Hi,

You know I’m always putting myself out there for people. And I love to hear from them, especially success stories. So people do write to me about their loved ones. And I’ve had people who have told me about all the stuff they do to help their loved ones. And believe me, I can relate, because of all the stuff I did to help my mom. And sometimes you see improvement… And sometimes you don’t. But you keep on helping them anyway. That’s because you love them.

But I’ve had some people who have asked me: Can you help TOO much? Hmm…Interesting question. And one that I think needs to be addressed.

For one thing…Like I was saying in the beginning, I think you need to help all you can because you love your loved one…And because you are their supporter. But I have to qualify that statement with this: You have to balance that help. In a way…I DO think that you can help TOO much. Now, before you start disagreeing with me, hear me out. If the help you’re giving your loved one becomes negative help, it is “too much” help. In other words…If it starts hurting them or you…Or if it starts making their bipolar worse…Then it becomes negative help. See what I mean?

Here’s a couple case histories to illustrate what I’m talking about:

CASE STUDY #1:

Carrie was always running out of money. It just seemed like she never had enough for her bipolar medication, groceries, or rent. So she would ask her mother for money for those things. And her mother, thinking she was helping Carrie, would always give it to her. Unfortunately,

Carrie always spent the money on frivolous things, and not the things for which the money was intended. So, again, she would run out of money, and ask her mother for money again…and the cycle continued.

CASE STUDY #2:

Ben kept doing the same things over and over again – whenever he would go into a manic episode, he would get himself thrown in jail because of the things he would do. Then he would call his parents to bail him out of jail, which they would, because they wanted to help him.

Until the next time…when Ben would go into another manic episode, end up in jail, and his parents would bail him out. This pattern continued, draining his parents of their finances, until they wondered how much longer they would be able to help their son.

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Let me ask you a question: Do you think these supporters are helping TOO much? I think so.

I think what they’re doing is enabling, and that’s a negative thing. Let me ask you this: What do you think would have happened in Carrie’s case if her mother would have used the money to go ahead and buy the medications and groceries and pay the rent instead of giving the money to Carrie? And in Ben’s case, what do you think would happen if his parents stopped bailing him out of jail? Oh, I’m sure at first he would be angry, even blaming them and maybe even verbally abusing them over

the phone, but eventually he would stop asking them for bail, wouldn’t he?

Think about how you’re helping your loved one. If you are helping them TOO much and, in fact, enabling them, you need to stop doing it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave