==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hey,
How’s it going today? What a day I had
yesterday. I had so many people calling
and complaining about various things.
I never realized how hard it would be to
have a mental health organization that has a mailing
list of over 100,000 people.
Anyway, I have to get going really quick. I got
this email I wanted to share because it really
bothered me, but more important because it
might be really bothering you, since you might be
one of the many people who have written the same
thing to me.
This is the email I got:
“Dave, I hate my wife. I know that sounds
terrible but I am so sick and tired of her.
She is out of control. She destroyed my family.
She wrecked her finances. I hate her. But
I feel guilty hating her. I am misserable.”
-Stan
—————————————————–
You wouldn’t believe how many people write to
me saying the same thing. I’m a supporter too,
and you’ve heard my story, so you know I know
how this man feels. There were so many times I
wanted to walk away from my mom and just keep
walking because she just kept yelling at me and
she was so out of control.
There were more times than I can count that I
was that angry at my mom for destroying our
family.
I know how this man feels that he hates his wife.
I know it sounds harsh and terrible to some people
but I also know there are a lot of you who also
feel like you hate your loved one at the same time
as you feel guilty that you are supposed to love
them too.
Then you have to add guilt to the number of
other feelings you’re already feeling, and that’s
not good.
In my courses and systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I talk about adding guilt and remorse on
top of your other feelings. It’s not your fault
that your loved one has done the things that
they’ve done, like let’s say trashing your finances
or saying mean things to other family
members or friends.
And it’s NORMAL for you to be feeling the’
way you are! So many other supporters are
feeling the very same way. Does that make
you a terrible person? No way!
But it does mean that you have to learn to
manage your feelings, and this is what I
teach in my courses.
There is no simple, one catch phrase answer
that I can give this man or to you on how to
manage your emotions. I can tell you that
it’s normal to feel your emotions, but I can’t
tell you that it would be right to ACT on
those negative emotions. That wouldn’t
help your situation at all.
One thing I do teach is how to turn negative
thoughts into positive ones. But YOU have
to be the one to do it. It takes effort on your
part. And you have to be willing to do it.
This man is very, very angry, and it seems
like he lost his patience with his wife a long
time ago. Many of you may be feeling the
same way.
The answer is to turn your anger away
from your loved one and turn it toward
your real enemy. Your real enemy is
NOT your loved one. It’s not even yourself.
It’s the bipolar disorder.
If your turn your anger toward the disorder
itself, then you can channel that anger into
doing something about it. In SPITE of the
disorder, you can decide you’re going to
BEAT it!
You can “fix” what your loved one has
broken in their episodes, like your finances.
It may take time, but you can do it. You
can do that with other things as well.
But the greatest way to get back at the
disorder is to make the decision to stand by
your loved one no matter how much you
fell like you hate them. To continue to be
their supporter no matter what.
One thing that might help is to remember
what they’re like when they’re NOT in an
episode.
If you have bipolar disorder, and you have
angry feelings you can do the same thing
and channel your feelings not towards
your loved one but to the disorder itself.
It sounds kind of strange but if you listen
to the success interviews in my courses/systems
that’s what many people do.
Well, I have to go. Hope this helps! Catch you
tomorrow.
Your friend,
Dave
–
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
David,
I asked my love one to leave. She was driving me out of my mind. I now reqreat doing this. My reason is she will not stay on her meds that the Dr. prescribed and that she seems to be unable to show any type of love\romance towards me. What if any advice could you offer me to win her back and to get her to go to a Psychologist. I have found a good Dr. I have checked him out through other’s that have or have loved ones with Bi-poler.
I truley want to try to work this out with her, there are also children involved. At the time I wrote this note my name is MUD!!!
There is much more I could say but I am sure that there’s not anything I can say that you haven’t already
heard. If you can help me please, do.
