==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
Well I am back from New York City
and my bipolar blog is finally fixed.
Sorry for the problems.
Also, thanks for all the feedback on
my seminar in New Jersey. I am reading
what everyone wrote. Thanks!
Some people had some great ideas.
Also, in reference to the seminar. I am
buying some software that is going
to help create a survey so at the seminar
cover what people want to cover. The software
is expensive but I know it will be worth it.
Today I have a subject that is kind of funny.
Well, it starts out funny, I mean. You know,
people are always asking where I get my ideas
for here from, and to tell you the truth, sometimes
I do get them from the weirdest places!
Well, today’s email idea comes from Michele,
and a story she told me about her dog. You
know Michele, she writes for me, writes a
lot of the articles for the newsletter?
Anyway, she told me this story about her dog.
She was sitting outside on her porch swing one
day, and her dog, that is part dachshund and
part hound (black), that was just minding her
own business in the yard, started going crazy,
because a rabbit came into the yard.
So her dog started chasing after the rabbit
all over the yard. And this went on and on,
with the dog chasing the rabbit, while Michele
watched. Well, finally the rabbit just hopped
out of the yard, because the dog was never
able to catch it.
The point being, what was the poor dog
going to do if she ever caught the rabbit?
Because this is a very docile dog, an inside
dog mostly, who has never even SEEN a
rabbit before! And definitely wouldn’t
know what to do with one if she caught
it!
Ok, I know I’ve rambled on and on with
this story, but there is a point, and it does
have to do with bipolar disorder.
Here’s the point.
So many supporters have asked me
about “catching” their loved ones in
episodes and behavior that results from
their episodes. You guys ask me all the
time about how do you know if it’s the
disorder or if it’s really your loved one’s
behavior, presumably to “catch” them in
their own bad behavior, and about loved
ones who blame their bad behavior on
the disorder, hoping to “get away” with
it.
Well, the point is, what are you going
to do once you do catch them?
In my courses, I talk a lot about having
systems and plans in place about what to
do about when your loved one is in an
episode, about how you can tell when it’s
the bipolar and when it’s your loved one:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
So, what DO you do when it’s the disorder
and not just your loved one “faking it”?
Is it like what would Michele’s dog do when
she caught the rabbit? Would you know what
to do?
You know what is weird? My dad still
doesn’t know what to do? Sometimes
I give him the easiest scenario and
he never really gets it right. I just don’t
understand J. I think it’s because
he knows that I will handle things.
Anyway, the thing is, you need to get with your loved
one when they are BETWEEN episodes, and
the two of you need to hammer out a plan,
a system, whatever, like what I teach in my
courses – something you decide TOGETHER,
about what you will do the next time your
loved one goes into an episode (i.e., when
you “catch” them not being themselves).
It’s better when it’s in writing, too, so you have
it to show your loved one in case they don’t
believe you, which sometimes they won’t
when they’re in the episode.
They have to have a say-so in what should
be done when they’re in an episode. So the
best thing is to draw up a plan together, and
make sure they sign it.
This idea has worked for a lot of supporters.
If it works for you, I’d love to hear about it!
Well, I better go. Talk to you tomorrow!
Your friend,
Dave
–
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Hi Dave,
My Mother is in a serious episode right now and has cut off her family and is telling really awful lies about us to justify her behaviour. Will she realise what she has done when this episode is over?
My daughter, my mother, and my sister have all been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. We have family night once a week, but do you have any other ideas on what we could do? It’s like a constant demand for my attention, and I can’t be there for all of them at the same time. My daughter(15)is truly depressed constantly, mom (57)attempts more suicides, and my sister(27) gets into the most trouble. You’d think they could support each other, but that hasn’t worked out so well. Any thoughts would help. I’d like a little free time sometimes, but I’m always worried about what could happen to any(or all)of them.
So true Dave thanks again for the reminders. Yes you must catch and make a plan when the bp person is feeling well. They have to be willing to make a plan.
I appreciate all of the information that you have sent.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yes, this is a good idea if you are able to catch it. Unfortunatly, the best thing to do is talk about it AFTER the episode and not as an accusation, if you know what I mean. Me, (being the one who has BPD), has caught many of my own triggers but still am not able to catch my cycles until they are in full swing; and sometimes it’s still way to late. I still demand respect and it’s so much better on my mental/emotional health to have someone around me who is patient and willing to listen. PATIENCE is the key word. It comes with the words I love you. Unfortunatly most people who have BPD have no one around who has much patience and anyone who is willing to listen. I hope you all have a good day or hour or uh-oh.. I hope you can smile today.
Dear auntie_rosie,
She might be having delusions which can be another symptom of BPD. Please be patient and talk with her about it in a non-accusatory way only AFTER her episode. Whatever the result is, please let her know that you love her and are willing to listen. We all need that. Especially us with the disorder. It’s like having any other physical life time illness such as diabetes.
Hi Dave,
This may be long so please bear with me. I have 2 situations to share. First, I have a dog who is part terrier and part chchuai sp?. She was called a feist where I got her. Anyway. I received her as a gift when I was in the low of a breakdown. She and I trained her to take care of me when I was going into a bi-polar (manic) episode. If I work too long at my crafts etc, she gets between me and what I am doing and makes me stop. If I am having a bad day, she consoles me while I stroke her. It works great. Even an anxiety attack isn’t too much for her. She is an example of what a pet can do to help a bi-polar patient.
