I have ruined so many holiday seasons for my family over the years. This is the first year I can remember when I didn’t have a major episode at Christmas time!!!
Thank you lord for giving me the opportunity to enjoy the season with my loving family. I can’t explain why no bipolar monster this year, but who care as long as I am at peace with my world.Easy does it,relax, laugh, love. That’s all…………….Peace to all who are not as fortunate this year.

Dear Dave,

I am glad that I have found your website. I am having difficulty right now during the holidays. I am feeling lonely, even though I’m living with my parents after a bitter divorce. I am a 39 year old female, who wonders if I will ever have a home and a family of my own. God Bless you for taking care of your mother.

Holly

Dave,
Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Implementing your strategies in handling and sorting problems will really help me recover from my stress related disorders. I appreciate this. Please call me again. I have not spoken to you since I have been diagnosed with 3 stress related disorders. Thanks.

LaLa

Hi David, Merry Christmas! Yes a positive attitude has a impact on the outcomes of the problems, it is not always easy. I think if you stay positive it also keeps you healthy. I sprial downhill so fast it is hard to keep my head up, while at the same time I am trying to keep up with my head. Thank you for all your hard work, I do not know how I would have accepted the fact I was sick, and I would not take the meds if there was no you. I am alone with my kids. I count on you for support, you are a angle.
Merry Christmas David,
Karen

Hello,
I was wondering if I could have your advice on some things. I feel left out in the cold here and I don’t know what to do. If I could just have a minute of your time, my e-mail address is crazybeautifulva@aol.com. I’d like to know your advice.
Thank you

Dave:

Have been receiving your newsletter and info for some time now.

Neuorbiological conduction disorders run in my family; everything from bipolar disorder to seizures and heart arrhythmias.

My 28 year old daughter had early onset bipolar disorder, which of course could not be diagnosed until she was at least 18. This resutled in her being given Prozac; then punished by abruptly having it taken away; then being warehoused in the juvenile system. When traditional therapy and antidepressants without a mood stabilizer didn’t work, I was forced to file incorrigibility charges or face medical neglect and endangerment charges if my daughter committed suicide or got into serious legal trouble. We were constantly moving when she was unable to maintain in school, and I lived under the constant threat of legal problems or jail over it all.

My daughter overdosed on cough syrup at 14, trying to either get some sleep after running full speed with no sleep for days, or commit suicide to end the torment. She didn’t care which. She was then punished by being sent to a children’s home for a year.—By
16, with no treatment available for the torment of this illness, my daughter learned that pot and alcohol would initially slow things down enough to be tolerable when manic.

In December 2000, my daughter experienced the first of the worst of her manic/psychotic episodes. With the DX acknowledged, we finally had hope that she would have a chance to live a pretty normal life.—We couldn’t have been more wrong.—Seems that once a child is left untreated and left to his/her own means to deal with this illness; once self-medicating comes into play, whether through precription drugs, alcohol, or illegal drugs, there is NO treatment in her area for dual DX.

After seven years of being given the run-around at the community mental health center, (daughter an adult, so I could not force treatment elsewhere, and it generally was not available, or doctors had no clue how to treat this illness; or the doctors would prescribe narcotics, resulting in addictions relapse), I ran across some interesting articles and info online. I found a newsletter from this particular facility that told why they would not and could not treat dual DX, though they still advertise treatment for dual DX in pamphlets and brochures, and online. They had beeng oing through the motions for seven years with NO intention of actually ever really treating my daughter. Turns out every facility that treated my daughter in her early years, except one hospital, was affiliated with this community mental health center; partners, owned by, or in same managed care network that goes by the same policies.—This particular facility practically owns the county/state where my daugher lives. They have to be the ones to have a person placed in residential or supervised living arrangements. They are where people in drug court are ordered to go; under contract with CPS and the judicial system.

Since ’99, there have been three children born, all with birthdays within a few weeks of each other; Sept.-Oct., and another on the way—early Oct. Though we finally got my daughter in with a private psychiatrist, the dr. is an hour and a half drive from my daughter’s home. Though my daughter has done better than she ever has for almost a year now, the dr. and staff have no idea when my daughter is cycling; the signs, etc. (My daughter was jailed last year in December after another suicide attempt. The county was calling begging me to come and bail her out of jail, knowing she did not belong there and that they did not have the means to obtain proper treatment for her. I spent two months up there working on it.)—I can only hope that this child will be the incentive my daughter and this boyfriend need to ensure that she stay in tratment and on her meds; that they do their best to ensure as normal a life as possible for this child. (Oldest child lives with his father, second one adopted in an open adoption arrangement, and the third about to be adopted by paternal grandmother in an open adoption arrangement).

Knowing how my daughter thinks; the prospect of losing her third child to this illness, it was no surprise that she was once again pregnant right after Christmas.—And no one else saw the signs…For so many reasons, this time of year seems to result in her manic/psychotic episodes, and all these children with birthdays so close together.

