Hi,

I saw this post on my blog:

My son is bipolar and he depends on me for everything, I do so much for him and have a hard time not doing it. I have no life at all except to do for him. I guess I hope and pray that someday he will be able to do for himself. Everytime I try to do something for myself he interfers and makes sure I’m right there for him. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel I’m never going to have a life because hes taking it all up. I love him so very much but I feel I just can’t do this anymore. I have noticed if he does stay busy then he does leave me alone some. I do feel like I’m in a trap and I can’t get out.

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I have to be honest with you…This post bothered me. I’m serious…Because I get way too many comments just like this one. And I have to tell you, like I would tell this person…You can’t give up your life. Not even to be the best parent in the world. And certainly not to be the best supporter in the world.

I mean, I’m all the time telling people that you need to take care of yourself first in order to avoid supporter burnout, and that if you don’t take care of yourself first, how can you take care of your loved one?

I’ll tell you what bothered me the most about this person’s comment on my blog. It was this:

“I have no life at all except to do for him.” Don’t you think that’s sad? Or are you in the same position with your own loved one? If you are, then you need to pay attention to this, listen to what I’m about to say. Because you could be in a dangerous position.

Doing too much for your loved one can be dangerous to your own mental and physical well-being! And it won’t be good for them in the long-run, either, to tell you the truth. Because, eventually you WILL burn out – you won’t be able to help it. You’ll be so busy meeting their needs that you won’t be meeting your own needs, and believe me, you will suffer. You will lose the necessary balance that you need to stay physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually

healthy. That’s right, even your physical health can suffer if you do too much for your loved one with bipolar disorder. You can start to lose sleep, or develop insomnia. Or not sleep through the night… get inadequate sleep, or poor quality sleep. You can suffer from nervousness and anxiety, leading to all kinds of things… like ulcers and migraines. You can be more susceptible to body aches and even colds if you’re not careful, too, because you will neglect your physical health.

At worst…The stress of taking care of a loved one with bipolar disorder can even lead to heart attack or stroke, and you could even die! Can you see why I am stressing why it’s so important

NOT to be like the person in this email and why I am so concerned about it?

Being like that is called enabling. Enabling is when you do for your loved one what they can (and should) do for themselves. It can even lead to codependence, which can lead to things like the supporter burnout I was describing.

You need to be as good a supporter as you can be, yes, and I commend you for wanting to be…

But not at your own expense. You still need to take care of yourself, too. Make sure your own needs are being met as well. That way you can also take care of your loved one. And that way you can have a life, too, and you won’t be like the person in the email.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave