Hi,
I have this guy who works for me, and I’d have nothing to complain about, EXCEPT…Working with him is like trying to negotiate a battlefield. I feel like I’m always walking through a mine field whenever I talk to him, because sometimes he just explodes in anger at me! And he isn’t consistent. So what made him mad last time is not necessarily what he’s mad at me for this time!
It’s really a problem working with him, since he is so unpredictable in his mood swings and anger. I probably wouldn’t keep him on staff, except that he is a genius at what he does. So I’ve learned to take the good with the bad whenever I need some work from him.
It’s the same way I look at bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a battlefield. There are mines everywhere you look, if that’s what you look for. But if you think of those mines as episodic behavior, there’s a chance you can get around them. Of course, it means monitoring your loved one’s behavior and moods, and having a plan of action in place to battle them.
In any battle, you need to have ammunition. Your ammunition is knowledge. And, hopefully, a close relationship with your loved one’s doctor, psychiatrist and therapist, as well. That way, they’re on your side. So let’s look at those land mines. And compare them with your ammunition.
Many people with bipolar disorder don’t want to take their medication, or put up a fuss about taking it, or some even just forget to take it. Many supporters have reported to me that they struggle with getting their loved one to take their meds.
So what ammunition do you have? You have the doctor on your side – the one who prescribed your loved one’s medication and hopefully is following their progress on it. Don’t feel embarrassed if you have to ask for help from your loved one’s doctor or nurse to get your loved one to take their medication. You should have their therapist on your side as well, and maybe they can talk to your loved one and get through to them the importance of taking it.
If your loved one is not sticking to their treatment, that can be a big problem. And a big area to fight, according to supporters that have talked to me. The problem is, you can’t force your loved one to WANT to adhere to their treatment. But you DO have to deal with the consequences of their episodic behavior, so you should have a say in the matter. That’s one thing you should try to get across to your loved one, in the least threatening way possible. Show them the statistics on bipolar disorder. Tell them you don’t want them to be a statistic (20% of people with bipolar disorder will kill themselves), so you want them to adhere to their treatment. Tell them in a loving way that you want them to get better.
The more people you have behind you, the more ammunition you have to fight this bipolar disorder. Get your loved one’s family involved if you have to. If you go to church, get your pastor or minister or priest involved. Or your loved one’s friends. Just someone your loved one will listen to if they won’t listen to you.
The good news is – Bipolar disorder is a battlefield upon which you can emerge the winner.
NOTE: Always remember that it is the bipolar disorder that you’re fighting and NOT your loved one!
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
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You are a blessing! You have helped me in so many ways. I am becoming a wiser and stronger supporter because of your help. How can I ever thank you? Please don’t stop doing what you’re doing. You’re helping a lot of people from all parts of the world.
It is a battlefield and even though you remind us we are fighting the bipolar and not the person the two are in one person. I would never have married my husband if I had know he had this disorder. It is a battle I will fight the rest of my life and hate every moment of it
I’m fighting a real battle again with my bare hands so to speak. I have no ammunition. My loved one n I have not been a couple in a long while now – it just didn’t work out like that, the bipolar always got in the way. However, we were always the best of friends who helped each other in every way. I was still his supporter n he put me in charge of everything. He wanted me to deal with everything like picking up his money n paying his bills with it, etc. His psych or nurse would contact me if anything happened, until now. A few weeks ago I recognised the first signs of an on-coming episode. He was helping himself very well this time, often aware of having a minor episode. 2 weeks ago he told me I was his best friend. Then I didn’t see him for days n he always had his phone switched off. This didn’t look too good. A few days ago I met him dressed in winter clothes during a heatwave. He was very rude to me when I said to take care not to get heatstroke or a heart attack. Again he denied that there was anything wrong with him, shouting at me in the street. He said: “You probably go around telling everyone I’m in an episode again.” I said: “I don’t need to, they can all see for themelves.” An hour later I met him again n he apologised for shouting at me, but pushed me away when I tried to hug him. He said he didn’t want to visit me or let me visit him, as he couldn’t trust himself (the bipolar demon) n he may do something he would later regret. We shook hands n he seemed ok except for cooking in those clothes. I was very worried when I didn’t see him n none of his neighbours had seen him. Then I found out that he was in the psych ward again. I went to see him. The nurse didn’t let me in, said he didn’t want to see me. Then he came charging down the corridor shouting abuse at me. I know it wasn’t really himself saying those things but it was still hurtful. What is worse is that the doctors n nurses won’t speak to me. I don’t understand this at all, as some of them have got to know me very well over the years. I wanted to know if he had signed himself in or was picked up somewhere. They wouldn’t even tell me how long he had been in. He knows I care about him n so do they. So I feel totally helpless now. If no-one will speak to me I don’t know what I can do.