Heart Broken & Confused
Richard
David,
I asked my love one to leave. She was driving me out of my mind. I now reqreat doing this. My reason is she will not stay on her meds that the Dr. prescribed and that she seems to be unable to show any type of love\romance towards me. What if any advice could you offer me to win her back and to get her to go to a Psychologist. I have found a good Dr. I have checked him out through other’s that have or have loved ones with Bi-poler.
I truley want to try to work this out with her, there are also children involved. At the time I wrote this note my name is MUD!!!
There is much more I could say but I am sure that there not anything I can say that you haven’t already
heard. If you can help me please, do.
Heart Broken & Confused
Richard
Thanks for the help. Support a woman with four kids. Its hard, the kids suffer. she hits, for no reason, she screams, cusses every breath, to the top of her lungs at the kids. She want take any meds at all, she wont take anything that alters her brain, other than street drugs. is there any help for the kids? They love her to death, but dont understand her, they are 4,8,10,12. The 10 and 12 are smart they reconize something wrong, just not quite what it is. Is there any help for them?
I am angry too. First I spent years trying to soothe him and he totally destroyed finances and our relationship. to add insult to injury he hooked up with another bi polar extreme type. My safety became a huge issue, so I chose to leave. Well he was so mean and pretty much told me to get out. Now he is acting shocked and insulted. I made him take over his own cell phone and it cost him big time. So guess who is at fault? ME. I give up, He will call me with nasty comments and then ignore me. I cant even get closure to this relationship. Having two of them was more than I could handle and I did not want to get stabbed or worse and it was coming to that. I am legally blind , They wanted to take me diving in the dark in the middle of now here! I cant see that well. I was scared and I just dont know how to “support” when I am feeling real fear. I dont have lots of money I am disabled and on a small income. I cant afford this but I am feeling desperate. I want to help but god only knows how. He just keeps the anger coming at me.
Yes Dave, I am angry about bipolar disorder and the effects it has had on my own life. I joined this newsletter so I could learn to to look at this disorder from a loves ones point of view. I have type two of this disorder and have had many suicide attempts. I have not only hurt myself, but my friends and loves one as well by my actions. I have having problems with finding the right combination with my medications. My doctor keeps increaseing my antidepressants and all I feel it does is make me manic and then I crash and burn. Would you recommend that I take a friend or love one who has seen me in this state with me so they can tell how manic I am and I may need more mood stablizer and less antidepressant? I have a hard time telling the doctor what is going on. The mood swings are unbarable and fortunately I live on my own or I would drive my poor love one nuts. I have had my best friend over a couple of times when I was manic and I kept the poor guy up all night long talking nonstop. He must be a good friend, or I would have down run him off by now.
David McCannon
My boyfriend is bipolar and not on meds, he has a hard time opening up to me, he doesn’t like to talk about his disorder, he has asked me many times why I am with him and why I put up with his crap. I guess its Love. He is never mean or abusive to me, Its just when he gets depressed he shuts me out, he always says he needs to get his life together and some how he needs to do that without me, but I know what he is going through so I have learned to give him a little space, I don’t know if that is entirely correct, but I am still learning on how to hand this and Dave is right I always remember the good times we have had together when he isn’t depressed, We are not currently together right now but it is so hard for me to just give up on him. I am trying my hardest to let him know that I’ll be there through thick and thin.
David
I am 43yrs old i was told i have manic depression when i was 13 i have went alot of hell all my childhood i was a freak at school i had no friends i was all alone and now i find myself lost i cant hold a job i flip out by lunch time dont go back i have been doing this for years i feel like i am stuck at 13yrs old i now owe 23.000 in back childsuport i have not seen a doctor in three years i thought i could fix this myself for 30yrs guess what i was wrong i have had every thing taken from me now they want to put me in prison for the money i owe icould not deal with prison not mentally WHAT DO I DO NOW ? I CANT KEEP ON RUNNING i have run for to long ………can you tell me what to do???????????
I don’t want to sound mean but everytime I read through this blog I see posts from people who don’t know what to do. I wonder why they don’t buy the bipolar supporter’s course, which likely would give them some resources and tools to work with, and thus HOPE. Yes it costs money, but so what. A big screen TV costs money, so do cars and gas and people spend the money on those things everyday. It’s not very much money if you think about how much easier life could be, if you could de-escalate situations and truly help your loved one. And you’re asking for help. There is help. Just so you know.
DEAR HEARTBROKEN & CONFUSED; YOU DON’T HATE YOUR WIFE, YOU HATE WHAT HER DISORDER CAUSES HER TO DO, I FEEL YOUR FRUSTRATION, I HAVE BOTH AN 11YR OLD SON AND A BOYFRIEND WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER. I’M A VERY STRONG PERSON, BUT EVEN I GET WORE DOWN SOMETIMES. NEVER GIVE UP ON THE ONE YOU LOVE,YU HAVE TO STAY STRONG AND FIRM IN YOUR CONVICTIONS AND NEVER BE AN ENABLER. WHAT HELPS ME IS I LOOK AT IT HAS A PERSONAL CHALLENGE OF MY STRENGTH, THEREFORE I DON’T LET IT BEAT ME. TOUGH LOVE IS VERY HARD, BUT NECESSARY. IT’S ALMOST LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS A DRUG OR ALCOHOLE ADDICTION, THEY DO THINGS THAT THE PERSON THAT THEY TRULY ARE INSIDE WOULDN’T DO IN THEIR RIGHT FRAME OF MIND, THE DIFFERENCE IS, AN ADDICT IS IN CONSTANT DENIAL OF THEIR BEHAVIORS, A PERSON WITH BIPLAR DISORDER KNOWS THEY’VE DONE WRONG AND ARE REMORESFUL AND WISH WITH ALL THEIR HEARTS THEY COULD CONTROL THIER BEHAVIORS AND BEAT THEIRSELVES UP ABOUT IT WORSE THAN YOU EVER COULD SAYING HURTFUL THINGS YOU REALLY DON’T MEAN LIKE YOU ‘HATE’ THEM, JUST AS THEY DON’T MEAN TO DO THEIR BAD BEHAVIORS..YOU HAVE TO STAY STRONG FOR THEM AND YOURSELF..KEEP THE FAITH..SHE NEEDS YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT, NOT JUDGEMENT AND CRITISM. THE TOUGHER THE DISORDER IS THE TOUGHER AND STRONGER YOU HAVE TO BE..IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT OR HERS..JUST LOVE HER AND LET HER LEAN ON YOUR STRENGTH WHEN SHE DOESN’T HAVE HER OWN…BATTLE AGAINST THE DISORDER LIKE THE MONKEY ON THE BACK OF AN ADDICT..AND YOU WILL PREVAIL. KEEP AN EYE ON HER MEDS, MAKE SURE THEY ARE BEING TAKEN PROPERLY, DISCUSS WITH HER DOCTOR ANY UNUSUAL BEHAVIORS OR DISTURBING BEHAVIORS TO SEE IF PERHAPS A MED ADJUSTMENT WOULD BE IN ORDER, HAVING A PSYHIATRIC NURSE VISIT YOUR HOME CAN ALSO HELP YOU HELP HER AND YOURSELF, I JUST STARTED THIS, AND IT HAS MADE A TREMENDOUS DIFFERENCE IN OUR HOUSEHOLD. HANG IN THERE. SPIKE 61
My heart is heavy as i come here today and heavier yet reading the postings.
Please please please PLEASE if you are afraid, leave, stay away, take out a retraining order. NO ONE should be in a situation where the potential to be harmed physical, emotionally is so high.
Supporting our loved ones does NOT mean sacrificing out life… or their life for that matter. And there comes a time when we get so worn out, we get complacent and may help set up their ultimate suicide.
