Hi,
You know, there used to be a time when everyone knew everyone else’s business. When it didn’t used to be gossip… But it just used to be such a close-knit community that it was just that way. You can see it played out that way in old movies. Or talk to your grandparents – they’ll tell you how it was in the “old days…” Or even some parents remember sitting on their porches on a summer’s eve… Visiting with neighbors… While the neighborhood children played a game of tag or hide-n-seek together. Whole neighborhoods even had block parties back then! That was when neighborhoods were safe, not like they are now. You didn’t have to be afraid of your neighbors back then. It’s a real shame the way things are now… With people not trusting each other, and afraid of their neighbors.
Here’s what I’m leading up to. I interviewed a man about his bipolar disorder, and he made the comment that bipolar disorder “is not exactly a casserole disease.” He said that what he meant by that is that in the old days, when someone was sick in your family, the whole neighborhood would come by and bring casseroles, so that you wouldn’t have to cook, you could just spend your time taking care of the sick person. He meant that those physical illnesses were accepted,
whereas bipolar disorder isn’t.
So do you tell people that your loved one has bipolar disorder? Or do you not tell anyone? Do you keep it to yourself? Do you only tell family? Do you only tell your closest friend? Do you tell your therapist (if you have one)? Or are you open about it and tell anyone who wants to know?
Unfortunately, stigma is still very real in our society today. Even though there have been so many advances in the field of bipolar disorder and research surrounding it… And so many more people have been discovered to have it even since when we found out my mother had it. When we found out that my mom had bipolar disorder, I had to go through that… I had to make that decision whether to tell anyone she had it or not. So we had to have a long discussion about it,
because I had to take her feelings into consideration, of course. She didn’t like having a label put on her, and I didn’t blame her. But it did put a name to what was wrong with her. And it helped us to become educated in order to help her better.
See, the thing about stigma is… It stems from fear. And fear comes from ignorance. I believe that the more educated people are about bipolar disorder, the less they will fear it (and the
people who have it). For example, did you know that there are some people out there today that are scared of people who have bipolar disorder because they believe that they can catch bipolar from them? It’s true, they honestly believe that! And the only way to battle stigma is to educate
people about bipolar disorder.
Still, it is your decision whether to tell or not to tell people that your loved one has the disorder.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
Dear David:
Thank you so much for all the info about Bi-polar illness. I enjoy reading your email’s.
I have been suffering from Bi-polar since I was diagnozed in 1992. I was schocked & wouldn’t or couldn’t admit to myself that it was true. I finally had to accept it & try to go on with my life. I take medicine daily,but so far it hasn’t helped much. I can never make plan’s because I never know when the depression will hit.
I get depressed for 2 or 3 weeks to the point that I can’t even get out of bed to wash my face or comb my hair. I don’t want to see or talk to anyone when I am going through. So I isolate myself until the depression lifts. Nothing helps, except time. I will wake up one morning, to find that everything is O.K. now. It just seems to lift like a cloud.
When I am going through the depression, nothing matter’s. I don’t care about anything. I know I have to get up & feed my 2 dogs ,cat & goldfish. But then I am too exhausted to feed myself. So I go back to bed.
My husband is a truck driver, and when he is home he is a big help. But when he is on the road, I just can’t be bothered fixing myself something to eat. Which is not good.
A couple of years ago, I almost died, from lack of food & drink. I had been feeling badly & had asked my doctor if I could go into the hospital. When he asked me why, I told him I felt that if I was in the hospital, they would make me get up & eat breakfast, even if I went back to bed after eatin. I felt I needed to get in the habit of eating 3 meals a day again. He put me on a waiting list to get in the hospital. I had to wait 3 month to get in. When he saw me he was schocked to see that I had lost 30 pounds. I am 5’5″ and I only weighed 93 pounds.
After being in the hospital for 3 weeks I had only gained 1 pound. But, I had my strength back, so now I could stay up & fix myself something to eat.
I find that just before my depression lifts, I get very suicidal. So now I have figured out that when I get those thoughts, It will lift in a couple of days, if I can hang in there.
When it lifts, I get very happy,( they say manic)but after being alone for so long I try to see as many friends as I can. Also go shopping or just get outside as much as possible. Because I know it won’t last. The depression always comes back. Thanks for listening.
Sincerely, Joyce Janzen
I happen to agree with you. I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2, and one of my son’s has autism, and the other son has bipolar, asperger’s, ADHD, ODD, and sensory integration issues.
