Hey,
What’s new? Today I have a really funny story
to tell you about concerning something really,
really important that you can do that has
almost an immediate impact on either your treatment
if you have bipolar disorder or your loved one’s care.
As you might know, I train a lot in gyms. There
are lots of guys in my gym. There are older guys
and there are younger guys. But the guys that are
the most funny are the guys that spend the vast
majority of the day trying to figure out how
to pick up or go out with more and more woman.
So I was talking to this one guy about all
his adventures. I made a comment to him, “Hey
if you spent 50% of the time you spend thinking
about woman on your future and finances you
would be further ahead in life.” He didn’t like
that and said that I was too old to be acting
like an “old man.”
Anyway, he was telling me that he made an
amazing discovery with women and that he would
tell me IF I promised not to tell anyone else
in “the circle”
because he didn’t want his discovery to be
“watered down” by the “lame” other guys
in the “the circle.”
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO YOU FROM ME
Don’t worry this is NOT x-rated and this
is NOT a dating tips email. It’s about
bipolar disorder. You’ll see trust me…
He said he heard from a friend, who heard
from a friend (or something like that), that
there was some guy who was able to get all kinds
of women to make him meals and food of all kinds.
He said, “Dude it’s amazing.” Then he went on
to tell me how it’s working for him and it’s
amazing.
He was super excited and said that it was
guaranteed to work for me. I told him that
I make my own food and it has to be a certain
way so I will stick to doing the cooking for now
:). He called me a “downer” and said that at least
I had the information “just incase.”
What’s his secret? Well here it is. I got permission
to email my entire list of almost 100,000 because
he says nobody’s probably on the list from the gym
anyway because it has to do with “mental” stuff–
according to him.
Anyway, this guy is really funny and half of what
he says doesn’t make any sense but it sounds funny
especially when he uses all kinds of words that
I don’t really understand (modern day slang words).
So here’s what he says. He claims that when he meets
some girl he talks a lot about how he loves home
cooking especially his mom’s. Then he “drops” hints
about people that he really likes that make him
things to eat. He then talks a lot about how he
isn’t good at cooking. He says by doing this
over time “she” subconsciously wants to cook for
him.
She says he has seen “amazing” results
“super fast.” He says that he is getting
all kinds of meals cooked for him.
WHAT’S THIS HAVE TO DO WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
After I heard this technique I was thinking,
“hey, I use a technique like that with doctors
and mental health people.”
He was like, “Dude, what the heck are you talking
about.” I told him forget it, it wouldn’t make
sense to you. Anyway let me tell you another story.
Okay, when my mom first went into that big episode,
her doctor at the time was a total joke. He was
HORRIBLE! I would call. He wouldn’t answer. I would
call and he didn’t make any sense. Then I would drive
down SUPER MAD!!!!!!!! Demanding answers. He never
had any. He was so clueless it was almost like he
was doing it on purpose.
Anyway, after my mom went to the hospital and stayed
there for like 2 weeks some how she lost him. You know
I am not sure how he kind of became detached from her.
Meaning he was no longer her doctor. He had hospital
doctors and then outpatient doctors. I am not sure
if she said she didn’t want to see him anymore or
what. I actually have to check that and get back to
you at a later date. Anyway, it’s not important.
So while my mom was in the outpatient program, the
doctors there were nice people but clueless. They never
had answers to anything. They didn’t know anything. Nice
people but not helpful.
Then I was super frustrated. At this time, I started
to formulate my doctor finding system in my
courses and systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
So I became really frustrated with the entire
experience. Now that I think about it, I realize
why so many people almost lose hope. If you start
talking to a few doctors who have no clue you
kind of think it’s hopeless. NOTE, there
are tons of good doctors out there, look at my
doctor finding system and you’ll find tons if
you follow the system.
Anyway, here’s what happen and this is how it
relates to the kid with the dating secret.
Once I started to find good doctors and talk
to them, I ALWAYS dropped hints of:
How the other doctors were horrible
How I HATED doctors that didn’t have answers
How I HATED when doctors didn’t return my calls
How I HATED doctors that didn’t take my mom’s illness seriously
How I wanted to have the licenses taken of all bad doctors
in the mental health field
How I HATED doctors that didn’t want to talk to either my dad
or myself
How I HATED doctors that didn’t show any care of concern
I know that hate is a strong word but at the time, I needed
to use strong words.
NOTE-If I was talking to someone other than a doctor
like a therapist or mental health worker, I told them the
same thing. So you could just insert mental health worker or
therapist where I wrote doctor and that’s what I did.
I did this will all the people and an amazing thing
started to happen.
The people started to do what I wanted them to do.
They treated my mom with respect, they helped, they
took calls, they followed up, they listened, on
and on. I think I subconsciously forced them to do
what they were suppose to.
NOTE-This doesn’t mean that I think woman should make
food for men. I don’t think that at all. But, the kid
telling me the secret made me realize one way I got
these mental health people inline. I was using a
similar concept.
So the strategy that worked for me and can work
for you is to drop hints of all the
bad people you worked with and how you didn’t like
them and most importantly what you expect. You should
be direct with what you expect but you can drop lots
of hints of old bad stories of old bad people.
When you do this, the new people don’t want to be
like the old bad people and they do things differently.
If they don’t, vote with your feet and move on. Find
good people. Refuse to accept bad treatment and
care.
One last final note. Many people tell me they
are in a small town and can’t find doctors. They
are in a big city and can’t find doctors. They are
in the South and can’t find doctors. In the north
and can’t find doctors. There are good doctors EVERYWHERE.
No matter where you are in the United States and Canada. I
am not sure about other countries because I don’t know
other countries well. But tons and I mean tons of people
in other countries report the same thing.
Don’t get caught up with the there’s no doctors
here thinking. That’s bad thinking. You may have
to drive 1 hour or so but they are there. Use my
doctor finding system if you have to.
Okay well I have to take off and start working.
Actually I have to go to the gym first and then start
working but I have to finish early today. I have to
help my friend out with some training tonight. He is
competing in a strong man competition this weekend
in Maryland.
Don’t forget, tomorrow I will be sending out
the news. Catch you later and have a great day!
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Hey,
what can somebody do if the person that has the disorder get physical at times, and very indignant. I really can’t stand this frustration any longer. My partner always has to be right and have the last word. Many of his episodes stem from the dislike for where we live, and what he calls “his quality of life”, and if you saw where we live, there is nothing wrong with the life we have. He is just a miserable person I found in general.
Can anybody help!?
Paul
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Drive an hour or so for a doctor? Work at it, work at it….I know on paper, in theory, it is all sounds good. BUT I, and probably 98% of the other 100,000 people on your list work 8-5 jobs. Funny thing is – so do MOST doctors. Where are “normal” everyday people supposed to find the time to make phone calls, visit these doctors, or even go on appointments with their BP loved one? I don’t know many jobs that will just let you use “their” phones for personal business, take off for each dr appt, or even try to do anything other than WORK when at WORK. Dave – you own your own businesses….you can come and go as you please. The rest of AMERICA cannot. I am glad you have all the time you do to take care of your mom. Unfortunately, most of us are NOT that lucky….
Your gym analogy is funny and real. I work out regularly and see the “chick checker” type all the time, along with the “me in the mirror” type and the people who will drive around the parking lot 5 times to get a closer parking place raher than park in the end of the lot, then they go inside to attend a workout class !
There are just so many people who waste so much time looking for a shortcut to get results. I’ve been part of a bipolar person’s life for over 14 years. I know this can apply to both a supporter and to the person with bipolar. Supporting and loving someone with bipolar has no shortcut, there are no tricks. You incorporate caring into your life style, it doesn’t have to be burden if you can get your mind around it.
Sorry Dave,
As a teacher when I hear from parents that their child never had a good teacher, and complain, complain, I think they are copping out and are playing the blame game to avoid responsibility.
So, yes, find a Dr. using your method, but keep the negative complaints in check, you are part of the support team so should be crystal clear on expectations, not blame.
Linda
Dating someone who is bipolar…..I met a man June 2005 who told me he would never date again due to his ex girlfriend, at that time I had no interest in dating him anyway so it didn’t matter to me. We became good friends, he fell in love with me and in the process told me all these horrible things about his past relationships and within 4 months I had a change of heart and fell for him too. Of course there are always 2 sides to every story, but I couldn’t imagine being treated that way over and over again. I figured he was just dating the ‘wrong’ type of girls. He hadn’t ever dated someone like me. Someone who was educated, successful and independent. Knowing there are people like that it was possible. Well, after a couple of months I saw the other side of him. I found this website and tried ‘dealing’ with him. He became abusive, manipulative and controlling so I tried to leave him. It’s been 1 year and he still won’t leave me alone. I’m not sure if the majority of his actions are due to being bipolar or learned behavior from a dysfunctional family. My point in telling this is that when you meet someone that tells you horror stories about their past relationships RUN! I’m not saying all people who are bipolar are bad dating ‘material’, but those that ‘ask for pity’ are the ones you need to watch out for. I’ve learned alot from being on your email list, but sometimes you have to move on.
To all of us living with bipolar loved ones, I have to say my heart and best wishes go out to all. It is a much more difficult path than I realized when my husband and I married three months ago. The stress comes from his mother whom has not been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I suspect is. The self-centered view of “I am the most important presence in the universe…and my sons are second” is unbelievably stressful when coming from all sides. I’ve noted that I am shutting down emotionally. My husband and I are now seeing his therapist (a fantastic doctor) together. God Bless.
I tried for 12 years to find a good doctor. They are out there,ask,seek and look. It is hard but you will finally find one.
David, I like how you correlate your life-happenings with your research on bipolar disorder. This is a really amusing story- and as you said, we can apply it to all areas of our lives.
The power of suggestion- and just plain good communication with people should get you results.
[Not that I advocate playing games- like the young man at the gym…]
Hi Dave,
I am a Bi-Polar survior, with family and myself. I just went through a very rough time and financially in debt up to my ears, maybe higher. I am losing my home in 4 months, maybe sooner. But the biggest problem I have been trying to deal with by myself is that in the past nine months I have had 13 family and friends die. Some unexpectedly and some expectedly. But both Have to be dealt with the same.
Two weeks ago was the roughest. I blew up at work where I am the boss. My organization is being split up and I wasn’t told. I felt like I was stab in the back. and I took it out on who was there at the time. There were two people there that day who I had helped get out of spirling down. And they came in and helped me get my feet back on the ground. The part of the organization I dearly believe is still under my control I just lost the other. What I do is offer Peer support to consumers of mental health. And here I was needing that support and it showed up. I teach the consumers that we have to support each other because no one else will because they don’t understand our ups and downs.
But your articls/emails have been great. They have helped me and some of the suggestions I have been able to use to help others.
Thank you and keep sending the emails
Nano
MEF,
I know how busy you are David and I do appreciate the time you take to e-mail everyone each day but I for one would appreciate if you shorten them. Please just get to the heart of the matter and tell us the bipolar info we need. You could give us a sentence on two but not paragraph, after prargraph. I don’t mean this in a negative way but we are all busy and just want the info that is important. I do want to thank you fro all the time you put into this. I am in the middle of your course.
MEF
good writing
Dave Iam leaving another comment because I have had problems logging in and have had to reregester several times
Man, I expected a really funny story. I had more fun picking on the grammar.
I make it a point to deliberately ignore hints, hints are the tools of the manipulative.
As for the rest, poor people and people who are housebound are out of luck when it comes to finding “good” doctors. That’s not bad thinking, it’s the simple truth.
I think communication with someone who has bipolar can be very difficult.
1. I find you always have to be careful with what you say, even if it is something positive the person with bipolar may turn it around into a negative;
2. I find people with bipolar love to debate and carry on long converstations — onesided
3. I find people with bipolar think everyone is out to get them;
4. I find persons with bipolar are very smart and will catch on to people playing games (so don’t go there is might backfire;
5. I find that persons with bipolar have the same problems as the rest of society (spending to much money, anger issues, depression, overly excited about a new idea/project, relationship problems but they go into a deeper depression when disappointed;
6. I find that persons with bipolar are sometimes described as “A Muse” or “Superstar” or “Everybody’s Best Friend”;
7. I find persons with bipolar highly motivated needing little or no sleep;
8. I find persons with bipolar just wanting to crawl under a rock and hide from all when depressed;
9. I find persons with bipolar, knowing something is wrong and what help, they just don’t like the side effects or the way medicines work on them;
10. I find persons with bipolar can be very intimidating, strong willed;
11. I find people with bipolar are those we love and it hurts when they hurt
12. I find people with bipolar saying they feel like they are getting sucked down a drain and are trying to stay afloat in life;
13. I find people with bipolar trying to take things like caffine pills, efferdrine, other stimulators to keep them going during the day;
14. I find people with bipolar staying up at night worrying about life, watching informational t.v. with the hopes of the “fix it” “get rich”, “get better”, “get smarter”, quick scams;
15. I find people with bipolar finding ways to deal, but run into trouble when something tragic happens in their life (such as a death, divorce, loss of job);
16. I find people with bipolar needing medical insurance & money for medicines (which are highly expensive), laws on how to get time off from work for doctor’s appts., and how not to get fired from loss of time from the job;
17. I find peeople with bipolar having affairs, because they need the support–someone who has lots of time to listen to them, need to be loved– especially when their sex drive is higher in the manic stages, need to be needed –knight in shining armor, need to be wanted –loved & understood when they are depressed,on the couch, not showering, not socializing, suicidal.
Life is not Leave it to Beaver… or The Brady Bunch.. where situations can be fixed in 1/2 hr
We must all take the time to learn as much as we can to help those we love (Bipolar Central,Doctors, Support Groups, Books, Tapes, share things we’ve learned and support each other
Peace to all
i really liked your message on the amazing dating secret. but your right their are good doctors out there i just have to look harder and with gods help i will find the good one for me that will help me. he will have the right answers for me maybe i dont have bipolar and maybe i do, i question myself alot.but soon i will find the answers. i know i have to fond my biological mother and my dad wants to help me find her cause i have scores to settle with my past if i dont i will never heal from my past i have to learn to forgive. but anyways i wish you a good day too and talk to you soon bye for now.
Hi Dave!
I absolutely agree with you on the following: if one tells the things he/she likes to someone, repeats this many times, then close people would just want (subconsciously) to make this come true, to make him/her happy
Proved on my experience :))
Lida
Hey Dave,
I think it is a brilliant idea. I will remember this one. Maybe it can help in other aspects of life too.
Thanks for all you so unselfishly do for us.
Philippa
I have a business. The first year I was open people would come to me with so many bad stories about the other places they had been. I thought this was great, because I was so much better than that! I am amazing! OK… Not so much. What I have found is that when people have a long list of complaints the common denominator is that person. Also bear in mind that I am friends with most of the people in my field. Now when I get people who complain a lot about thier previous experiences, I call that person, and get their side. I accept everyone, but I no longer do it blindly, stupidly thinking that I am the one person to meet all their needs.
Insead of using a lame pshychological manipulation, that lowers you to the point of bashing another person, that works in the same field as the person you are talking to… How about growing up?
Simpy state what it is that you are looking for, and ask the new office what thier policies for dealing with certain situations are. Please do not tell me that you believe that whinning and bashing other docters will get you what you truely need. It may work in the short term, but I do not think it will work for the long haul.
I know how frustrating it is, and how desparate you may feel. I think that is all the more reason to remain rational and intelligent. I feel it is vital to do so for youself, and your loved ones.
Great analogy though, and unfortunately it probably does work. I do think that it diminishes you.
Imagine what this guy’s married life will be like after ten years? Think he will find happiness, support, partnership, serenity?
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Hi , My name is Courtney and I am addicted to a Bipolar husband,and have been for over 25 years. My 13 year old son left our home last week and said he would never come back until I get him a new home without a crazy person as a dad. I cant seem to move forward with our life and now am having to chose the insanity of my husband or the sanity of me and my child, why do I always put him first and let us suffer , is it wrong to leave someone who can be so mean and moody one day and then when you put your foot down they pour honey from thier mouth , only to rear thier ugly side again and again and you feel beause of past history they will truly NEVER CHANGE! NEVER EVER . I am hopeless and have been hopeful for so many years and am over it quite frankly .I do still love him and always will probably but, I have to be happy and so do my kids .