Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope you’re doing ok today.
Do you remember a book or song awhile back called, “I Never Promised You a Rose Garden”?
Well, someone I was talking to said that when she was little, every time she would complain, or say that something wasn’t fair, her father would say to her, “Did someone promise you a rose garden?”
When it comes to bipolar disorder, did someone promise YOU a rose garden?
Probably not. Because there sure isn’t one, is there?
And if you are complaining about having the disorder, or that it isn’t fair, I would say to you exactly what this girl’s father said to her: “Did someone promise YOU a rose garden?”
Complaining about having bipolar disorder will not get you anywhere.
It’s like a car stuck in a muddy rut.
You can keep hitting the gas all you want, but you won’t get anywhere, will you?
Those tires will just keep on spinning.
But do you know if you put wooden slats over the mud, and if you ask for some help, you can probably get out of that rut?
Here’s the key phrase in that:
“…if you ask for some help…”
You see, the fact is that you do have bipolar disorder, and you can’t do anything about that.
You have no control over that fact.
But there are some things you can do to control the disorder.
Like asking for help. That is something you CAN do.
In my courses/systems, I talk about how important it is to have a strong support system, and how to build one.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
There are other things, important things, you can do to control your bipolar disorder as well.
You don’t have to sit around and do nothing.
You don’t have to complain about it.
You don’t have to let the disorder have control over you – YOU can control IT.
But you cannot be passive.
You MUST take action on your own behalf.
Be objective for a minute.
Think about what you would do if you were someone else who has bipolar disorder.
Perhaps someone in your bipolar support group?
What things would you do if you were them?
First of all, you would take your medication, wouldn’t you?
Without your bipolar medication, you would go into an episode, and maybe even DIE!
So you can take your medication to control your bipolar disorder.
That’s something you can do for yourself.
What else could you do to take control?
Well, you could go to your appointments – always, and on time.
Seeing your doctor, psychiatrist and therapist is an important part of taking control over your bipolar disorder.
Another thing is that you’ve got to get and stay healthy.
I know that doesn’t sound like a big point, but ask anyone with bipolar disorder what it’s like to have the disorder and be physically sick as well. You DON’T want that!
If you already have physical disorders (such as diabetes or high blood pressure) on top of your bipolar disorder, make sure you get those under control as well.
Then make sure you are eating a healthy diet and exercising.
The diet is important, because many bipolar medications cause you to gain weight, so you want to eat a healthy diet to control your weight, as well as to stay healthy.
Exercise is important because it keeps you healthy, but it also has an added benefit especially for people who have bipolar disorder: exercise stimulates endorphins in the brain, which help with depression. That’s why exercise makes you feel so much better!
And you can control your disorder by controlling your sleep patterns. This is very important, as too little sleep can lead to a manic episode, and too much sleep can be a sign of a depressive episode.
No, no one ever promised you a rose garden when it came to bipolar disorder.
But you CAN control the disorder, instead of IT controlling YOU.
Have you found other ways to control your bipolar disorder other than those I’ve listed?
I’d love to hear about them.
Post responses below
Sometimes being bipolar and asking for help can backfire. I went to the Dr. after 3 days without sleeping and was prescribed anti-anxiety meds – which put me in a manic state that almost landed me in the hospital. That led to me being diagnosed bipolar NOS (along with several other mental illnesses). So, while I may not have a “rose garden” I do try to count the “roses” that I do have.
Because of bipolar, I have met some really great people who also have bipolar that I might not have met otherwise – that’s a “rose”.
While I may be mentally ill – I have co-workers and customers who are WAY crazier than I am. That makes me feel less “stimatized” because I’m the “sane” person around here. I give that another “rose”.
Work is tough. But I try to work around the problems I have. My short-term memory is AWFUL. So, I write everything down on yellow sticky notes. Sometimes my concentration is so bad that I can’t read. I’m a writer for radio – so I make my living by reading and writing. It’s critical for me to use David’s list above to stay stable to keep my job. I can still count a “rose” in my work situation – being talkative and “exuberant” works out great when I’m on air. I can make ANY event sound like lots of fun!
No, bipolar is not “a bed of roses”, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t find ways to keep going.
So, I add to David’s list above this tip: Get a better attitude about as many things as you can about being bipolar. And, never stop.
My Mother has been bipolar for 40 years. She is diabetic and has some eye problems too. She is overweight and does not have very much self control on what she eats. She doesn’t like to exercise because, well she doesn’t like to, and because she has neuropthy in her limbs. She is seventy-five this month. Does this sound like a common physical/emotional scenario for people with bipolar disorder. ..along withthe bipolar, there are many physical disorders too?
Just want to say Thanks Bob!
For the e-mails. My Girlfriend is in a state of depression right now!
And I have been out of work since November and can’t afford to purchase your course!
So I depend on your free e-mails!!
Thanks so much!!!!!
I got stuck at “you don’t have to sit around and do nothing.” But what if that’s part of my depression? I’m sure you don’t mean it this way, but this is akin to hearing something like “if you’d just get up and do something you’d feel better.” One of my most disliked phrases.
OK, I finished the article. I still don’t understand. This disorder does seem to control me no matter what I try to do to help myself.
hi well here is my life ,from my view.i dont want any one to say to me.i never promised,you a rose garden, god thats such crap,i had people tell me to grow up so what does that mean to me, i feel like crap, man i hate that.i want to run away as fast as i can. and never come back. i hate my life. nothing i do ever do is good. take care sharon.