My brother-in-law chose not to take his diabetic medication knowing full well he’d go into a coma and die. He couldn’t get control of his depression. He drank and smoked heavily. His wife is a heatlh care professional who finally got worn out so that when she ASKED him about calling 911 and he refused, she respected his wishes. I can’t but wonder how she’ll feel a month from now; if their adult children, at some point will really struggle with the decision that cost them their wonderfully gentle, kind, loving, but oh so depressed dad.
My own daughter is very into “if he could chose to leave, why can’t i”.
Bottom line is this is a deadly disease. We need to do what we can for family, friends, protect ourselves and use the health care system with a list of facts when we end up in the ER, ie “She’s not eating; she sleeps 20 hours a day; she’s not functioning.”
A prayer and hug to all.
Yes, I am very angry that I have to deal with bipolar and other mental health issues that have been hitting my life since I was 16. I am 52 now. I am not the care taker. I am the one with the disease. Because of this link about bipolar disorder, my daughter refuses to let me see my grandchildren alone. I raised her and 2 brothers while babysitting 25 others when they were toddlers, managed to sew for a cleaners while cleaning others houses, and yes had this disorder as I returned to school and graduated with high honers.
There was no name for my disorder then. The horrible ups and horrible lows when I wanted to commit suicide took a major toll on my family, and now I learn how much it damaged my daughter. She was the love of my life. Of course I loved my sons too, but she was my little girl.
She had epilepsy as a child. When a name was put to it, I had to fend off family members who refused to be alone with her even though she had been having the seizures for years, but once the “name” was given, she was treated as a leper by one of my sisters. She was no longer allowed to play with my neices in case it would happen in front of them and maybe they would get it.
It is not fair that as a person who is plagued by this disease, which was caused by severe childhood abuse, has to sit back and not get to see her grandchildren. Her son and I had bonded, now it is slipping away and I miss it so much. He lighted my day when I got to keep him. But when a “name” showed up, I lost so much of my life and it is no more fair than the disease that has plagued my life.
I have learned that even though I keep my meds taken, eat properly, and sleep as much as I need, that alone doesn’t keep the depression and highs totally away. A recent surgery showed me that extreme pain can put me into a spin. My fiance is in CA and I am in IN. His Dad died last week and I feel like I am failing him by not being there, but I know if I were there it would only be another spin off for me. I would rather I had cancer than this stupid disease. At least it is acceptible in our society. Shoot, being a leper is able to be cleared with antibiotics, so they would be more acceptible than a bipolar.
Maybe passing this on will help those who read this link to step back and take another look. Yes, I know our spinoffs have caused you harm, but please give me another chance. If you see me going into the beginning of a spinoff, please tell us. Others can see them before we do and maybe with your help, we can become more like the person you once loved instead of this monster you have come to hate.
Weslynn in Indiana
I lived with a bi polar parent for 17 years, when my mother moved us all out of the house, things were better, but my dad required hospitalization that fall, and for at least part of every year after that. My younger brothers witnessed a huge amount of family violence perpetrated by my dad,for even longer, but my mother did not leave him because he was ‘sick’ The psychiatric professionals were not concerned about us. The doctor probably had the same disease. We were left with all the probelms of being poor, as in the sixties, women weren’t though to require a living wage. My dad wasn’t always interested in supporting his family.
To make a long story short, we as his children faced a double threat, the first being geneticly susceptible to the disease, added to the fact that we lived in a world that was centred on avoiding his tantrums, and abuse.
In many ways, this is what i believe destroyed both of my brothers. We were like the children of alcoholics in many ways,,though my father was not a drinker. First one, who was very bright, and working toward inventing a home computer in the seventies, became meantally ill, was hospitalized etc. A year later, he shot himself, after a period of overwork, and additional breakdown. At the time my dad demanded to be treated as though he was the only one bereaved. He had to be hospitalized, whilethe rest of us were left to pick up the pieces. Ten years later, the younger brother, who had watched him, and had taken the burden of two ***s also shot himself.
The conclusion that I have reached, is that children cannont handle that kind of environment. Children who are at risk, must not be left in that environment.
