Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope you are doing well.
What’s the difference between sad and depressed when you have bipolar disorder? I was thinking about this question the other day.
I came to the conclusion that there is a difference, and that one is an emotion, and the other can lead to a bipolar episode. I also came to the conclusion that you need to know the difference. One woman with bipolar disorder puts it this way: ‘When I’m feeling sad, I keep telling myself that saying This Too Shall Pass. But a (bipolar) depression goes on for days or weeks, and can lead into an episode no matter how many times I say This Too Shall Pass. That’s how I know the difference.’
Sadness is an emotion. It has a beginning and an end. It’s a short-term thing, caused by a specific event – say the loss of something/someone, like the end of a relationship. It can lead to a depression, but that depression will be short-lived.
There are different types of depression. For example, there is unipolar depression and bipolar depression. Unipolar depression is just depression by itself without being part of a bipolar episode, usually treatable by anti-depressants, which improve the depression. While, with bipolar depression, you have to treat the whole episode, with medication, therapy, etc.
Again, where sadness can be triggered by a single event, bipolar depression can be triggered over and over again.
With treatment, bipolar depression can be managed as part of bipolar disorder itself. This is one of the things I teach in my courses/systems:
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Sadness can be a part of grief, say over a loved one’s death. It may go on for a long while, but the sadness itself will pass. You could be sad over the death of your dog, for instance, but it will not be the same type of sadness, and it will not go on as long. Either way, the sadness will not go on as long as depression. You might be sad over the loss of a job, but only until you find another job – again, different than depression (it’s only a short-term sadness).
Another important point to make about the difference between sadness and depression and how they relate to bipolar disorder is that you don’t take medication for sadness, but you do for bipolar depression. Especially if you’re trying to catch the bipolar depression before it takes you into a full-blown episode.
There is such a thing as a mixed sadness. For example, say your best friend since childhood gets married, or takes a job out of state. You’re happy for him/her, but you’re sad for yourself at the loss of your best friend.
An example of a long-term depression might be a frustration of your life’s dream or another life-changing event such as divorce after a long-term marriage or the death of a spouse.
Sadness, no matter how deep at the time, is still short-lived, although the memory of that sadness can last a lifetime. For example, think about your first love (everyone remembers their first love). You might always remember him/her, the relationship, and the break-up, but although the sadness at the time was deep, and you may even feel sad as you recall the memory, you are long over it, as you moved on with your life.
In other words, it was a temporary sadness that doesn’t keep you sad forever.
So there is a difference between sadness and depression, especially as it relates to bipolar disorder.
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
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Dear Dave and readers,
When I was three my parents got divorsed and seperated leaving me with the childwellfare. As I remember, I was adopted by three different families. Reason for the short term stay- I wanted live with the mother of my biological mother. So after many visits to the social workers and psychologists the wellfare finally gave my gran custody over me even though she was a single woman who earned a average salary. Soon after being in the care of my gran – ‘mother’, I soon forgot all about the rejection and carried on. Once I reached my teens, thats when all hell broke loose! I had come to all scences, realising what the truth was behind the rejection. I rebelled. Depression seeped in so deep. I became aggressive to the whole world as if it owed me my life! At 24 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder…
My question is- Could I have inherited this from my grandfather who suffered from scesofrenia or from the truama as a young child or was it actually caused by the (sad) realisation as a teen?
Yes you are so right David. I have bipolar type II and I get more depression than mania. If I had a nickel for all the times well-meaning people told me to “snap out of it” or “it’s not the end of the world” or regale me with tales of how they know someone who just lost a limb, so what did I have to be depressed about?
Also, it is VERY important to note that antidepressents alone will only help unipolar depression…for bipolar, you absolutely require a mood stabilizer as well. Unfortunately I found out the hard way, many years ago before I was properly diagnosed, the doctor put me on a high dose of Prozac, which sent me into a nasty manic episode, which ended up with me breaking up my impending wedding, which was scheduled within two weeks!
