Hi,

 

Have you ever heard of the expression: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going!” Did you ever think that it might apply to you? You might never have thought of yourself as tough before. In fact…You may have even thought of yourself as the opposite. But sometimes what we go through in life changes us. Situations we go through can make us stronger. They can MAKE us tougher when we weren’t before. Like coping with a loved one with bipolar disorder. You may never have known you were going to be a bipolar supporter (who could predict that). Much less that it would make you tough. But I bet it has, hasn’t it? You have to cope with things now that you never thought you would have to cope with before.

 

One of the first obstacles you had to overcome was denial. Denial is what you go through when you’re first told that your loved one has bipolar disorder. It’s like you don’t want to believe it at first. For some people, it takes a long time to get through this stage. For other people, it’s easier to accept. Maybe because they knew there was something wrong, and the diagnosis just put a name to it. That might be you. Still, there were hurdles to overcome. Challenges to overcome.

And at times it has been tough, hasn’t it? I know…Because I went through it. When I was helping my mom, there were times when I thought the challenges were too much for me. But then I thought of that saying: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going!”

 

It’s funny how sayings that could be silly can keep you going at times. Sometimes everyone needs a bit of encouragement. It helps. It can be pretty lonely sometimes being a bipolar supporter. That’s why it’s so important to have a good, strong support system. And to be part of a support group. So that you have others to help you. And to support you. To keep you going when the times do get tough. And to remind you that you’re not alone in this fight. And to keep you from burning out, which happens all too often with supporters of a loved one with bipolar

disorder, unfortunately. So you need to watch that. Just remember that you ARE tough! And you CAN handle this!

 

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

 

There are some things you ask yourself, “What does it matter?” about. Like…Whether to eat white bread or wheat bread. I mean, you hear a lot of controversy over it these days, about which is healthier for you, until you might just get to the point where you ask: “What does it matter?”

Or…Whether to use regular or super gas in your car. You might wonder if the difference in price is really worth it. So you might end up asking yourself: “What does it matter?” But sometimes it can get really serious.

 

Like in the case of bipolar disorder. I mean, that question can get REALLY serious. Because, say, someone was thinking about killing themselves. And you wouldn’t believe how often that happens. In fact…Many times I talk about suicide and the risk of it in your loved one, and I point out the statistics, and that it happens in 20% of the people who have it (that’s 1 in 5 people!).

 

So if your loved one were thinking about killing themselves, they might be asking themselves:

“What does it matter?” So that’s a LOT more serious than white or wheat bread or what kind of gas you buy.

 

Some warning signs that someone might be planning to kill themselves may include:

 

1. the person making a will

2. getting his or her affairs in order

3. suddenly visiting friends or family members

(one last time)

4. buying instruments of suicide like a gun,

hose, rope, pills or other forms of medications

5. a sudden and significant decline or

improvement in mood

6. writing a suicide note

 

Contrary to popular belief, many people who complete suicide do not tell their therapist or any other mental health professional that they plan to kill themselves in the months before they do so.

If they communicate their plan to anyone, it is more likely to be someone they’re personally

close to, like a friend or family member. So if your loved one were planning to kill themselves, they might tell you about it.

 

Here’s the most important thing to know: You need to take ALL threats of suicide seriously.

You just don’t know if your loved one is really going to do it or not. And do you want to take the chance on being wrong? In any case…They are reaching out for help if they do threaten to kill themselves, whether they really plan on doing it or not. Any threat of suicide is a cry for help.

It is an indication that they are in pain. If your loved one has had an increase in depression

Lately, it may be an indication that they might become suicidal. Try to stay close to them, and definitely keep the lines of communication open so that they will be willing to talk to you about how they’re feeling. Sometimes if they can just talk about it, it will help them. Then they may not even get to the point of asking: “What does it matter?”

 

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

 

Hi,

 

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews594/

Here are the news headlines:

Demi Lovato Talks Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis on “GMA”
DO> What do you think of this.

 

Creative Artists and Mental Illness
DO> Sounds great, take a look.

 

New health law to ease insurance access for mental illnesses
DO> This sounds great, think there is a catch?

 

Parasite linked to greater risk of suicide, mental conditions such as bipolar …
DO> VERY interesting.

 

Suicide attempts common in young bipolar patients
DO> Did you know this?

 

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews594/

 

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

 

Do you remember when you were young and the fair would come to town? It was like everything would stop just for those few days of fun and excitement. Every kid would be great in school and on their best behavior at home…Because there was NO way they were going to miss being able to go to the fair. Do you remember what your favorite ride was back then? That may have changed over the years. But many people loved the merry-go-round when they were kids.

They have really good memories of the fair. For many people it was a happier time. Of course…

Because when you’re a kid you don’t have to deal with adult problems.

 

Like…in most cases, you don’t have to deal with bipolar disorder. Although many people have shared with me that they believe they’ve had bipolar disorder all their lives. And there is such a thing as pediatric bipolar disorder, where children can get it too. But I’m just talking in general here. Still…When you’re talking about bipolar disorder, you can be talking about a merry-go-round ride anyway. And it certainly isn’t fun like it was when you were a kid and rode it at the fair. Many times, I talk about the ups and downs of bipolar disorder. The mood swings themselves of bipolar disorder can be like a merry-go-round ride. Just ask your loved one.

One day they’re up. One day they’re down. And they don’t feel like they have any control over

it. It can be so frustrating for them. It can really get them down. It’s no fun at all.

 

But it can be no fun at all for you, either. You can feel like you’re on your own merry-go-

round ride yourself sometimes. You can go on their ups and downs right with them. As well as going on ups and downs yourself. It’s just normal that you might have moods that fluctuate, too.

After all…It certainly isn’t smooth sailing for you, either. There is quite a bit of stress that comes from trying to cope and deal with a loved one with bipolar disorder. And sometimes you aren’t exactly “up.” In fact…Sometimes you can feel pretty “down.” Sometimes it can really feel like a ride, with moods changing frequently.

 

So what can you do about it? The best thing you can do is: BE CONSISTENT. At least as consistent as you can. That’s the best thing for your loved one, and the best thing for yourself as well. You can’t always predict what’s going to happen, whether tomorrow or next week. But consistency is the next best thing. You need to be able to count on some things, anyway. If your loved one knows that you will act in a predictable manner, it will help them to cope better. And if you learn to react in a predictable manner…It will help you to cope better. You will have less stress. You will feel as if things are more stable. You will feel like you’re not as much on a merry-go-round.

 

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

 

Do you remember that (I think it was) Jimmy Buffett song that had the lyrics, “changes in latitude, changes in attitude” in it? I think that might have even been the title, I’m not sure

(though you might know). I liked the song, but didn’t think too much of it as like a “life-changer” or anything, until recently. I was talking to Michele, who works for me. And she said that song, or those lyrics, specifically, sort of really came true for her. See…She and her husband both have bipolar disorder. And they lived in Tennessee. But they were in sort of a rut there. In a negative situation that their bipolar was reacting to in not a good way.

 

Well…They say a “geographical cure” is never a good thing. But that’s if you’re running away from your problems, and not dealing with them. Because they’ll just follow you. So I agree with not doing geographical cures. But when I talked with Michele about her situation and the “changes in latitude, changes in attitude” thing, I agreed with their decision to move to Florida and start over. Because it worked for them. They made the move…Got away from the bad influence…Their attitudes changed…Their bipolar disorders got better…And they’re living “happily ever after” in Florida now. So what can you say?

 

You have to do what you have to do to get stable with your bipolar disorder, whatever that takes. You do whatever works for you. In their case, it took moving. Now…I’m not saying you have to move in order for your loved one to get stable. Although…If you face a situation that warrants it, moving may be something you may need to consider if it will help your loved one get stable with their bipolar disorder. You just have to make sure that it’s not a “geographical cure…” And you have to be absolutely sure that it won’t make them worse. Because sometimes people with bipolar disorder move as part of the impulsiveness of their disorder. So you have to make sure it’s not that. You would have to think real carefully about it, like Michele and her husband did.

It certainly was NOT an impulsive decision for them. In fact, they have family in Florida, so that was one of the things that influenced their decision to move.

 

But you don’t necessarily have to move to experience “changes in latitude, changes in attitude.”

You could plan a vacation, or even a mini-vacation, and get the same results. If the problem is simply stress, then this would work for you. Just plan something fun and relaxing…And it will relieve the problem (the stress) in your lives and help your loved one’s bipolar disorder get

better. This might be a better solution for you than totally moving. So you might want to consider this instead.

