Hi,
How are you today?
I want to talk about something serious today – something that can mean the difference between success and failure with your loved one’s stability with their bipolar disorder.
Something that can mean the difference between your success or failure as a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder.
Something that can mean the difference between even whether your marriage is a success or not!
It all boils down to one word:
DETERMINATION
This can determine whether:
1. Your loved one succeeds or fails with
their stability with their bipolar disorder.
2. You are a success or failure as a
supporter of a loved one with bipolar
disorder.
3. Your marriage succeeds or fails.
I guess you would say that DETERMINATION is pretty important then, wouldn’t you?
I think it is, anyway.
I’ve watched people with DETERMINATION accomplish some pretty incredible
things!
I have a friend who went to school to become a respiratory therapist.
A respiratory therapist is someone who helps people to breathe better – you know, people with lung problems like asthma, bronchitis, pneumonia, emphysema, and even lung cancer.
Here she was in college at 35 years old with four children, going back to school again, and she had never flunked a test in her life!
Well, respiratory school was really hard and, guess what? (scroll down for the answer)
She not only flunked her first test, but…
(scroll down for more…)
She almost flunked out of school, until…
(scroll down again)
The dean of her school recognized her DETERMINATION to learn what she needed to learn to become a good respiratory therapist and to help people, so… (scroll down for the ending)
He put her through a battery of testing, which showed that she actually had undiagnosed ADHD!
So she went on medication for it, and ended up graduating at the top of her class!
She worked as a respiratory therapist for many years, helping lots and lots of people, both children with asthma up to adults with end-stage lung cancer.
Until she was diagnosed at 45-years-old with bipolar disorder.
Still, she had DETERMINATION.
She wasn’t going to let the bipolar disorder beat her, so she learned how to manage it, and today lives a very stable and happy life.
DETERMINATION is a good characteristic to have, whether you have bipolar disorder or are supporting someone who does.
It is a positive characteristic, and positive characteristics (and a positive attitude) are some of the things I go over in my courses/systems below:
NEW
LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH
BIPOLAR DISORDER?
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarmastersystem/
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
With the same DETERMINATION as this woman had, your loved one can do the things they need to do to become stable with their bipolar disorder.
With that same DETERMINATION, you can become the best supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder in the world!
And, with that same DETERMINATION, even a marriage where one of the people has bipolar disorder can still be a successful marriage (no matter what other people say)!
So, do you see now how important DETERMINATION can be?
In what ways has DETERMINATION affected YOUR life?
Have you surpassed other people’s expectations of you, like the woman in the story, despite the odds being against you (like having ADHD or bipolar disorder)?
If so, please tell us how you did it? It might help someone else to do it, too.
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
Dave:
I’m a bipolar unemployed mom supporting a bipolar son, with a bipolar daughter and bipolar mom. I can’t afford your courses, and have spent alot of time researching sources of help, both financial and mental, for myself. But there needs to be something out there for the mentally ill that helps them, free of charge. I understand why you can’t give your courses for free. But there needs to be an easy way to get help. I get very little done each day. It takes all my energy just doing the few things I can do each day to help my situation. I need a supporter, but don’t know where to get one. There needs to be volunteer supporters out there who can help us, direct us to resources, advocate for us, help us focus (I have A.D.D. and anxiety too), help us find the right doctor, etc.
Lynette
Hi Dave,
I have received your emails for a while, but have never written. It’s really nice to have something to look forward to in my inbox every day… something that reminds me there are other people out there struggling just like me.
I am writing to let you know that you are right about determination. It is the main reason I am where I am in life right now.
I was diagnosed with depression in high school, and was on and off antidepressants ever since. Things got really bad nearing the end of college. I was always very determined academically. The stress really got to me, though. My last year of college I was so depressed, all I thought about was suicide. But I didn’t want to kill myself because of how I knew it would affect my family.
I signed up for a clinical trial to help treat those with long term depression. It combined medication with cognitive therapy. Well, I improved greatly. After a while, my depression score went from an 18 to a zero.
It was then that I had my first manic episode. One day I just lost it. I was found in an abandoned building by the police and placed in the hospital for the next month. I had no idea what was happening to me. I was undiagnosed Bipolar.
Can you believe just months before I had been on several interviews for graduate school? I had traveled all across the country. And can you also believe that after I got out of the hospital I heard back from three schools with letters of acceptence for the following fall?
I had to skip my last semester of College, but can you believe that I had worked so hard, and planned ahead so well, that there were no more classes technically required of me to graduate? Can you also believe that before my episode I was almost done with my honors project, and finished my thesis at home while recovering? Yes, I graduated with Honors while recovering from my manic episode. Yes, I accepted a graduate position at my top choice graduate school.
