Hi,
I discovered and was reminded a number of important
tactics and strategies related to supporting a
loved one with bipolar disorder from a top
furniture sales person that stuttered.
Keep reading I am going to tell you all the
details.
Let me tell you what happen. Over the last
2 weeks I have been looking for furniture.
I am tired of my desk draws falling off 🙂
Anyway, I decided to think how to get a great
deal on furniture. After like a week or so,
I invented a “Furniture Finding System.” If
you got any of my stuff you know I am a systems
kind of guy.
My furniture finding system is just as elaborate
as my doctor/therapist finding system for
bipolar disorder.
NO I am not trying to sell you furniture or
any kind of furniture finding system. I am
going to get to the lesson as it relates
to bipolar disorder now. Just keep reading.
Okay so I go to a bunch of places that are
terrible. The sales people run after me and
I try to avoid them like the plaque. I try
hard to slip into the store and never make
any eye contact with anyone. BUT, they
are hip to that tactic and quickly always
find me.
Then they lay on the pressure and I leave.
I finally went to one place out of New Jersey
which was kind of far from me.
Don’t worry the bipolar disorder lesson is coming.
So I get into the store, and amazingly, I
can walk in without being attacked by furniture
sales people. I am totally amazed.
So I start looking around for some desks.
After about 15 minutes I am all excited because
I didn’t have to talk to a sales person. Then,
one comes up to me, and asks, “Could I help
you find something that works perfectly for
you?”
I was like hmmm, “okay.”
I am going to make a long story short. Basically
I spoke to this guy. He asked me:
EXACTLY what I wanted.
What I was going to do with it.
How I was going to use it
What I did for a living
How long I would be using it
What happen to my old desk
What didn’t I like about my old desk
etc.
He never spoke and just asked many inquisitive
questions.
Then he said I will be right back. After 5
minutes he came back and said, he knew
exactly what would be perfect for me.
He showed me a desk and it was perfect.
When I thought of the top furniture selling
man, I said, “Wow I can see why he sells
a lot of furniture and makes people happy.”
Most furniture sales people are horrible.
They don’t ask any questions.
Now let me bring this back around to bipolar
disorder and doctors and could be therapists
too.
Look at my mom’s old doctor
MOM’S OLD DOCTORS
Ask lots of questions….NO
Listen…NO
Involve family…NO
Seem to care…NO
Have an appointment more than 10 minutes or so…NO
No to be honest, all these things have been told to
me by my mom. So one may say, “Well she could be
lying about her old doctors.” Good point. AND,
when I first started helping her, I did
a careful investigation on how her old doctor
operated. He was a disaster. I found that with
me personally, he didn’t ask any questions, didn’t
listen to me, didn’t want to talk to me, didn’t
seem to care, never wanted to give me more than
5 minutes until I told him I would bring enough food
for two days and simply “camp out” in his parking
lot and we could do the meeting in 5 minute increments.
SIDE NOTE-This is always part of my strategy and
especially in my bipolar courses/systems. I call
it the “accommodating strategy.” My mom’s old
doctor never had any time. Never more than 5
minutes. So I told him that since he is
sooooooo busy I would help him out. I told
him I would bring 2 days worth of food. And
I would wait in the parking lot and we could
have 10 to 30 5 minute meetings and I would
keep track of where we left off each meeting
so when we started again, we could pick right
up were we left off.
I would say it in such a kind and considerate
manner. You are probably shocked aren’t you?
You probably think a guy like me would yell
him into submission 🙂
Anyway, that must have been so annoying for
him because all of a sudden his entire schedule
cleared and he could see me more a long time.
This is a good strategy to use in the mental
health area.
Okay, back to the story with the furniture
selling man.
I then found out the following. Since I am
always talking about bipolar disorder to see
if someone has bipolar disorder or has a loved
one with it. He didn’t. BUT, he use to work in
a mental health facility where he said
the facility completely mistreated people. He
said none of the doctors or therapists
cared about the patients.
He talked to me for 30 minutes or so about
what he saw and the mistakes loved ones made.
Guess what he said was the number one mistake
loved ones made when taking their loved one’s
to this facility?
Guess then scroll….
Don’t cheat! Guess then scroll…
They never followed up. They just dumped their
loved ones off at the facility or the state
mandated they go and they assumed the facility
would handle everything. BUT, this furniture
sales person said this was NOT the case.
He said, there were very few people who got
great care and actually got out of the facility
quickly.
He told me, those were the ones that had caretakers,
that followed up and complained. Demanded the best
service. These caretakers constantly checked
on their loved ones. They seemed like the knew
the laws and the staff was afraid of them.
Unfortunately, he said there were VERY
few of these people.
I told him about my 95-5 rule that I use
to virtually guarantee a doctor or therapist
will give the highest possible treatment
when helping a loved one with bipolar
disorder.
He said that my strategy was the same one
that he saw with the few people who were
able to get great care for their loved ones.
This furniture sales person said the hospital
had all kinds of people. Ones with schizophrenia,
bipolar disorder and other “serious” mental
disorders.
He said he was glad that he left and started
furniture. He said it was very depressing.
Here’s what we can learn from the furniture
selling man as related to bipolar disorder:
-Find a doctor/therapist that cares and will listen. If
yours doesn’t consider finding a new one that
does. My mom’s doctors NEVER listened or cared.
This created a disaster for her decade after
decade. And don’t forget about using the 95-5
rule that I talk about in my courses/systems.
-If you have bipolar disorder, get some people
to act as your supporters to help you get
better treatment and stay on track
-Look for the doctor/therapist who asks lots
of questions and does research into you. When
I asked my mom, she said NO doctors ever asked
her most of the questions her current doctor
asks her.
Think about this. If my mom has
been relatively stable for 2 years and doing
well and the current doctor asks a number of
questions and listens, and the older ones
never did. And she wasn’t stable most of the
time before, we can conclude that asking
questions, listening most be important.
-You and your loved one should do everything
in your power to NOT end up in mental health
facilities that are the kind of last resort
places. These are generally not regular hospitals
but places that people go that appear to be
questionable.
The ones you hear horror stories
about. I have found that people that constantly
have problems with bipolar disorder do not
follow any kind of system.
For some reason,
they think it’s a kind of game and don’t
take medication, don’t show up to the
doctor appointments, drink, and don’t
follow anything related to the concept
of a bipolar stability equation I talk about
in my courses/systems and then they do
something “crazy” or really bad and then
are required to go to places like this. Do
your best to NOT be one of them.
LAST IMPORTANT LESSON AND LISTEN CAREFULLY
Then I have to go.
Okay, I really generally avoid sales people
like the bird flu. After I met this guy,
I was reminded there are good people.
If you had a bad experience with a doctor
or therapist, remember there are good ones
out there. You have to find them. Don’t
condemn them all. Just like me and furniture,
I have had a lot of bad furniture sales people
but this guy was great. He was the best furniture
sales person I ever had to deal with.
Well that’s it for now, I have to run.
Catch you tomorrow. Oh tomorrow the bipolar
news is coming out.
Dave