 

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

 

You know…Sometimes I think that the words bipolar disorder are synonymous with the word frustration. Am I right? I mean, don’t you agree? You walk around frustrated half the time when you have a loved one with bipolar disorder, let’s just be honest about it. I know when I was trying to help my mom…In the beginning…It was like I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, like everything I did was wrong. I was SO frustrated! I just couldn’t figure this bipolar thing out!

And it didn’t help that there was just no clear instruction for me out there, either. That’s why I made it my mission to help others, so they wouldn’t have to go through what I went through.

 

But even with my help, there is still going to be frustration. It just happens when you’re trying to cope with bipolar disorder. There is just so much to deal with. Like…Everything could be going along fine, no problems in sight, but the next thing you know…Your loved one is in a bipolar episode. It just happens. It’s the nature of the beast. It’s just something you have to learn to deal

with. It doesn’t mean you have to like it, though. And it doesn’t mean you won’t get frustrated

by it, because you will.

 

So let’s go over some frustration do’s and don’ts. There are some things you can do about the frustration that comes with bipolar disorder. The first thing you have to do is acknowledge it.

You have to acknowledge that you feel frustrated, because just stuffing the feeling can lead to worse things. Like more stress. And stress can lead to heart attack and stroke. So you don’t want that. You can also talk to someone about the frustration you’re feeling. Maybe you can even talk to your loved one about it. Talk to your support group. Talk to a friend or family member. Talk to your priest, minister, or rabbi. Talk to a therapist. If you don’t have anyone to talk to about it, then write about it in a notebook or journal. But get the frustration out somehow. Don’t stuff it.

 

Another thing you can do when you’re frustrated is scream in the shower. Don’t laugh – this works! Or punch a pillow. As many times as it takes until you get rid of the frustration.

 

One thing you do NOT want to do when you’re frustrated is to take it out on those around you, especially your loved one. Because the next thing you know…You’re in a big fight. And you don’t want that. So try to get rid of your frustration in one of the more positive ways instead.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews593/

Here are the news headlines:

Does Pollen Make Bipolar Depression Worse?
DO> Wow, very interesting.

Bbc Defends Bipolar Storyline In Eastenders After Over 100 Complaints
DO> Do you think this is legitimate?

Common Causes For Asd, Schizophrenia And Bipolar
DO> What do you think of this?

Family History Of Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder May Up Kids’ Risk For Autism
DO> Geeze. This isn’t good news that’s for sure

End The Disparity Of Mental Care Coverage
DO> Wow wouldn’t this be great.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews593/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

There was an old folk song popular in the 60’s called “The Times They Are A-Changing”. It’s not a new concept. It’s one that’s explored in therapy all the time. It’s probably something which your loved one is probably having to cope with in their therapy sessions for their bipolar disorder, in fact. Because that’s one thing you definitely have to do if you have bipolar disorder.

CHANGE.

If it’s one of the most common themes in philosophy…If it’s so commonly talked about in therapy sessions…If it’s been around for so long…If it was even sung about in the 60’s…Then why is it still so difficult for people to deal with? Because change is hard! Have you ever tried to change a habit? Even a little one? Even trying to change a little habit is hard. I have a friend who just tried to change her dinner time from 4:30 to 5:00. So simple, isn’t it? Just a half hour difference! But it is turning out to be so hard for her! Every day at 4:30, her body expects to eat.

Her stomach starts rumbling. She wants to eat. So it’s hard for her to wait that extra half hour. So in her case…Just changing the habit of having dinner from 4:30 to 5:00 made a difference. It was hard for her. Now imagine how hard making a really big change would be for her!

In your case…You were asked to make a really big change when you were asked to accept the diagnosis of bipolar disorder for your loved one. Now, that’s a big change. Then you had to make some other big changes because of it. Like…You became your loved one’s supporter. And that was a change from just being their friend, or spouse, or sibling, or parent, or whatever. Then you had to try not to stress them. Which was another change…Because before you didn’t have to watch yourself or what you did so carefully. But now you don’t want to do anything that might

trigger their bipolar disorder, do you? So you had to make that change.

And, being a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder…You may have had to make a change in friendships, or even family relations. Because of the stigma involved in having a loved

one with a mental illness. Not everyone accepts it. And they might not accept your role as a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder.

