Attention all bipolar supporters, read this

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How’s it going?

I am actually running really late today.

I had to do Tuesday and Wednesday’s
workout this morning because I am
going to a meeting tomorrow in NYC–
it’s all day.

I have to make this quick, but
I wanted to tell you something really
important today related to bipolar

I was coaching someone yesterday on
situations with bipolar disorder and
it was going well. We came up with
strategies for all kinds of things,
managing money, finding a good doctor
and therapist, etc. The person wanted
to talk about one pressing problem
he was having.

He just couldn’t understand why in the
world his loved one with bipolar
disorder was denying she had

He said, “if she would just except it,
we could get this thing under control.”

Let me give you a little background.
This person’s wife was only diagnosed
about 6 months ago so she is still
“newly diagnosed.”

There is a super important lesson
for bipolar supporters that I am
going to tell you.

Before I tell you, I want you to look
at this too.

I got an email from someone that said:

“My boyfriend is driving me crazy. I have
been with him 3 years. For two years he
was okay and then he got sick or went
into one of those episodes you talk about.
We found out he has bipolar disorder and
he doesn’t believe it. He wants to go
to other doctors. I tell him he acts
crazy and he should accept it. What can
I do, Dave?”

The first thing I want you to do
is this.

Come up with your top 2 reasons
why you think someone with bipolar
disorder would deny it.

Please take a few minutes to really
think. Then scroll down.

SCROLL NO cheating. Think first 🙂


Okay we’re back.

Do you have your top 2 reasons?

Okay great.

Well I want every supporter to do

Imagine for a second that YOU the
bipolar supporter were said to have
bipolar disorder. Close your eyes
for a second and imagine this. What
would you do?

Think long and hard.

Take a few seconds and then scroll down.

So how would you feel?

I have to be totally honest with
you. I have sincere compassion for those
that have bipolar disorder that don’t
accept their illness at first?

Why? Am I out of my mind? Well it’s
because I look at it through their

I have thought to myself, if I was
said to have a “mental illness” called
“bipolar disorder” and I was different
from everyone else and people would think
of my differently would I be super
excited to accept it or would I hope
and pray it wasn’t true?

Would I fight the diagnosis? Would
I be hoping and praying it wasn’t true?

Just like when something bad is about to
happen, you hope and pray that it doesn’t

I think that many bipolar supporters have
to cut people with bipolar disorder a little
slack and understand why there is some denial
of the disorder.

We aren’t in a society where people with
bipolar disorder are praised, honored,
talked positively about, etc (except in
my company where I actively go out and
hire people with bipolar disorder and
other mental illnesses because I believe
people like this are smarter, more creative
and a tremendous asset to a business).

Look at Carol above and how she kind
of talked about her loved one. “He
acts crazy and should accept it.”
That’s negative don’t you think? Would
you want to accept bipolar around Carol?
No offense Carol but it seems you are
being really harsh and maybe that’s why
he is not so accepting.

So I do understand why someone would be in
denial. NOW, I am not saying
that it’s good not to accept that you have
bipolar disorder, rather I am saying
I understand why some are in denial.

In my courses/systems below:




virtually all the people who were successful
with bipolar disorder at first denied they
had it.

Why? Well for all the reasons I talked about.

However, it wasn’t until they actually accepted
their illness did they become successful and
able to manage the disorder.

If you are a bipolar supporter there’s a ton
of things you can do to help your loved one
accept the diagnosis. Too many to list here
but I will list some.

-Talk positively about bipolar disorder

-Share success stories with your loved one

-Watch your negative self talk about bipolar

-Believe in your loved one

-Stop being uncomfortable with your loved one’s
bipolar disorder

-Learn all you can about the disorder

-Believe in your soul that your loved one can be
super successful and control it

-Believe that you can beat the disorder instead of
it beating you.

If you read this email, I hope you can understand
why someone would be in bipolar denial. When
I am working with people that have this situation
I almost always find that the person with the disorder
is either newly diagnosed OR their environment is not
“bipolar friendly” so as a result the person goes
into denial mode.

Does this make sense? It should. If you ask anyone
with bipolar disorder, I am sure 100% would agree
with what I said about denial.

If you ask a loved one who is stable and doing okay
about what I just wrote you, I am sure they will

Try it. Say to your loved one, “Hi, I was reading
this crazy guy David Oliver’s blog and his mother
has bipolar disorder. Anyway, he said that the
reason why many people deny the disorder is
because society is hard on people with bipolar
disorder and not accepting. Do you think he is

This is a good way to get the conversation going.

I included this conversation starter because
of this situation in the gym. This is kind of funny.
This kid never can go out on a date. This other
older kid said, “go out and ask someone out.”

He wanted a “conversation starter.” The other kid
gave him two and guess what? It worked.

Kind of funny. Anyway, I have to run. Read what
I said and think about it.

Tomorrow I am going to be sending the daily email
much earlier because I have to take off and
go to New York City super early.

Oh and by the way, if you want more information
on my coaching program visit:

Also, people have been emailing me if they can have
coaching on starting a business in this bipolar
coaching and the answer is yes. I actually really
like this kind of coaching.

The only thing that I do not coach on is medical
or legal questions. Remember, and I know people say
I always say this, I am NOT a doctor, therapist,
lawyer or other kind of professional. I do NOT offer
medical or legal advice.

Hey I have to run. Catch you early tomorrow morning.
Have a great day.

Your Friend,


P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:

P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:

P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.

  1. Dear Dave, I have been getting your email help with my daughter who has been bipolar since she was born or at least it seems like it. She is 31 and I have struggled through the years, first to get a diagnosis and then to keep her on the meds and out of trouble. Well guess what? I have just been diagnosed at the age of 47. I knew that her fathers family and mine were full of bipolars, but I thought at this age, I had missed the bullet. Not so they say. Seems when you have extreme stresses in your life (HAH) it can be underlying and make itself known. I already had that you say? Not really, I have been dealing with her every step of the way, so I was used to that stress. I have been recently diagnosed with some severe health problems (surprise surprise!) and that was my trigger. Just wanted to warn people that it can hit you at any age. Thanks For All Your Help…..N

  2. You are an absolutely wonderful person. When people hear that someone is “bipolar” it’s almost like they you told them they are a freak of some kind. If I told them my son had cancer they would feel for him a certain way but because the illness in mental and not physical people react so differently. Well, I say to hell with them. He has hurt himself twice already while blacking out from drinking. I will keep loving my son with all I’ve got but I know sometimes its not enough for him. He has a lot of pain about his dad abandoning him and we never discuss it. Maybe we should I am not sure. Thanks for being here.


  4. Dear Dave,

    I have been receiving your e-mails since October. My husband was diagnosed with bipolar October 8. He was diagnosed with clinical despression in 1998 but of course it never helped him with the episodes. I am relieved and discouraged now that we know what we are dealing with. My husband admits to having this but when we tell other “Christian” people we have heard comments like “that term is so overused”. Our pastor even had the nerve to tell my husband that he doesn’t have bipolar….it is just the financial stress you are under. Our business is ready to go into chapter 11. Thank you for your insight. All of your information is overwhelming and helpful at the same time. I know I need to be coached but can’t afford it right now.

  5. Hi Dave,

    I’m kind of appaled about you attitude to Carol.Do you really think she had emailed to you to get attacked?

    Don’t you think her partner is giving her quite enough of abuse, beeing EITHER NOT MEDICATED OR IN AN EPISODE?

    She is not “HARSH”, Sir, she is asking you what can she do.SHE WAS ASKING YOU FOR ADVICE!!!SHE IS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND,and like all the BP supporters,what’s going on in his mind, and that’s more than just “HARSH”. More often than not we end up ourselves with panick attacks and AD medication, let alone counseling!

    MAYBE WE NEED TO ASK SOMEONE REAL QUESTIONS for a change, not always pretending right, left and center that everything is just FINE and OK with both ourselves and our loved one’s!!!YOU ADVERTISE YOURSELF AS PROVIDING SUPPORT FOR SUPPORTERS!!!


    Do you think you have supported Carol by all means???

    It was a hell of a support, allright!!!

    Maybe you should consider not posting when you have a bad day,or feel angry, or ask for a second oppinion, or think twice before you come out here on your first impulse and damage someone’s self estime.

    “PRIMUM NO NOCERE!”- first make sure you do not harm!!!

    Doesn’t look professional at all you comming here and make a supporter feel like it is HER FAULT HIS PARTNER IS IN DENIAL!!!

    For Christ’s sake, what is WRONG WITH YOU?

    I’m closely watching your work for months now, but this is a VERY BAD one!!!


