Hi,
Hope you’re having a good day.
I was talking to this woman the other day, who looked sooo sad!
So I asked her what was wrong, and she said, “EVERYTHING.”
I said,” Everything?”
And she said, “Yes, everything!”
So I asked her, “Are you feeing all right?”
She answered, “Yes, pretty much.”
I said, “Do you have children?”
And she said, “Yes, I have 2 of them.”
I asked, “Are they healthy and happy?”
She said, “Why, yes they are.”
I said, “Do you have a car, and does it run well?”
She said, “Yes, and I don’t have any problems with my car.”
So I said (and don’t get mad at me like she did), “So not EVERYTHING is wrong, is it?”
And, you guessed it, she got really mad at me.
But here’s my point. You can’t just lump your problems under “EVERYTHING.”
It doesn’t work that way.
In my courses/systems below, I teach about problem-solving, and how you first have to define the problem before you can figure out a solution:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Ok, so what IS your problem? You already know it is not EVERYTHING.
Pick ONE problem. Let’s just work on ONE problem..
Ok, now let’s work on the solution (you know I am a solution-oriented person).
Start a list. Really! Take out a piece of paper and a pencil or pen, and start a list.
Write down the problem at the top of the piece of paper.
Problem not that important? Then it’s easy to solve, and you can take care of it without this system.
But if it’s bigger than that, this system will work for you.
Ok, back to your piece of paper with your problem written at the top.
You’re ready to start writing your solutions down now.
I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He doesn’t know anything about my life or my problems.”
You’re right. I don’t. But I do know a lot about bipolar disorder. And I do know I spent a LONG time developing systems that work.
And this system does work. I still use it myself (and I’m a supporter, just like you).
Think of the most impossible way you can to solve your problem. The “no way this will solve my problem” solution.
As a friend of mine says, “The impossible just takes a little longer!”
Then work down from there, until you find the right solution to your problem.
It works, trust me!
Now listen close…
Closer…
Closer…
Ok, I’m going to tell you a secret…
EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEMS!!!!
You’re not the only one! Supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder seem to have more problems than anyone else, too.
But not EVERYTHING is wrong, is it?
There have to be SOME things that are right!
So here’s my advice:
Be grateful for the things that are going right, and work “Dave’s Problem Solving System” I showed you in this email on your other problems.
Good luck – you are now an “Ace” problem-solver in my book!
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
um david dyu think i wana know tht everyone has problems meaning for an angry person tht my problems are insignificant and dont deserve attention… and tht im creating problems?ahem…i hav enough on my head without adding guilt..
Hey David – it’s Candice Louw from South Africa.
My boyfriend has bipolar disorder and I’ve really been trying hard to be considerate and supportive – I suppose that I’ve failed in my attemp and I realise that I am just human… I can’t always be successful in helping others… Thank you for the mail you’ve sent over the last few months, but unfortunately I won’t be needing the info anymore. Goodluck with further work…
It’s all in the mind…
Candice (SA)
xox
Mr. Oliver:
With all due respect. I do not believe there is anything you can tell me about these disorders as I live with them daily. Living with bipolar & multiple personality disorders daily is a challenge. I was born with a chemical unbalance which is the start to these disorders.
I know a lot of people Bipolar or not that considers everything as a problem.
Every time I call my sister she tells me something disturbing and complicated. So, I re-named her “Situation”.
LOL.
You are correct when you say that we should work on one problem at a time, with the intentions of finding a solution. I do believe that if we write it down we are able to see it from all sides therefore, are able to walk around the problem, analyze the cause, and weigh the pros and cons -then you can check it off the list- relax and let it go.
Some people think that if there is nothing to complain about, life is boring, there is nothing to do, and they don’t feel important. Another thing to; Ask for HELP, if you need it.
We have not, because we ask not.
People can’t read your mind, and just because you expect them to know what to do or how you feel, they won’t unless you speak up. On that same note, excessive complaining will irritate people and they will label you with the Boy who cried wolf syndrome.
My problem is, I need a list to remind me to check the list. I can’t stay focused on things and I forget what it is I’m suppose to be doing if I don’t resolve it then and there. I need help! I am selfless and I’m thoughtless when it comes to me. I am fighting an up-hill battle because I am manic one minute and depressed and confused the next. I don’t know how to fix this and seemly no one wants to help. I feel over looked and unwanted. The desire to do things I once enjoyed has vanished, it is a challenge for me to put on clothes and leave the house. The only things that seem to capture my attention is being able to post a comment on your site and read your e-mails everyday. This is what I look forwards to.
So, thank you Dave, for making my day, and making it possible to be heard and gain insight, inspiration, and hope from you and every one that share their life experiences on your site. So many lessons learned.