So there are several changes you have had to make. And change is hard. But change also brings with it GROWTH. And you have grown because of it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Happy 4th of July if you celebrate it. Okay…

I’m lucky. My workers are all virtual. That means that they work from home in other places – they don’t actually work in an office with me here. So I don’t have to listen to complaints like other employers do. Some employers even put up a Suggestion Box. Unfortunately…Most of the time they don’t really get suggestions they can use. The business owners I have talked to tell me that the Suggestion Box is pretty much useless, actually. That doesn’t mean that I don’t ask for suggestions from the people that work for me. Oh no…On the contrary. I’m constantly asking them for suggestions on how we can improve things. And I respect their suggestions…Because I respect them. Because they’re not complainers.

See…That’s the thing. You have to know how to effectively state your complaint. Actually… You have to be able to state your NEED. You wouldn’t like it if all your loved one did was

complain all the time, would you? Well…They sure won’t like that coming from you, either. So you have to do what’s EFFECTIVE. And what’s effective is stating your need instead. If you state your need instead of just complaining, that will be more effective…And most likely will not lead to a fight.

For example: Say you feel frustrated. And part of that frustration is coming from the fact that you’re around your loved one so much that you feel like their bipolar disorder is smothering you (a common feeling for a bipolar supporter to feel). So you want some time to yourself. Instead of complaining: “I never get any time to myself!” You can say: “I’d really like to have some time to myself. I think that would really help me. Would that be possible?”

Do you see the difference? If you were to do it the first way, you would not only be complaining, but you could come off as being argumentative. This could make your loved one feel defensive.

And could very well lead to a fight. But in the second case…You are just stating your feelings and stating your need. You are actually even asking for their help. This changes things. It actually involves your loved one. It makes them want to help you. And should not lead to a fight.

You can also use this method in reverse. When your loved one says something that comes off as complaining, try to look past the complaint to see what their real need is.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know I’m always putting myself out there for people. And I love to hear from them, especially success stories. So people do write to me about their loved ones. And I’ve had people who have told me about all the stuff they do to help their loved ones. And believe me, I can relate, because of all the stuff I did to help my mom. And sometimes you see improvement… And sometimes you don’t. But you keep on helping them anyway. That’s because you love them.

But I’ve had some people who have asked me: Can you help TOO much? Hmm…Interesting question. And one that I think needs to be addressed.

For one thing…Like I was saying in the beginning, I think you need to help all you can because you love your loved one…And because you are their supporter. But I have to qualify that statement with this: You have to balance that help. In a way…I DO think that you can help TOO much. Now, before you start disagreeing with me, hear me out. If the help you’re giving your loved one becomes negative help, it is “too much” help. In other words…If it starts hurting them or you…Or if it starts making their bipolar worse…Then it becomes negative help. See what I mean?

Here’s a couple case histories to illustrate what I’m talking about:

CASE STUDY #1:

Carrie was always running out of money. It just seemed like she never had enough for her bipolar medication, groceries, or rent. So she would ask her mother for money for those things. And her mother, thinking she was helping Carrie, would always give it to her. Unfortunately,

Carrie always spent the money on frivolous things, and not the things for which the money was intended. So, again, she would run out of money, and ask her mother for money again…and the cycle continued.

CASE STUDY #2:

Ben kept doing the same things over and over again – whenever he would go into a manic episode, he would get himself thrown in jail because of the things he would do. Then he would call his parents to bail him out of jail, which they would, because they wanted to help him.

Until the next time…when Ben would go into another manic episode, end up in jail, and his parents would bail him out. This pattern continued, draining his parents of their finances, until they wondered how much longer they would be able to help their son.

———————————————————————————————————————

Let me ask you a question: Do you think these supporters are helping TOO much? I think so.

I think what they’re doing is enabling, and that’s a negative thing. Let me ask you this: What do you think would have happened in Carrie’s case if her mother would have used the money to go ahead and buy the medications and groceries and pay the rent instead of giving the money to Carrie? And in Ben’s case, what do you think would happen if his parents stopped bailing him out of jail? Oh, I’m sure at first he would be angry, even blaming them and maybe even verbally abusing them over

the phone, but eventually he would stop asking them for bail, wouldn’t he?

Think about how you’re helping your loved one. If you are helping them TOO much and, in fact, enabling them, you need to stop doing it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave