Hi,
Hope you’re doing good today.
I wanted to give you a few updates.
First, I owe a number of people return phone calls and emails in reference to various things related to bipolar disorder. I am sorry that I have not gotten back to you. I will by the end of the week. I have just been so busy.
Secondly, I will be hiring one administrative person that will work across this organization and another business that I have. This will bea great job for someone with bipolar disorder (yes, I hire people with bipolar disorder, I have 12 or 14 that work for me already).
Thirdly, there has been a great debate on whether or not you should have children ifyou have bipolar disorder. I actually was debating this last night until 1:00am. I think that I won. You know what I got? No sleep as my reward lol. I am going to be putting out a f.ree special report on this.
Okay, let’s jump into today’s topic. I know so many people who don’t get anything done every day, and when you get done with this email, hopefully, you won’t be one of them!
But I was talking to this woman at the gym and she said she has a million kids.
I said, “Wow, you must be a million years old,
She didn’t think that was very funny.
She told me she can never get anything done for her business, so I asked her if she had a list.
She said, “Umm…no.”
Lists are the key. If you don’t know where you want to go, how are you going to get there? And if you don’t know what you want to get done, how are you going to get anything accomplished?
Here some lists, by category, that I would suggest:
To that woman with children, I would suggest this
list:
· School’s name, address, phone number
· School calendar events
· Her childrens’ birthdays
For her business:
· Contacts list
· Call back list
· Follow-up list
· Networking list
For people with bipolar disorder:
· List of medications
· When to take them
· Doctors’ names, addresses, ph. #’s
· Doctors’ appointments
Personal lists:
· Long-term goals
· Short-term goals
· To-Do lists
· Daily To-Do lists
· Shopping/Grocery lists
· Bucket List (from the movie)
· List of things you want from life
· Places you’d like to visit
· Book list of books you want to read
· List of DVD’s/CD’s you want
· Garage Sale list (of what you’re looking for)
· Gratitude List
· Prayer List
· List of friend’s/family’s names, addresses,
Phone numbers, cell numbers, email addresses
Birthdays, anniversaries
· List of important events
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
I teach about To-Do Lists, and how important they are when it comes to bipolar disorder. If you have something to wake up for every day, it will help keep down those episodes. In life, if you have lists, it will help you to bemore organized. It also gives you something to look forward to.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
I AM CHILDLESS
I am a Virgo so I LIVE by lists!! My partner (who is bipolar) laughs at my lists and every time I go to do a task he teases me and says “uh oh, it’s LIST TIME!” but you know what – somehow we end up travelling with everything we need, and when he says “oh no, I forgot X” I can say, “no you didn’t – it’s here…” Then he admits that my lists are a god-send, until the next time… heh heh
Ya know I have read several of your newsletters and find them to be refreshing. I have this bi-polar disorder and I have found that if I am willing to do anything (while in control of this disease) and I put my mind to it, I am just like anyone else. I have learned alot about myself in your newsletters that I didnt even understand. Thank you so much!!
I was just wondering have you ever talked about the subject alcohol and bi-polar?
I am a grandmother, raising a bipolar 5 year old grandchild. The mother is borderline (I think) and the father (my adopted son) is ADHD with some personality disorder overlays. The 5 year old is on Abilify, which has made a huge difference (God bless drugs!!) However, in dealing wtih all of this, lists are a Godsend for my household. I also have my mother living with me (90 with Alzheimers) and I have a 14-year-old son still at home. So, as you can see, my house is NUTZ. But lists are wonderful not only for the bipolar but for the family dealing with those issues and others. There should be a complete and absolute seminar dealing only wtih the fact that lists are the only way you can accomplish anything. Just an opinion. Thanks so much.
Hi David! First of all, let me say thank you for your daily emails. I am very new to your site and find these helpful. I am the parent of a bipolar daughter who is now 22 years old. She was officially diagnosed bipolar when she was about 13 years old, although I pretty much knew that was the problem for a number of years before that. It’s been a very hard road for our entire family – and I accept the fact, that it always will be and that I will always have to “look out” for her.