First of all, Dave, there’s no CONTROLLING bipolar disorder. Sure, you can MAINTAIN a semblance of “normalcy” by doing all those things that you talk about, but – remind yourself that all the “controlling” mechanisms about bipolar, won’t/can’t keep a mood disorder from “catching up to you.”
I am constantly looking over my shoulder, as it were, to see that I’m not “caught” in a hypomanic or depressive state. This can happen in a moment’s notice, without warning, no matter how hard you try to avoid it.
I am a relatively stable person with bipolar, and I’ve worked HARD to be in that position. I KNOW there’s no “rose garden” out there for me, but I try to make the most of my life. Right now, I’ve had vertigo for over a month, and no doctor or therapist, knows WHY. They’ve done blood tests and MRIs out the wazoo – to no avail. I’m just worried – at this point – that it’s my arch enemy STRESS that has led to “mind/body” somatic complaints. Stress has brought about bleeding ulcers, gallbladder attacks, and, of course, mania. I’m just HOPING they find SOMETHING real, instead of saying “it’s all in your head.” Does that sound “normal?”
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
Good Afternoon David:
I want to thank you for the daily emails. At first, I wasn’t so certain you would have any good information for me since you are not a doctor, etc.
What I have found is — with your emails, whether they apply to my situation that day or not, they are a reminder to me that I must have deep compassion for my mate at all times. It can be frustrating, but the reminders in my inbox are a tool for me to reset my thought process.
My love is the only thing that thwarts the mania. In my own strength, I could never do this, but with prayer and Jesus words to love one another, be forgiving, accepting, gentle, a peace maker, etc., I have gone through some extremely radical things. To the point where someone else would have headed for the hills!
I have found that my loving and support helps him with his deep fears. Anyone with this illness is really scared deep down, and we need to love them.
Thank you for your gentle reminders David.
I am praying for you.
Lori
Dear Dave et al, I always welcome an invitation to respond. My name is Lynn and I’m a ‘real’ alcoholic. I’ve been blessed w/long-term sobriety, thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous and my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. I’ve found that I need to do 2 things–and do BOTH things, on a DAILY BASIS–one, maintain my Conscious Contact w/God in my sobriety program, and two, do something for my bipolar recovery, too, each day. This helps keep me in balance, and better able to deal w/’life on life’s terms,’ emotionally. I appreciate being able to share on a forum of this type, even tho’ I don’t read them myself. Maybe something I said, will help another person. Thank you.
Relationships are quite often like rose gardens: beautiful flowers and lots of sharp thorns. You have to accept both! Right now my boyfriend believes he is in a thorn-free rose garden with his ex. Those roses have no thorns because they are made of plastic. I am very concerned that he is heading for the psych ward again if he allows her to cause him any more stress. I can’t help him if he won’t let me. All I can do is pray that he will see sense before it’s too late.
HI, I found being around animals help, esp my dog and horses, they give so much unconditional love. Would love to see animal therapy used more.
hi to everyone, I have bipolar and schizoaffective disorder. What I find hard is thinking about my past episodes. It scares me and sometimes I get depressed about it. No one promised me a rose garden so I have to help myself out of my depression by taking my medications, exercise, journaling, talking to my support group online, and try to keep busy because when you do nothing the depression gets worst. I like going swimming and talking to and petting my dogs. It helps me alot.
I totally believe in staying as possitive as possible and doing things every day that makes us feel better.
And, I agree with the posters above who get tired of hearing all the “old platitudes”. My sister is an RN, everytime I talk to her – I get her “superior” attitude and an ear full of how I should “pull myself out of this”, “start acting right”, “nobody needs meds because that’s the coward’s way out” and my least favorite “metal illness is just a way for people to get attention”. There’s many more to numerous to mention because my mom is bipolar and much worse off than me and my sister is her gardian. I get to hear it all over again about mom. If anyone has a good replay to these kinds of comments – I’d like to hear about it. Thanks.
Well, I am a supporter and no-one promised me a rose garden. THough I only ask for a single rose once in a very long while instead I get a whole hoard of manure! I am at the end of my tether and heading what seems like a nervous break down. I haven’t slept properly for 3weeks now because I am so stressed and worried about money. I am ready to walk out and dissappear but the love for my son is keeping me here (perhaps he is my rose) My partner is my rose but he has too many thorns at the moment and cannot seem to see the pain I am enduring I feel like he should be having the break down not me.We have coped well for along time because Drs refuse to listen or help him (can you believe that)He finally confess he needs help and got the door slammed instead so yes we are alone! However, no amount of love for him will stop me from the brink I am trying very hard to stay in control and heading for a down spiral bump.
Hi everyone. I am a supporter…my husband is bipolar. We just found out about 2 months ago although I have known for years something is wrong. Right now I am living in complete hell. With all the Dr. visits and multiple, multiple medications perscribed that don’t work. Doctors that don’t care…dealing with all the insurance and short term disability crap. Dealing with ALL the family needs…supporting our son which my husband just recently adopted and now can’t really be a dad to…cleaning up all the financial mess he has put our family in oh and working a 50 hour a week sales job in this economy. We have had to put all of our volunteer work with our church on hold and for the most part our entire lives. I see no roses in this garden and if I wasn’t a believer in the Lord Jesus and drawing the little strength I have from Him…I’m sure I would be having a nervous beak down…which I am very close to. I HAVE to believe God has our family in his hands…but I’m not smelling any roses. I just pray we can have our family back…I miss it so.
I DO appreciate these free emails…I read everyone of them and find them very insightful. Thank you Dave.