  6. Great e-mail lesson today! It took my daughter 3 years to accept she has bipolar disorder. Those were the toughest 3 years of my life. There’s another reason why some people never accept it, and that’s because they can’t. That’s what weighed on my heart so heavy for those 3 years. It’s funny though, because she tells people she has bipolar disorder now and the response she gets is generally like it’s nothing as opposed to any stigma. People seem to understand schizophrenia is a mental illness but not so much bipolar disorder. That’s probably a good thing for her. She’s only 23 and she’d have a hard time if people looked at her weird. But sometimes I want to give people very detail of what happens when she’s been psychotic so they realize how serious this is.

  7. I have BP but it doesn’t have me. I like many others have it under control because I chose to get better for myself and others. It was out of control when I ignored it and while they were getting my meds right it was even worse and I regret that my family and friends had to see me and deal with me at my worst. It is so embarrassing to have this problem. I hate the stereo type of CRAZY.

    However what is worse is that my sister is in law enforcement and has BP according to her husband, but will not go to a doctor for this because if she does then it is confirmed that she has a mental disorder and they could fire her from her job. It is really sad because her family has to deal with the yelling, screaming, roller coaster, money spending behaviors. She is the one that has the medical benefits for the family and the future retirement. So far she is high functioning and she does see a therapist very regularly, but unfortunately has to suffer with it and I fear she will get worse.

    Our father was never diagnosed but he self medicated with alcohol and drugs which only made him agressive and depressed a thousand fold. He died at the age of 45 because he had abused his liver so badly. I was cheated out of having a father because of the disorder and I wanted better for my children so I got the help I needed even though I didn’t want to accept it.

    My best advice to anyone supporting someone with BP is to praise them for every baby step they take to get better. Show them you are proud of their courage to get the help they need. Then getting medicated properly can be just as difficult for the BP and the supporter but determination and a keen eye will get the meds right, the healing process can begin, and the payoff in the end is incredible.

  8. I think it is hard to accept because the public is not informed on what the term bipolar really means they just think someone is crazy. and it is not until you learn and educate about the illness that you can understand what it means and what you are up against and how to manage/control it. No one wants to have a mental illness or any type of illness for that matter and it does take some time to accept the fact that you have an illness whatever it may be not just bipolar.

  9. I think that diane4u is harsh to our friend here. The last thing anyone should say to someone who is bipolar is that they are or act “crazy”. Not a very loving term I must add. Besides, don’t you think they already have that in the back of their minds? Try to be SUPPORTIVE not judgmental.

  10. I have been recently diagoised with bipolar and am on seroquel, hopefully I can lead a normal life. I knew something was wrong and thought it was probably bipolar and did want to admit to myself that it was bipolar. I love and look forward to your comments everyday keep up the great blog.There ia a stigma with this disease that is negative. But we are creative and smart people that have a hard time living up to are potential. Keep writing Dave, you helping and saving more people than you know. Debbie

  11. I appreciate your emails, it is very good insite for me. My mother has a mental illness and i see lots of similarities in my husband. He can be a very good man at times adn then all of a sudden he turns into an egotistical freak that is better and above everyone and becomes very cruel and demeaning to others, especially me and my son. Is this a sign of bypolar or is he just and egotistical man that tries to be nice and only last so long.

  12. TINA, this message is for you. I lived in an abusive relationship for years. It is very damaging to you but even more to your child. Seek help before your son grows up and treats his family the same way. Good Luck and God Bless you. PS: If it is bipolar and he won’t get help you need to help yourself and your son.

  13. What is surprising about not wanting to admit that you have a chronic and debilitating illness. If you were to be diagnosed with diabetes, or parkinson’s, or alzheimers, or any other such disease which is likely to cause a lot of serious problems shoud you fail to accept treatment, the same thing happens. In diabetics this leads to some very difficult problems, unless the right level of medication and correct diet is followed. Such a diagnosis means that all sugar laden foods are poison. There needs to be a supportive approach to anyone who has been given such a prognosis, not a criticism.
    With mental illness this may be a very difficult road ahead for all involved. What the patient needs is a protective atmosphere, but which allows maximum freedom. Regardless of how effective any of the medications may seem they all have side effects which appear with prolonged use. What the patient needs is compassion, and the caregiver needs to learn about his/her own limitations and abilities so when the more extreme episodes appear, they may have the strength to survive.

  14. Dave,

    A friend just gave me an article out of today’s (Nov. 27th) Wall Street Journal. The article is entitled “Helping Mental Patients Gain Some Control Over Treatment” and is about P.A.D.s. Goooood article!

