Hey,
How’s it going? I spoke with several people yesterday
that used their f.ree consultation certificate for
non medical or non legal questions and one thing
that seemed to run through everyone was
how they need what I call a “Bipolar Bunker.”
What the heck is a bipolar bunker? Well
when you are supporting someone with bipolar
disorder, you take what I call, “incoming
fire.” Incoming fire is the steady stream
of verbal abuse and threats and in some
cases physical abuse that a loved one
that is not stable will project on you.
Many bipolar supporters make the huge
mistake of actually sitting and getting
screamed at and trying to make important
decisions or try to rationalize or
argue back that’s even worse.
As a result the bipolar supporter gets
slowly worn down and eventually destroyed.
How do I know? I use to take a ton of incoming
fire with my mom every single day. Some times
9 hours a day. I am dead serious. I seriously
thought that I was going to die on some
occasions.
I will tell you this. 99% of people do not
have the will nor energy to be able to successfully
out argue the unstable person who is manic with
bipolar disorder.
It’s just not possible.
It took me months to figure this out. Eventually
I said to myself, “self, this is dumb, you need
a better strategy.” So I set myself up
what I called a bipolar bunker.
Basically my bipolar bunker was mobile–it
was my car. This bunker would shield me from
my mom and allow me some distance and breathing
room so I could think with a clear head
so I could make effective strategies to try to
help her.
I actually would drive about 10 minutes away
and put on the radio and sit and make plans
in my notebook. It was during these times
after about 20 minutes of my brain readjusting
to not being screamed at that I could think
clear. If I hadn’t done this, I would have
never been able to effectively help my mom.
If you have bipolar disorder, and you go
into a manic episode you should want your loved
one to setup their own bunker so that you don’t
cause them to want to permanently leave you.
I talk a lot about Michele Soloway who
has bipolar disorder and so does her husband. They
actually setup their own bunkers and want each other
to go into the bunker if they are in an episode. Why?
So the one in the episode doesn’t do or say something
really bad to one that is not in an episode.
I advise all supporters to think about how
and where they can create their own bipolar
bunker so they are not taking incoming fire
and unable to make any good decisions?
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Some people move out of the house. Get an apartment.
Go live with someone else. You may think that is
quitting on your loved one but it’s not. It’s
called fighting the war from Washington. That’s
what I call it. If you look at let’s say the Iraq
war. The people running the war make decisions in
Washington, DC not in Iraq getting shot out on
a daily basis. Remember you are like a general
in a war. The enemy is bipolar disorder. The enemy
tries to attack you and you have to make sure
that you avoid all those “bullets.”
I hope this all makes sense.
Well I have to run. Have a great day.
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL HERE
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
I think this is your best email so far. I did learn to do this with my son and now my other son and daughter-in-law are learning to do this with my grandson.
Keep up the good work.
Joyce
Good Stuff!
This was great information for me. I’m dating a man that is bipolar and it’s been a long journey. I can see that when he is in him moods then I need to go into my bunker and not feel guilty! Thank you for what you do, your information is truly a blessing.
Great stuff, I used alcohol as my bunker for a while and found that not to be productive way to cope with the stress…. I Don’t drink anymore and my wife is staying on her meds, everything seems to be stable but I’m still in fear of any repeat episodes from her. Alcohol is no longer an option for me to escape so Ilove the bunker idea and hope I never have to use it.
Hey thank you for the information. I’m trying to learn how to deal with my Dads bipolar.
I can’t thank you enough for you e-mail about how bipolars can be verbally and physically abusive and how one whould setup a bipolar bunker to avoid the attack. You validated me and gave me a new perspective on the “enemy” – bipolar disease…
Please help me with some type of research on mothers with bipolar disorder raising toddlers. I have not been able to find any information on this subject. Surely someone has something documented. I need to present some type of documentation to the child’s father so he can see that this mother does not need to be the primary care giver of this child. The mother is also an alcoholic. I am concerned for the safety and well-being of this child.
This info came at the most appropriate time. Very useful. My husband has bipolar and I’ve been putting up with verbal abuse. I only wonder, do I just get up and walk out when he starts?
thanks for the email , i will try to apply this when i help my father,,,he has major episodes regulary, at least 1 every 2 months,,,i live with guilt and confusion,,pain……His care is in my hands and i need all the help i can find,,no one in my family will have anything to do with him because of his bipolar…
GOD BLESS YOU!! I absolutely needed that email today. I am dealing (trying!) with my recently diagnosed bipolar 16 year old daughter!!