Thank you,
Dave,
I thought this was excellent. We all have problems, some of us many, but at the same time have things that are remarkable in our lives. For me it is my daughter. My husband, Mike, is bi-polar with ADHD. I have been there for him through thick and thin…….taking him to doctors…….finding the right one, and making sure as best that I can that he takes his meds. He and I both go to therapy, individually. Still with all this, we are in much debt, as he refuses to listen to me and makes his own decisions. I read your bi-polar e-mails as they truly help me. We need your bi-polar course, but would hope at some point with the economy being what it is, that you would have a “discounted price”. For us, right now with this debt, it is hard for us to order. Again, think your e-mail today was excellent. Thanks so much. Sue
Thanks for a great article today. A lot of times, I just sort of skim through your page each day as I am working my way through my other e-mails, but today’s entry really got to me. Yes, there are many times when I think my problems are overwhelming or are just going to be the end of me, but then I am able to step back and see the whole picture and realize that things aren’t really as big or as bad as I want to make them out to be. Thanks again for another well-written article.
This is where i’ve been.. that everything is a disaster. I know you are suppose to know there is no way that is possible. You are alive and you have another day to do things the right way and forget the wrong and try your best. It is too hard somedays though to be up when your mind is racing so fast and then you crash and cry with sorrow so deep that you can’t get out of bed. You want to just be normal.. and sure people say what is that. I don’t know for sure but i know what is not for me and when I feel the pain of manic and anger and agitation and frustration and just hatred of things and no joy and wish for it to go away so very badly and all you can do is ride it out . This too shall pass. You just hold on till it’s all better. But unfortunately better for me might be depression as I hate anxiety and manic more than I hate depression and i rarely see the middle ground..so i’ll take depression over being and spinning out of control and feeling like i am just going in circles and wearing myself out and getting nowhere. I wish I were never manic. Never anxious and never ever racing in my thoughts. IT is pure torture at times -no all the time.. it is just awful. I’ll take sad and down and can’t really motivate over the anxiety. If I have to choose.. i usually am depressed and this has been my worse year but the last week has been manic and i have been just not in control and i do not like this and it’s like everything is feeling disastrous. But i know all is not lost.. i know it.. it’s just hard not to feel that way.
Dave—I’ve received the kit you offered and just started getting in to it. The one thing you have yet to say is what do you do when you have a 27 yr. old son, and…since he’s an adult……….you can’t make him go to the doctor, make him take his medication……….we heard it over and over and over at the hospital…can’t tell you because he’s an adult.
Am going to try to get him to sign a power of medical authority but I think the chances are great that he won’t sign it…..what am I suposed to do???
Dave,
I read your emails often and I have to say what makes you such an expert ? I mean do you have Bi-Polar? since after all your mother has it…. Why didn’t you get diagnosed with this disease? I am just curious as there is so many people out there who are frusterated and get soooo sick of taking on the bullshit of there loved ones with Bi Polar. After so many years of putting up with one with the disease that’s eventually what happens…people leave you. They end up saying enoughs enough. I am a good example, I had an affair on my husband, he filed for divorce and has most of the custody with our two daughters. I have made very unwise desicions in my life that has caused pain and suffering to others who love me. It hurts everyday to have to live with the concequences. It doesn’t hold me back though, as I am college educated & I am a manager at a B&B. I have to be up and ready for work at 6 a.m.everyday. I make sure my alarm clock is set and my clothes is out the day before. I take my medication everyday and I stay clear free from drugs and alcohol. I make my life as simple as I can (so that people around me isn’t effected. ) I am 29 years old and I hold my head up high as I finacially take care of myself and my children when I have them. I am very gentle with my children but others beware. I have told my Phychiatrist that I am afraid for other people when I am on my “episodes” It’s exspecially worse around my period time. I have to take time out for myself or someone can get hurt. Wheather it be emotional or physical. I can be your worst enemy. But I am worth it….. All I’m trying to say is for the people that have to live with us hang in there because we are human and we are worth putting up for. We are capable of being loved and sucessful as well as being your best friend…………… just be patient 🙂
For me, the last couple of months, I HAVE felt that EVERYTHING was wrong – tax debt (they’ve put a lien on my condo; threatening to levy my bank accounts), not enough money to last until I can get a reverse mortgage on my house (am getting a roomate to help with that), excrutiating back pain, exacerbated by exercise I did last Thursday, yada, yada, yada.
I agree with the blogger above that I sometimes fall into the “boy who cried wolf” syndrome, as there seems to be NO day when SOMETHING isn’t wrong. I KNOW I’m not alone in the “PROBLEM” situation; some have more, some have less – but they are ALL big when they’re happening to YOU.
