Hi,
You know I work out at the gym a lot, right? Well, I was working out the other day and there was this new guy there. We started talking, and he asked me what I do. So I told him about the work I do with people who have bipolar disorder and their supporters.
He started sharing about him and his wife. This happens to me all the time when I tell people what I do – they just open up to me and tell me about themselves and their situations, so I wasn’t surprised. I just listened.
He told me that he has bipolar disorder and that he thought his wife was ashamed of him. He said he thought this because whenever she had an office gathering, she wouldn’t take him or if she had plans with friends she wouldn’t include him either, and he felt left out. There were even times when she would go to visit her family that she would leave him behind, which made him feel worse.
I asked him if he had talked to his wife about how he felt, but he said he didn’t know how to tell her how he felt, that he was embarrassed. He said that even he didn’t tell people that he had bipolar disorder, because he was afraid they would think he was crazy or look at him funny or think of him as different and treat him different, so he just kept it to himself.
He wasn’t blaming his wife, he said, but still, he felt like she was treating him like these other people would treat him, and he thought she must be ashamed of him.
He asked me what I thought. At first I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what could I say? I really only had one side of the story, after all.
But I told him that sometimes a supporter can feel that way, and the only way to know for sure is to talk to her to find out the truth. I encouraged him to share his thoughts and feelings with his wife, because she really needed to know, and they needed to talk about it, especially if it was true.
What about you? Are you ashamed of your loved one? Do you exclude them from some of your
outside activities, even family gatherings, because you’re afraid they might go into a bipolar episode?
Would it help if I told you that, on average, a person with bipolar disorder only has 4 to 5 full-blown episodes in their lifetime?
If you’re looking for episodes around every corner, you might be doing your loved one an injustice. If you are rearranging your life and social activities around expected bipolar behavior that may or may not happen, you’re not being fair to your loved one.
On the other hand, if your loved one is experiencing bipolar behaviors and mood swings more often than is normal, it may mean that they need a medication adjustment, and they should see their psychiatrist.
For the most part, despite the bipolar disorder, you should both be able to live relatively normal lives. You should be able to attend social functions without the fear of a bipolar episode, or something triggering bipolar symptoms or behavior.
If your loved one is following a good treatment plan, taking their medication religiously, sleeping properly, seeing their medical and mental health professionals on a regular basis and doing all the things they need to do to stay stable, there is no reason they can’t be included in the things that you do.
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
My son is bipolar and I am not ashamed of him at all. He takes his meds and sees his Dr. regularly. He is leading a very successful life. I am very proud of him. I think that people who are ashamed of their loved one with bipoal needs to invest in some education. They aren’t bipolar by choice!
Dear bipolarsupporter.com,
Help! I feel so alone! I have several Bipolar people in my family,some treated some not!!! I’m being treated for depression myself after several losses of family members recently. I do not believe,nor does my therapist(2yrs.) I am bipolar,but have not been tested. Most of my family shuns me though, as I have a terminal disease.So where is the support for the supporters!!! I really need some help to cope,I love them all ,but am at my wits end! Yes, I am embarassed and scared of them as they are violent and it seems they do not care where they are in public, or not and this happens quite often.
They cannot afford ,or do not think they need help!!!What do I do,avoid them? Wait for them to be arrested,one is in jail for 2 counts of assault already. Is there a support gruop with your site I can talk to,please send me info. asap !!! Thank You,Blue
My loved one will sometimes ask me th same question.
Because of the way he looks after working on the house. I always tell him no, because I am not ashamed. What is there to be ashamed of. Hey I don’t always look my best.
Or I’m not always in the best of moods.
Weather it is bipolar or not everyone has their moments. The only difference is that some get labled and others don’t.
So I guess my answer is no I don’t feel ashamed of my loved one with bipolar.
Dear David,
As soon as I read the headline about being ashamed of being bi-polar I jumped the gun & didn’t finish the article. I’ve had to deal w/ being shunned, misunderstood etc. I’ve dealt w/ mental illness (severe depression,manic depression) for 29 yrs.
One thing I’ve learned is that it’s a cold world sometimes filled w/ empty minded people who don’t care to understand the plight we go through with bi-polar disorder. I’ve had to get thick skinned, & remember that these people aren’t worth my time. A truly good friend/ person I believe doesn’t pre-judge others especially when they don’t have the facts/knowledge needed to understand.
I also quit drinking alcohol (6mos+). It’s amazing how foolish I had been. I sure didn’t have hardly any true friends. They’ve fallen by the wayside.
My friendly advice would be to find a credible doctor who is competent to diagnose for bi-polar disorder.
I see a therapist once a month, take my medications as prescribed, exercise, & stay away from people who don’t live a decent lifestyle. There are good people out there if you look you will find them.
