Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.
I was talking to someone who has bipolar disorder yesterday. He said that he felt “much too old to have made this little progress in life.” Mind you, he’s only in his 20’s. So in some ways, I took it as a joke at first. But then, as the conversation went on, I realized just how serious he was.
Because he was in his mid-twenties already, he was convinced that he should have graduated from college – at least with a bachelor’s degree – by now. He was convinced he should be well on his way to saving up for a house, instead of left unable to save anything due to his bipolar spending habits.
He was convinced that he should have a car, or at least a driver’s license, by now. Well, maybe that last part was true. But then again, everyone is different, so maybe not.
He was talking to me about how he was making goals at this point to do all those things. He wanted to graduate from college with a master’s degree in social work. He wanted to buy a house. He wanted to learn to drive and buy a car – a new car, at that. He wanted to get into a stable relationship with someone and have it last because he knew how to handle relationships. Ultimately, he wanted stability.
And, he told me, he planned on using the techniques that I had taught him for implementing the goals in his daily life. Well, that’s great! All of those goals are good things. And, honestly, I wish him the best.
But I had some advice for him, which fortunately, he took very seriously. I told him that his patterns of thoughts and beliefs had as much to do with meeting his goals as his actions did. Now, when I say beliefs, I’m not necessarily talking about spiritual beliefs. I’m talking about what you believe you can do, and what you believe about the world around you.
I explained to him that thoughts, beliefs, and actions all go hand-in-hand. When you can get your thoughts and your beliefs to line up with your goals, then your actions will follow.
Now, I’m no scientist. I’m not entirely sure why this works. But I have seen it in action, and I know that it does work. If you can convince yourself that you can do something, then you will be much more likely to successfully go through the steps to do it.
Now, this is different from that old phrase, “you can do anything you set your mind to.” The reason it’s different is this: You can set your mind to, say, buying a house. But if you don’t set your mind to saving for a house, it’s never going to happen.
You have to set your thoughts and beliefs towards not just the end product, but also the necessary steps along the way. And you have to set your mind towards persevering no matter what, because you never know what life is going to throw at you next. Then, once your thoughts and beliefs are in the right direction, you have to actually do it. At that point, it shouldn’t be that hard. At least not impossible, anyway.
It’s not too late for him to start working on his goals (no matter how much he feels he should have gotten there already.) It’s never too late for you to start working on yours. Just remember, whatever you set your thoughts and beliefs to you can do, as long as you set your thoughts and beliefs realistically to do the necessary steps along the way as well.
What are your thoughts on that?
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
David Oliver,you are very wise.
I’m 63 years old and was diaagnosed as bipolar 15 years ago. When I look back at my life, it’s been a train wreck. I have followed the usual pattern: been in jail, have a masters degree, squandered away $2.5 million,lost 2 houses, and broke up 2 marriages.
I am alone now with no family or friends so I live like a recluse.
I think the young man is a little premature to say his life is over. He still has lots of time to make corrections.
But at 63 I’m tired of my life and I don’t really have a lot of time to correct things. I’m in poor health and my cash runs out in 15 months, so I’ll be on the street.
A sad end to someone who graduated 1st in his class.
22 June, 2010
Seacaptain
All what you are saying make sense, doing it is the difficult part
i have bio polar and am 38 years old feeling my whole life is a waste
my husband left me, as i could not offer him any love any longer, i am completely numb to myself and the whole world, i have no kids and my job is likely to come to an end in the nxt few months. i have no children, no purpose
all i want to do is stay at home on my sofa and drink red wine. i am on medication but i think meds alone can not help , i need to find some way of acting normal again, start to go out or see my family again, but i really do not feel the need and much rather just lie on my sofa alone with my 2 dogs
I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS A LONG TIME AGO. FEAR HAS KEPT ME FROM DOING A LOT OF THINGS, NOW IT SEEMS LIKE I’M DOING EVERYTHING I EVER DREAMED OF DOING. I’M GETTING MARRIED TO A WONDERFUL MAN, I’M IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING A BOOK OF POETRY, I’LL BE TEACHING A COURSE ON MENTAL ILLNESS IN JULY,AND I HELP MY DAUGHTER WITH MY FIVE GRANCHILDREN! OH AND I’M ABOUT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL FOR MY CNA! I DO ALL THIS WITH A SUPPRT GROUP AND I DO A LOT OF PLANNING. NOTHING COMES TO ME IF I SIT AND ALLOW OTHERS TO DO IT FOR ME, SO I ROLL UP MY SLEEVE AND SET MY FOCUS ON MY PERSONAL GOALS WITH SOMEONE IN MY SUPPORT GROUP. SOMEONE I CAN TRUST AND WILL HELP ME SEE THE REAL PICTURE OF HOW TO GET FROM ONE POINT TO THE NEXT. SOMEDAYS IT’S HARD YET, I KEEP PUSHING UNTILL I CAN SEE THE LABOR OF MY HARD WORD AND TEAM EFFORT! I DARE NOT TRY THIS ALONE!
My son and I are both bipolar. My son is very unstable and feels like he has to feed the hungry in third world development. He stays angry with me and others in the family because we will not help him accomplish his unrealistic goals in life. He is intelligent; however, I believe he only sticks to his beliefs so that he doesn’t have to do anything in life but work on his third world development and other ideas. He is driving us all crazy! I have taken out ECO’s and he just keeps coming back home. I don’t feel I can help him. I am bipolar and the stress is killing me. So this article is great for those who can use it but for my son it will never work.
Yes, I’ve had bi-polar or manic depression for over 10 years! I’ve been to many psych. wards and seen many doctors for this condition. I’m now taking EFFEXOR, ZOLOFT, SERAQUAL, and that’s not the only problems I’ve got. I used to have type 2 diabetes, but it went away after I lost over 100 pounds. Now, I’m disabled and because of that, I can’t walk very good or drive. I have to live with my parents, I’m 38 and I’m looking to move out.
i was speaking to a relative who usually projects her associates and friends on me and I was really wondering why….She asked what is middle aged? – I was happy to tell her those that are in their 50s -60s and then it occurred to me that she had been associating with only those in that circle so she never really “learned” to love her 30s to 40s. As soon as i had realized that I gave her the solution i was looking for, it immediately changed my views on Age – You should honor where you are right where you are so that you are never in your mom and your friend’s age group from that point on – her conversations took a different direction – FOR THE BETTER!!! SHE EVEN STOPPED CALLING ME HER FRIENDS, AUNTS AND EVEN HER BOYFRIENDS’S MOM’S NAMES – SO IT WORKED!!!! ENJOY EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE – GOTTA RUN!!!
Hi Dave, I have to share this. I am so upset that I really do not know what to do. I have a son who is bi-polar and manic depresssive and has addication and was kick out of a treatment center and out on the street with out medication. Now he is back in jail and will be there to serve out his ten year sentance and an other 20. So this means that he will not be out until he is 60. WHAT DO I DO???????? His lawyer say get a public defend, he is through. My husband told me to walk away. I want to put him into a mental hospital. I really think that there is a mental problem besides the bi-polar. Who in their right mind goes out and throws it all away????? I have so much more that there is not enough room.
I had achieved ALL of my goals by the age of 20 – I was engaged; had my own apartment; lived in Washington, D.C. (the Potomac River runs in my veins!); and had my “dream job” – secretary to the Legislative Assistant in my Senator’d office! Then…it all collapsed in less than two weeks…I had my first manic episode in 1968, and was hospitalized on the Psychiatric ward of the hospital where all my life-aaving surgeries occurred. Afterward, I felt cheated of my life. I went home to IL with my parents. I’ve had two marriages end in death, and several jobs, which never lasted longer than 3 years, if that long. Just the other day, I was thinking to myself that all the promise I had shown when I was younger, had turned into a senior citizen, living on Social Security Disability and a small pension from my first late husband. I had no children, and have no live-in Supporter. I live alone with my two cats…who do keep me grounded.
A couple of years ago, I answered an online ad to be a mystery shopper. For my first assignment, I had NO idea what to do, so I jumped in with both feet and did my best. I submitted my report on line, and received my first check! Of course, I didn’t become an overnight millionnaire, but it was cigarette money, and it did come in handy. I haven’t done any mystery shopping for a year…I have had vertigo since June 25, 2009, and felt I couldn’t do even an “OK job” in that condition. So…here I sit, passing the time at DR’s appointments for my ailments, reading my glossy magazines, watching a little bit of TV (go Glenn Beck!), and doing a little work on the computer every night. Do I enjoy my life? YES, a thousand times, YES!! Although my life has settled into a routine, I have very little stress, and have friends who console me if/when I get down. Life is what you make of it, and it can be as full…or tiresome…as you let it. Get off the couch…find something to believe in…and set goals. It’s just as easy as that. (And, yes, I’m on meds – Zyprexa, Paxil CR, Depakote, Percocet, and the Fentanyl patch).
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I continue to pray for my country.
Hi, my name is Lynn and I’m an alcoholic; I also live w/Bipolar II depression, one day @ a time. I got abt. $3,000 in credit card debt, made a decision to cut them up, and got into a debt consolidation program. They are now paid off, somewhat of a yr. later. Now all I have to pay off is 2 psyche hospital bills for my last suicide attempt. (I was not medicated properly, they discovered I was lo thyroid on the labs, and I took quite a few of my meds.) I have Medicale w/a $500+/MONTH SHARE-OF-COST,
and Medicare. I thank God for my Medicare Part D, which covers my meds w/just a small co-pay for part of the year. And some of my meds are really expensive; there is no way I could afford them on my own. I take 3 mental health meds/day: Buspar(generic), Zoloft(generic), and Zyprexa(has no generic), and this combo. of meds kept me out of the ‘nut-hut’ this last winter season (I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder), for the 1st time in 3 yrs.!!Thanks for letting me share.
For the man in his 20s who says he hasn’t accomplished enough yet: I graduated college at age 39, law school at 53, and recently, Bible college at 63. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t have to live it all in your 20s. You don’t yet know what your life goals will be – I didn’t aspire to these goals when I was young.
I am 25 and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 18 years old. I have found that with the right doctors and the right combination of medicine and the right mind frame that you can overcome the obstacles that bipolar creates. I have found to set goals and go through with them with the best of my ability. Don’t overwhelm yourself and take one step at a time. I like to take baby steps toward my goals and after a while they turn into long distance over time. It took me 7 years but I finally got my Bach. In marketing from Walsh college and took baby steps towards this goal. You have to focus in on your goal and keep focus on what you want to accomplish. Through baby steps I bought my own place and have a nice car now but have found that sometimes there are obstacles to overcome. Recently I got into 4 crashes with my car because I fell asleep at the wheel from not sleeping at night from the meds that I was on. It’s all about being aware of when you are not feeling well and correcting the dangers associated with the disease. Bipolar people are some of the most unique people in the world and we are talented. Together we can fight this battle. In my free time I like to write poetry if anyone would like to read it let me know. Thanks again and god bless!