Now that I’m properly diagnosed and medicated, I still get depressed quite a bit, and it seems there is no direct cause, although certain things can make it worse. I just “go with the flow”, try relaxing music, massages, foot massages, bubble baths, aromatherapy, and seeing a good friend, and interacting with my five pets helps. It also can be seasonal, and you need to learn the triggers and how to try to avoid them.
Recently, I suffered a miscarriage, and the most infuriating thing that one of my ex’s (whom I share a dog with 🙂 said afterward was “I know you’re depressed and you should be dealing with that.” (He wanted to keep the dog longer than our mutually arranged custody visits…) Of course he knows that I have BD, am on medication, and am super vigilant about my management system. I became irate and said, “You know, I am not depressed FYI, what I’m feeling now is called grief. It is temporary, and in fact, I think I’m well past the worst part of it.” He went on and on with psychobabble which was just as irritating since I experience Unipolar Mania, which is now classified as a subtype: BD VI. So his knee jerk asssessment of my ’emotional health’ was especially ignorant and ungrounded. Anyway, the point I wanted to make with this post is that it’s important for the person w/BD to know the difference between depression and sadness, or grief. But what makes that harder is when people you know intimately judge you (sometimes secretly) on the outside as some kind of ‘other’ who doesn’t feel real emotions for real situations, and may end up causing someone with less confidence in their ability to discern between the two to doubt themselves. You should not feel guilty or shameful for feeling human emotions that are legitimate reactions to life events just because you have BD. This is one of my pet peeves. As I’m sure you can tell. 🙂
Another problem I noticed with disclosing that you have bipolar disorder to others….after disclosure, if you are simply reacting normally to a given situation, many ignorant people who have NOT researched bipolar, will say “Oh, there goes her bipolar acting up again!”
Regular sadness IS possible and normal, in a bipolar person. Lynnora is right, you should NEVER feel guilty for having normal, understandable reactions or emotions to certain events. Just be careful who you tell that you have b/d.
it was really useful………
I was diagnosed with BD less than two years ago, so I am still trying to figure it all out. My meds are still being adjusted and I have to work hard to overcome the fear that every strong emotion is an indication I am not well. Then, when I experienced extreme emotions I immediately began to panic and the anxiety attacks started. I am soooo afraid I am going to ‘lose it’ again. Other people can make the fear worse – so much worse. It is important for me to be able to identify for myself what emotion I may be feeling, why I may be feeling the emotion, and to identify if it is symptomatic or just a legitimate emotion. Learning to identify why I may be experiencing a particular emotion is also becoming very important to me. People who don’t understand make things so confusing and make me doubt myself. They will blame my emotions on the BD when it is just a normal reaction. You stole from me….yes I’m angry and it is OK. I’m not angry because I have BD, but because you stole from me. Some people don’t get it and want to blame every strong emotion on my BD. It can be very frustrating.
The emotion of sadness is a part of the human natural function, just as all other emotions we feel. I think that depression continues to exist because we can not rid our minds for the racing thoughts that continuously remind us of all the things that are not perfect in our world. Its like where ever you are, what ever you do, or who ever your with, something inside makes one feel like you don’t belong or you still feel lonely even with a room full of people.
I think that just being diagnosed with the illness makes one feel defective and it weighs on your mind because you know how society frowns upon the conditions associated with mental illness.
I have found that by expressing on paper some of the thoughts that are racing in my head helps to rid some of the negativity with my emotions
( madness, sadness, blaming, accusing etc…) towards people or situations. This gives me a better outlook on how to deal with why I’m feeling the way that I do.
Bipolar is a very complex and tricky condition. It can rob one of the beautiful life purpose that we all have but can’t figure out what that purpose is. So I believe that if we keep our creative side active and get an understanding of how to quite the head noise, we can for a while delay
some of the depression that constantly rule our world.
How do u help a person that is entering an episode, realize that he is? He (my dad) gets this high and mighty personality and its impossible to ask if he hasnt taken his meds or to call his doctor. He was looking through old photos of how his life “used to be” and this must of triggered a feeeling of sadness. Which triggerd a feeling of anger.
