Hi,
Are you having a good day?
I hope so.
You know, when parents raise their children, they always tell them to do their best.
It’s a value that we receive and hopefully pass on to our own children and live by it ourselves.
When I used to have a lawn service, it didn’t matter whether it was the lowest paying customer
or the highest paying customer.
I always did my best.
I couldn’t do it with my mom, though, because I didn’t have the right “tools” (like I did for
my lawn care business).
Still, knowing my mother’s story and mine, you might be thinking that I did the best I could with
what I had to work with.
And that’s kind of you.
But still I wish things had been different.
That’s why I developed my courses/systems – so no one else would have to go through what I went through with my mom.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
People who have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder struggle with the idea of doing your best, unfortunately.
They can be such a perfectionist that it interferes with their lives.
Or their work.
Or their relationships.
I know, because I’ve done research on this.
So you actually have an advantage.
You don’t have a mental illness, so you don’t have to try to be a perfectionist in everything you do.
Especially when it comes to dealing with your loved one.
No one expects perfection from you, so don’t expect it from yourself.
You can only do the best you can do with bipolar disorder.
Otherwise, you will stress yourself out.
And that’s something that you really don’t need.
You know how to be a good supporter.
You have information that I didn’t have.
Just from these daily emails, you should be learning information that will help you.
But if you’re doing your best to be the best supporter you can be, but your loved one goes into an episode anyway, just remember that it’s not your fault.
It’s not your fault that they have bipolar disorder, and it’s not your fault when that disorder exhibits itself in your loved one.
Some supporters beat themselves up over it.
Don’t be one of those people.
Just do your best. That’s all that is expected of you.
You are not perfect, and you can’t expect to be, especially when it comes to bipolar disorder.
It’s not because of anything you do or don’t do that your loved one will go into an episode.
They will go into an episode just because they have bipolar disorder.
It’s just the nature of the disorder, and has nothing to do with you.
You know how to be a good supporter to your loved one.
So just do the best that you can.
Nobody expects any more from you than that.
What about you?
Are you trying to be the perfect supporter?
Can you see now how there is no such thing as perfect when it comes to bipolar disorder?
Post responses below
Hi Dave,
Great messaged today. I tried to be perfect for a long time because I felt insecure and that everyone was more important than me. Today I know and have learned what you shared with us today is true. WE don’t have to be perfect at anything, mainly because we can’t be, lol? Generally speaking when we think we have to be perfect we will tend to feel insecure when we are not, this sets us up for isolation… I spent many years isolated because of all the episoded I had and thought they were my “fault”. I have learned that only medication can control Bipolar willpower is insufficent and even irrelavent. I have a sister and a niece that have bipolar and wish to God I could get them to see the light and take their meds, but it is not a failure on my part that they don’t. They are adults and have to learn what ever they need to learn to get them to start taking their meds on their own. I encourage them to when ever I get the chance, but I thank God I am not stubborn to refuse my meds. I take them like it is my religion to do so : ) And I am doing my BEST today! I am grateful I can, and if I make a mistake it is okay!
Thanks Dave,
Bob
Thanx
for such valuable e-mails on bipolar affective disorder.
Just this weekend, Sunday, I realize how bad a friend was. I had come to visit, he didn’t realize I was there when he was getting his dog because she was barking, he mumbled something then he went into the house. If I hadn’t knocked, he would not have come back to the door. He barely opened the door and said” I can’t see you today.” I asked him to open the door a little more and please come out to seat on the bench w/me because I had driven over 45 minutes to get to the house. He said “he couldn’t because he was a mess, he needed a bath which would take an hour, he didn’t want me to see him like that, BUT he couldn’t handle any conversation at all.” I bit shocked because he hasn’t been this bad since 2006. I asked did he want me to get out of his life because we have been seeing each other for a long while. He told me he didn’t know but he just couldn’t handle talking about anything TODAY . (Sunday, 10/11/2009). He shut the door, locked it and told he would call me another day.
How wonderful your webpage came today because 1. I have ocd and this cause me trouble many times. 2. I was in the middle of this esposide w/him and I didn’t realize what was going on. I felt like a failure. 3. I have pushed at him wanting to know do I leave or stay but I realized yesterday how BAD he was.
I know he isn’t eating well, sleeping well, doesn’t take any medication and see a doctor. He just got on disability, but he doesn’t have straight medicaid or medicare. He has this type of medicaid where you are responsible for your medical bills unless they go over a certain amount. His amount is very high. When he could have been seen at the Health Dept, he got fed up w/thieir rules and regulations that he just stopped everything. For awhile he was alright, he was the only one in the house and still functioning, but his son and a girlfriend moved in and the esposide started. I got a lot of his anger which I couldn’t take any longer. He wanted a temporary break of the relationship until he had himself more together, BUT I never realize how bad he was. I feel bad for not handling any thing correct, not knowing what to do, and how to proceed. Your email today was very GRATEFUL. I have forwarded your messages to him with the biggest need to take care of himself in the four areas: eating, sleeping, medication and doctor visits. I would GLAD to be supporter to him IF he would support himself, but I see no assistance to himself at this time.
I truly appreicate all you have done for myself.
Karen L. Griffin
Subconsciously, I KNOW that it’s NOT my fault if I go into a manic episode. I follow Dave’s “treatment plan” to the letter (meds, sleep, nutrition and exercise), but am CONSCIOUSLY aware that at any time, a hypomanic attack can hit, and turn into full blown mania. I have NO 24/7 Supporter, so I have to be AWARE of any changes that are NOT normal in my mood. I DO have the local mental health clinic, & mental health professionals to call if it gets really bad. I used to think it was something like “triggers” that would set me off, but looking back on previous episodes, there was NOTHING in common at ALL between the 3 episodes that required hospitalizatio.
Right now, I am “stable, and about as “normal” as I can be with this severe siege of vertigo. I was told NOT to drive – but I have no other way to get around. I’ve lost my summer; I DON’T want to lose Halloween!!I’m afraid I WILL, because my PCP is on a 2-week vacation, and won’t return until the last week in October to refer me to a neurologist who is GOOD and CARING, unlike the one I have been going to for a decade.
I don’t MEAN to whine, but this dizziness is driving me “crazy!”
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
Dear David,
Thank You! Today was a day that I found the time to read your email about guilt! I do find myself feeling guilty about not being the mother I should have been even though I tried my best, but there are times when I feel I could have tried harder! My son is 34, he is staying with my husband, and me, for a short time, but in past, lived with us for many years. The recent need for Daniel to reside with us, again, has caused a strain on my marriage, and stress that I am trying to cope with but am not always able to due to my own health issues.
My son is a victim of physical abuse during incarceration, while living out of state, away from home, a few years ago. The financial strain has not allowed me to afford monthly medical care for my son, and much needed counseling. He is showing signs of improvement, but I do feel there are times he does put on a show for my sake, suffering silently, he needs medical care that could provide some sort of healing for him. I have tried for two years to help Daniel with social security disability, but he is in a long standing delay of appeal processing. I am at a loss as to what to do to speed the process so Daniel can obtain the help he needs, and deserves. I do understand the importance of not placing blame on myself, but I do feel there is something else that I can do or should be doing to assist my son in obtaining health care. Thank You for your emails, they have helped a great deal! Sincerely, Terry
I’ve been catching up on your website. I was hospitalized (again) in July and have not turned on the computer again since yesterday. I hurt some people by sending them some emails. To those who I have insulted, I am very sorry.
My mom has a fatal disease. We had another medical appointment today. I don’t know how long she has.
My family (aunts, cousins) are trying to encourage me to hang on until my mom passes away. I am having a rough time. I am trying to balance working and taking care of my mom and not really doing well at either one.
I am more depressed than I have ever been. I can’t sleep at night. I have called the suicide hotline practically every night. I gave up on my therapist and canceled all my appointments. I am attempting to find someone else, but the search is not something I am up to right now. I am trying a new antidepressant, Pristiq, but I suppose I will have to wait and see if it works.
It is really a lonely, isolated place that I am in. I don’t know how much more I can take. Although I am working, I have the IRS after me for upaid taxes from 2007, law firms garnishing my wages, etc. I am no better off than I was a year ago. In fact, I think things are getting much worse.
Dear Dave
I’m unscribing because I can’t read on the computer very often I think you are doing a triffict job of helping with bipoler your information is very accurate. But I’ve decided if my Grand son wants to get better he has most of the job to do himself. He redected his life to Christ and does fine when he takes ONLY his prescribed medicaine and lets the alochol and other drugs alone. There is as much difference between day and night when HE decides to goof up (what he callsit) or foller Dr. orders. We love him and will contionue to Talk and get and keep him on the right path. Thank you for doing your best for all Bipolor people. With him he has the upper hand to stayand get healthy or let the devils scams rule his life. Please pray for him. He has great prdtensural if he so choses he is only 28 and I pray he can meet his mother in Heaven some day. She had to leaves us 7/16/01. He also has a brother who I think and pray he continues to stay off drugs. He doesn’t have Bipolar Thank The Lord. Thanks for all you are doing and may the Lord bless you and give you knowledge to help all HIS people.
To TRIED THEM ALL: I’m sorry to hear that you were hospitalized, and came out of it MORE depressed than ever. That happened to me in 1977; I went in highly manic, and they released me in a clinical depression. I’m also sorry to hear about your mother and your efforts to keep up with your job and taking care of her. I just wanted to let you know, I haven’t forgotten about you – you have been in my thoughts for a very long time. Take it easy, and I hope things will turn around for you.