  15. Dear Dave, Today I got your first email, I signed up yesterday. My 20, almost 21 yr old daughter was diagnosed almost 2 years ago, pretty quickly as they had put her on an antidepressant and she had a “Psychotic Break” She’s been hospitalized 4 times and should be there now, but like her doctor and therapist think, she is near the end of a semester and really wants to finnish and have a sucess in her life. We are doing 24/7 monitoring and daily visits to the psych for med adjustments and labs. I do think she (And I a little) are still in denial, we want this to just go away! I plan to ask her more about denial when she’s on a more even keel. I can’t say she ever stayed stable very long, as soon as meds start working she has a side effect that requires a change.
    I look forward to hearing more from you and learning all I can about this demon that took over her life.

  16. Thanks for all of your time and effort and thank you for being you, Dave. I just read your article on why people deny being bipolar.

    I was just writing a someone a few weeks ago or so about this very thing. Now I have something more to share with her. Thanks again!

    Have a great day!

  17. I think people deny it also because when they are manic they feel great! Their own mind plays tricks on them. They think they can do anything! They sure can’t believe that they have a mental illness! When they are depressed it’s alot easier to admit they have a problem. This has been my experience with my husband who is bipolar.
    Lots of props to you Dave for all your research and help. And for treating bipolar people with respect. Do you think it’s different for someone to support a bipolar child, than it is to support a bipolar spouse?

  18. Thank you Dave, this email really did something for me. My boyfriend of 3 years has not been diagnosis because he doesn’t think he has a problem, it’s always someone else. I moved in with him in May and didn’t really know what I was getting into. I love him very much but the bipolar has taken it’s toll on our relationship. Now if I can only get him to go to the doctor we will have a chance to make our relationship work. thank you for the uplifting email.

  19. Dave, you are right. I don’t think there’s a single bipolar survivor out there who hasn’t been in denial at one time or another.

    During my first hospitalization for “exhaustion,” I was told by the other “inmates” that once you had been treated in a “Psych ward,” you would forever be labeled “mentally ill.” I just KNEW I was on the ward because I was physically and emotionally EXHAUSTED, and NOT mentally ill. Well, I have one thing to say about that – “If you’re not ‘sick’ when you’re admitted to a mental ward, you’re sick once you get there!”

    When I overheard some nurses/doctors talking about my case and the word, “schizophrenic” popped up – I was scared out of my wits…who, me? I had a high-end job, a man who loved me, a new apartment, and was SMART to boot. “Schizphrenics” are people who wander about, drooling in corners, and hearing voices and have “split personalities.” But you know what? As soon as I got that misdiagnosis, I started ACTING as if I WAS mentally ill…

    It took seven months of hospitalization in two hospitals before the “powers that be” sent me home to my family. I felt betrayed; guilt, shame, anger, hurt – plain STUPID for allowing myself to get “sick.” But – and here’s the strange thing – my parents didn’t/couldn’t accept my diagnosis. I was NOT a “maniac;” I just made dumb choices, like sleeping around and taking, God forbid – marijuana! They believed that that was why I was “exhausted.”

    My parents didn’t live long enough for the correct diagnosis of bipolar disorder. They never realized all the medications out there that can stabilize a bipolar, along with cognitive therapy and support groups. They were never given any HOPE of survival beyond the diagnosis.

    My original psychiatrist gave a weekly seminar on bipolar disorder, in which he talked about the manifestations, the drug therapy, the genetics, the religiosity, the pan sexuality, etc. for loved ones of bipolars. He allowed me to sit in, along with my fiance’ at the time. I learned a LOT from that seminar, and was no longer AFRAID of my illness. Even though I HAD it, it was NOT going to beat me.

    Don’t get me wrong. I’m still smart enough to know it can rear its ugly head when you least expect it, and wreak havoc on me and those around me. Sometimes, I even walk on my OWN eggshells, NOT to precipitate an episode. I’m in AWE of its power, and the strangle-hold it can put on my emotions/life. But – KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, and the more I learn about the illness, and the more I read David’s postings, the more able I am to recognize such things as triggers in time to get help if I need it.

    Yes – it’s easy to be in denial of bipolar disorder – but NOT very healthy 😉

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. My prayers are with you.

  20. Hi Dave,
    My husband left me last year for fear that I would work out too much about him and get him diagnosed with some “terrible stigma” of a mental illness. I only found out he was bipolar when I made a new friend who has the condition. Then I found your site and reading all those emails has helped me to understand and confirm that my (now ex) husband definitely has bipolar disorder. However, there is no way he would ever admit to it and because he refuses to see a doctor he has never been diagnosed. He accepts medicine for his heart and blood pressure and says defiantly “that’s enough drugs for one man.” In the UK you can’t get someone checked into a clinic without their own consent unless they do something quite extreme. He is very unhappy, denies that he needs help while inwardly crying out for it. We don’t live together now, in fact we live in different countries now, but we are still keeping in touch as friends. I have emailed him the link to your website, but don’t know if he has looked at it or just deleted it. Meanwhile I have got involved with my openly bipolar friend who is basically very positive about the condition. When I told my (ex)husband about my new man he was not very positive about me getting “mixed up with someone with mental problems.” It seems, there is nothing I, or anyone else can do to get him the help he needs, while he is adamant that there is nothing wrong with him. I can only hope that one day he may get fed up with being unhappy and see a doctor of his own free will. Thanks for your help, Nightlady

  21. My heart is broken. First of all, I’ve been in a severe depressive episode for the last several months, barely able to function (can’t shower, can’t leave the house, sleep most of the time, thoughts of suicide). Then my 26 yr old son came up for Thanksgiving. I didn’t really want to celebrate the holiday, but now I had no choice. His (my son’s) behavior over the couple of days that he was here was outlandish. Angry outburts, complaining about things like the Christmas presents I give him every year (he told my sweetheart that some of them are stupid and get “lost on the way home”. I took a nap at the people’s house where we had dinner (hadn’t slept well the night before; anyway, I know these people, they’re like family and someone’s always napping); my son felt it necessary to apologize to the host because his mother was sleeping. He had never met them before. Just a lot of stuff like that. Anything seemed to make him angry, and he even insulted me; I had been nothing but kind to him. This was not the first time he’s behaved in an inappropriate way. I could give many many examples but this isn’t the place to go on and on. The point is that, when I spoke to my therapist on Mon. (and she has worked with me for 10 years and knows all about my family), she (my therapist) said she’s pretty sure that my son is bipolar. I feel so sad because I know exactly what he’s got ahead of him. I feel a little guilty because he got it from me, but then I got it from family members, and I don’t blame them; none of us ask to have this godawful disease. The problem is that my son’s father has always told the kids that there’s no such thing as mental illness, that people are responsible for their behavior, and Dr.’s and therapists are “crooks”, only in it for the money. My son has bought into this philosophy; he’s never accepted my diagnosis (though he should – he grew up with me). So I don’t think he’s likely to accept any diagnosis and I’m afraid that he’s unlikely to seek help. I feel heartbroken and powerless. He’s in college, and I don’t see him often. He won’t talk to me now (and I don’t understand why). I worry that he’ll really go into a full blown episode and be unable to finish his degree (one semester yet to go), or, worse, that he might harm himself. All of this is my worst nightmare. I would do literally anything if he could be relieved of this burden.

  22. There was alot of good feedback and all I can say is “ditto”.
    Of course, no one likes to be known as “crazy” or having a
    problem, not even an illness,
    as someone pointed out. It’s self
    perservation and protection from
    being treated differently or as
    someone pointed out, “loose your
    job”, status, security, etc. So we
    go on, thinking ,”we’ll get better”
    when in essence, we know it will just be a swing to the other
    side, up(mania)or down(depression)
    with hopes of some time in between of normalcy. Of course, we deny it.
    Look at how it’s talked about. Look
    at how society and even family or loved ones speak about us or “it”.
    Any mental health issue remains hidden because disclosure signifies
    that we are not capable. I know I wrote a Blog about this before and
    the stereotypes and discrimination.
    I can say that I never admitted that I had Bipolar Disorder until
    after I started reading Dave’s email even after having researched it and tried to recover from various episodes, I lived in denial. Not really understanding what this diagnosis would mean to
    my life or a career. Dave is so right about it depends on the environment being “bipolar friendly” and the support one receives. He also asked you to
    “walk” a mile in the shoes of the bipolar and think and feel why they would deny it. Do not be so ready to judge others: supporters or those with bipolar. I have never
    received positive support from any family member; they more or less wanted to push “it” under the
    carpet, avoid “it” or me (if I’m in an episode or just act different) because of their own lack of understanding it or knowing how to deal with it. I would bet that most of them still
    do not realize that I have/had bipolar disorder. Yes, I did not deal well with stress or problems and my mood swings were unbelieveable. Not one was able to accept my problem, and some didn’t even accept me, as I am. Many chose just to avoid me. I thank God, that inspite of my diagnosis, God placed someone to help me cope and muddle through each “episode” whether they knew it or not, they were there and supported me. Now reading Dave’s material, I can look back in retrospect and see God’s grace, and marvel at how I’ve made it this far.

