Hi,
How’s your day going?
I have to go really fast today because I have a ton of work today even though it’s Sunday.
Thanks for all the information yesterday on babies and how and why you can know they are sick. (see yesterday’s post).
I have a super busy week coming up so I have to get going.
I hope you have a great day today. Have you ever heard the question, “If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one around to hear it fall, does it still make a sound?”
Or what about the question, “When you shut the door on your refrigerator, does the light still stay on?”
Do you believe there are people who really worry about the answers to these questions (and others like them)?
Maybe it’s because they’ve got nothing better to do with their time, or maybe because they’ve got too much time on their hands.
Maybe it’s because these types of people always have to know what’s going to happen ahead of time or they feel insecure, or they have to know know the answers to everything.
These are the types of people who can’t deal with unpredictability.
But as a supporter, you have to live with unpredictability all the time, since bipolar disorder is not a predictable illness.
Wait. Let me take that back for a second.
You CAN know the signs and symptoms of the disorder.
You CAN know your loved one’s warning signs and triggers.
But you CAN’T predict when a bipolar episode is going to happen. Not even a psychiatrist can predict that.
It’s like a fortune teller predicting the future!
You also have to live with unpredictability (usually a lot of it) when your loved one is in an episode.
There’s no way to predict the behavior of a person in a manic episode, and no way to predict the consequences of that behavior.
You just have to deal with the unpredictability of it.
They may go off on a spending spree.
They may exhibit sexually promiscuous behavior.
They may go gambling.
They may exhibit other impulsive risk-taking behaviors.
They may take the checkbook and/or credit cards and take you into debt.
They may do other behaviors that you can’t predict during their episode.
One thing that might help with the problem of unpredictability in your life is what I teach in my courses/systems below. To know your loved one’s triggers:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
Knowing your loved one’s triggers can help you as a supporter to help them avoid a bipolar episode.
Then what you can both do, after the episode is over is to look at what happened during the episode so that it doesn’t happen again, or what you can do during the episode to minimize the consequences afterward.
By doing this, you can take some of the unpredictability out of your loved one’s bipolar disorder.
But you can’t know everything. When I was starting this organization there were so many things that I didn’t know. I just had to move forward. I was telling someone newly hired:
-you won’t know everything
-you will make mistakes
-you will do stupid things
-you just have to try not to make your best educated guess as to what to do AND learn from your mistakes and when things go wrong.
That’s it.
Hey, I have to run. Catch you later.
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
My child is 18….yes, that inbetween space between child and adulthood. Which program should I order?
How do you know it is Sunday?
You are more than a Day behind. Millenia going by the AV. IQ in The US. The “medication” bought my IQ form 190 down to 133. Good for who? I’d be better off DEAD! If I kill me, the psychiatrist wins. I should see her once more? They are lower than the lowest form of life!
Didn’t read your note as it’s all Shit!
How would you be buisy? Boyfriend bother my little one? Please tell me.
Still NO posts of my Letters?
No only the ones you type get posted!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi David
I have bought your masters course, through a friend who lives in New Jersey. It is on its way to me in India.
once i have gone through the material i hope to be able to have a mote informed discussion.
My chief concern right now is this:
* My friend refuses to see the doc, has refused medication, insists he knows best what his body needs, and will seek medication as and when required.
* His family and i are on a roller coaster, watching the daily irritability and anxiety and spaces of a calmer, quieter,reading or just walking around the apartment.
What would you recommend.
* we try to talk him into agreeing to visit doc? We haven’t yet spoken openly about labelling his discomfort as Bipolar, we still talk about finding ways to reduce “discomfort”
* when should one resort to forced, method of taking him to the doc or to a residential facility? He is already mad at the time we tricked him into visiting doc at the hospital and then got him admitted and treated overnight to bring him down from a manic phase when he was hallucinating. He is pissed off at what he calls forced incarceration and refusing him his rights. Should we have to resort to forced hospitalization, what kind of residual resentment will we have to cope with later.
he has a supportive family, parents are separated but are friends and are working together with therapists through this early period of diagnosis and learning what bi polar is.
any suggestions on above would be most helpful
with warm regards
Kakoli
How do you figure out what your triggers are? I know only of 2 so far. But some days I just wake up angry just like I did today and I really dont know why. I really dont trust what I think because I have had lots of shock treatments and my memory is crap both the past and the short term. So something could of happend and I would have no clue.
Thanks so much. You really help!
Nina
Hey Mr. Oliver, I doing fine am dealing with my highs and lows. I been looking for a online jobs but the ones I seen you have to kick out money for to get started or over time so I am still looking I hope I find something soon wish me luck. Thank you for all the information on Bipolar disorder and things dealing with it.
Hi Dave
Thank you for supporting people with bipolar, once again. I don’t know what Troy Henry’s problem is because his IQ took quit a dive but hey buddy, be grateful it is still about twice as high as mine. You got nothing to complain about.
To the question, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears the tree falls, can anybody prove that it made some sound? Can anybody proof the tree even fell? Well if one wants to know if the light in the refrigerator is still on one can always clime into the refrigerator and check for yourself. Just don’t do what I did as a child and lock yourself in it like I lock myself in a cupboard playing it is a time machine.
I find today’s topic interesting because the unpredictable can happened at the time one expect it the least but when it came to bipolar one at least know episodes can and most likely are going to happened so when it happen one could in a way be ready for it.
Hope you have a great day.
If I KNEW my triggers, I’d be able to forgo an episode!! Only when I’m IN a mania, are the ones around me aware that I am. STRESS, of course, is a MAJOR trigger, and right now, I’m under a LOT.
Case in point: I take Fentanyl patches for intractable pain. I went to my night table this morning to get them out – and they weren’t there! I looked inside; I looked behind, beside, and under the night table. I looked under the bed. Now – here is the answer I came up with: I have 3 friends who are in the drug world, who have been here in the last week. They KNOW what these patches go for on the street, and it’s highly probable that one of them took it. I’m NOT accusing any particular one, but they ALL had access, as they all went to the bathroom right next to my bedroom.
I now have to ask my PCP as soon as his office opens tomorrow if he will order me one week’s worth of the patches. I don’t DARE ask my Pain Specialist; the request will only go through the nurses, and they KNOW how much I’m supposed to have left, and will NOT give it to me. Now – THAT is a trigger!!
I NOW have all the forms filled out for the IRS and the State Dept. of Taxation, and just need the bank statements from my bank for the last 3 months, and I’m good to go. When this is over, I’ll be soooo relieved.
I have NOT had one response to my ad for sharing my condo, and the ad has been in almost a week. Now, I’ll have to re-enter it for ANOTHER week. I’ve gone on an Internet rental site, so maybe there’s hope for THAT. At least it’s free!! When this is complete, I’ll be sooo relieved!!!
So, you see, the trigger for me is STRESS, and I’m already under enough. I nap during the day (nodding off when I’m reading, and spilling my coffee on the bed!), and that seems to relieve SOME of the pressure. I take ALL my meds religiously, and am following a good wake/sleep pattern.
So – Dave – if you are aware of any OTHER triggers that I could go through to throw me into a mania – I’d like to hear them! I go through ALL the manic stages you mentioned in your email – spending spree, promiscuous sex, up all night, etc. So far, because I don’t have any money nor access to any men to have an affair with, I’m NOT exhibiting ANY of the excesses of mania.
Wish me luck as I weather THIS storm.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
been sleeping all day, not doing well, head really hurting, took more pills
Needing to know the answers to such questions that have been asked, gives one the impression that is how some lose their lives trying to find out the answer to such questions. It’s the risk takers that have the most to lose.
They need to read, believe and accept the lessons others have learned from such, and the use of ‘tv’ cameras in unusual places would help to offset some if not many mysteries of that nature.
In the meanwhile, symptoms that can be recognized have to take a trained eye, and knowledge of what past triggers are to such emotional outbreaks of behavior.
My own situation is such, that my husband, who just lost his job due to downsizing, is in the process of trying to find a job currently. This could be a trigger if it is not handled right regarding how my sister percieves the future will be for her.
If one does their best to handle the situation right then with prayer and trust in God we can continue on forward knowing that HE will indeed help us through these days. I am doing my share as well to help out in the days ahead with a job of returning after a time of healing from recent surgery.
So it will be good to be able to return, but will need to balance out my own chores and keep abreast of what is needed ahead of time. A day to day schedual is what is needed here, as the nature of my work is one where I am waiting to be called out to work, and won’t know where I am going till I make the decision to go, and learn from there what it will involve . Some days were really good, others not quite as good. Some clients lasted me a long time, others only a short time. So that is what has been my past work wise, and the need to have a consistent work schedual will be important to know what to do in the future to come. However only the LORD knows what that will be, I don’t know until that happens what it will be. So the answer for me is around the corner in time, and that is this week .
Dave, et al,
David, you say of the questions, “If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one around to hear it fall, does it still make a sound?” and that you think the kind of person who considers it “always have to know what’s going to happen ahead of time or they feel insecure, or they have to know the answers to everything.”
They don’t, they are not. You have completely missed the point.