I am now finishing my third year in graduate school. Recently, I completed my Masters project and have two more years until I get my doctorate. It has been tough struggling with Bipolar disorder, but the combination of medication and therapy does wonders. I try very actively to change my negative thinking.
And I believe in myself. My new advisor asked me when I arrived on the first day – after she heard what happened to me – “I’m so sorry… is there anything I can do to be sympathetic?” I said, “Just treat me like you would anyone else.” And that is what she did. She was tough on me. But doing well in school is one of the main things that keeps me sane.
Hi,
I probably shouldn’t say anything in the comment of
determination, I can’t resist this one.
Back in 1987 thru 1991 I always thought I was stupid.
Of course that was from the input of my late husband.
I had taken several courses in the community college
consisting of Home Interior,basic car care, Physochology and other subjects.
I didn’t think I was capable of doing anything due to the fact when you have someone constantly telling you that you are a failure and a dummy,then of course if someone tells you that every day then of course it make you feel you are worthless.
In the neighbor hood where I use to live some of the neighbor ladies took blue print reading. I always thought that I would like to do the same thing.
I found after my spouses demise that I would take the blue print reading so I did.!Only to find out that I began to get deeper involved with more classes. Guess what I carried a B average. In high School I struggled to obtain a c average.
Befor my parents demise I had drawn blue prints of my own in class and after I left Virginia. Only to have them stolen and have someone take credit for them. I have no clue where they are only to have someone want me to start all over again in college classes with a different Major.
Since I’m 22 yrs older my sight has changed and I have lost some of interest in Architecture but I haven’t lost interest in decorating my home to my liking.! I still have a person in the back ground trying to make me feel inferior.
I have been so low that all I wanted to do was blow my brains out and I almost did I will ever let any one do that to me again you have to be in love with yourself.
In order to keep your sanity, I do enjoy spending.
Thats what it is for and once you have lost interest in persueing bigger and better things. Its kinda like stopping your interest in the other sex, or a sex life.
thats what life is all about.
Keep a stiff upper lip.
carol
I absolutely agree David, the determination to succeed has to also be part of the arsenal to combat BP, Ive read Maggy’s email and it inspires me. My daughter was an honours student at medical school before she had her children and was found to have Bipolar.
Actually I believe now that Rachel was a extremely high functioning BP sufferer for a long time even possibly when she was a teenager only we never found out because she kept it under tight control , when I think about that I am amazed and humbled at her tenacity and will power and determination way back then and for such a long time ( Rachel is now 36 and was diagnsoed 2 years ago).
I look at her actions since and have at times seen that grim determination rise to the surface and all I want to do is support that ( determination) and not get in her way or undermine that essential will to survive- so I read your emails to sift through all of its substance to find the relevant information, ideas to help me , her support , to help herself: supportors also have to have the determination to hang on regardless: I told my daughter ( during her darkest period) I would not let go, I wasn’t going to go away, I would not turn my back that I would come the the hospital every day and sit in the waiting room at the alloted time and wait and see if she would let me see her and that she had to know that even if she wanted to push me and the kids away I wan’t going to go get use to it, that I loved her It became my mantra daily when the times were the bleakest, for Rachel.
Keep them coming Dave , bless you
regards
Shona
I am Estelle. I am bipolar. I got through college with the encouragememt from my mom who was a teacher and a special roommate with whom I’m still friends. Presently, I am seeing a lot of health care providers and attending church with friends. Now a days I am a part time caregiver for my mom who is now 95 years old. Hopefully, I will use good judgement when it comes to taking care of her. Also, I am working full time. If possible, I would like to work part time. However, my present job is only 6 hours a day if all the breaks are adding up. Thank you Dave for this opportunity.
HI DAVIE BOY….
Mmmmm determanaition well you sertanly need that if you want to get some were in life. You don,t need that in marrige that should just come natrauly. And thats why I am
not married, I will not commit my self to any one.If I were to go by my partners rules he would have me strapped up in a pinny, no friends am not saying av got some any way.He would have me in bed for 9 oclock, and thats just not me, I don,t like being over powerd. ADHD I might have that have got everything else.
Take Care Linda x
When I had my outpatient manic episode, I decided to really DO something with my time. The Legal Aid Society that fired me, also offered me Disability for 4 years, and all I was doing was watching DVDs and hanging out with my boyfriend. This was in 1981.
I went to the local Community College, and found out that the course I did the best in was Real Estate. All my tests came back with A’s! I was taking my “third year” of college at the time to qualify to read law with my then-fiance, who was a lawyer. I took Law, Real Estate and Humanities. I was determined that I would finish the course work, and “graduate.”