I am surrounded by the invisible labels, and always have to decide whether to tell or not.
I choose to tell. I choose to educate. My children, nor myself, are labels…but those diagnosis explain certain behaviors that are clearly visible to others.
Mostly for my children….I WANT THEM UNDERSTOOD!!! The labels aren’t excuses, they are explanations.
The more we educate people, the less fear people will have, and the more support will be out there.
I know I am taking a chance by sharing my information, and there will be several people that judge and shy away from us. Those are people that are driven by their fear and I just can’t reach. I would rather take the chance at reaching someone by informing them, than stay hidden.
My boys, as well as all inflicted by the “invisible”, deserve all the support and understanding they can get.
i have a friend i see on a weekly basis and i have told him of my disorders (bpd, bi-polar, anxiety, drepression, ptsd) and he doesn’t see it. i say its because i’m on medications. but even with my medicines, i still have my mood swings and of course he don’t see them. i tell my doctor that especially during my period it really comes out and the doctor says i just have to accept that it is part of my disease. no change to my medicines. the depression gets worse on my down days of bi-polar and i don’t bathe like i ought to and other things. it really bothers me and i’m so tired all of the time.
It coughed my attention the comment that u made about people that reallything, that they can really get bipolar disorder by another person, we know this is not posible. On the other hand if the person with the condition is not committed with the his treatment, he could cause disruptions among people close to them, and this could cause stress and negative effects on people close to him.
I would say that if a person is preper to admit his or her condition, this person is showing, a compromise to be well and be part of the commiunity.
Personally, I choose to tell people that I have bipolar disorder, and to educate them. I want to end the stigma and I would rather that people understand my illness than to make their own assumptions about my mood and behavior, which is not always stable. It is important that they see me as a real person with a real illness, and not as some kind of freak. I also share with my family members because I don’t think they should be ignorant, and thereby judge me. I have also found out more information about my family’s mental history by telling them about my disorder.
By sharing this with others on my social networking site, I have found others I went to school with who have also been diagnosed as bipolar, and therefore, we have become supporters of one another. Nobody understands the illness better than those who suffer from it themselves.
things we don’t tell our neighbor
what ever happened to love thy neighbor as thyself!!!
i told my neighbor immediately as soon as i found out
For the most part, I tell people that I am bipolar. I agree that the more people are educated about it, the less stigma it will carry. I am not ashamed of my mental illness and I will always take the time to explain it to someone. Yes, there are those that it just terrifies but I believe that is mostly because they don’t understand. The more we talk about it, the better!
I REALLY THINK THAT PEOPLE REALLY DON’T CARE THAT MUCH ANYMORE EVEN WITH ALL THE KNOWLEDGE AT OUR FINGERTIPS ABOUT MENTAL ILLNESS. IT’S BEEN SENT THRU GENERATIONS OF MY FAMILY AND I HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER, MY DAUGHTER DOES, MY DAD DID AND HIS DAD DID. I’VE BEEN IN AND OUT OF MENTAL HOSPITALS MOST OF MY LIFE. I TRIED SUICIDE MANY TIMES BUT FINALLY THE LAST TIME WAS 16 YEARS AGO AND THAT TIME I WAS IN A COMA AND GIVEN NO CHANCE OF LIVING BUT I DID AND IT FINALLY DAWNED ON ME THAT GOD MUST HAVE A REASON FOR KEEPING ME HERE AND A FEW WEEKS LATER I FOUND OUT MY BARELY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WAS PREGNANT AND I NEVER ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AGAIN! I HAD A GRANDCHILD ON THE WAY AND I HAD TO PROTECT MY DAUGHTER AND HER BABY AND THAT GAVE ME SO MUCH MORE TO LIVE FOR. BEFORE THAT, I NEVER FELT LIKE I MATTERED, BUT ONCE I FELT NEEDED, I WANTED TO LIVE. I HAVE HAD A LOT OF SEXUAL ABUSE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH FROM RELATIVES WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND THAT MADE MY BIPOLAR ILLNESS EVEN WORSE BECAUSE I FELT SO DIRTY AND USED AND WORTHLESS. I WAS IN A CULT MOST OF MY LIFE BUT I MOVED FAR AWAY FROM WHERE I AM FROM AND STARTED MY LIFE OVER AT THE AGE OF 46! WE WILL NEVER BE 100% WELL, I DON’T THINK, BUT WE CAN LEARN TO COPE WITH IT BETTER. I AM NEARLY 51 AND STILL IN WEEKLY THERAPY AND SEE A PSYCHIATRIST EVERY 4 WEEKS AND STICK TO TAKING MY MEDS AND I DON’T STOP THAT BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IS WHY I AM DOING BETTER. I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT BIPOLAR IS JUST ANOTHER ILLNESS IN MY LIFE JUST LIKE MY LUPUS AND DIABETES AND ARTHRITIS AND MY STROKES – THEY ALL ARE ILLNESSES AND I HAVE TO TAKE MEDICATION FOR THEM ALL TO LIVE A HALFWAY NORMAL – WHATEVER NORMAL REALLY IS!