I now live out of state. If I do not have a hereditary autoimmune disorder; I am also being tested regarding having developed a disorder from all the stress of so many years of dealing with all this and fighting the mental healthcare and legal systems. Tests reveal my immunity to minor illnesses is shot. I was born with one of the heart conduction problems and recently had a pacemaker implant. I am in no position to raise any of these children.—Arrangements had been made for the third child to be adopted, and my daughter had even chosen the adoptive family. Then the paternal grandmother, who has lupus and is in 2nd or 3rd stage liver failure; in no physical condition to raise this child, convinced my daughter she would help raise the baby. Knowing what would happen under the circumstances, and that I had no control over the situation; had done everything I could possibly do for my daughter, I went ahead with my plans for the move without her.—At this point, my husband is more than willing to move my daughter down here, provided she has a dr., therapist, etc., all in order. Even from a distance, I am still my daughter’s main source of support.

I spent years online researching this illness and trying to obtain proper treatment for my daughter. Though the situation is not ideal, we have come a long way, so there is still hope. And I have had to come to accept that there is only so much I can do; that no matter what is or isn’t availale through the system, it is ultimately up to my daughter to do her part to be as well as she can be, and maintain to the best of her ability.

There have been times as an adult my daughter has been set up by the system to fail. With my youngest grandchild currently in foster care, the legal system is once again involved. The system tried to force my daughter back to the facility that refused to treat dual DX and even told us flat out that they will not acknowledge or treat bipolar disorder.—I have saved all of my daughter’s letters, drawings, and records since she was a child. When this happens, knowing my daughter will finally succeed at killing herself if meds and treatment are, again, taken away, I have packets of these materials made up, and pull out or copy and send what I need. I send them to everyone involved in deciding my daughter’s fate, including the judges, to ensure that my daughter isn’t silenced in this manner.

The past, with the false assumptions that went into my daughter’s records, will haunt and follow us the rest of our lives.—I have had several heart procedures. With no DX of bipolar disorder allowed when my daughter was a child, I was accused of being a drug addict when I’ve NEVER done drugs in my life, never abused prescription meds, and don’t even drink. The little scars from the heart catheters were supposedly needle marks; anything for the mental healthcare system to cover their backs when not offering proper treatment for my daughter.—Wow! Talk about being set up by the system!—I was, again, accused of being an addict when my daughter prepared to come for a visit this past fall.

Anyway, my point is, just keep doing what you’re doing. Having the info available can help many cut through years of researching online, etc., possibly sparing some families and individuals what we have had to go through. Time is of the essence when dealing with this illness.

Thanks,
Nancy

dave… i am, or was, engaged to a wonderful woman until just a few days ago. i am 49 and she is 47. she is bipolar and and currently being treated for a major episode. this has been a bad year for us. now, after 8 weeks of medications and counseling she has decided that she no longer loves me and broke our engagement. she says she doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t love me anymore. she claims she can’t get intimate with me. she still cares about me, just doesn’t want me around. she says i deserve better. she claims i am crowding her. she wants me and my 15 year old son out in 6 weeks. she said she will watch my son if i have trouble getting out. she IS a good woman. i am unemployed and claiming bankruptcy. i am trying to discuss things with her and she is starting to get mean. she also had a change in meds in the past few weeks. i see little hints that she still cares about me. she has called me every day from her job for the past 2 years, even after she said she doesn’t love me anymore. she has a stressful job and talks to me about it alot. i have considered myself her support person but last night she told me that she didn’t think i was. i love her more than anything, dave. i am devastated, my heart hurts like it never has before. we had such wonderful times in the past… i cannot stop feeling the pain. i am on a minor antidepressants but all i do is cry. i have sought some free help but it will be a week before i get any treatment. i cannot help thinking i am dealing with bipolar and not my lover. i have read much on the subject. i am frustrated, confused, depressed and very very hurt. the love i feel for this woman is immeasurable. i will not give up in her. i pray to GOD all the time. i just want the love that was there to be restored… i have had my heart broken before but this pain i feel now is absolutely the worst i have ever felt in my life. i love this woman so strongly, and she knows it. i have been by her side the entire way. i just don’t know how i will ever go on if she leaves my life for good. thank you for allowing me this moment.
sincerely…joe

To JOE: I feel for you and your current pain, and KNOW how devastating this major change in your fiancee must be for you. It IS true that some bipolar women, when they are in a manic episode, do and say things they ultimately come to regret – I know I have.

I hope she is getting therapy, and will soon acclimate herself to the new meds. Perhaps if you could see to it that she is hospitalized for this mania, all it would take is TIME for her to recover her “senses” and renew her love for you…

The operative word here is – TIME. I know right now, you can’t/don’t see the “light at the end of the tunnel” with her new behavior, and maybe she really BELIEVES she doesn’t love you any more. I have a feeling that if you stay in the picture and TRY to do everything you can to keep the relationship REAL, she will come around. But – this, too, could be wishful thinking.

When I had my first nervous breakdown, I was close to being engaged to my boyfriend. I had a LOT of awesome things happening to me at the time. I got my dream job in D.C. in the Senate, was loving him, got my first apartment, etc., and went “balistic”: I cheated on him during the mania, BEFORE I entered the hospital, not once, but twice. By the second week I was in the hospital, I realized how completely WRONG I was; but it was too late – he came by to see me, and gave me a kiss I will never forget, and, without even saying good-bye – I never saw him again.

There is the possibility that she will feel about you the way she used to – just give it time.

My prayers are with you – hang in there.