David, it may be worth mentioning that some pDocs still prescribe to the “old” definitions of unipolar depression, namely that it is either “endogeneous” or “reactive”. For those who don’t know, “endogeneous”, called that because, as the name suggests, is that it comes from within and without any apparent psychological cause. It was, or is, also known as a “chemical” depression since many regard it as being caused by some kind of “chemical imbalance” in the brain. Reactive depression is the kind that is supposed to have a psychological cause, such as a bereavement, and which is significantly different from just sadness.
Of course, it isn’t quite as simple as that! This is because a reactive depression can trigger an endogenous depression (or even Bipolar Disorder), while the negative thinking processes caused by an endogenous depression can cause a reactive depression, and you then end up with a real dogs’ breakfast!! 20-something years ago, my then consultant psychiatrist diagnosed me as this way – mixed endogenous and reactive depressions. The way then was to treat the endogenous depression with anti-depressants (e.g. Prothiaden or Prozac, which was the new kid on the block at that time) and use cognitive therapy to tackle the reactive side… that is, if you could get a therapist!
Nicole, anger is usually associated with hypomania rather than depression. But hypomania and depression may sometimes follow each other in quick succession (as in “Switching”, which I can vouch is very distressing) or even appear at the same time (as a Mixed Episode, and that’s horrible, too.)
Also, some people use anger to escape from the painful emotional reaction from the depression, especially from crying. (Men in particular may use anger to fight back the tears, which they do because crying is not considered “manly” in many Western societies.) I have done this, sometimes raising the adrenaline levels even higher by punching walls!
I stopped taking my Litlhium when I left my last hospitalization for mania. Shortly thereafter, my life went downhill – fast. I lost all interest in the things that used to make me happy; just got up, went to work, did my job, came home and curled up in bed.
The reason for the importance of keeping my job was that I had just bought an apartment house, and had to manage the tenants and all the things that could go wrong. So – although I was clinically depressed for the better part of a year – I had responsibilities. I was NOT a “happy camper.”
I ultimately went to my GP, and he referred me to the local Community Mental Health center. I was assessed by one of the psychiatrists – and he immediately prescribed an antidepressant. Well – he SAVED my LIFE!! Within 3 weeks, I was feeling OK; within 3 months, I was back to enjoying life again.
I have had my share of “emotional” depressions – losing my dream job; 3 hospitalizations; losing my Dad; losing my Mom to Alzheimer’s; losing my brother to AIDS; losing my first husband to a sudden heart attack at 35; and losing my last husband to sepsis at 74. So – I KNOW there are 2 very different kinds of depression. Yes – you CAN get over the “emotional” sadness with time; but the bipolar depression is a “black dog” that won’t let you go without medications and therapy.
May God bless all bipolar survivors and those who love us.
I just wanted to say that for me, the difference between sadness and depression is sadness is when I feel kind of an emptiness for what I have lost, I am longing for what I lost, at the same time disappointed things turned out the way they did… I am down, but not out. With depression, I feel “Hopeless”. That things are totally bad, nothing will ever get better, that “What is the use” feeling, That is depression for me. The only think is that medication, the best I have taken that keeps me stable 95% of the time, cannot keep me from getting depressed at times. During these depressed states of mind, I have to acknowledge that I am feeling depressed because of the bipolar disorder, that it just “seems” like things don’t matter, that nothing will get better, or once in a while, that although death looks like an answer, that it is not! Even the depression will pass. Because we are bipolar, the depression will not last. And I have to disagree that sadness passes faster than depression. I lost my best friend that I had from age 4-21! He was the best person who I have ever met. He knew and had a hundred friends, easy. His funeral procession was 3 miles long! He was the most up beat, optimistic, friendly, make you feel good, generous, caring, life loving person there was, and he was killed by a drunk driver that ran a red light when he was on his motorcycle. I still feel sad about his death, and know that he could have still been alive today, blessing people with his love and zeal for life. He was and is still the best person I ever met. I don’t think I will ever not be sad about that.
With bipolar depression, I think the difference is you don’t have to have a reason to be depressed, where with sadness there is a loss involved every time. Bipolar depression makes up it’s own reasons that we think we have to feel down and out because it makes us feel like “what is the use in carrying on!” I did get depressed when my friend Gaines died, but the sadness is still very strong 23 years later.
: (
Bob
When I express ANY emotion my family always blames it on me being “mental”. I’m almost 40 and I still resent my sister and brother for how they lack any understanding of me.
Sometimes I’m not really down, I just feel like there is my own little black raincloud following me around. It’s hard to shake sometimes, but if I know that it is there I can try “opposite of emotion” to get out of it.
I have been depressed for a long time now and it doesn’t go away. I have tried everything. Nothing is enjoyable anymore and I cannot see the point in continuing. I know healthy people do not understand this and I am finding it really difficult to be honest with friends as those I have told tell me stop being silly or they pity me which makes me feel sick. I wish I was being silly. I finally went to my GP as I was at my wits end and have been waiting to see a psychiatrist for over two months after she referred me. I still have another month to wait until my appointment and I don’t know what I am going to do. I keep thinking that if I take an overdose they will be forced to see me and help me. I do not know if I have bipolar (although some of my behaviour leads me to think that this could well be the case) but I do know that I am depressed and do not want to live like this even if I do not really want to kill myself. I am just scared that I will do something spontaneous without thinking and mess everything up.
Depression is hopeless.
To ALICE: I know you’re in England. Does your country have a suicide hotline? Perhaps if you called them, they could get you some current and immediate help. Please DON’T attempt suicide just to get attention; it can backfire, and you wouldn’t make it.
These hotlines have trained personnel who are used to dealing with depressed people; it’s worth a try…
May God bless you real good, and I hope to hear you’re feeling better soon.
It is true I have dealt with some kind of depression for about 4 yrs. or so and I was just thinking oh it is depression and I could handle it.Then over the past couple of weeks it has been very hard to try to handle it and I was having very bad mood swings so I went to the doctor and that is when I had got the news that I have Biopolar (hypomania)and I was very blown away and then they explained to me that HypoMania is like one or two days of mania and the rest of the time it is depression and that is something that I have to live with.
I’m not sure if what I am experiencing is a depression or a cyclic sort of sadness. Nothing big has to happen. After say, a period of time, I’ll feel sick (tired/bored) of what I am doing, that’s normal I know, but the problem comes in when I no longer care for myself, to anyone or to anything. Like for example, in my job, I started really driven and motivated. God knows I have to do it not just bec I need to have a sense of purpose. My family relies on me to support our financial needs. But everytime this overwhelming sadness attacks, I can still remember why I have to have a job but I no longer feel it. I no longer care what will happen to us if I quit. Then suddenly I’d just lose the interest to come to work. I would get really irritated if someone would ask me what’s going on, then I’d make up a lot of excuses like my salary is not enough or my boss is keeping me from getting a higher position. That is why I never stayed long on a job. This does not only happen in the office, it also happens with my personal relationships. I think this is the reason why I really can’t say that I’ve reached my full potential as a person. I always lose the things that are important to me bec I’ll suddenly forget the value of these things to me. I’m sorry that I bothered you with this. I’ts probably not bipolar, but it’s keeping me from everything that I want, and I’m tired of starting again everytime.
Hello David
i would like to know something. i think my husband has bipolar, you have to becarefull what you say as gets agressive, does not talk to you and says very hurtfull things and its getting worse in the beginning he agreed to go have tests done now i am to scared to bring it up, he used to appologise for his actions now makes it as if my fault and i can do nothing right!! please can you give me advise i really dont know what to do>
I have a 17 year old son, who 1 Dr. mentioned to me quite awhile ago may be bipolar and not ADHD/ODD. Bipolar runs in my family for 4 generations. This info. has always stuck in the back of my head. I began to get more info. about 4 years ago. My husband and I see it, the cycling that is, some family members think it might be possible, but I can’t seem to get a definite yes or no from a doctor. I just want to make sure John can understand why he is the way he is and start to make the best decisions for his life, but how can he when he may not even have the right diagnosis? My son is similar to Michele’s husband. One time recently, he locked me out of the house because of 1 sentence I said, refusing to let me in the house until my husband had to take time off of work to come unlock the door!! This was over something pretty trivial!!!
