Bipolar: How Would You Answer This Question?

Hi,

So, let me ask you: Now that things are back to “normal,” how are you doing? I mean, how are you really doing? Too many people, when asked that question, will simply answer, “Fine,” when that isn’t the truth. It could be because they are a private person…Or they don’t want to be honest for whatever reason…Or they are afraid of the other person’s response…Or they just tell people what they think they want to hear…Or they want to believe it themselves…Or they just don’t want to go into it…Or they don’t think it’s anybody else’s business…Or they are trying to believe it themselves.

There are many reasons for an inaccurate or incomplete answer to the question, “How are you?”

Supporters have told me that it’s just easier to answer “Fine,” instead of telling the truth if things aren’t fine, because of one of the previously stated answers. Survivors as well. If you ask your loved one how they are really doing and they answer, “Fine,” yet you’ve noticed some symptoms in them and know that they are actually not fine, you may have to press them for an honest answer. They could be in denial that anything is really wrong, or be in denial of symptomatic behavior.

Your loved one, if they are still thinking rationally, might not want you to know that they’re struggling because they don’t want to make a big deal out of it. If they have crossed over into irrationality, say, into a manic episode, they may actually believe that they are “Fine.” Then it’s up to you to tell if they really are or not. The key is to have good communication with your loved one, paying attention not only to what they say, but also to what they don’t say. How are they behaving? Is it their normal behavior? Or is it bipolar behavior? You know them better than anybody else, and you should be able to tell the difference. Even if they try to hide something, like the fact that they’re depressed, you might still be able to tell by their mannerisms, or just the fact that they are quieter than usual, or sleeping more.

You need to be as familiar with the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder as you are with your loved one. This way you can tell the difference between when they are in an episode and when they are not. Be very vigilant, never letting down your guard, or before you know it…You’ve stopped watching for signs and symptoms of a bipolar episode…And your loved one could be in one, which could have been avoided if you had noticed their off-behavior earlier. I’m not saying to overprotect them or to smother them, I’m just saying to stay vigilant, or you might miss something.

If you ask your loved one how they are really doing, and they answer, “Fine,” yet you know they aren’t, try to get them to agree to see one of their professionals. This way they might not have to go into the hospital if the episode becomes worse.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

  1. Oliver,

    I AM OK!!!!!! IN THAT CASE!!!!

    people often say we can’t “choose” our families I disagree there are nothing but choices to be made; when you simply dont want to be “in” you make a conscious choice to be “out”. Life is full of choices and although many of us this time I am speaking for myself when asked that particular question — I feel I am still on a journey one in which I have met many ‘versions’ of myself

    I’ve seen myself as Mother, Sister, Lover, Friend (not necessarily in that order unless you “choose” it to be that order) but I have attracted many by way of jobs and religious institutions that convey this version of myself. the lesson did i recognize this when it “came back” in a functional or disfunctional way — because we are a collective human family – everyone mirrors each other — if you dont’ like the way a particular “mirror image” of self comes back, you can simply “choose” a different path

    so it’s monday and once again I’ve met

    1. Mother 2. Sister 3. Lover and 4. Friend

    I guess that makes “Me” Ok, doesn’t it??

  2. I think that you are right about paying attention to people to see if they not fine. I talk to alot of people and I am always aware of their answers and their eyes. I love helping people it gives me great satifaction. I will stay alert about people who may need help. Wonderful question David.

  3. Unless my loved one is open to observations and recommendations about her status all I and her supporters get to do is observe her cycle through, month after month, year after year . I am a supporter of a person who chooses not to seek definitive treatment to change the course of bipolar disorder in her life

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