Hi, how are you? I hope you’re fine.
I have a funny true story to tell you:
A friend of mine was in a fender bender (small accident). This other man hit her car on a back road because he came around the corner too fast and she was just turning onto the street, so he tried to pass her, and ended up hitting her front end.
Right away he got out of his car complaining about his back, and blaming the accident on my friend. He was so vocal about his “hurt back,” that he even told the witnesses and the police about it.
But here’s where he made his mistake and what makes this story so funny: My friend told him she thought her car was leaking transmission fluid.
So he said, “Hang on, let me take a look.” And he easily bent under her car to see if there was damage.
Can you imagine how embarrassed he was when he straightened up and saw that everyone was staring at him with a “Sure, you’ve got a bad back” look?
He did try to sue my friend for his back anyway, but she came to find out that he was suing someone else for the same thing at the same time!
See, our society has gotten lazy. Many people just go straight to a lawsuit against someone (or some company) instead of taking some responsibility themselves.
Blaming thinking is what has gotten our society to the place where attorneys who specialize
in personal injury lawsuits make quite a lot of money, with no lack of clients. Yes, being responsible is harder than being lazy, but you still need to do it.
Blaming thinking is like these types of thoughts:
Something is missing, so someone else must have moved it (instead of taking responsibility that you may just have misplaced it).
The car isn’t working right, so the mechanic must not have fixed it properly (instead of thinking that maybe something else is broken and needs to be fixed).
Your expenses are more than your income, so your loved one must be spending too much money (instead of taking responsibility for your part in the excessive spending).
The house is a mess, so your loved one is not doing their part (instead of accepting just as much responsibility as them for keeping the house clean).
A project at work is late, so your co-workers must not have done their part (instead of accepting responsibility for your part of the project).
It’s easier to blame someone else than it is to accept your own responsibility. That’s why we have a society full of blamers. Blaming thinking can be very hard on you if you’re trying to deal with bipolar disorder.
Especially because it’s very easy to fall into the habit of blaming every problem on the bipolar disorder itself. If your loved one is doing this, it can prolong their recovery. They must take responsibility for their bipolar behavior and its consequences if they’re going to get better.
I’m not saying that everyone is this way, but I think many of us, if the truth be told, do it at some
point.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
I can relate to this definately. I have found that my Bipolar husband blames me all of the time about everything – if something isn’t done it’s my fault, if too much money is spent it’s my fault (even though we have 3 kids and it all goes to the household), if the children mess something up it is my fault – as their mother “that is my responsiblity”. I use to get sarcastic and tell him “wow, I have alot of power, I wonder if I can decide if the sun rises today or not!” That did not go over too well. Than I would defend myself and tell him why something wasn’t done, what the money was spent on, why there is a mess – which did not work either because than I had “excuses” for everything. I have even told him that it is his responsiblity too and he tells me that he can help and do it all himself actually but that I should be able to run my household and I can’t stop just because I’m “not good at it”. I have ADHD which does not help but I have been taking medicine and learning how to be more organized since being diagnosed a year ago. I have no issues taking responsibility for the things I do and say but have found that my bipolar husband seems incapable of doing the same. He says that he is a “reactor”, he doesn’t start anything, just “reacts” to what others say and do. How do you encourage your bipolar partner to take responsibility for themselves in a way that they will actually hear? I am not a nag at all – in fact too far to the otherside probably and sometimes don’t speak up when I should and cave in to “keep the peace”. I have been working on that – being more vocal and honest even if it hurts his feelings. Is taking responsibility something alot of bipolar people have a hard time doing or is that something that is just part of his upbringing and personality and have nothing to do with bipolar? I would really like to understand this better and some helpful ways on dealing with him not taking responsibility and HIM realizing it is not everyone else – but himself. Thanks!
Good Morning David ?
I need some advice about my grandson that Ive been raising for 19 years he’ll be 20 next month.He’s bipolar and has a child and the grandmaw has custody of .the guestion is does he really have rights?Like your friend story we raised him to take on his responabilty,well the other saids that he is lazy,crazy,and scared to let him have rights to be a father that is what is needs to be responsibilty,he would never hurt his son nor anyone else so last night was the breaker these people has been so mean and hurtful to him that he was trying to harm himself.The babys mother was suppose to be marring him after she finish school instead her mother set her up with a man that is 11 or 12 years older and she told my son she was marring him next year and she has 4 more years school.My son is devastated and I at a lost I can’t keep him on his seroquel or anything he throws everything back up. do you have and suggestion on his rights I’ve looked up disability lawyers can’t find one here.
Well he’s getting up and I have to go he doesn’t like me telling his life to anyone so I’m closing with a big Thanking you for your posting on biplar .
Thanks Again Becky
I do have blaming thinking, but I believe people have right to do what they want to do and I may like it or not, if I don’t like it I hold them responsible and simply walk out. In my husband case I’m waiting for opportunity to walk out for 22 years. I could probably make him respect me more but then it would not come from his heart I would feel that his affection are not true and I make him to do that.
mariola
I either wait a few hours/days and see if I can find the thing I lost. I’d rather take responsibility for my own behavior and end the problem right there. If I find out otherwise then I just drop it there too. Don’t like to think that way if I can help it.
Dear Dave,
My daughter Rachel backed my car into the side of the garage and squashed the down pipe attached to the garage and bent the fender of the car . I raced outside to see if anyonehad been hurt to be told by her that It was all my fault for parking the car in an awkward place in the first place.
Now Rachel is usually a compassionate caring soul who never has a bad word about anyone she neither criticises nor does she make value judgements except when it comes to me.
I just think maybe Rachel has difficulty sometimes when she is hit with whole lot of emotions all at once so like Rachels propensity to argue with me because she wants to attract my attention this is another one of those sorts of anomalies
And yes I had placed the car in a position that could be considered awkward I readily accept that to get out of the space would have been relatively easy for a seasoned driverishoul,could have driven out of the space for her.
I need to leave Rachel to figure out her responsibilities – she’ll come back to me with her acceptance of that she always does if I give her the space and the time
Regards
Shona
Blame game is so true if we create that type of environment. As a person with Bi-Polar and have been in recovery for over 30 years if it is going to be it is up to me…and you to make the change. Check out my website and if you have information to add let me know.