I have to agree with Bob again. When it’s caused by something it’s sadness. When is caused by nothing, it’s depression. this is the nature of our burden – feeling all of these things for absolutely NO reason.
I have been having a really crappy week, lots of absurd energy, black moods and very irritable spikes. I’m working really hard at not going into road-rage every day. At times like this it’s SO important (impossible?) not to sweat the petty things, but it’s really hard to deal with things that don’t have a reason or a beginning and that the end of it is never really the end.
The other thing that I think is that bipolar causes normal emotions to be much more extreme than one would expect. Like me this week, I don’t just get a bit peeved when things go wrong (I am normally very easygoing and disciplined) I just completely lose my head over the smallest thing – this goes for anger, sadness, boredom, regrets, everything.
Alice, please phone someone if you are feeling despondent, don’t give up! We may not be close, but you are not alone.
My husband and my son both have BD. My son is actively being treated with medications, therapy and special education. My husband is still in denial.
This is a rocky road, but it is great to hear the stories and tips.
Hi David.
You talk alot about preventing divorce or separation due to the disorder. However, in my case my girlfriend, who I was with for two years and was planning to have a child with (entered the IVF program) left me a few months ago after a long depressive episode and frequent violent outbursts directed at me and my children. She blamed me for everything and yesterday in an email to me asked me never to contact her again as, and I quote from her email “I’m trying to get on with my life and your emails are a constant reminder of what an emotionally draining and disappointing waste of time our relationship (and you) turned out to be.”
Is there any way or method I can use to open communications with her with the aim of her getting help. She constantly refused any help when we were together. She attended a few counseling sessions, but refused medication and when the counselor started ‘digging into her past, especially her childhood’, she shut down and refused to go back again. I still love her – she is such a beautiful person, but there is so much hatred inside her, towards me, and everyone she has ever had any sort of relationship with (she doesn’t keep friends for very long, and also changes jobs frequently).
Any help or advise in reopening communication lines would be very, very much appreciated.
Thanks. Don. 🙂
I am no stranger to depression, although I am not bipolar. But for the last 30 years I have researched my condition ad nauseum and in a clinical sense, it is fascinating. First of all, luckily, I found a medication that completely brings me back to normal – for me it happens to be the old tricyclic, Elavil. But I had to go through 4 or 5 different ones before finding my eureka cure. So to those of you who have no hope, my advice is – don’t give up! Keep working with your doctors, change docs if you have to, and if one med doesnt help, another is almost sure to. The other interesting thing is that I was on Ascendin at one time, which was the only time I was thrown into a manic episode – found out this particular med greatly ups norepinephrine, or our “gas pedal” neurotransmitter. Elavil does the opposite; it ups the serotonin mostly. And I need serotonin, as my depressions come with a lot of anxiety and no sleep. The sleep all the time, no energy depressions need something like Ascendin. We’re all different! Some of us are just born with highly stable neurotransmitter systems, and others unfortunately are not. My saving grace is that I knew I was clinically depressed, and did all the right things to help myself and learn about my condition. My son, diagnosed with cyclothymia, thinks he can pull himself up by his own bootstraps. I am still trying to persuade him to get help! The only other comment is that with me, the difference between sadness and clinical depression is absolutely clear – hard to describe except to say when I’m clinical, I don’t cry. When I start crying, I know I’m on the road to recovery. When my dad died suddenly, I was thrown into a deep despair – and felt the clinical stuff coming on – went to the doc and said “I don’t want a clinical depression on top of my grief”. So I went on the full dose of Elavil, and in two weeks, I went from numb and nonfunctional to very very sad and weepy, but functional for the next three months. I kept telling myself, at least I’m grieving normally now! Bless all of you “searchers” – together we can find answers!
Thanks for pointing out that depression is not just being sad. My son has Bipolar Disorder, and he is hardly ever sad. What I see when he goes into a depressive episode is that he loses all energy and interest in everything. He barely even talks or moves. It’s like he’s being physically depressed, or pushed down.
Found your blog on yahoo – thanks for the article but i still don’t get it.
great stuff – cu