Hi, how’s it going? I’ve been thinking about something, and wanted to share my thoughts with you. It’s about what happens when you try to accomplish too much too fast. Or expect things to happen too soon.
Think about it. When you try to accomplish too much too fast, you are just setting yourself up
for failure, because you’ll never be able to do it. When you try to accomplish too much too fast, it can lead to discouragement for you when it doesn’t turn out how you expect it to. Also, if you don’t know how long something should take, you can start to think it’s taking too long.
For example, after an episode. The “too much too fast” idea can be applied to coming out of an episode, if you’re not careful. You and your loved one might expect that recovery will happen just like that! But it could take up to a year to fully “fix” the after effects of an episode. Like the financial ruin – you can’t fix a bankruptcy in just two weeks!
But some people think you can just do it overnight! We don’t rush the stroke victim or even the cancer victim, why do we rush the victim of bipolar disorder? Thinking that they should be over
an episode after just a week or two is just plain unrealistic expectations. Would we have that same expectation if they were getting over a physical illness? Then why are we expecting it from a bipolar episode?
There are some things in life that take a certain amount of time to happen. It’s just the way it has
to be. Think about things in nature. Like the butterfly – it starts off as a caterpillar…then it goes into a cocoon… and only after a certain period of time does it emerge as that beautiful butterfly!
It just doesn’t happen overnight.
It takes time. A process has to happen. And if you interrupt that process at any point in the chain of events, the whole thing would be ruined! Some things just can’t be rushed. Other things just have to take place in a certain order. And still other things have to take place at a certain time.
Wanting your loved one who has bipolar disorder to get over their episode overnight is like wanting them to be that beautiful butterfly without going through the cocoon phase!
Let’s look at it this way:
When your loved one is first diagnosed and taking their first baby steps into the world of bipolar disorder, let’s call that the “caterpillar stage.” There are certain things that have to happen during that stage, or they cannot move on.
For example, they have to learn to take their medications, every day and religiously. They have to learn to go to their doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist, and how important that is. They need to get used to a new lifestyle. Then they can move onto the cocoon stage, where they practice everything they’ve learned, so that in this stage they learn to control their bipolar disorder (and not the other way around). They can now manage their bipolar disorder, so that…
When the time is right for them to emerge from their “cocoon,”…
They can become that beautiful butterfly and enjoy a stable and happy life!
But do you see how you cannot skip any of those stages? Each one is necessary. It may be hard to be patient during this process, but remember that
beautiful butterfly.
Some things are worth waiting for!
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
Hi David,
I really like the butterfly lesson. My stepdaughter is 16 yrs old bipolar, she was doing great going to her pshychiatrist, counseling, taking her meds. But 2 months ago she moved back to her mother and she is not taking her medication or going to counseling. It had been awful for us. I wrote a note to her mother explaining how important it is for the girl to go back and take her medications. Any advice?
My husband and I begin nearly every day reading your blog. We have done this for 2 years now. Thankyou Dave (and your staff) for your selfless contributions that most definetly have improved our lives. Keep up the good work!!
David, Somehow or another, can you address Christmas or the season in an email? I am bipolar. I live by myself, and I just want to forget about Christmas–I didn’t put up a tree last year, and right now I could care less about doing it. It doesn’t help being unemployed this year,either. I would like to just skip the holidays and go on.
I was reading the post today and as it is with most of the posts I felt a little more connected and a little less alone. I am supporting my 10 year old son who was diagnosed at the age of 5 and is severe. For years we were managing very well through his special day class, therapy and of course medication, that is until last year. Last October we had to pull my son off the meds that were working for him because he was having physical reactions to them. This was the beginning of a 9 month nightmare. As we went through medication trial after trial, Michael basically ran in severe mania for 9 months. He was hospitalized at one point and intensive wrap around services were brought into our lives both at home and in the community. About 3 months ago we discovered a combination that is truly working and slowly we have been watching my son recover his sanity, his tools and his life. During the worse moments I remeber that utter feeling of isolation and I even wondered if Michael would ever be “normal” again. Now as I watch him recover I am able to accept the small “relapses” with the hope that the success he has had so far will continue to multiply. It is good to know that other people have spent such long periods of time recovering because sometimes you just can’t see the end. I pray that I will never run out of hope, faith and strength. As long as there is some minute amount of faith left in me, I know the rest will follow. Thank you for being one more small connection in my day.
