Hi,
How’s it going? I hope you are doing well. Well,
you might know by now that I am moving from
one place to another. It’s been a total nightmare.
Everything has taken longer and gone wrong.
-AC broken
-Cable broken
-Lost furniture
-Damaged furniture
-No water
-No power
-Internet not working.
Etc.
I am really annoyed. BUT there is an important
lesson for bipolar disorder in here.
I have been explaining to someone all my problems. And
this person said to me, “What did you expect?”
I thought about it and said, “I guess it would
take a week and be done.” She laughed and
asked how many times have you moved and when
was the last time you did? I said the last time was
a while ago.
She said, “Well you have no clue. Moving is
never easy.” She said, “you have to expect
delays and problems or you will get mad.”
She then went on to explain how no matter
how hard she planned, she had problems
moving the 5 times she did.
I then go to thinking about bipolar
disorder and the problem of expectations.
Many people expect:
-Bipolar Disorder Medication to work fast
-Doctors to know the right medication immediately
-There to be no side effects with medication
-The mental health system to want to help
you or your loved one.
-People to be courteous and nice
-Doctors and therapists to have answers to all your
questions.
-M.oney to never stand in the way of treatment
-You or your loved one given lots of time to talk
about everything
-Medications to be reasonably priced
None of the above is reality. Actually it’s the
opposite. So when you are dealing with
bipolar disorder, expect delays, problems, difficulty,
unknowns, things you have to figure out. The one
thing you try to do is gain knowledge from others
or from material like mine:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
To help to reduce the delays and problems. BUT, even
with my material, there will be problems and delays
just not as many.
When you are dealing with bipolar disorder, the illness
is complex and random and you can’t plan for everything–
you would love to but you can’t.
Incorrect expectations creates major
problems with bipolar supporters and those with bipolar
disorder. I especially see many people with bipolar
disorder get close to stable and then quit their medication,
stop going to therapy, or stop going to see the
doctor. Why? Because they aren’t seen the exact results
they want fast enough. So, they almost get to the
finish line and then fall short and lose the game so
to speak.
People get really frustrated because they don’t
realize what to expect.
If everyone in the system just said it
will take time, we aren’t perfect, hang in there and
people could see more case studies of those who were
successful both supporters and survivors, and the
time it took to achieve success, more people
would be successful and not give up because of the
expectation problem.
This is one of the reasons that I have an audio
module called my mother’s story where I detail exactly
how long it took her to become stable. I explain everything
in great detail.
It’s the same with moving I guess. I had the wrong expectations.
I expected everything to get done fast. Now I have a different
attitude. I expect to take time and if it’s quicker I am
happy.
When I was first helping my mom, I wanted results FAST,
FAST, FAST. They didn’t come. Then eventually I realized
that it would take time. Actually I figured more than a
year to clean up everything but her de.bt. Changing
my expectations made things much easier on me.
I have shared this method with others and it’s really
helped. I hope it does for you as well.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Hey, thanks! Your email messages are a great help. Sorry I can’t afford your classes, but reading messages such as this one is helpful for me and others I know who are bi-polar. I will pass it on!
Reiki-Ma
http://www.callmecrazy.org
HI, This is super. I am happy, that this bussines meet.
Dave
I wish i had, had this email last week. I sure could have used it. It seemed like everytime i tried to get something accomplished everything went wrong. I have bi-polar and my meds aren’t quite right yet. So you can imagine what i was like. I was so angry and frustrated. All i wanted to do was scream and throw things. I didn’t though. My friends wouldn’t let me. Thank goodness for the weekends. At least i don’t have to deal w the mess again til Monday. Your messages are a real big help.
talking about unexpected things happening do I have a storie for you.
We went on what was suppost to be a enjoyable evening at the park to have a picknic,what a total desaster our friend on medication just got mad went off,told my daughter she was no longer his friend,he walked to a secluded part of the park took off his pants and shreaded them,came back cussing everyone,droped his underwear and mooned everyone.his mom had me call 911 and then he finally calmed down they said if she called again he was going to the stress unit.but the evening was totaled for everyone.
then he told his natural mother that if she went to sleep he was going to slit her throat so she stayed the night at our house,and as usuall his adopted mom acts like its no big deal.he broke his natural mothers cell phone and blue tooth and acts as though its no big deal.the stress leval around here is very high.
its hard to support someone when it seams his behavior is down right meanness. and as he said in his own words”my give a dam is busted”.
i’m having trouble with this site. this is the 3rd time i tried to leave a blog and the 3rd time the google has denied me with the password stuff.