I am not bi polar and I am not married to a bi polar person. My son is diagnosed manic depressive, on medicaton for many years. He is 46. I want to stand by him in any way that I can without enabling him.
I talked to your leverage team member and he was very helpful. My son has managed his meds and bi polar situation very well for 20 years. He has a psychiatrist and a marriage counsellor.
I was looking for bipolar/divorce information in your catalog that wasn’t slanted toward the spouse without the syndrome. He tried to keep his marriage in tact but after five years of counselling it is time to move on. He is in debt beyond his ability to pay in this life time and his wife doesn’t want to work or do anything else. Bankruptcy is going to be filed soon and the house, which has been refinanced by her so many times the $2,025. mo. mortg. payment has made the house worthless. It will be sold and he will find a condo for his wife and daughter that they can afford after the five years till she is 18. He will take care of the college education for his son 18 and daughter 13. He does not want to pay his wife alimony for life. She will get half his 401K probably. She is healthy and smart and a good Mom he does not want to say anything against her. He just wants to live his life with friends and family who share his values. He is quite happy alone and at work but the stress level at home always catches up with him and he has to leave. He tries to come home and it never last.
He is not violent, he is never abusive, he has never missed a day at work and works on call 24/7. He is on salary not the clock. His company may have to lay him off, they are holding on for dear life during this eco. crunch and he is very expensive. I am still reading your catalog. Thanks for your in put.
I was diagnosed with bipolar II about 10 years ago. But my urgent issue is the IRS has b
put a levy on my bank account and my savings account. I have absolutely no food, no car, no one to borrow money from, I don’t even have a dog. I’m very scared of where my head is taking me, like it’s telling me I’m worth less than nothing that I doen’ even deserve to eat. I worked full time with the phone company for 25 years and I am a 54 year old retired grandmother with no income other than my pension and my SSA disability checks, which the IRS is now taking every penny of. I have contacted legal assistance, but they cannot help me get food now, and they can’t help in any way until April when my case is resolved. I need help so bad I can’t stop crying. I’m scared. So scared. Thank You, Kathleen Windsor 415-242-0444 or 415-420-4757
You must have me confused with a loved one of someone with bipolar disorder, I am the one with it!!!!!!!!’n
I have a son who is bi-polar and I am not ashamed of him. This is a mental illness and they should not be treated any different than those who have cancer, diabetes or heart disease; however, those with cancer, diabetes and heart disease get much more recongnition than those with a mental illness.
My husband is bipolar and I can say yes I am embarrassed. I wasn’t at first, but years after his diagnoses, he still doesn’t have a firm understanding of how it affects his family when he doesn’t follow the “rules”. He still takes painkillers and doesn’t take them as prescribed (takes more, then has withdrawal symptoms until his dr. gives him more, or shares with “friends” or he has even snorted them which was seen by our son). He was coaching our son’s t-ball team and during a game, had a complete meltdown on the field (needless to say he can no longer coach). Eight years after that he is now in jail for a DUI (had a bad accident and they found cocaine in his system, yet another manic episode). He received a year sentence. During all of this he was still taking his meds. and seeing his therapist. I feel for our son who is very active in sports, scouts and music. There is a lot of upcoming scouting events that my son will now do without his father. There have been times, depending on what mood he is in, I won’t let him go to family events, sporting events, etc. Our son has suffered enough and I won’t allow it anymore. Our son has even said the house is a lot calmer since dad isn’t around! He can also have friends over without having to worry about what his father might say or do. I have filed for divorce 3 times and each time he promised he would do better or things would improve to no avail. I keep reading about high functioning bipolar people, but I have my doubts that he will be one of them.
my wife,she so ashamed she file for a divorce.
she told me I HAVE NO CURE SO SHE DOESNOT HAVE TO DEAL WIHT ME.
My daughter is out of control. She has violent episodes daily. She is currently in Jail for threatening her mother with a knife. For the last 5 years this has been going on. In addition she is a veteran and know seems to be able to help her. She is 25 and is paranoid of being followed by the government. She ready constantly, about the abuse in physicatrics and will not deal with meds. She calls me begging to get her life back and I then calls me every name in the book. I have bailed her out of jail on contless times, she has lost everything is on full disability. I cannot take her anywhere because I am embarrased she would start a fight. Her mother had the same problem. When my child was 11 I got full reverse custody but me current wife hated her and I was put between them.. I divorced not because of a bad marraige because I could not handle the fighting between them. I simply do not know what to do anymore. It scares the hell out of me which is not good for a man with a heart problem. She has such potential and yet continues on a road to self distruction. Who can help..I love her so much and each time she calls I am stunned.