I’ve tried to be proactive with my “situations,” and most of them ARE solvable. I seem to have reached a “plateau” with my bipolar – no highs, no lows – just in the middle. This does help with problem-solving.
I feel for SUNNYDAYE, who experiences her “manic highs” with hatred for the racing thoughts and anxiety. When I’m manic, I’m eurphoric and definitely on a drug-like “high.” Yes, I have racing thoughts, and sometimes it’s hard to control them. But – I’d rather be “manic” (or a little bit hypomanic), than depressed! I’ve never done anything to throw me into a full-blown manic episode on PURPOSE – when they happen to me, it’s the chemical imbalance at work. I just want to say to her – hang in there, Hon; as you said, “this, too, shall pass.” I am soooo sorry about what sounds like rapid-cycling with your bipolar, and wish you the best 🙂
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
SUZANNE, I know exactly how you feel. It’s been happening to me for the last 3 years now. Everytime you manage to solve one problem, another 2 come up out of the woodwork. And mine are always related to money (or rather the lackk of it) and homes. I have had to move house more often than a lot of people have had the proverbial hot dinners and usually due to circumstance and bad luck, not by choice. All I have ever wanted was to be settled in a place I can call home. If I got paid for all the house hunting I have done in my life I would be very well off.
My boyfriend is currently in depression and it’s affecting me, too. At least we have each other though, and I couldn’t say that quite Everything is going wrong. Just sometimes it is one thing after another. I was just counting the pennies and thanking God that I was just going to muddle through this month and worry about next month next month. Then I received an enormous bill and the other person who shares this house refuses to pay, so by the end of the month we could both be out in the street. I need a little miracle. I like that phrase “the impossible just takes a little longer.” It’s the sort of hope that keeps me going.
David, you are so right. I live by the counsel you set that a bipolar can be very successful. I get caught up in problems too, and I work hard to find gratitude. One success I stumbled upon is that in June 2008, I read a book called “Mind Over Mood.” This book is about CBT and it helped me to see that all my life I have been making decisions based solely on emotion, and not using intelligence and reason–duh, bipolar is a mood disorder.
So, anyway, I use this book frequently, and when I find myself have emotional responses that could lead to an episode if unchecked, then I simply use a CBT tool chart to get me into a reasoning mode. Guess what, I still deal with manic-depressive, but I am learning to avoid so much inner drama and stress that could make a situation worse through the CBT techniques.
Your system of writing out a problem, and then thinking of different solutions really is a Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) type of approach.
I also am setting goals and working the goals. I am not perfect with it yet, but it also helps to focus my efforts. I know that I can still have BP, and with a system of taking meds, getting counseling, getting good rest and eating better, I can be successful in my goal attainment. Ironically, I found that by having no goals (after letting myself go after a depression), a lack of goals can create depression.
So, I face a lot of problems that the others have faced, but I am using your counsel, as well as others, to have systems to help me succeed despite the BP.
Finally, there is a book called Bipolar Advantage, written by Tom Wooten–who has bipolar–and his approach is to use bipolar situations to turn one’s self around…but we are so immersed in the problems not the solutions.
Of course, this country’s medical/mental health system is sicker than the people it treats…but that is another story.
Dave, keep up the good work. You are positraction my friend.
Dave,
You are right everyone has problems , I wouldnt get mad for you saying not EVERYTHING is wrong because u r right, the problem with alot of us is that when shit hits the fan it really hits because I , myself, think that everything minor is major without even realizing I think this way and we try to hide the problems by saying EVERYTHING is wrong . Now how do we pinpoint one problem my one problem is bi polar if I didn’t have that I think life would have a new aspect to it !
I have just recently been diagnosed with bipolar after wondering for many years if that could be my problem rather than just depression. Have thought several times was going plain crazy when headed for manic depression. would actually end below basement level before I could come out.
Would like to get your course but right now have had several events that has caused a limited cash flow.
1. Moved last year. 2. My car quit just before mothers day, ams still making payments on it. And last but not least SS kept my check this month.
Will you be able to offer this course with more payments or maybe in November?
I really would like to get a handle on this disorder and get it corrected as am tired of living the way have lived for years. Would like to have some answers as to what has caused some of my behavior through out the years. Do believe have probably been bipolar for many many years. Am of the age when no one believed that children could possibly be depressed.
Hi David
I have a problem hope you can help me with.
my bf has recently admited to me he has bipolar. He dont want any help from anyone and is doing his best to push me away.
what can i do to help him? without him shutting himself from the world?
thank you a million
Lina