My mother as an adult, had the ability to make the choice to stay or not. Children who are living in that kind of dysfunction, need to have alternative resources, and fairly early in life. i.e. they have a right to the protection of the community. What we all need to understand isthat we were not at fault, AND that if psychiatrists could not handle the situation, as a ten or twelve year old, it was the height of insensitivity to expect us to.
pup. I am bipolar and over 40yrs old and have lived at home with mom for many years. am angry at mother as she has told me that She must have done something bad as God is punishing her by giving her a son with bipolar affective disorder.
I have asked her to check out this group. Don’t know if she has but she does not believe she needs any type of help sorting out things out
I’m the one with the dis…ease and am working on it. Mom is old and does not think therapy or this will help? What’s with this
David, I have a daughter who is bipolar. I’m beginning to understand why she acts the way she does. It has been really hard dealing with her. She first went through the cutting stage, then stealing, and telling lies. She caused a lot of problems between me, and her father. She has tried several medications, but stopped taking them because of side effects. She has finally found a Dr.who will work with her, and she is taking her medication everyday. I could never understand why she yelled at her daughter all of the time. She could change her personality in a heart beat, and I couldn’t deal with her. We are working togeother as a family to understand what a bipolar disorder can do to the person, and family. Your articles are helping a lot. Pat W.
Having bipolar disorder for the last 39 years, I have lost a LOT of friends during a manic episode. They see me when I’m IN a manic episode, and conclude that THAT’S the way I ALWAYS am. They accept the euthoria, the delusions, the free spirit, and then, when I’m hospitalized, they back off.
My last episode, a friend literally tried to break me out of the psychiatric hospital. She enlisted an old friend of mine, and was going to shatter the glass in the door to get me out. Ultimately, they had to call the police on her. The DRs finally let her see me, but I was on the OTHER end of manic depression – the depressed side, under medications – and she asked me if I wanted to go with her and if I was on meds. When I told her they would send me to the State Mental Hospital if I tried to leave with her, she just gave up on me. I haven’t seen her since…
Another story is just as sad. I had an older woman friend, also suffering from bipolar, who was suicidal, and attempted it many times. She was always afraid one of her two children would inherit her disease. Her daughter, Sis, was her supporter, in a VERY excellent way. She was always THERE when her Mom needed her, running errands, taking her places, baby-sitting her dog, etc. My friend ultimately got Alzheimer’s and was put in a nursing home.
A couple of years later, she died of complications of THAT disease. I was reading the obituaries one day about three years later, and saw her daughter, in her 50s, had died. My heart was chilled – Sis had been a Miss Dogwood, was gorgeous beyond belief, had a wonderful husband, and a few miscarriages, so she was never able to have children. She was married three times. When I went to the wake, her brother said she had committed suicide! My worst fears had been realized – Sis HAD been sooo depressed, she took her own life. One of the triggers was her divorce proceedings against her last husband. I didn’t know what to say, or do. Sis had EVERYTHING to live for – and HAD inherited her mother’s bipolar disorder!
Bipolar sufferers are NOT easy to live/deal with. It takes a VERY strong personality and constitution to put up with the highs and lows of this disorder; if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Sometimes, you HAVE to think of yourself, first. Survival is the name of the game, and it isn’t going to do the supporters any good to stay in a toxic relationship. Sometimes you just have to “cut your losses” and leave. Love doesn’t/can’t cover a “multitude of sins.” All you can do is see that your loved one is on a treatment plan, and make sure they follow it…
Big hugs and God’s love to you all.
David,
I was relieved to see this topic today. I hate having bipolar. It has negatively affected every aspect of my life. And I hate even more having to be “dependent” on the medications.
