic episode, they spend money excessively. You’ve noticed this is a pattern. It happens every time. So instead of letting it continue…You adapt. You ensure that they don’t have access to more money than you can afford to lose. You limit the amount of cash they have on hand at any given time. You make sure they don’t have access to the checking and savings accounts. You make sure they don’t have any credit cards and that they don’t have access to yours. That way they can’t spend any money excessively during their manic episodes. So…You have adapted. You have ensured that your finances are protected in case your loved one goes into a manic episode.
See how being a chameleon can help you? By adapting to things, you can change them.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
I DONT BELIEVE YOU HAVE TO ADAPT TO IT… I MEAN THERE IS A LIMIT TO EVERYTHING,, WHEN IT STARTS AFFECTING YOUR HEALTH, AND THE WELFARE OF YOUR CHILDREN,,, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH….. WHY DONT YOU HAVE MORE COMPASSION FOR THE BIPOLAR SUPPORTER, AND THE CHILDREN….
Easier said than done…with a husband who is always right and will NOT admit he has anger issues or fits of rage and meltdowns…It is incredibly hard to keep “supporting” him when slowly he is tearing his 5 kids and 2 grandkids as well as his wife apart. (But…it is our problem… We are the reason…) In his power struggle- he did the opposite- He took control of the finances- changing ALL of my accounts…using my credit cards- living on my established credit- Buying when he thinks we need and what he wants- because only he can make the right choices around here… Personally, after 6 real bad years…I pray for death…til death do us part…His- NOT mine. I know it sounds drastic, but there is NO hope for him to change and the violence just keeps getting worse…words…throwing things… breaking things…etc- After May- only 1 child left to get out of the house-she will soon be a sophomore and should have a drivers license by June of 2013. I am finally taking classes to graduate college by May of 2013… Perhaps we can just plan our escape. Supporting seems more and more LESS of an option. I supported and excused for 27 years…It is time to have some peace of mind. My regret…my kids had to witness it ALL. I am a peacemaker…He is the opposite. No vacation or holiday has a happy memory- Oh I take happy pictures…but the memory is HIM always ruining it with his selfish, egocentric, BPD, manic depressive, obsessive compulsive, seasonal, high high low low behaviors. Obscenities- It is unreal… I truly have had enough. Please God is always my prayer…Better off without him.
you make it sound so easy……..a manic episode where she goes into her rage, all the anger built up, repeating things from 30 years ago, screaming curses like a sailor, threats of arrest, calling cops to the house, making believe she is an abused battered woman, eventually ending up in the ward after I am forced to live in hotels for close to two weeks. Living with a diagnosed bi polar wife…….married over 29 years. The illness destroyed any family as I once thought we had ( 3 kids)……everyone stays at a distance. She has alienated everyone through her acts, emails, texts, messages, all so NASTY and hateful!
Yeah, easy to say……good thought though! I have had to cancel many credit cards and keep the limits low…
take care
I agree with your comments about adapting and not reacting to episodes – the trouble is that when my wife has been unwell, she tells lies and makes spurious allegations which I know are (and can prove to be) untrue; yet so called ‘professionals’ believe her; I’m then turned into a victim by them, because they take no notice of me but assume her allegations are true. What happened to the maxim ‘innocent until proved guilty’ ? Here in the UK its the other way round, unless one threatens the mental health service with a Court Injunction (which I did) to stop them treating me like a criminal without any proof….
Ha
My wife makes up allegations as well and the “professionals” believe her !! She is beaten, deprived, abused, blah, blah, She has not worked a day in 35 years and lives off me ! I provide everything and she still complains …….David really needs to see things from a slightly different point!. C’mon over when my wife is out of control and see if you can get through to her!