I have tried to reason with her, argue and bribe her…it’s okay if you are laughing or shaking your head at me…I am learning!
I cannot physically leave her alone…the last time I did she drank a half a bottle of whiskey. But I think I can create a “Mental Bunker”
Notebook? I just started doing this…she HATES it. Quite frankly, being a “caregiver” of a bipolar teen in time and energy consuming. I cannot remember everything and it helps if I have notes when I talk to her pychiatrist and therapist. Of course when I bring it out in a session, I am “Making it up.”
Thank you for this email…it was a “Lifeline” for me today!!! It gave me encouragement, a plan and some hope!!
Stacey
TYPICAL!!!
I told my mum about suspecting Bi polar in my partner and the hell were going through to get the help. She think sit’s aspergers because bi polar are killing machines yes my god what a judgement it shows what a bad reputation they really have I told her about this site and your Emails David and how it really helps she soon quietened but that made me think howmany others think the same yes they can be really extreme but not every sufferer are psychotic killers and I generally believe that some who do have those thoughts can actually control them with or without medical help I know living proof of some and a study showing psycho social therapy is the very key for stability. Yes venting in therapy is a very crucial key to maintain their episodes to a minimum.
I wish I knew of this bunker before. Then maybe my boyfriend and me wouldnt be apart. But, he never wanted me know or see him go thru any of this. He just stayed with his family and left me in the dark..I had to find your site to find out what he is going thru. I hope others will have a bunker so not to lose what they have. He just pushed me away and not Im not even around anymore. I dont know if it is for the best.
we have a grandaughter that has the worst kind of by polar shei 18 going on 12 she is a handful plus she really does bad things that get her into real trouble along with telling me how mean i am and how i dont trust her wichh is true cause it is really hard we are in our late 60 we love her but it is really hard sometime we just dont know what do do sometime thx
My father was bipolar (they called it manic depressive back then), and I had no bunker. It nearly destroyed me. I then had a boy friend with the problem, a boss, several other friends, my ex-husband, my son’s godmother, all bipolar, all having rage filled manic episodes that could be devastating. My “bunker” was meditation, followed by simply hiding anywhere, any time in order to avoid the rage and verbal abuse. I now believe my son to be bipolar (he has exhibited the anger and verbally abusive behaviour on more than one occasion), but he refuses to go in for testing, claiming that the problem is actually me, I’m the one in need of treatment, etc. The bunker in this case is a little different, being that he has chosen to move in with his “fiancee” (a young woman he proposed to and bought a diamond within one week of knowing her; he started living with her less than 3 months after that). It’s far from perfect, but by having him living away like this, he screams for awhile and gets frustrated because I don’t scream back, so he hops in his car and heads back to her place. Not perfect, but the rest is wonderful. I just wish I’d known about this bunker idea years ago. Is it possible at some point to do a piece which gives a detailed description of the different phases (manic, depressed, etc.), showing typical behaviours and things to expect? I know no two individuals are the same, but a sheet of symptoms which gives examples would be very helpful for those who would like to be sure they’re giving an accurate picture when writing down the things they’ve witnessed prior to handing them to a doctor. We don’t want to list things that really are NOT correct in helping find a diagnosis.
david, please help me with my son .He gets real upset when he goes to a new job i don’t think he wants to work but i am disable an we need the money he get better when he is there for a while getting him there is what acts like it boyhers him so bad ty juy poteet
This email really struck a chord, my car is my bipolar bunker & it’s cost me a small fortune in petrol lately! I take the paper, a pen & paper & park by a duck pond usually. My partner is bipolar & going through an episode & my car has been my safe haven. Thank you for making me feel ok about that 🙂
My good friend Dave ! I feel so good with your emails , that i think you are really a friend of mine .Today , i completely feel like if you were me ! 🙂 I already had that kind of experience in stay there and support 11 hours of yelling against me !Since then , i´ve decided to have my own bunker , witch can be my work or my bedroom or a small place on my mind , where i try to stay safe and calm till the hurricane goes away .
thank you for all good advises you give me ! God bless you .
hey i was just wondering if it was possiable that a person with bi polar go the oppasite way and not talk to a loved one at all
toni
Thanks for sharing this; I need to read your other posts. I have been feeling incredibly beaten down emotionally by my interactions with a bipolar sibling. It helps to see that I am not alone in my feelings and that maybe I haven’t actually done anything wrong to provoke the hostility and guilt trips.
My problem is that for the last 20 years as an adult, my bunker has been the fact that my sibling and I lived in different states. That has now changed, and I am definitely feeling the lack of a buffer of any kind.
Thank you.
Thank you.