Second, I am not sure I have done the wrong thing or not. I had been in a relationship with a loving man for 7 years. The last 3 have been long distance as he was drinking heavily and I came home when he started to show signs of hurting me. I am in Indiana and he is in California. He has made comments that he has only one child and I have 3. My children have grown and gone their own way which is how it should be, but that doesn’t make it hurt less. To make this short, I had gotten some uneasy vibes and comments that led me to believe that he really didn’t want us to marry. I told him a week ago that he only has one child, and he would never be happy away from her. Also he has negative feelings against 2 of my children and he never forgets anything because he is a scorpio.
I realize I hurt him as he is no longer calling. Was I right in letting him go? I am terrified to begin dating again. But time will heal that. How do I make sure I didn’t do damage to him?
Weslynn
MY HUSBAND SUFFERS FROM BIPOLAR DISORDER. TWO WEEKS AGO HE HAD A VIOLENT EPISODE PUTTING HIM IN JAIL FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I AM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HIM AND HIS MENTAL HEALTH. HE HAS NEVER WANTED TO TAKE MEDICATION. WHEN HE WRITES TO ME HE SOUNDS DELUSIONAL AND VERY SICK. I WANT TO GET HIM HELP A.S.A.P. EVEN THOUGH HE IS INCARCERATED ARE THERE ANY ORGANIZATIONS THAT HELP THE MENTALLY ILL IN JAIL.
Dave, this is another example of your good, common sense advice. My husband is bipolar. It took him probably 10 years of ups and downs before he was diagnosed. I was so worn out from his mania, (and his depression) that the last thing I wanted to do when he was “normal” was focus on the illness and devise a plan. Just like the “sureness” of death and taxes, though, you can bet that someone who is bipolar WILL get manic again. So you’d better have a plan. We’re still working on our plan. Nothing is easy.
Dear Dave,
My son was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 3 years ago. We have ocassionally sought treatment when he has gotten in trouble in school, but we didn’t find any really good therapists until just recently. We have been seeing a psychologist 3 times a week for the past 3 weeks, and are waiting (desperately) to see a psychiatrist so we can start trying him on medication. The main problem is that he doesn’t seem really manic, but he keeps threatening kids at school. He’s been suspended 3 times in the last month — this is not like his “normal” times. Since your post was about “catching” people, I am wondering – how do we know if his threats are caused by Bipolar, or if it’s “his” fault?
My sons and I have been dealing with my wifes BPD in respect to 17 years now. We walk on eggshells daily, trying not to set her off into her spells of pure unadulterated fits of RAGE! We try not to ask her for anything,not to ask her to do anything for fear this would set her off. I as a supported am at my wits end, I am here to be a ” punching bag ” and to run interfearance for my boys, so her anger is not directed toward them. Yes she needs meds, no she wont take them, says she dont like to feel like a zombie, in fact she told the pschologist that she like to yell and fight with me. However I am wearing out, I dont know how long I can keep accepting that I am all those terrible names and things, and worthless and no good and s.o.bs and mfs and ooooooooo it hurts so bad sometimes but my vows say IN SICKNESS OR IN HEALTH and I am doing all I can. I have no insurance, iI cant afford meds if she even WOULD take them so this free course is all that I can find. I could go on forever but, well you have all probably heard it all and shouldnt be bothered by me. All I can say is HELP!!
Hey Tony,
Maybe you could try just plain walk out of the room when your wife starts yelling and fussing. Don’t fight with her. You don’t have to be a punching bag. I think you owe it to yourself to NOT let her treat you like that. Does she have any family or friends in the area? Can you get their help and come up with a plan? Dave talks about “deal breakers”. For instance, you will agree to support her(emotionally etc) through her illness as long as she takes meds and gets help from a psychiatrist. But if she can’t (won’t) do that, then you draw the line. You would decide what your “deal breaker” is. It’s hard; I understand your struggles.
Dave,
I am registered to your daily letters, but for the past 2 days,
Tues. & Wed., I have not received them. I tried to re-register, but
was told I was in the system.
Help!!! You letters are so helpful
to me, even though I have been a support system for my son since he was 17 yrs. old and he is now 45.
Thank You so much for the time and the wonderful things you do for the bi-polar supporter and the ones with bi-polar.
May God Bless You,
emm29@belsouth.net
Hi Dave, most people with bp show signs of an episode before it really gets going out of hand and those that are using it are probably not taking thier meds like they should or trying to help them self because it is a way to do what they want it is not easy getting meds to work very good I think this holiday season is going to be a really hard on for alot of people including those that are not BP. Sandra
Dear Tony,
I lived in a very violent relation ship for year long ago when my children were young I did not at this time know that I was Bipolar and believed that it was my fault for a long time the truth is that nobody diserves to be a punching bag and this life caused my kids a life time of missery after the fact they didn’t diserve it your wife needs help if you can not find family to help you to get her to seek help then take your kids and go I know it is hard but it is harder when your kids start to fall in the same routine Mine found out that they are also bp to and all the bad life growing up in the past has only complicated dealing with the illness and the past haunts them I didn’t get away soon enough andmy kids still suffer for it and maybe if you and the kids leave it just may force your wife to seek help the thing is being bipolar does not give any one the right to hit on you and the courts will not see it as an excuse to get away with it it is still abuse and she can go to jail for it if it ever some one calls the police one night for the noise I will pray for your family God Bless all of you I hope you can get some help. Sandra
Dave,
You talk a great deal of sense on this topic and have enabled me to get some sort of handle on it – thank you.
Steve