- LIFE. BUT THAT’S THE LIFE I WAS GIVEN AND I COULD CHOOSE TO END IT AND HURT EVERYONE THAT CARES ABOUT ME OR I CAN TRY TO DO BETTER AND BE BETTER AND BE A SUPPORT TO MY KIDS AND GRANDKIDS. I USUALLY DON’T TALK ABOUT BIPOLAR ILLNESS BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES PROBLEMS OR AT LEAST THAT HAS BEEN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. A LOT OF PEOPLE STILL ARE IGNORANT REGARDING MENTAL ILLNESS AND LIKE YOU SAID, DAVE, THEY THINK THEY CAN CATCH IT!! THAT ITSELF IS “CRAZY”, LOL! I DO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR NOW ABOUT MY MENTAL ILLNESS AND EVERYTHING ELSE ALSO. AT SOME POINT, YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO JUST LAUGH THINGS OFF OR THEY WILL EAT YOU ALIVE! I’D RATHER JUST LET IT ROLL ON OFF MY BACK AND GO ON. WALLOWING IN SELF PITY ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING BUT TO MAKE YOURSELF MISERABLE AND WITH ALL THE PROBLEMS WE ALREADY HAVE, WHY ADD TO IT? THAT’S MY PERSONAL OPINION – AND AN OPINION IS SOMETHING WE ALL HAVE. DON’T BE AFRAID TO SHARE IT!
My daugher was diagnos with bipolar disorder at thirteen, and I told people. The problem with not telling is that families use to hide the fact that there was/were mental disorders present. If my family had been more open it would have taken so long to find the right help for my daughter as it did. The symptons were there I just didn’t know what to look for. My opinion is that information is the key. By sharing I learned that I have friends that are bipolar or have family members that are and can share care tips and give some really great advise.
Even if told to others including one’s on Relatives it hardly Helps forget about the others even your own relatives and relations add to the Problem rather than helping out once the Disease becomes Known
I have a daughter who was diagnosed with bipolar at age eight. As a mother I had to make a choice how we were going to address her disorder. I don’t feel mental health should be ignored or feared anymore than cancer or diabetes. Hiding the fact only adds to the stigmas and negative labels. I choose to educate myself and others about the disorder and be a positive advocate for my daughter after all she deserves a place in this life just as much as anyone else, with a disorder or not.
My daughter also has bipolar disorder(she is 24).I freely tell people with the hope to educate them on mental illness.I find most people do not understand that this is not a choice,but a real illness.the stigma is always there.Even her own family is not that supportive(I am though!),they understand mental illness,but find it hard to understand her?Maybe understand is not the right word,its more like they have a difficult time accepting her for who she is.
I don’t tell anyone. My family knows and that’s it. I grew up with this horrible illness not knowing what it was. I was diagnosed at 30. I didn’t even understand what I had when they told me. I don’t tell anyone because I work with young children. I don’t think the families would feel safe leaving their children with me if they knew. I live in a small town where everybody knows everything. I tell no one.
My name is jarvis and ive been diagnosed w/phychotic bipolordisorder. not good my husband says he always knew i was “crazy” he tells everyone and they look @ me as “don’t get her mad”. i dont like that and im not seeing a theripist or anything due to finances. also im not taking medicine i felt they didnt do anything to calm me down so i deal with it its hard and discouraging my kids are understanding and just tend to let me have my lash outs and then im calm but my husband thinks i can control my lash outs
That i have. there is jokes like “dont kill me or my kids” that sort of thing hurts but i just ignore it. mental illness is scarey for most maybe for my husband i dont know but its tough dealing w/this and still trying to be normal. jarvis morales