Actually, this is a rather profound question considered by philosophers of one kind or another, AND I suggest VERY relevant to people with any kind of depression. Why? Let me start with an explanation of the “does it make a sound?” question.
A tree is a mass of molecules that we *perceive* as a tree. In we don’t see the tree – our brains tell us is a tree ad we “see it” in our minds.
Similarly, the sound of a tree falling is not a sound but what our brain tells us is a tree falling and we “hear2 it in our minds.
“It must be the same or we would not identify it as the same,” you may say. Not so: Consider someone with colour blindness – they can identify objects as anyone else, but we know they do not perceive the same colours as other people: That much we do know!
In other words, what we see and hear only exist in our minds.
That is key to why this is relevant to someone with depression – the BRAIN tells us is a tree, the brain tells us it is the sound made by that “tree” when it falls.
So, when we are not there when a tree falls, THERE IS NO SOUND BECAUSE OUR BRAIN ISN’T THERE TO PERCEIVE A SOUND.
It gets better:
I GUARANTEE you that, if you were put into a hypnotic state and told that the “tree” was a car, you’d perceive that mass of molecules as a car. I guarantee that if you were told the “sound” of the tree falling was actually the sound of the sea washing over the sands of a beach, you would “hear” the sound of the sea over the sands of a beach. Indeed, I guarantee that if you were told by the hypnotist it was a scorching hot say on those sands and you should take off your clothes because of the heat, you’d feel that heat and you’d take off your clothes even if you were stood in the snow at -5’ Celsius. AND you really wouldn’t get cold! You’d sweat if the hypnotist told you that you were sweating. Some Buddhists monks way up above the tree-line in the Himalayans practice a kind of mind control for meditation, where by the cover their naked bodies with a WET blanket and sit in sub-zero temperatures – maybe -10C, possible more. Physics and biology tells us they ought to freeze to death in no time at all, but they don’t. They mentally visualise breathing in fire, and that fire permeates throughout their bodies, warming it and making it very hot. Quite soon, instead of getting frostbite or dying of exposure, steam – yes, steam – can be observed rising off the wet blankets, under which those monks are as warm as toast. How do they do that? Their brain should be telling that, “It’s freezing, buddy! That wet blanket is gonna turn to ice and you will get colder and colder until your body starts to shut down, and you’ll drift away into a sleep from which you will never recover…” Instead, their mind – at their own CONSCIOUS bequest, tells the brain, “Damn, it’s HOT in here! I’m sweating buckets!”
The power of the mind is amazing! We believe, we feel, see, smell, perceive anything what we THINK we will, be that from our own mind or from a suggestion planted in the mind when we are in a hypnotic state.
(This is where it gets really interesting!) This is important to understand. What we see, hear, smell, feel physically …..AND what we feel emotionally, these things only exist in our minds.
They only have power over us because we automatically let them.
Getting back to the emotional stuff: So, if you feel bad because you have no money it is because you subconsciously tell yourself to feel bad about it. It’s the same about any “disappointment”. It’s the same about anything that invokes an emotional response. The emotional response is what comes into the mind because the mind tells us it should.
I am happy, I am sad: Judgments that exist in our minds that cause us to invoke an emotional response, which would not have occurred if we did not place a value on “happy” or “sad”.
This is what Buddhists call “suffering”, and because we inadvertently cause ourselves the emotional pain, Buddhism counsels that we should “let go” of the values we place on things, and not just on possessions but on anything that invokes an emotional feeling of happiness or sadness.
So, by thinking about the sound of that tree and whether or not there IS a sound when we are not there, we get to this realisation: How we feel emotionally is a state of the mind, it exists in the mind and is just as illusory as everything else we perceive…. even the sound of a tree falling!
So, the message for us BPs in a depressive episode is that can have control, or at least SOME control, over how we feel and drive off some of those morbid, sad feelings when they overcome us.
Sounds so easy when you hear it like that! Of course, it isn’t! ;o)
But it’s got to be worth a try – after all, what have we got to lose?
Anonymous,
I take those IQ testing matters with a pinch of salt! For a start, the people who perform well at them have an aptitude for taking IQ tests! That doesn’t mean they are any brighter than people who do NOT have an aptitude for IQ tests! I have a phobia about figure work but that makes me … cr#p at maths, not stupid. No different, I thunk, from IQ tests. And besides … I find I do better (or worse) at IQ tests depending on my mood …
dear dave,
i’m becoming expert looking at triggers, but what’s so unfortunate for me, my husband at times went out with friends and don’t know what their giving him and when he comes home you can feel something is already wrong somewhere. what’s so funny though that whenever my husband is in episode that’s the only time he can be very smart and can confront his boss for a raise or can complain about over works which he can’t do during normal days. plus he can likewise be very generous asking me to buy things for my self which is not his way and very loving too. so there are advantages too but just the same i’ll settle for normal days than some benefits during episode. to supporter like me lets just enjoy those benefits than just always look for the worse in our spouses. lastly may GOD be always with us during those days. thanks dave for everything.
Kakoli
Just point your friend to the research about BP episodes undertaken by the scientists at the University of Edinburgh (Scotland) has found that the brains of people who suffer from continued episodes of bipolar disorder shrink at a progressively faster rate. In other words, the brain is damaged … permanently.
Dr Andrew McIntosh said, “For the first time, we have shown that as people with bipolar disorder get older, a small amount of tissue is lost in parts of the brain that are associated with memory and the coordination of thoughts and actions…The amount of brain tissue that’s lost is greater in people with multiple episodes of illness and is associated with a decline in some areas of mental ability… Although we do no yet know the cause of this brain shrinkage, it may be that repeated episodes of illness harm the brain and lead to the decline. ”
He continued, “For the first time, we have shown that as people with bipolar disorder get older, a small amount of tissue is lost in parts of the brain that are associated with memory and the coordination of thoughts and actions.”
Tell your friend that by not taking medication s/he experiences more frequent episodes, it seems likely his/her brain will shrink!!!
That should do the trick!
don’t post my blog above – the bipolar multi personality disorder is speaking and i have no control over it’s suicidal ideations. Thanks
DAVE, you’re certainly right that bipolar disorder is totally unpredictable. Knowing the signs of an episode coming up certainly helps and it can be prevented from developing too far by getting treatment. My boyfriend wanted to discuss his last episode the other night. I never bring up the subject, but if he wants to talk about it as it helps to clear it somehow. We had discussed it before, but this time he wanted me to remind him of all the weird (and some horrible) things he said and did, as he couldn’t remember most of them. Then he was constantly apologising “I’m so sorry I put you through all this.” I know he (or it) put himself through hell at the time. He tells me he won’t ever do it again. I hope it won’t happen again but I’m not sure I can rely on this. After all he is not deliberately doing it and not always aware of it when the bipolar demon gets hold of him. I will watch for the signs of hypomania and would get him to the doctors to adjust his meds before it develops too far. The episode happened 3 months ago and he still has not fully recovered from it. It completely wore him out. Unpredictable is the keyword and I agree that anyone who can’t handle “surprises” good or bad couldn’t be with someone bipolar. You can expect the unexpected anytime.
GRAHAM, you’re very philosophical tonight. Some forever unanswered questions simply have us all puzzled. However, some questions are less puzzling than the minds of the people who thought of them in the first place. e.g.:
Why do we buy different colours of bubble bath when the bubbles are always white?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
There are lots more of those unanswered questions, but maybe 2 are enough for 1 night (lol), if you don’t want to develop permanent frown lines on your forehead.
Graham:
I enjoyed your lengthy discussion… philosophy is interesting, isn’t it?
When you speak of the power of thought over emotion (ie: depression), that’s the philosophy of the type of therapy I’m in: cognitive therapy (sometimes known as cognitive behavioral therapy). The statistics show that it is highly effective for bipolar disorder, as well as for other types of mental illness. The idea is that if you can control your thoughts, you can control your emotions. It helps me out a lot, and I highly recommend it for someone looking for a therapist. Simply put: I have to take a look at what my thoughts are (often irrational), the corresponding feelings, and
then I have to “argue” with my irrational thoughts (trying to come up with rational thoughts). Anyway, Graham, I enjoyed what you wrote today.
Dave Oliver:
I just want to say that I’ve noticed, over the past few days, that you have made your e-mails less personal and have given out more information. I
thought your discussion of unpredictablility and learning what triggers one has was very good. Thank you!
Hi David
I totally agree with you on unpredictability with bipolar disorder. My 13 year old son has bipolar disorder. But I also notice that he has to know everything that is going to happen throughout the day. He hates surprises and change. He does best in a structured environment. How long do episodes usually last? We have been going through endless med changes for the past 10 years and it is hard to tell what works and doesn’t anymore. We recently had a good med combo but then he had a severe allergic reaction and we are back at the beginning. Thanks for all the e-mails. You are a lifesaver!!