I have had 3 failed marriages, and a couple of other failed relationships, because when you love me, you love me; BUT, when you have me, you totally hate me, and so do I. I ruined my financed, and had no idea why it was happening, and I could not hold down a job for any length of time. And going to college was pure hell. Oh, did I mention I was a psych nurse. I knew all the clinical aspects of bipolar, and the treatment given. But, the personal dealing was a totally different story. I recall having to deal with a crisis call of a suicidal person, when I was probably more suicidal that they were, and I was trying to convince them reasons that was not a good idea, and other options that were available. Fortunately, I was in treatment (in the same place where I worked) within 12 hours after my shift ended.
I resent having to give up my ability to work at this time, and maybe forever. I have to explain when I enter a relationship about my bipolar and pray that he will or can accept me for who I am.
I have an awesome MD that I think the world of. He works hard to cover all of the side effects of my meds.
I, unfortunately, know firsthand about the negatives of bipolar and non-compliance with meds My twin sister did just that, she refused to follow treatment, was into the drugs and alcohol scene and at the age of only 19 years old, she committed suicide by setting herself on fire. As you said, the worst that can happen with non-compliance with meds, is death.
I love this sight, and am very thankful for the daily insight. This one made me feel better knowing that others share the same feeling.
Maybe this relationship will withstand my bipolar.
Hopeful,
Jennifer
As David says, personal emotional management is up to you, not someone else.
Here’s how to do it. People can only act on what they know how to do and the way people learn is by outlining a course of action, then taking one step at a time. This is like a school system, K thru 12, college, a series of seminars, or even David’s courses.
When you go to school, hopefully you’ll learn the right way of doing thins, or at least, the most productive way. A good teacher will not purposely teach you how to make mistakes.
When you are out on your own, you add to your education by thinking about (including researching and talking to friends) the way to do things. You define what it is that you want in life, and you need to focus on that to the exclusion of everything else. (Example: when you drive to a destination, you don’t do so backwards.)
You need to sit down and figure out what you want. If it is a peaceful house, state openly “I want a peaceful house and I live in a peaceful house.” If someone screams at you for no purpose, review in your mind what you want and just continue living your plans for doing this. Keep on going forward. Tune the screaming out, or lower the volume. It is simply background noise. Think of it like a song in which you don’t quite understand the lyrics.
In all, based on your desires, you need a plan (sometimes a plan for the hour at hand), and you need to work your plan. Your plan is not to change the other person (you can’t do that), but to change how you deal with life. Once you know what you want, you’d be surprised how other things fall into place. It is like magic.
If all you do is complain, then you are an expert on what you don’t want. Once you become an expert, you are doomed to receive the subject of your expertise repeatedly.
Note that getting angry is useful! It sends an alarm signal out and people rush to help.
The alarm, however, must be short and sweet in order to be effective. Think about hearing a car with its electronic alarm system triggered during a thunder storm. If it goes on and on and, instead of alerting the police for help, neighbors call the police to shut off the nuance. If the alarm happens too many time, the neighbors will get after the person who owns the car. Instead of sympathizing with that person’s problem of having an old car that needs fixing, the neighbors will be angry and make that person’s life miserable until he figures out what to do.
I too find this disorder annoying at best. I have been the sole “adult” in this relationship for the better part of 26 years. I have handled all the finances for the past 15 years as well as maintained the home. The immaturity gets to me a lot more lately than ever and I try to hold my thoughts and tongue – but it is getting more and more difficult.
Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel but right now it is a very small speck in the future.
David,
I was one of those persons who would not stay on meds as well. The meds made me feel less human, I couldn’t feel anything, love or affection while I was on them. They made me feel numb. Instead of my husband asking me to leave, I asked him. I was out of control. I got us in serious financial trouble. I was extremely violent and verbally abusive. I regret every moment of this. It might not hurt to ask your wife what is going on inside, before you see the doctor. I am in fear when I see the doctor because I hate taking medication. I was off for 10 years and to go back on them made me feel like such a failure in life. Maybe she feels the same. I don’t know your whole situation, but the children need to be spoken to about this illness. I hate having it and the damage that has happened to me, my spouse and my children is something I’ll never get back. My kids are older but they did not understand what bi-polar is and my behavior, erratic as it was, caused them to fear me at time.