Yvonne
I have to say that over the last few days the e-mails I have recieved have been exactly what I have needed to hear when I needed to hear them. My husbands last episode was a nightmare!! We have been rocvering from it for the last 3-4 months. I feel like why isnt he better yet?!?! he always snaps back right away and life goes on. Well it isnt happening this time! The doctors and counselers are trying different meds with him this time around and I feel like they are more worried about his mani than his depression. For him it is both at the same time they need to treat since he has mixed episodes. He still wants me to believe that he doesnt love me anymore and doesnt want to be with me but then talks about the things he wants us to do tomorrow next week next month next year even about my graduation in 2 years! I have recently realized that the sying actions speak louder than words seesm to hold up here in my case but man I wish there was a magic wand or a magic pill that could make it all better now!! I just have to wait time heals all wounds and I guess bipolar is a big mental wound and you can not rush any kind of healing so I am in it for the long haul!
After each of my manic episodes in a psych hospital, it took just shy of a year for me to recuperate. Fortunatly, my Mom was still alive, and she provided ALL the after-care. I was allowed to live at home, pay no rent, and have her companionship. She was widowed in 1969, between my first and second hospitalization. I know it was HARD on her, primarily because she didn’t believe HER daughter had a “mental illness.” I guess that her treating me as if I were “normal” helped a LOT in my recovery. Of course, during this span of time – the year AFTER hospitalizations – I went to therapy, took my meds, and followed the right sleep/wake patterns. I will NEVER understand WHY I continued to have two more manic episodes after the first one, when I was following all the right steps. It’s the CURSED “bipolar,” that I still feel “breathing down my neck,” about to “pounce” at the slightest edge that I would accidentally give it. There will ALWAYS be that fear…
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
My loved one has been in a coccoon for 6 months now and there is no sign of the butterfly emerging yet. The fact that I’m in the worst financial situation I’ve ever been in doesn’t help. I would feel a lot better if I wasn’t so totally alone with this. He is a good friend and listens to me, but life was better when we were a couple in spite of all the bipolar problems. Every time it looks like things are getting near sorted, another huge bill arrives. It’s not good to hate being alone and love someone who (says he) likes being alone. However, I also understand that the enormous stress I’m under right now is not good for him to be around with his bipolar. We will spend some time together over the holidays, when at least there won’t be any bills.
Hi I suffer from Bipolar Mood Disorder and I can’t cope anymore I am on my med’s I take them every day & night but I am still having manic episodes today I feel so down…I can’t cope I just want to run away from away from this disorder it is hard to explain to people who don’t have it what it’s all about and that there are times when you can’t control it does anyone else with bipolar feel that it is actually controlling them and that they can’t seem to control it….please help me out here…thanks Marcelle Merckel
Hi there I suffer from bipolar mood disorder….I have been feeling totally confused and lost this illness scares me I am scared that I will harm someone else right now I feel that my bipolar is in control of me instead of me being in control of it…I am taking my medication every morning and every night I am on 300mgs of Epilim in the morning and 300mgs at night I am on 1.200 mgs of Epilim twice a day and they aren’t even helping me …I am still going into manic episodes please someone help me if you are suffering with bipolar and feel that it is in control of you and you are not in control of it I have never been a big spender I don’t go shopping unless it’s for the essential goodies…other than that i would greatly appreciate it if someone would be able to tell me how to handle the hight and the lows…as I have been in a low for 2 days today I am a little bit better hopefully coping but for the past two days I haven’t been coping at all…please someone come back to me…thank you…
Marcelle Merckel….
To MARCELLE: I have been bipolar since 1968, and my last hospitalization was in 1977. I am on a mood stabilizer – Depakote – an antipsychotic – Zyprexa – one antidepressant – PaxilCR – and a tranquilizer – Klonopin. I have not had a major episode since 1977, but have had several mini-episodes throughout the years, especially when my two husbands died – but I was treated on an outpatient basis. It IS possible to control your bipolar, instead of it controlling you. My suggestion is that you talk to your psychiatrist, and maybe s/he could tweak your medications so you’d be more comfortable. Good luck, and stay strong.