Lisa
Thanks Graham. My friend, who has the BP disorder, is a very intelligent 26 year old male. He refuses to acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with him…according to him, everyone else needs therapy. The problem is, how do we tell him about the illness without making him angry (which could be a trigger). He believes (or chooses to believe)that the medication is for depression which he has been suffering from for many years and medicates himself depending on how feels that particular day. He now refuses to go to the therapist as well. He has recently made his grandmother spend a fortune on a painting.
Kakoli
Looking at the previous blog from Lisa, since bipolars are so unpredictable, structure is very important because bipolars, who go through so many changes, have to have that structure to fall back on when they start to recover from an episode. i enjoyed what McIntosh determined about brains loss dut to too many episodes. His remark about medicine sounded quite appropriate. I do have a question though: my daughter is just coming out of an episode. Is it possible that a person in this episode could seriously hurt someone in anger? If that happened, should i call police or an ambulance from the local hospital to pick her up on a 5150? That would be awful and I wouldn’t really want do that, but is there anything i can do? I have fibromyalgia, 4 big strokes and 3 minis. I also have congestive heart failure higj blood pressure (which I’m trying to get down to below normal because of my heart condition). etc. So people think i’m crazy for doing this, but guess what? She has no one else to help her. Her father thinks she has a serious problem he can’t deal with and he would only make it worse anyway. She almost beat the crap out of her brother and sometimes she tries to intimidate me too. Idon’t act afraid of her. Is this really part of a bipolar episode or because I can’t or am unable to give her what she wants. In other words, she’s acting likea brat. She wants to have more money available and since i’m on ss well there isn’t any. She gotten in trouble too so she hasn’t been sucessful in getting a job. Talk about stress! We caretakers are going thru some sress alright. I do love her and she’s just my little girl but I can’t tell her that. Can anybody help?
About the light in the fridge – it wasn’t insecurity but curiosity that made me figure it out when I was about 8. There is a little switch that the door supreses when it closes. I stood there about 10 minutes before my grandma scolded me for trying to cool the house. I was a very curious child and an even more curious adult. It has led me to a great education and a love for learning.
There can be some truth to people who wonder about philosophical questions being insecure and not liking unpredictability because of it. However, perhaps it is the intrigue of wondering why and searching the answers that leads to creativity and, perchance, answers to other more useful questions. At the same time it makes such a person more susceptible to becoming insecure and afraid of surprises. If you are off in the realm of imagination and ideas, you aren’t as in touch with the logical world and it can knock you down as a result. But, if some people don’t have the ability to think outside the box, the world would never progress and seem like a cold, stale place. We should protect these people from those who would laugh at their ostensible weakness and treasure them for their new ideas and the break from the mundane and blase world we would live in without them.
Angela H
Hi Dave
It is true that you cannot predict when you are going to have an episode, because the one minute you are ok the next minute you can become depress or manic. Although you as a patient know exactly what triggers it sometimes it is still not preventable. It is difficult to explain this to your partner especially if he or she do not understand the illness. It is important that your partner knows what bipolar is about. My husband shows very little interest, and that is what make my life more complicated, because when I try to explain to him he change the subject or blame it on the children. I feel insecure and feel lonely and very sad this will actually drive me to do something weird. Yesterday I turned the whole house upside down as I got so frustrated because he spent very little time with me. I have no-one to talk to about the way I feel no family no friends no therapist but you. This is the only connection I have by way of getting rid of my feelings. I am glad I could talk to someone who understand how I feel. Thank you for listening.
Sue in OH,
Yes, it’s akin to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
I understand CBT works well because chemically induced depression causes our outlook to become colored such THAT distortion induces psychological depression! And to make it even more “fun”, psychological depression can trigger chemical depression … and so the cycle goes on. This is why in the UK psychiatric medical circles “the great and good” have dropped the use of “endogeneous” and “reactive” depression descriptors because they are generally concurrent in any form of clinical depression.
Dave, you do so much and have so many jobs. Do you have time for a personal romantic relationship? How old are you?
I had a mania episode 7 yrs ago as the result of the stress from a divorce in which I was emotionally abused, but not too many people knew it and the ones who did know would not tell me. (until after the divorce). We were married 27 yrs and have 5 children, now ages 29, 27, 25, 23, and 21. They do not understand the abuse and one has even told me I made some stuff up. Another says I had complete control over my actions and that I couldn’t “blame my brain”. This was after my BP diagnosis, and I was stable on meds, which I have been very careful to stay on and have been stable for the past 6 yrs. Thanks to your website, which I read regularly. I didn’t realize until after I bought the program that I had gotten the one for supporters and not the one for survivors. But, it still has great information and encouragement for me. Thank you.
You do not have to post this, but I still would like to know the answers to the first questions, if you don’t mind. Sincerely, Karla Courage