  23. I understand that Carol would say he acts so crazy. I feel that way sometimes. I try to be supportive but for the past 2 years my husband has been on and off his medication before we got married 1and a half yrs ago he promised me that he would take it. I said please take whatever medication the doctor perscribes you because I love you and want to see you well and happy that is why I ask and reminded him in the beginning to take his medication. But as soon as we got married he pretty much stopped taking it. For a month or two he took it but not regularly so how could that really help him if its not even the correct dose and he takes it every other day or when ever!
    It is hard to deal with when the person you love is either depressed and wont do anything complains about everything, says they are just not themselves, and suddenly you will see a glimps of the person you remember and know and then they go all mania on you scream,yell, (go what you feel is CRAZY)… my husband will suddenly be set off by something and will go ballistic. He will degrade our marriage, scream and cuss put me down and my 5 yr old daughter,he will destroy things and get violent. When you are caught up in all that especially in the moment you are being attacked it is hard to not feel like “I think he is crazy” I often feel like if he feels this way why are we together..then when he is done with his screaming for however long he will say sorry and not even remember half of the things he has done or said. I love my husband very much, he was my best friend and I have known him half my life and I am only 30yrs old. I knew he had depression when he was diagnosed back in 1998 he told me when we were only bestfriends I have always tried to be supportive I have always thought it’s just like any other illness not put anybody down for it. I have thought just take your medication, talk to a theripist if you need to and take care of yourself I never felt like it was something to be ashamed of. My husband thinks it is something to be ashamed of and hide and deny and thinks if I say please take you medicine, or you need to take your medicine because your having really bad mood swings and other signs I am seeing that I am putting him down. Sometimes I know people think that I am crazy and do not love myself and think I am so sad for staying with him. Sometimes I think I am crazy for staying with him and sticking by his side. I get “you must have a lot of patience”. But the thing is I am just holding on by strings. How much sympathy are you suppose to have if the person you love lies and tells you they are taking there medication but you know they are not and when you confront them they suddenly say they will not take it,nothing is wrong with them, they decided they dont have anything wrong with them, they dont like the way the drugs make them feel and they are not going to be a push over so “No, I will not take my medication!” What are you suppose to do then just sympathize with them forever? I really need to know because I dont know what to do. I keep saying well he is mentally ill this is why he is acting like this but What are you suppose to do if THEY will not get help just let the illness destroy everybody’s lives?

  24. Dear SUE: It’s not worth making YOURSELF sick over your son’s behavior. If he IS bipolar, it will evidence itself in such a way that professional help WILL be needed, and then he won’t have any choice but to be treated.

    Yes, mental illness can/is genetic in nature, but don’t beat yourself up making excuses that it was YOUR gene that made him “sick.” Unless he was deaf, dumb & blind during your episodes, he probably won’t admit to himself that he has some of the same characteristics. Only when I found my biological “family tree,” did I find out that my paternal grandfather was a paranoid schizophrenic! But – I didn’t blame HIM for my illness.

    All bipolars are NOT the same. In his seminar, my psychiatrist said that bipolar symptoms can/do reveal themselves under STRESS, in early adulthood, mostly in the early- to mid-twenties. If this is your son’s case – then, yes, you have something to worry about. He’s like all men – afraid to admit there’s something wrong with their “head,” and reluctant to seek help.

    So – I guess you’ll just have to adopt an attitude of “wait and see” with him. You shouldn’t tolerate his obnoxious behavior toward him, but seeing as how you’re in a powerful depression, this is no time to set boundaries/limits.