Regarding the debate about whether bipolar people should have children: I vote they should – as long as they have a very strong support system. My daughter has a child who is now 2 1/2 years old. My daughter is not married and has a very poor relationship with the father of her child – who, in my opinion, has his own mental instabilities! Right this minute, both my daughter and granddaughter live with me and my husband. My daughter got evicted from her apartment in July as she quit her job (that’s what she said: that’s up for debate whether she actually quit or got fired). However, my granddaughter had essentially been living at my house for almost a year prior to that, as my daughter did work early evenings so that I could take care of the child when I got home from work. My granddaughter would just sleep at my house as my daughter got off work too late, in my opinion, to come pick up her child. We didn’t think it would be good for my granddaughter to be awakened at night to be taken home. So my daughter would come to my house in the mornings and just watch her child there. Truth be told, I have felt more like my granddaughter’s mom as opposed to her grandma. Although, I FINALLY got my daughter back on her medication and she’s doing much better right now and taking better care of her daughter. In any event, I would hate to think that anybody should be told they shouldn’t have children – that’s just wrong.
Now, lastly, I want to ask you about the position you’re hiring for! My daughter is in desperate need of a job! As it appears that you live in New Jersey and we live in Chicago, I don’t suppose you would ever consider hiring somebody remotely, would you? We, of course, have an excellent computer with a color printer/copier/scanner/fax machine with high speed internet (DSL), that my daughter could use if this would be something that you would consider. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for your consideration!
Dear Dave,
You know, I couldn’t agree more about lists. I’m a virgo too, but I am, or was, blessed with an excellent memory. You know, I could read a page and recite back whatever was on it. But after all the mental illness stuff started, especially all the medications which, while helping, often left me feeling somewhat in a fog, I found out that I simply couldn’t keep all those lists in my head anymore. I fought it and fought it and kept trying. It was as if having to write everything down was an admission of defeat, a giving in to the bipolar, a battle lost and a victory for the illness. So for awhile I managed, though I struggled far more than I would have needed to and probably ended up getting into more episodes and making things generally worse because then if I’d forget something I’d have to pay the consequences, like missing an appointment and running out of refills on meds, forgeting even to take meds sometimes or taking more or fewer pills than I should and at the wrong time etc. Finally I married a list freak. My mother, I’ll have to say, was also a list maker. Maybe that was another reason I rebelled. But now I realize that we’d never get anything done without lists. As a musician and a student, now that I think back, I did make lists, many of which were in my head but some written down. Whenever I’d go into a practice session, sometimes lasting many hours, I had to have certain objectives in mind. What pieces of music would I focus on? What troublesome passages? I’d do a general map out of the session, allotting specific times to each thing. Then I’d go back, if there was time, and work on things that were still not completed. Now, if some of the things on my daily to do list don’t get done, they roll over (like cell minutes) to the next day’s list. Of course, when you make a list, you have to then prioritize things. That often means re-writing a list with things in order of priority. Sometimes I can do that without having to write a second list. Sometimes I can’t. Sometimes the next day’s list has to be different than I’d thought because things didn’t get done from the day before and other things were added so again, it’s prioritizing. One unexpected benefit of lists for me was that when I got everything on a list done, I’d have the satisfaction of being able to crumple it up and throw it in the trash or give myself some other reward, like half an hour to read a good book, or a nice long walk with the dog or half an hour at the piano. So lists really are a win-win situation, as long as you don’t lose the lists! Better yet, maybe I should make carbon copies of my lists! (smile) Sometimes I do. I put one in my computer, one on my backup drive and one in my notetaker. Happy listing.
thanks dave im always the one TRYING to get everything done my b/f which has bipolar doesnt plan anything he just thinks it will get done its self i guess
Regarding lists, here is a method for dealing with the To Do stuff:
Draw a box and divide it into four columns going down and three rows going across. That makes you a big box made up of 9 smaller boxes? With me so far?
Label the last two boxes across the top: “Very Important”, “Important” & “Not Important”.
Label the bottom middle and bottom boxes of the left hand side: “Urgent” and “Not Urgent.”