Talk to your wife, but don’t try to control her. You can’t force her to see a doctor or take medication. If you do, things will never work out. But if both of you truly want this to work out,a compromise must be made. That’s what I’m working on now. We’re talking and getting out what has been held in for so long because of this illness.
I wish you luck.
I understand why bi-polar supporters get angry with us See I have bi-polar disorder an I get angry for having this too sometimes Then I remind myself it could be worse I could have something thats untreatable an uncureable I also know the importance of taking my medicine every day Thats how I stay stable! Thank You David so very much for your course it helps me every day
Dave,
I really wanted to thank you for this e-mail. I have felt that I was loosing it and in many ways I have. I hate the person this illness has made me into. I used to be a well liked person, now I am angry and hurt most of the time. I have problems on my job and with the people around me.
I know that I have let this illness do this to me. Right now I don’t love my husband or my son but it isn’t them that I don’t love it’s the illness.
I miss the man I married. I miss having a loving relationship, now he uses his diagnosis as an excuse for his mean actions.
There are many times that I feel like I am the one with the problem, not them. You are right I have to get angry at the illness and get it completely under control. Then maybe my husband, son and I can rebuild our relationship.
Thanks for writing, I needed this one. I know people tell you that you are bad – let me say you are not. You have given me a way to learn and hopefully do better in support of this illness. Thanks! Chris
DAVE,
I’M NOT EVEN SURE ABOUT WHY I’M WRITING THIS BUT I JUST FEEL LIKE I HAVE REACHED THE END AGAIN. I HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER AND EVEN THOUGH I DENY IT MOST OF THE TIME SOMETIMES I DO REALIZE THAT I LIVE WITH THAT ILLNESS… I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE I HEVE SO MANY THINGS GOING ON AT ONCE, I FEEL ANGRY, DEPRESSED, TIRED OF EVERYTHING AND ANYONE, I CAN NEVER, EVER GET IT RIGHT… I AM SICK AND TIRED OF STARTING OVER… I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO ONE TO TURN TO BECAUSE I THINK NO ONE UNDRSTANDS ME. I DON’T THINK ANYONE REALIZES HOW MUCH THIS IS AFFECTING ME… I DON’T WANT TO SEE MYDOCTOR AND I DON’T WANT TO TAKE MY MEDS… I DON’T KNOW WHY I DON’T WNAT TO SEE MY DOCTOR BUT I DO KNOW THAT I DON’T WANT TO TAKE MY MEDS BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME FEEL VERY TIRED AND “FLAT” I AM AN ARTIST AND I NEED MY CREATIVITY TO PRODUCE WORK AND WHEN I TAKE MY MEDS ALL MY CREATIVITY GOES AWAY. I HAVE TRIED A MILLION THINGS AND IF IT’S NOT ONE THING IS THE OTHER… I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND, I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS. MY PARENTS AND MY SIBLINGS LIVE IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY… I DON’T KNOW WANT TO GIVE BUT I DON’T KNOW WHO TO TURN TO ANYMORE.
WELL, THAT WAS MY LITTLE VENTING!
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT. 🙂
CAMILA
dear david,
indeed i am very happy about naming my mother’s disorder. i am so relieved at the thought that there is support and help. mental disorder in my country is taboo and people don’t talk about it, although where higher studies are afforded some people, talking about mental disorder is not shameful.
i am truly grateful for this, david. this is indeed one big step. i won’t have a hard time explaining to my 15-year-old daughter who loves her grandmother very much, however sometimes confused.
blessings,
compassionate one
David,
As i sat here and read the comments I’m sorry but i can’t help myself. I’m ANGRY too. Not only about Bipolar and Mental disorders, but about all the people who are angry with the people with the disorders.
You know what? It’s something we who have it hafta deal with so everyone else hasta get over it and work with us. I’m sorry, but those blogs filled me with rage. **Dida