    I’m sorry you’re still in your “black dog,” with no light in sight. But – my prayers are with you. Stay strong…

  25. I am just trying to understand this. I was in a relationship for 6 months. We lived 2 hours away so it was kinda a long distance relationship. (Our work was the issue of being apart) We would talk just about every day. I went down and spent 3 days with him not long ago (well when he wasn’t working)which was a big deal and keep apolgizing for the interruptions and that he would make it up to me. During our 6 months – sometimes I would notice a mixed up highs and lows. Sometimes all over the place with his rapid talking and thoughts. I just played it off as being excited to see me or talk to me. Happy one moment sad the next, all within a same conversatoin. After the 3 days when I was there, I didn’t hear from him for a whole week. We had a great time talked about the holidays, etc. Never noticed a thing. I finally text messaged him and asked if he was okay – didn’t hear from him until the next day. He informed me that his job was stressing him, his father was very ill and would be passing away soon. Again nothing was ever said to me about his family. He stated that he couldn’t handle all the stress that he was dealing with and having a relationship. He told me he was sorry that he loved me and have a nice day basically. I haven’t heard a word from him since. I have tried to call and have left message but still have not heard a word. I have however, been in contact with other people that know him, and they are the ones that told me that he was bipolar for sometime now and is on meds. I couldn’t believe it. I never saw any signs at least when I was with him. I am heartbroken, emotionally a wreck, and hurt. This isn’t just a typical breakup there were no other signs. We got along great – We talked about the holidays and how we were going to spend them. I don’t know if this is a typical bipolar behavior. Again, I am just trying to understand his behavior and everything that goes with it. Any and all help is appreciated.

  26. Hi Destiny,

    I can understand soo much what you are going through now!
    I’m not sure if it would work out for you, but when your husband as well as he can feel, could you make him understand that he’s putting you and your son at high stress and he has to decide, either he decides to get help and stay on meds, and then you would support him, or you have to take yourself and your son out of the nightmare and just live separately.
    Would that work?
    Do you have any support from your family?
    Tape record him when he’s yelling and screaming and let him listen to himself afterwards, and ask him if makes him feel alright as a husband and father, if he does not realize what he’s doing.
    Did you ever walked away when he was attacking you?I did, it was better than fighting him back or moving in another room.
    I’ve never understood why the minute i commit myself to something with him, he’s instantly breaking the deal, but seem to happen to you to…i’m talking about him not taking meds al all after marriage.
    You need to stand up for you and your son’s sake, otherwise you will get slowly but surely to your own breaking point.
    I hope this helps a little…

    Take care of yourself!!!

    Best wishes,

  27. Dear Dave,
    Im sorry but i disagree with you, my bipolar “Higher Power”! In order to keep my sanity , i have to step back and tell myself, she will not get better, she will not get better….like a mantra. I keep walking into the same hole, because for so many years i wanted to believe that she would be normal one day….that there would be a magic pill that would make her into the loveliest daughter… , its not true, it aint gonna happen, so dont go looking for it. It is what it is and go forward…Im not negetive about it, but i dont look for the pie in the sky anymore. This has helped me to accept that my life has to go on, and i dont have to do this hard work anymore. Ive made myself sick. Ive made myself broke. And i feel terrible in saying, it wouldnt have happened if i wasnt consumed by her and her kid and her “episodes”. You get pretty mad after a while. And with this there is no gratitude. so dont look for that either. It will only get you so depressed that you cant function anymore, and then, youre no use to them, and they mock you…..Im OUT ( i still pray to St Jude) 🙂

  28. Help!
    my exhusband is untreated bipolar he and i have been divorced for one year but we have remained in a relationship that has had ups where we were close enough to get back together and within a month a severe down where he didnt want to see me. we have been through alot. recently he went to a hypnotist to deal with thoughts of inadequecy. so he started this thing “sarging” basically being a pickup artist. he has stood me up and even posted a blog on myspace about how he cannot stop “sarging” he’s addicted and even though he is hurting people he is close to he doesnt want to stop. So this manic phase has hurt me so deeply I dont know if I should wait for him to come out of this or just to cease all communication. Any advice would be most welcome.
    I am very hurt and confused I really want him to be well but I know he has to want it for it to happen. I just dont know how to let him go and I dont know if I should.

  29. I grew up in a home with a bi polar parent. The only thing you can do with a manic is to take care of yourself first. As a child, many of our Christmases were ruled by the fear, and the lack of sleep….it never occurred to him that some of us were getting tired,,,particularly as he changed subject every five minutes, and thought that all his thoughts came from God. If you can, (and this may be difficult) get control of his business affairs, and credit cards. That is best done when he comes back to reality…and a big pile of debts. Part of the disease is that he also had times of depression,,,, that is when he really suffered, and when the bills started to come in.

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