Next, write into the appropriate box each of the tasks on your To Do list, whether they are Important or Not Important, and Urgent or Not Urgent.
This helps you see which of the tasks you have to do first – obviously anything that is “Urgent/Very Important” should be tackled first, and “Urgent/Important” next. In each case, DO THE EASIEST/QUICKEST of them before the the others UNLESS there is a short deadline, although we assume all would have a close deadline or they would not be Urgent!
Thereafter, you’d tackle the Very Important/Not Urgent and Important/Not Urgent.
After that IF there is time, you might work on the Not Important/Urgent and Not Important/Not Urgent. But if you’d rather read a book, go for a walk, relax in the sunshine, go to the gym with Dave or just sleep … forget about that other stuff because they are not important BUT your life IS.
To can make this priority grid more sensitive if you also include a Very Urgent row.
(I don’t know who invented this grid – I imagine it’s copyright, but I don’t suppose anyone will sue!!! Just remember you heard it here first from me!!! LOL!)
Laura
Lucky you! It seems the more my BP has developed the worse my memory has become!
regarding children. i feel that it should be determined on a case by case basis. i think this is true, if you have bp or not. some people are just not suited to be parents and they do not have bp. while others who have bp, could be great parents. again, on a case by case basis.
see, i do not like to generalize and say all should or should not do something, becasue i do not feel this is true. there are many different types of bp, medications to take and those who get help. also, i understand that there are those who do not take their medication, see doctors.
all of this is not easy, but i think much thought should be put into making this big life decision, because the end result is brinig a child into this world…
todd
Aloha Dave,
My husband has taught me (bipolar 1) to make grocery shopping lists. We never go shopping now without one. We have saved tons of money. Thanks for your Masters Course Dave. Even the smallest things have changed our lives dramatically.
Dear David. I really appreciate your letters and It really makes me feel relieved to know that there are answers to my questions. And you got me, I did not marry my fiancé because of his possible bipolar disorder (he says it’s just depression): i did not know this term before until I did some research and I found you. So, I am afraid this sickness could be genetic and if I bear him a child resulting as bipolar also, it’ll just blow my life away.
Right now most of my lists start off with a)how to get rid of my bipolar for i)the day ii)the weekend iii) until after christmas and then for the rest of my life. Is there no end to the lies, the disloyalty, the abuse, the betrayal, the destruction?? My husband is so devious that i never know whether he is being authentic or not – after 9 years. maybe it’s time to quit.
My cousin in NYC told me if I ever come to Manhattan to not call her, that she’d not pick me up at the airport and she hopes I find somewhere to sleep with all of the other homeless people in NYC. She said she is “not equipped to deal with my mental problems.”
Since we on the subject of lists, I just crossed the cousin off of mine.
Ah, the dreaded list. You know you need it, but it’s somehow a symbol of a piece of paper running your life. After while, the thinking you should be doing to keep your mind in gear isn’t your strongest point. Doesn’t sit to good. So you struggle with your memory with a pen in your hand, give in and peacefully get done all the things you need to do. Not only with bipolar is this list needed, we older farts need it too.
To JEANNIE: Not only am I bipolar, but I’m also an “older fart,” too! I’ve found, as I grow older, that I NEED to write, at least, a grocery list. If I don’t, I end up buying something that catches my eye, and adds to the cost of shopping. Of course, there are those times when I write a list – and forget to put something IMPORTANT on it, requiring another trip to the store the next day.
I also like Graham’s “grid” idea, but feel I’m tooo lazy to make one! As I’m on Social Security disability, and have no children, my life is basically run on what I need to do, day by day. The only long-term “thing” I’ve got now, is filling out all the forms for my tax debt (groan).
Lists are important for EVERYONE, I believe. They serve to focus our attention on what is, and what is not, important.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
Tried them all,
No, put her back on your list and send her Christmas and birthday cards – it’ll “kill” her! I’ve always tried to make a point of being incredibly nice to people who have made a point of showing they don’t like me. They expect a hostile reaction; but when you don’t give them that satisfaction, and when you are nice to them, they are lost! They don’t know what to do, how to react. The nastier they get, the nicer you are. Eventually, they crack.
In my case I’m 27 and as my BP has gotten worse so has my memory and concentration which really scares me. In school I always made 3.5 and above and after I was always the type of person who had to be on top of everything. Over the past 2 yrs that has changed. It took forever for me to keep a journal until I actually bought a notebook, and I’m always losing the mail or bills. As for children I have 2 age 9 and 8. A boy and a girl. I was a perfect loving mother it seemed until they turned age 5 or 6 and then I noticed myself getting irritable and annoyed with them, plus my husband on top of that. I tend to yell at my son more than my daughter. I don’t know if that’s a BP thing because my dad yelled at my brother and not me and I have a friend who yells at her son and can’t get along with him but does her daughter. I hate to think I’m going to send him into therapy one day or make him grow up messed up. I just try to explain to him why mommy gets angry and that I’m sorry and I love him. My children are my main reason for trying to get help and stable right now, or else I probably wouldn’t care.
Graham, these ‘mafia family’ are not the type to be nice to!!! They don’t have any good qualities. They are mean, munipulative, regengeful and deceiptful. They are rich and influential. Everyone has a ‘price.’ Money buys anything and anyone. I don’t know why I tried to get on their good side because they don’t have a good side, really. Everytime I try to get close to them, I end up getting hurt very badly. They make me feel like I am not worth anything and will never measure up to their standards. They talk behind my back. I have learned who not to trust. I am really hurting from this last NYC incident.
Another important list is the OPPOSITE of a shopping list: STUFF TO GET RID OF.
In studying mental health problems (because they’ve struck close to home in several friends and relatives), one of my gripes is that “professionals” try to neatly categorize everyone by saying they have BiPolar, BPD, or whatever. They like to put tags on everyone, and then use a flip-chart approach to treating them, often with disastrous results. It’s been my experience that everyone is unique. I believe that everyone is “Crazy” to some extent, in their own way. Wouldn’t it be boring to be completely “Normal”?
Don’t we all have a “cocktail” of problems? How often are people “diagnosed” with Depression, when in reality it is just one of the problems in their makeup. I was thrust into the role of Supporter after getting back in touch with a high school classmate. Although we live on opposite coasts, we became best of friends over a 16-month period, realizing we had SO MUCH in common. We exchanged countless e-mails and phone calls, and helped each other with crises. Then, suddenly, WHAM, she turned on me, and had my head spinning with confusion until a mutual friend informed me that she had BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Thus began a long up-hill quest for knowledge. My friend completely cut me off, suddenly seeing me in a different light, which is one of the characteristics of someone with BPD. Otherwise she’s cleaver and funny, and I get a kick out of her impulsiveness (which is supposedly another negative). For instance, she would send an e-mail, asking if she could call, and before I could answer, the phone would be ringing! She’s been diagnosed with “Clinical Depression” and also had a revelation when she found out that she’s not the only one who suffers OCD. Her big problem in that regard is Hoarding. She lives in a word dominated by cardboard boxes full of things she can’t get rid of for various reasons.
SO, the top item on my personal list, with a big red asterisk next to it, is for my friend to get better, and accept ME back as a friend. I made an attempt to have her go see a psychologist she trusts, and get a complete and accurate diagnosis for starters. I’m pretty sure she’s in denial over having BPD, but her friends have ostracized me, as if I’m the “crazy” one – and I’m convinced it’s because they’ve never seen her at her worst. She even has a friend who was formerly a psychologist, and stunned me by telling me not to bring the subject of BPD up again! Several people (friends and professionals) have informed me that it’s a hope-against-hope situation, and such relationships can only be “toxic.” But I’m devastated, and it’s not my nature to give up.
Sorry to get so off topic, but this situation has really dragged me down. It’s been suggested that it would take a third party to get my friend back, but who would be willing/able to play such a role? Apparently nobody’s helping her, and she’s pushed me – possibly the only person who cares – away.
O.K. Back to the topic:
So YES, it is important to have LISTS, AND PRIORITIES!