Thanks for sharing Dave and that happens quite a bit… it sometimes seems everything that I want to accomplish something goes wrong and I dont get it done…although after reading your pieces and it’s been quite a few I feel that I have a been a failure at supporting my husband whom I am no longer with… I stayed married for twenty years and finally ended the relationship due to his behavior and b/c it was not good for the kids…. I should have forced him to take meds etc… I tried but i guess I failed miserably….I shouldnt have let him drag me into useless arguements and should have been wiser…but I tried to act in the best of interest of the children I felt i had no alternative but to leave the marriage and save the kids from all the fighting , manipulation and just the emtional upheavel. I think sometimes you dont have a choice sometimes you need to leave and it sounds cold but what else can one do if the person themselves think that they are ok eveyone else is the problem.
I love to hear I’m not alone with a loved one who has bipolar.I knew my son was heading into an episode a couple months ago when he lost his job (again!!!)due to too many absences because of his bipolar.I started saving up for Dave’s program & recently got it.Well, it’s a lot of information to go through-so I’ve tried to pick out the most urgent things first to get a plan in place-good thing -because now we are in a full blown episode.My son won’t take meds and tends to flee when he gets really bad-so I have to wait for him to return back to his home(200 miles from me)Meanwhile,I have been researching online and made calls where he can go get low-cost treatment in his area since he didn’t cobra his insurance from his last job and I think it’s too late to get it.My advise is to never let your loved one give up their insurance if possible!Dave’s course taught me how to search for low-cost treatment for the uninsured.Now I know he has some treatment options,my next task will be to get him to go.I will have to use some real trickery here,I’m afraid.Wish me luck!Thanks Dave, for your course!It’s been a big help to me.
Dave, I can appreciate the frustration of moving. I do think it is important to acknowledge that moving is one of life’s most stressful changes. But even with that knowledge I also believe that positive expectation is a powerful force. It is possible and advantageous to hold on to having things happen smoothly and timely and for the experience to be an adventure and educational. Expect the best of everything and everyone. People are more likely to be helpful and positive when your approach is positive and upbeat. If challenges arise see them as opportunities to learn, then honor yourself for meeting the challenge. Be grateful for your strength when faced with adversity. Have a sense of humor when things go wrong. Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. Stay centered.
Dave,
Appreciate your informative e-mails. My son has bi-polar plus one of my nephews and his wife have bi-polar so your information helps alot.
Would you have any information that I might have missed on any of your postings that give guidance to getting tested for bi-polar or information in regards to someone who has bi-polar; but also dual diagnosis?
Thank you for all of your supportive work!
sunnidaze48
Dave, unreal expectations ARE the mode of the bipolar! Especially when I’m in a manic episode, I expect things to be the way I WANT them to be; and they NEVER are.
When I was in my first manic episode in the late 60’s, not enough was known even about manic depression. I was being treated, wrongly, for schizophrenia. I thought I was doing REALLY well, but as the second month of hospitalization came and went, and I was NOT discharged, but sent back to my home state for FURTHER hospitalization, it began to dawn on me that there was SOMETHING very wrong. I was “high” even in the new institution. When the episode had run its course, I was released into the custody of my parents (I was 20).
Now, with the advances in medications and more being known and researched about bipolar disorder, there is rarely, if any, necessity to be hospitalized. I have followed all the treatment modes – taking meds, going to shrink and therapist – and the last hospitalization was in 1977.
However, I am STILL under the auspices of the local community health center. Without their help, I have believed that my NEXT hospitalization would be my LAST…
So, I agree; keep your expectations in the realm of reality, and “go with the flow.” It doesn’t do any good to expect to “get well overnight,” as it may have taken MONTHS to get as bad as you’d have to be to be hospitalized. Just believe and have faith; the Lord CAN work miracles.
God Bless You, David, and keep up the good work.
Dear Dave, i am,as I believe you know,am bi-polar but I am also 52 years old and have,even before being diagnosed pu-polar,had to deal with these sorts of trials and tribulations. It is realizing that life is never fair and accepting that with a minimum amount of anger and frustration. Years ago i devised a method to help me cope with raising two wonderful children and not feeling overwhelmed,angry,and frustrated at the same time. I always have a plan a.,planb,and a plan c in times of crises. it has helped me tremendiously with my children,who are 29 and 27 yrs. old. they always knew,I pray, thatmom always hada back up plan in case things didn’t go according to plan. Also,learn to expect less from the world and you will become a more peaceful person. bye for now Marilyn Bauer from GA
My son-in-law, has bipolar & I promised him I’d get some info from you, for him, if I may. My email address is; gjl2998@gmail.com. He’s asking for support & encouragement. He does see a therapist & has a med. Dr.
He cannot, nor can we, afford your courses, but to help him know, he’s not alone, he’s got family & friends that care deeply for him.
He was raised up w/ a bipolar mom & got hurt, a lot. Apparently he suffered a lot of pain. Unfortunately, his dad, on occassion, did a bit of his own, hurting.
Please get back to me soon. I’d appreciate it. We’ve come to love him[he has add, other disabilities, too].
Thank you…….Mrs.Gloria Leclerc/ gjl2998@gmail.com.