When the time came to take the Real Estate Test for the State of Virginia (to become a Realtor(R)), I studied my ass off. My Mom drove me to Richmond, and there were at least 200 people taking the test. I was the first one to finish – didn’t know at the time whether that was a good sign or not.
Waited a month, and – I PASSED!! I got a job with a Realtor, though I wasn’t much of a salesman. We parted company amicably, and I went back to “hanging out.” But – at least I KNOW now that whatever I put my mind to – like working on the computer or doing mystery shops – I WILL succeed. We all just need MOTIVATION and DETERMINATION.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who loe us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
Good morning Dave,
I went to bed about 10PM and here it is 4:00 Am.
I wonder if u read all these e-mails. I wonder because
u never answer any of my in put on some of the subjects
u write about. Guess I’ll close for now. I’ll probably go back to bed later this morning.
carol
Hi Dave,gang and readers, I share two beautiful daughters with a beautiful but mentally ill EX-wife. Your blurbs have been very informative over the past 3yrs of turmoil. I beleive that my ex has N.P.D. and is projecting her ‘troubled’ childhood onto our daughters. I have given up on my ex-wife but will never stop supporting my girls. A breakfast radio host (happily married)said a very funny thing recently…”My lovely wife and I had a meeting last night, and we’ve decided on one important thing..to keep going until somebody wins.”Indicative of Family Law Proceedings..Caio Dave.
Post script to the above. My 13 y.o.has JUST phoned me from her mother’s to say that she’s coming to live with me..GREAT! Yes, but what happens to my 9 yo (B’Day Today) living alone with her mum? Dave, could you pass on some resourses for younger people living with ‘impaired’ parents? i.e. How to cope, what to say and do.
My ex grew up with little fatherly influence (he was a returned, but absent, WW2 P.O.W. then career police sergeant) and she had her first psychiatric breakdown at 29, two years b4 we met.This was kept secret from me for 14 years and until after we separated. In the last 3 years I have defeated 3 vexatious Restraining Order applications and 2 child abuse (one sexual) investigations by police and spent $60,000 restoring custody. This should not have happened. My daughter’s doctor (Court approved)refuses to delve into my ex-wife’s psychiatric past.I drew great comfort from M.D.,Dr.Frank S. William’s paper entitled, ‘Parentectomy’, but how can the state and health authorities help children more directly? Sorry to impose homework on you. Regards Dave..
David please address the requests of the first poster. If that was not a cry for help, I don’t know what is. How could all these people ignore her pleas and not even acknowledge her post? It is like stepping over crippled people to get yourself out of the fire. I have posted before asking questions, some of which, other posters could of possible answered. No answers, no acknowlegment.
When someone bares their sole and no one even acknowleges them, it’s just wrong, it’s rude in a forum like this when you have to read the prior posters and just ignore them………….or maybe they just scroll down so they can post an answer to your question. If that is the case, perhaps you could mention that supporters and survivors could benefit from the pearls of wisdom so lovingly offered by this family. Sorry for the rant.
Hello everyone,I agree one hundred percent about determination. I’ve been married now for Thirty years to my husband who has a disiablity. We both go to
church met in church acutually. That is what keeps us
together is PRAYER and I believe when your love one is
stable and takes his medication every day they can function and be calm cool better than a person who is
not. They don’t worry about anything to stressful, and they can still do a little work, but not overwhelming
that will be tedious and over tire them. It has to be something they love to do that relaxes them, example,cooking, sining, drawing. I have three kids
out of this marriage.
I do have one daughter,who has bypolar,and yes it does take a lot energy out of you. They sometimes don’t make good judgement calls on their own. So you have to
think for yourself and them at times when they can’t make sound decisions on their own. Communication is needed all the time and they have to follow and
understand house rules and consequences if not
followed. Curfew, little chores make bed, clean up
behind yourself. Teaching them to be responsible
take care of hygene themselves.
To Lynette,
I am asuming you live in the USA. I’m in New Zealand and through the Govt Dept Ministry of Health, and the Mental Health Foundation I have been put in touch with a group called ‘Supporting Families with Mental Health’
this finally came about when I had my Bi-Polar husband committed. They are a wonderful support to myself and children. Our government also has a lot of ‘free’ support in place for my husband as well, we do pay for private therapy and specialist care. Have you enquired within your local, state or federal gvt departments, maybe their are grants or scolarships you are eligable for – I am only guessing but maybe worth a try!
My thoughts and admiration are with you,
To all you other commenters on today’s blog!
Well done – what truely inspirational stories -what special people you are!
To shona –
A special thanks, I always look forward to your comments, insightfullness and wisdom – thankyou
With empathy and support to you all – Devon