My daughter had her son when she 16. Bipolar or not, I didn’t agree with her having a baby at that age; and, I hated being the supervisor; I wanted to be a grandma….now Timmy just turned 2 in August. I’m the one who is always there for him as well as her ex-boyfriend’s grandma. She knows I have a very bad case of fibromyalgia and she also takes care of him pt and/or when I descend into the fires of hell with fibro. My daughter has been learning how to take care of her baby. However, she’s trying to get stabilized by finally taking her meds; she’s doing as well as possible, but she realized she needs us. And we don’t let her try to take advantage of the grandmas. We both make sure she understands her responsibilities and that she IS mom, not us. Trying to circumvent her boyfriends and putting her on the baby team has been difficult but attainable. She (dau) has made clear she doens’t want anymore kids. She’s happy with her 1 son; and she’s not capable of handling any more kids; I feel that if we had “taken care” of Timmy completely, she may not have come to this conclusion (mistakenly)believing that she can do it all. I made it very clear to her I wouldn’t care for her son unless she’s in the GED program and graduates. Then moves toward her career in Criminal Justice.
I am very intrested in the job that you have open. How do I apply?
Thank you,
Julie Barnett
I love Lists, and over the years have become more and more organized. A good resource is FlyLady.net , she is great and suggests a Control journal same concept as Dave spoke of but in one notebook or several depending on your own circumstances. It would be a great help to you and your family for many reasons. Have a great day! Alisa
PS: Dave you are great…keep up the good work.
i have eldest saister who has bipolar disorder, im inrterested in your mail sent to, it gives knowledge for my family to mange my sister. Actually shes the one who ask me to search in net about her condition, shes interested to read patients testimonials how they deal with bipolar, she always says she wanted to cure her illness, she feels tardy and cant do what she usually do before, at her stage now she wants to get inspiration from patient successfully get over their bipolar disorder.
thanks there people like you whos willing to understand our concerns,
jennifer, Philippines
Tried them all,
I don’t know if you are reading this, but I want to say something, too.
I recognize this situation.
And my suggestion is: if they are so, it’s their problem.
Don’t waste time beeing amazed of what they are doing or saying.
Try to understand, try to improve yourself, follow your “list” of interests.
Ask for your rights, if there are any.
Say you desagree or refuse this or that, if it’s manipulation.
Just play your game and follow your rules, not theirs.
This is the jungle in family, society.
They want more money, power, influence…
You can understand how they are and what they want and…use this.(should I say manipulate?)
Not neccessary against them, but for your good.
You know, you are responsible for your life, not them.
I’d like to use a quotation I like very much:
“The truth unveiled.
For those who have eyes to see, let them see.
For those who have ears to hear, let them listen.
For those who have neither, let them pass on.”
Bye
First, I have really learned so much from your emails and newsletters! Now, concerning children: I have a neice that is 25. For the last 3 years she has been a full blown alcoholic. I’m talking large amounts of Vodka daily. She is also a cutter. She has been diagnosed with bi-polar for a couple of years now. She won’t stay on any meds, nor will she continue to see a doctor about her problems. She got pregnant. The baby was still born at 4 months with his intestines on the outside of his body. She continued to drink while pregnant. She has been in trouble by losing her license, driving on a revoked license and mostly all traffic related tickets.
Someone just paid $25,000, yes, that’s $25,000, for her to go into a treatment program in Colorado Springs. I believe they use shock therapy and all naturall vitamins as part of her specific therapy. She was taking 60 pills daily. This was a 5 week program. I haven’t talked to her since her release a couple of weeks ago, so I have no info on how she is doing yet.
I am on SSI Disability for my “severe clinical depression”. I’m on antidepressants, tranquilizers, sleeping pills. I also have COPD, Hepatitis C, Shingles, and am a very nervous person. I have recently begun to think that I am also bi-polar….high highs and low lows, overspending for comfort, etc. I can’t afford any of your programs because of my income, but I do get much information, as I said, from your emails. Thanks for continuing to send them.
Sincerely,
Jada